No Disqualification Triple Threat Match

Ken Kaze vs. Polar vs. Sylo

The illumination within the MTS Center in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada had vanished, casting a wave of pitch black amongst the audience. Emerald green and golden yellow strobe lights swirled into a vortex around the arena as the RaveTron flickered to life with a screen of snowy, black and white static. A loud, piercing screech resonated throughout the stadium. The snowy static on the RaveTron was soon replaced by the following:

THE NEXT GENERATION KING OF SUBMISSION

FUTURE OF WRESTLING

HERO OF HARDCORE

UNTOUCHABLE

THE ORIGINAL

Pyrotechnics rocketed skyward in random assortments of green, white, and yellow as the screeching was quickly replaced by the sounds of Static-X’s “Structural Defect.” The green and yellow strobe lights evaporated into thin air.

KEN KAZE

As the explosives display ended, the lights had returned to the coliseum. Emerging from the curtains came a barreling Ken Kaze, who was trapped inside of George the Trashcan headfirst. As both Kaze and George rolled toward ringside, the crowd broke into cheers mixed with laughter. No doubt Sylo was having a good laugh from the backstage Gorilla position as well.

Stifling a chuckle, Clippie Da Clown began to perform his duty as ring announcer. “INTRODUCING FIRST,” he stated excitedly, “he hails from Charlotte, North Carolina, home of the Tarheel State.” There was a slight rendition of jeers at the mention of Jolt’s rival territory. “Standing at five foot, eleven inches tall and weighing in at one hundred ninety-eight pounds . . . he is undefeated in pay-per-view match-ups thus far . . . the Hero of Hardcore . . . the Mastermind of the Piledriver . . . he is the master of the St. Patrick’s Spinal Tap cloverleaf submission . . . he is KKKKKKEEEEEEEENNNN KKKKAAAAAZZZEEEEEEEE!”

The cheers intensified as Ken had now removed himself from his temporary imprisonment within George after crashing into the ring. He was up to his feet with George in hand. George soared through the air over the top rope into the ring as Ken slid in beneath the bottom rope. Unfortunately, George rolled out of the ring underneath the parallel bottom rope, with the infamous pink vibrator flying out of the “stomach” of George. Ken had taken to standing on each of the turnbuckles to play to the crowd just as the lights had been killed for the second time.

From the entranceway, blue lasers divided the darkness as the sound of a heavy, blowing wind was heard over the public announce system, followed by a thick fog encompassing the ramp way.

If you havin’ girl problems, I feel bad for you son

I got ninety-nine problems, but a bitch ain’t one

HIT ME!

The Collision Course remix rendition of Jay-Z’s “99 Problems” and Linkin Park’s “One Step Closer” coursed through the sold out crowd’s ears as pyrotechnics launched from the stage. The thick fog began to dissolve as the audience’s jubilation was suddenly shattered. One of the most hated superstars in Jolt Wrestling had just stepped through the curtains, welcomed by a nice round of boos.

FUCK ITO

THIS IS POLAR’S ICE AGE

It was the Iceman, Polar.

“AND . . . INTRODUCING SECOND,” Clippie Da Clown exclaimed, attempting to supersede the crowd’s reaction, “hailing from the Windy City, Chicago, Illinois by way of Anchorage, Alaska . . . he stands at six foot, five inches tall and weighs approximately two hundred sixty-five pounds. He is the Abominable Snowman . . . the Alaskan Assassin . . . he is the mastermind of the Icecap powerbomb . . . the IIIIICCCCCEEEEMMMMAAAANNNNN PPPPPPOOOOLLLAAAAAARRR!”

The intensity of the jeers grew to another decibel as the lights returned. Polar strolled down the ramp, ignoring the audience’s catcalls and insults. He was focused on the very man standing before him inside of the squared circle at that very moment. The same man who had defeated him at the Retort. Polar believed he had the match won at the Retort, despite his compromising situation when he was in the grips of Kaze’s St. Patrick’s Spinal Tap cloverleaf leglock submission.

However, tonight would be a different night. It would be a new story altogether. Polar was walking into One Night In: Winnipeg with a loss. He was going to walk out with a win. Arrogant as he was, he made sure to make mention of this as he entered the ring via the ring steps, and then stepping over the top rope.

The two men exchanged words with each other, but Jolt Wrestling Official Jared Alexx made sure to keep the two separated until the third man arrived.

And on cue, the lights had vanished once more, eclipsing the entire arena.

Don't fret precious, I'm here

Step away from the window
And go back to sleep

The tunes of “Pet” by A Perfect Circle reverberated throughout the coliseum, consequently causing the subsiding jeers to heighten in volume once more. As the hisses poured onto the stage, they were quickly engulfed by radiant, blue flames emitted from the perimeter of the stage. No, these flames were not pyrotechnics, they were authentic flares.

Lay your head down child
I won't let the boogeyman come

A wall of smoke, similar to the thick fog that had enveloped the entrance ramp earlier, began to form on top of the stage.

“AND INTRODUCING LAST, BUT NOT LEAST,” Clippie shouted, “he hails from parts unknown . . . standing at an amazing seven foot, one inch tall and weighing an extraordinary three hundred ninety-five pounds . . . he is the Three Faces of Sin . . . the master of the powerful and extremely devastating Systematic Shutdown . . . he is the SUUPPPPPERRRRRBEEEEASSSTTT SSSSSSSYYYYYYLLLOOOOOO!”

The lights had returned as the aforementioned barricade of smoke slowly dispersed. Behind the now disbanded barrage of smoke was the man himself, Sylo. Donned in the same black sleeveless hoody he was wearing earlier, the hood was drawn over his head so as not to reveal his face. However, his icy blue eyes glowed in the darkness from underneath the hood as the Superbeast seemed intent on his two opponents inside the ring.

He was slightly jumping up and down, allowing the adrenaline to course through his body, until he finally paced toward the ring, absorbing the jeers thrown at him.

Kaze and Polar had both set their eyes upon the very man who had interfered with their match at the Retort. For the third time ever, these three men would be inside of the squared circle together. More importantly, however, was the fact that this would be the first time ever that all three men would enter the ring together, ready to wage war in a wrestling match. Styles were bound to clash on this night.

Especially when Ken Kaze had took off at a run, charging toward the set of ropes that was nearest the entrance ramp of which Sylo was stalking down from. Polar had taken his eyes from Sylo to watch on as Ken had stepped up onto the second rope, up onto the top rope, and vaulted into the air. Springboarding from the top rope, Ken was looking to take the early offensive contradicting his normal counteroffensive style. As he soared through the air, the crowd released an enormous pop as Ken had leveled Polar to the mat, much to the surprise of everyone!

Yes, you read that right. Ken had taken out Polar, rather than the Superbeast as he made it seem. With an ingenious fake out maneuver, Ken had executed a picture perfect springboard Asai moonsault from the top rope onto Polar.

Meanwhile, Sylo had rid himself of the hoody and threw it to the ground as he leapt onto the ring apron. He placed one foot over the top rope, entering the ring. Just as his second foot touched the area inside of the ropes, Jared Alexx had called for the bell, as the match officially started.

DING! DING! DING!

Ken was up to his feet immediately after his underhanded attack onto Polar and had charged at Sylo. An attempted axe handle smash from Ken to Sylo’s chest had no affect at all as the monster swept Kaze from his feet instantly with a right-handed uppercut. Just as soon as he had met the canvas, Ken was back up to his feet and was charging into Sylo once more.

“Fuck you, Sylo. You’re not keeping me down – ARGH!”

A second right-handed uppercut sent Jolt’s Resident Moron to the mat. Polar was up to a vertical base now as he doubled over to tend to the injured Hero of Hardcore. Helping the Hardcore Moron to his feet, Polar placed a boot into his adversary’s gut before applying the standard standing headscissors. Hooking both arms, Polar lifted Ken up, and then slammed him down viciously into the mat with a double underhooked powerbomb.

Polar had turned around from the maneuver to celebrate and soak in the expected boos from the crowd, but a swift big boot caught him in the face, causing him to drop to the mat like a ton of bricks. So much for that celebration. Sylo followed his advantage up by placing his foot across the throat of the Iceman, preventing any oxygen to enter his lungs.

Asphyxiation is what the Superbeast called the chokehold.

Polar instinctively began to cling to Sylo’s ankle, trying to push the boot from his throat, but to no avail. Referee Jared Alexx even ordered Sylo to remove the chokehold; however, this was a no disqualification match, so his orders didn’t exactly mean much in this scenario. Not that it mattered whether or not he could have been disqualified, as Sylo would have most likely continued with the chokehold anyhow.

Much to Sylo’s chagrin, he had been swept from his feet causing him to land flat on his face. No, it wasn’t done by Polar. It was actually a dropkick to the naturally weak ankle of Sylo on behalf of Ken Kaze that sent the Superbeast down. Polar sat up, clinging to his throat as he began to pant heavily. He wasn’t in a seated position much longer, as Kaze had bounced off of the ropes and dropkicked Polar straight in the face, sending him to the mat back first.

The sold out crowd loved this, as the babyface hero was now in charge. Not only that, but the smallest of the three men was the man in charge. Don’t fuck with little people, dude. They’re crazy. And they can fuck you up. Just ask that homosexual hobo named Justin Herron out on Fifth Street in Georgia asking for spare change. He’ll tell ya.

Anyway, Ken was back to his feet now as he approached the nearby corner. He instinctively went to the top rope, much to the enjoyment of the crowd, with his back turned to the fans. He catapulted his body into the air, rotating three hundred sixty degrees in a seated position, and finished with a leg drop across the wounded throat of Polar.

Polar’s body jolted up instantly as he once again clutched his own throat, rolling onto his stomach in extreme agony. Sylo had pulled himself up to his feet, but wasn’t paying attention to either of his two enemies. Ken noticed this and decided to seize the opportunity at hand. Bouncing from the ropes, it was the Charge of the Light Brigade for Kaze as he neared the Superbeast. Ken executed a moonsault dropkick into the small of Sylo’s back, sending the fiend into a corner.

Ken cornered the slouched Sylo as he began to deliver devastating Fist of Iron punches to his foe’s face. Couple that with a couple of stomps to the midsection, and Sylo had sunken to the mat, leaning against the corner. Ken, facing Sylo, stepped backwards a few feet, before sprinting towards Sylo. Kaze leapt into the air, looking to land with his legs wrapped around Sylo’s neck, in true Bronco Buster fashion. And a Bronco Buster it was for Sylo, as Kaze began to ride the blue-eyed behemoth, the crowd popping loudly for his antics.

Their jubilation ended briefly, though, as Sylo had powered out of the corner onto his feet . . . with Kaze still wrapped around his neck, sitting on his shoulders. Ken began to battle back as he grasped onto Sylo’s hair with his left hand and delivered Fist of Iron blows with his right hand. Evidently, this wasn’t enough as Sylo drilled Kaze into the mat with a spiked powerbomb, causing the moron to land on the back of his neck.

Meanwhile, Polar had recovered to his feet and was charging at the distracted Superbeast. Sylo glanced up at the last minute and was able to duck a clothesline attempt. However, Polar had slammed on the brakes as he instantly turned around to apply a sleeper hold. Acknowledging his ring positioning, he stepped up onto the second turnbuckle with the sleeper hold still applied. Leaping into the air, Polar forwarded his momentum to drive Sylo face first into the mat.

WHITE OUT!

The White Out was a desperation tactic as Polar had pulled out one of his finishing tactics way too early in the match. Perhaps it could have been enough for the win, though, as Polar flipped Sylo over onto his back, hooking a leg for the first pin attempt throughout the match. Jared Alexx was in position.

ONE!

. . .

SHOULDER UP!!

A mere one count was all that the maneuver could account for as Polar stood to his feet, yelling at Alexx in frustration. With Sylo getting the shoulder up at a one count, he had made Polar’s finishing tactic seem quite feeble. In reality, the move, with correct timing, was devastating to put any human being to rest.

In the meantime, Ken had pulled himself up to his feet in the corner as Sylo was up to his knees. Polar’s back was turned to Sylo, as he was still arguing with the referee. Noticing the opening at hand, Ken dashed towards Sylo. Vaulting from his back, Kaze was airborne as he took the distracted Polar down to the canvas with a bulldog!

Sylo stood back up to his feet, just as Kaze did the same. He turned around to face the Superbeast. In an instant, Ken had charged Sylo and attempted a clothesline. Kaze’s arm thudded off of Sylo’s chest, causing his face to split into a smirk. A second clothesline attempt to his chest was useless, as it had the same result: nothing. Ken reeled back, and a third clothesline attempt later, Sylo ducked under Kaze’s flinging arm. Losing his balance due to the amount of momentum behind the clothesline attempt, he stumbled forward while tripping over Sylo’s foot.

However, unexpectedly, Ken didn’t fall to the mat face first. Rather, his body somersaulted into the air behind Sylo. As gravity’s embrace pulled Ken to the canvas, he was able to grasp one of Sylo’s legs for the schoolboy rollup!

ONE!

TWO!!

KICKOUT!!!!

Kaze had almost hoodwinked the Bloodlust Machine. Ken managed to gain nothing of any positive influence from the rollup attempt. What he did manage, however, was to piss Sylo off so bad, that as both men were up to a vertical base, Sylo had applied a rear waistlock. Up and over went Ken as he was on the shitty end of a release German suplex.

Oh, did I mention that it was up and over the top rope to the outside? Ah, thought I did.

Ken’s body gyrated until he crashed to the outside stomach first onto the thin padding.

Back inside of the ring, Polar and Sylo were standing face to chest, respectively, just as any average person would oppose Sylo. It was the battle of the giants as they began to trade punches. Sylo started off the series with a right hook. Polar responded with a left hook of his own.

Right hook. Left hook.

Straight right. Straight left.

Right uppercut. Left uppercut.

KICK TO THE BALLS~!

Polar dropped to his knees in agonizing pain before being backhanded by Sylo.

“Don’t ever try some stupid shit like that again, prick,” Sylo roared. “You can’t go punch for punch with me, motherfucker!”

With Polar still on his knees, Sylo decided to send him down to the mat with a lifting knee smash just under the chin. Blood spewed from Polar’s mouth as his eyes rolled into the back of his head. He slumped backwards, falling to his right. He was unconscious. Sylo sent his regards with a stomp to the face of the Iceman.

“Fucking pathetic,” Sylo mumbled. “Speaking of pathetic . . . let me go ahead and destroy Kaze and end this shit. This match is officially over.”

“Not on my watch, fuckbrain!” Kaze yelled obnoxiously from behind Sylo.

The Superbeast performed an about face to see where exactly the Hero of Hardcore was. And Sylo indeed had found out exactly where Ken was at.

Airborne.

Ken had propelled himself from the ring apron to the top rope before implementing a spring board corkscrew shooting star press! The audience undoubtedly love this suicidal maneuver as it had taken both men down to the mat. Thus far in the match, Ken had been utilizing his advantageous superior speed and agility against the two slower behemoths. He may have been a moron, but he wasn’t a wrestler for nothing. He knew if he wanted to stand a chance in this match up that he would have to keep the pace quick, take to the skies, and never slack on the offensive one bit.

Sylo was the first man to his feet, however, as Kaze had rolled along the mat and dropped to the outside. It seemed as if Ken was searching for something underneath the ring apron, but we never found out as Sylo rolled out and cut Ken’s search short by lifting him to his feet. An Irish whip later, and Ken was leaning against the barricade, tending to his back. Sylo approached murderously before grabbing a hold of Ken in a bodyslam position. Sylo proceeded to boost Kaze even higher into the air as he extended his arms as high as they could go, literally holding Ken ten feet in the air with a military press.

Sylo released the military press, but quickly caught Ken once more in a bodyslam position. However, following through with Ken’s momentum thanks to gravity’s embrace, Sylo slammed Kaze back first across the guardrail, almost snapping him in half.

OOOOOOHHH!

The Bloodlust Machine turned to face the squared circle as he crouched to the ground, hunting below the apron. He reached in and pulled out several contents: a table, a ladder, a chain, and a steel chair. He threw the steel chair and chain to the right side, but tossed the ladder to the left. He wanted the table. And thus, he unfolded the legs and set the table up parallel to the ring. Ready to continue his assault onto his adversary, he turned around to face the Hardcore Retard, who was leaning back first against the barricade.

What came next surely didn’t help Ken’s already injured back none. For it was the most powerful and horrific spear anyone had ever seen.

The Slaughter!

“ARRRRGGGGGGGHHH!” Ken shouted in anguish, falling to his stomach while placing an arm on his back, writhing in some of the most excruciating pain he had ever felt.

The Superbeast assisted his victim into the ring, following closely behind him. Ken crawled to the center of the ring, holding his back with one hand. Sylo simply stalked his prey, awaiting for the perfect opportunity to strike. Alas, that opportunity never came as a vicious flying elbow landed into the back of his neck from behind.

Who delivered that flying elbow? Why, it was none other than the still presumed unconscious Polar, of course. Sylo dropped to the mat in a heap, but not before tripping over Kaze. Polar elbow dropped Kaze in his weakened spine, sending him straight down to the mat from his former kneeling position. Polar then dropped an elbow onto the back of Ken’s head causing his face to slam into the canvas.

Following through with his offensive, Polar rolled Ken over in order to mount him. He began to deliver repeated lefts and rights, with a few elbow shots as well. Just as he was about to deliver the final obliterating blow, a hand on his shoulder was enough to put a halt in his assault.

Sylo had lifted Polar from his mounted position and gave him a great, big ol’ hug. Aawww. Isn’t that cute?

Actually, Sylo had placed Polar into a death-defying bear hug, literally squeezing the life out of the Alaskan Assassin.

“Let – me – go – you – blue – haired – faggot!” Polar managed to say between brief breaths.

“Fuck that. Tap out, you Alaskan pussy.”

“Fuck – you!” Polar squeezed out.

“How about this?” an obnoxious someone interjected. “Fuck you both!”

The Mastermind of the Piledriver had recovered from his brutal assault, yet he wasn’t one hundred percent healthy anymore. He was charging straight for a corner adjacent to the set of ropes Sylo and Polar happened to be nearby. As he stepped up the turnbuckles like a stepladder, he sprung into the air toward his two opponents. Out of sheer suicidal stupidity, Ken had managed to mount himself upon the shoulders of an elevated Polar. Of course, this was before Kaze rotated backwards toward the outside of the ring, sending Polar over to the outside with a hurricanrana from Sylo’s elevated bear hug. Consequently, this brought Sylo up and over as well, as he had not been given enough time to release the grip.

Therefore, all three men had landed on the outside of the ring. Fortunately for Ken Kaze, he had landed feet first on the ring apron. Polar and Sylo, however, weren’t as fortunate as both men had tumbled over the ropes to the outside mat below. Oh, but wait.

Remember that table Sylo had set up earlier? Remember how it was parallel to the ring? Yup, you guessed it. It was now in ruins as the Iceman and the Superbeast were both covered in splinters. The chants poured in.

HOLY SHIT!

HOLY SHIT!

HOLY SHIT!

Ken had dropped from the ring apron, walking around the ring, apparently searching for something. This time his search wasn’t interrupted as he stumbled upon the very weapon of destruction he needed to clench this match.

THE NEON PINK VIBRATOR!

Is it me, or are dildos starting to become a recurring theme for Ken Kaze’s pay-per-view matches?

Anyhow, as Kaze headed back towards the train wreck that was Polar, Sylo, and the few remnants of a table, he was determined to humiliate the very man who had humiliated him a few weeks ago – Sylo.

Ken towered over both of his opponents, a smirk widespread amongst his face. Sylo was the first man to stir from the carnage, as Polar had taken most of the brunt force from the devastating maneuver. Sylo was in a seated position, his face cupped in his hands. He wasn’t too sure as to where he was. Apparently, the overwhelming tactic had put him into a temporary state of amnesia. The scenario was quickly reassessed though, thanks to a helping hand.

Well, it wasn’t actually a hand, but it could be considered a limb nonetheless. Well, maybe not a limb either, but perhaps you get the point? Ken had slammed the pink dildo across the skull of Sylo, praying this would be the end of the Superbeast with the exploitation of the Super Pleasure Beast. Instead, it burst into pieces. A low growl was emitted from Sylo as Ken cursed the intense woman pleasuring device.

“DAMN YOU SUPER PLEASURE BEAST! YOU HAVE FORSAKENED MEEEEE!”

Ken threw the miscellany of the dildo into the stands, ironically to the pleasure of the fans. He grasped a handful of black hair with blue highlights, aided the three hundred ninety-five pounder to his feet, and rolled him into the ring. Kaze followed suitably. Sylo was standing at a vertical base, staring down Ken whilst holding the back of his neck. Evidently, he must’ve landed on his neck when going through the table.

The Hero of Hardcore reached forward with his hands, motioning for a test of strength contest with the Superbeast. Was Ken fucking retarded? Oh . . . wait . . . Anyway, Sylo unquestionably agreed to this as he approached his foe in the center of the ring. Four hands locked together tightly, as the trial of power was underway. Ken pushed forward, looking to overpower the beast, but it was obvious this wouldn’t work. Instead, Ken dropped to his knees and did the only thing he knew would work.

Headfucked was the name of the cheap shot headbutt, as Ken’s forehead slammed into Sylo’s gonads. Their bond through their hands broke immediately as Sylo reached to grab his crown jewels. Ken hopped up to his feet and pushed Sylo against the ropes. Rather than going for the Irish whip, Ken charged into the opposite set of ropes. On the rebound, Ken knew what was necessary to defeat Sylo, who was looking groggy as he wobbled near the ropes. Ken bounded into the air with a corkscrew plancha.

But it was to no avail. Sylo had caught the moron in midair in a bodyslam position. Instantaneously, Sylo slightly leaned forward before snapping backwards, sending his victim up and over his head to the outside with a counteroffensive overhead fallaway slam. However, Sylo’s defense was countered as Polar had clutched onto Ken in midair. And following through with Ken’s momentum, Polar powerslammed Ken through a table!

HOLY SHIT!

HOLY SHIT!

HOLY SHIT!

A second table? Where the hell did that come from?

As Sylo and Ken Kaze had distracted themselves with their brief test of strength, Polar had finally come to and setup a second table above the wreckage of the first. Now, however, the second table modeled the first in the way that both were no more; they were both broken in half, splinters scattered everywhere. Ken remained motionless as Polar grinned upon his destruction.

Polar’s grin didn’t last long, though, as he felt a throbbing pain in the back of his neck. Sylo came out of nowhere with a baseball slide dropkick. This sent Polar rolling up the ramp way. Sylo made his departure from the ring, following through with his advantage. He doubled over to assist Polar to his feet. A quick punch to the face was followed by Sylo dragging Polar up the entrance ramp onto the top of the stage. The crowd broke into absolute pandemonium at the new setting and change of pace of the match.

Polar was on the receiving end of an Irish whip. Yeah, that doesn’t mean much. But when its into the steel beams that support the RaveTron, the Irish whip becomes one of the most excruciating maneuvers ever. As Sylo approached the downed Polar, a fist to the gut was able to stop the bigger man. With Sylo doubled over, Polar sprung to his feet and executed a modified three-fourths facelock bulldog! Or, as Polar liked to call it . . .

FROST BITE!

Both men were laid out atop the stage, their bodies breathing heavily.

Meanwhile, the Hardcore Hero had managed to pick himself up to a vertical base. Confused momentarily, he approached the ladder that remained on the outside of the ring that Sylo had revealed earlier. Sliding it into the ring, he looked around for his two nemeses. They were nowhere to be seen. However, the crowd’s attention directed his view up onto the stage as he saw both of his enemies stirring to their feet.

Polar was up first, of course, and looked rather satisfied. After all, he had nailed Sylo with a second finishing maneuver of his. This time, though, it seemed like it was enough to finish the monster. Wrong. Sylo sat up instantly in the fashion a certain WWE behemoth does. Polar was flabbergasted. He had nailed Sylo with two of his finishing moves, and neither one seemed to have the aftereffects he desired.

Sylo had made it to his feet in midst of Polar’s fit of bemusement. He realized this and quickly began to charge. However, unexpectedly, Sylo had lifted Polar high into the air with a modified back body drop. Rather than letting Polar soar over him, Sylo stepped back rapidly before grappling onto the back of Polar’s head, slamming the Iceman face first into Sylo’s knee.

BLOOD LUST!

Polar had almost fallen to the mat, but Sylo kept him up as he grabbed onto his head with a front facelock. The front facelock was interrupted by a backslide dropkick from the insane Kaze. How exactly did that work? Well, Ken had charged toward both men and slid across Polar’s back whilst dropkicking Sylo in the face simultaneously. Got it?

Despite the air of finality with Ken’s innovative maneuver, he wasn’t done yet. He decided to turn this into a chain of maneuvers. Following the backslide dropkick onto Sylo, Ken had locked his arms with Polar’s. Just as Ken landed onto the stage with his feet, he immediately heaved Polar up into the air with their arms still interlocking. This was the beginnings of a reverse gory special piledriver. This was also the reason as to why Ken Kaze referred to himself as the Mastermind of the Piledriver.

Ken jumped into the air before crashing to the stage assfirst, crashing Polar’s neck into the steel stage. This was the debut of Ken Kaze’s finishing tactic version of the more commonly renowned Vertebreaker.

GRAVITY’S DEFICIT DISORDER!

“How you like the GDD, beeeeyotch?” Ken yelled after releasing Polar’s arms.

Polar was officially out cold as he remained immobile on the stage. The Abominable Snowman had taken the maximum amount of punishment that was humanly possible to his neck. And all of the calibrated attacks had taken their tolls.

Sylo didn’t spend much time on the floor of the stage, as he was now on his feet and had Kaze in a standing headscissors. Into the air Ken went until his back smashed against the steel stage with a vicious powerbomb. However, Sylo didn’t relent on his offensive as he maintained his grasp onto Ken’s legs. Lifting Ken back into the air, Sylo slammed him to the stage for a second powerbomb. Once more, Sylo hoisted Ken back into the air, possibly looking for the third powerbomb.

And Sylo did, as Kaze’s head crashed against the steel beams supporting the RaveTron. The Three Faces of Sin is what Sylo referred to the chain of powerbombs as. Three powerbombs in a row was enough to take out any man, especially if delivered by the Superbeast.

Meanwhile, Polar was stirring and made it to his feet. He stumbled down the ramp making way for the ring. He slid inside, lying in the center of the ring on his back. He needed as much rest as possible. Unfortunately, the Alaskan Assassin would never be given the chance to recuperate as Sylo had dragged Kaze back to ringside, throwing him inside the ring as Sylo did the same.

Snapping out of the dull state, Ken kipped up to his feet and taken to the top turnbuckle. Polar had began to pull himself up to his feet with use of the ropes after he crawled to an adjacent corner. Sylo had his sights set onto Polar, not even realizing what Kaze was preparing for. To continue his high-risk routine throughout the match, Ken left the corner before landing onto the shoulders of Polar. Only, Kaze landed as if he was about to be on the receiving end of an electric chair drip.

Just as he snapped his body backward, Sylo had charged out of his corner. With a massive decapitating clothesline, Sylo had only added more emphasis onto the reverse rana from Kaze! He rolled to the outside following the move. The makeshift double team tactic spiked the Iceman onto his head. Obviously, this was of major concern to referee Jared Alexx, as he didn’t let Polar’s evident weak neck slip from memory. Alexx doubled over to check onto Polar and immediately began to wave toward the entrance ramp.

EMTs rushed through the curtains, gliding a stretcher down the ramp. They immediately tended to the presumed critically injured Polar, with both Kaze and Sylo watching on. Ironic as it may seem, both men’s mouths curled into wicked grins, showing their satisfaction for seriously injuring their mutual enemy.

With a neck brace applied, Polar was placed onto the stretcher as the EMTs began to wheel him up the ramp. However, Sylo was apparently not too pleased with this as he exited the ring, and made headway toward the EMTs and Polar. The EMTs attempted to fend Sylo off from Polar as he had “come too close,” but a couple of punches later, the EMTs were no longer attempting to defend Polar as they were laid out upon the ramp.

Sylo now had control of Polar’s stretcher, as well as Polar’s fate. Continuing with the EMTs predetermined destination, Sylo wheeled Polar to the top of the ramp. The wicked grin among Sylo’s face grew in size as he began to perform something so sadistic, that both Geo Vacton and CJ Newfield may be very well familiar with.

Sylo had pushed Polar’s stretcher, with Polar intact of course, from the stage, down to the cold, concrete floor.

CRASH!

OOOOOOHHHH!

Polar and his stretcher had landed upon a stack of crates as well as a stack of tables. The scattered debris outlined the practically dead silhouette of the Iceman, as he laid there immobile. Polar had checked out for the evening. He was officially knocked the fuck out, and he definitely wasn’t coming back this time. This triple threat match had been narrowed down to a singles contest, courtesy of Sylo’s actions.

Sylo paced down the ramp, locking eyes with Ken. The Hero of Hardcore had setup the ladder he had strategically placed inside of the ring earlier, and it was positioned dead center in the ring. Sylo had stepped up to the apron just as Ken had began to run up the ladder, closing in on the top. As he reached the top, Sylo had entered the ring and began to charge at the ladder. He shoved the ladder backwards, causing it to fall against the ropes, but it was too late. Ken was already flying high above him.

As he fell from grace to the mat, Ken had managed to hook the legs of Sylo with a sunset flip! Jared Alexx was in position to make the count.

ONE!

TWO!!

THR—NO!!!

Sylo wouldn’t have it as he kicked out at the very last possible millisecond. The crowd was definitely behind Kaze, though, as he stood up to his feet, awaiting for his nemesis to stand toe to toe with him. Sylo had done just that, but only before slamming a hard right first into Kaze’s jaw, sending the crazed moron reeling. Sylo closed in on Kaze and delivered him to the mat with a brutal spinebuster. Ken flipped over onto his stomach, holding onto his back while writhing in pain.

An elbow drop to his spine was the exclamation mark Sylo needed as he had finally decided it was time to end this match. With a handful of hair, Sylo brought Kaze to his feet. Sylo immediately hoisted Ken into the air with an Argentine backbreaker rack. The sold out crowd had heightened the volume another decibel as they could all smell near victory, as this was the end-all, be-all of Sylo’s arsenal. He was preparing for the Systematic Shutdown.

He raised Ken from his shoulders into the air, slinging Ken’s body in front of his own. However, Ken wasn’t nearly as stunned as Sylo had believed. Ken had managed to land on his feet just as Sylo was ready to conclude with a fierce DDT. Ken dove at Sylo’s legs and brought the fiend down to his back with a double leg takedown. Ken wasn’t relentless at all with his assault as he quickly began to form Sylo’s legs into a figure four. Everyone now knew what to expect. This was Ken’s patented submission finishing tactic. He flipped Sylo over onto his stomach with the cloverleaf leglock applied. Kaze positioned his knee into the small of Sylo’s back.

ST. PATRICK’S SPINAL TAP!

This would most likely be the end, because when Ken had the Spinal Tap applied, he never released the hold until his opponent either tapped out or passed out. Either one was sufficient enough for him, but it wasn’t sufficient enough for this match. With no disqualification rules in affect, the only for a victor to be decided was either by pinfall, submission, or the rare opportunity of the referee’s decision. Alexx’s decision had already eliminated one man from the match, but it didn’t seem like he’d need to decide the second outcome.

Sylo was on the verge of tapping out. He told himself he’d pass out before he ever tapped out, but now that he was in the position, second thoughts began to race through his mind.

“AAARRRGGGHH!” Sylo roared as Ken leaned back even further, applying more pressure onto Sylo’s naturally weak back.

“TAP THE FUCK OUT, MOTHERFUCKER. JUST LIKE ONE OF YOUR MOVES SAYS!” Kaze retorted to Sylo’s roar of agony. “TAP OUT! TAP OUT! POLAR FUCKING DID IT LAST WEEK! NOW IT’S YOUR TURN!”

“I’D TAKE A DICK IN THE ASS BEFORE I EVER TAPPED OUT OF THIS PUSSY ASS HOLD – AAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!”

“SOUNDS LIKE TO ME YOU’RE ALREADY TAKING A DICK IN THE ASS. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING BACK THERE ANYWAY, ALEXX?”

Ken Kaze was so close to victory, his penis gave a little jolt despite him being surrounded by men. He could feel it in his bones; his blood; his heart. He could feel the near victory as he knew Sylo could not withstand the submission hold much longer. Sylo’s back was slightly weak as it was, and Kaze had done a little damage to it throughout the course of the match.

“Do you give up, Sylo?” Jared Alexx queried for the seventh time.

“FUCKING NO YOU MORON! SHUT THE FUCK UP BEFORE I RIP YOUR EYES OOUTTTTTTTTT – AAAARGGGGGGHHHH – GET ME OUTTA THIS FUCKING HOLD!”

Ken couldn’t believe it. Sylo really would take a dick in the ass before he would tap out.

“I can’t believe it,” Ken stated, “you really would take a dick in the ass before you would tap out. Someone call Villam Ender, damnit!”

To his chagrin, Ken released his devastating submission hold. However, a better plan had surfaced in his mind. He knew what had to be done to end this match. And it would come all too soon. He knew Sylo had a naturally weak neck in addition to his slightly weak back. And thus, Ken had folded the ladder up before placing it across the neck of the Superbeast.

Ken was (what seemed like the millionth time of the night) once more on top of the top turnbuckle, looking to prove just why he was the Hero of Hardcore. He signaled to the immobile Sylo with the ladder across his neck before soaring to the heavens. As he flew in the air with amazing hang time, his body began to gyrate until he landed with a senton bomb across the ladder. The impact of the senton bomb applied to the ladder drove into the neck of Sylo as he let out a tremendous roar.

OOOOOOHHHHHH!

Of course, Ken had injured himself as well as he began to roll around the ring in immense pain. Nonetheless, he took it upon himself to make it to his feet as he knew no matter the amount of pain he suffered, he must stay on the offensive if he wanted to come out this match a victor, let alone alive.

Ken had grabbed a hold of the ladder and had set it up back in the center of the ring. Slowly, but surely, he began to climb the ladder rung from rung. He knew if he connected with something enormous, that he would undeniably walk out of this match up with a humungous victory on his hands. He was looked upon as the perpetual underdog in this match, much akin to the perspective of Longshot by others. If he was able to defeat two men who were two-to-three times his height, and weighed two-to-three times more than he did, he would earn a newfound respect from the wrestling community.

As he closed in on the top of the ladder, Sylo had finally began to stir as he pulled himself up with the rungs of the ladder on the opposite side of Ken. Sylo, too, began to climb the ladder, as both men would soon be in dangerous positions. The crowd was elated as they knew for sure this time that this would be the conclusion of the epic battle amongst the formerly three, now two warriors inside of the ring. Whoever would fall from the ladder would unquestionably become overwhelmed with shame for being the loser.

Ken was the first to attack as he delivered three Fist of Iron blows. Sylo retaliated with his own right-handed punches. His had more affect. Ken was looking woozy, almost ready to collapse. Sylo had stepped up one more rung, just two rungs shy from the top, and had reached onto the opposite side of the ladder to lock Ken into a front facelock. Every single audience member was definitely on his or her feet at this point, because something enormous was about to happen.

Mustering every amount of strength in his body, Sylo lifted Ken vertically into the air. Could it be a superplex from the top of a ladder – the most devastating superplex ever?

YES!

Sylo began to fall backwards as Ken’s body raced to the mat, ready to endure the punishment it was about to receive.

But – wait!

REVERSED!

As Kaze was falling from the superplex, he managed to slip out of Sylo’s grasps, and latched onto each of Sylo’s biceps and triceps. Sylo was now falling to the mat with Kaze, as Kaze had grabbed a hold of Sylo in a “crucifix” position. Using Sylo’s own momentum against him, Ken brought Sylo over his head just as he began to kneel. As he landed to the mat in a kneeled position, Sylo’s neck crashed into Ken’s only protruding knee, completely destroying the Superbeast! This was the debut of Ken Kaze’s DEATH finishing maneuver . . .

DOOMSDAY CRUCIFIX!

HOLY SHIT!

HOLY SHIT!

HOLY SHIT!

With the state of Sylo’s naturally weak neck, and the strategic assaults from Kaze onto his adversary’s neck, this maneuver undoubtedly had to be the end of Sylo. The Bloodlust Machine was lucky his neck hadn’t snapped.

Ken had taken damage from the attack as well, as he popped up from the kneeling position instantly, clutching onto his right knee. With Sylo’s weight, and the force of gravity, Ken was lucky himself not to have a fractured knee. Matter of fact, he would later get that checked out to be sure.

LET’S GO KEN KAZE, LET’S GO! –clap clap–

LET’S GO KEN KAZE, LET’S GO! –clap clap–

LET’S GO KEN KAZE, LET’S GO! –clap clap–

The fans were rooting the Hero of Hardcore on as he finally crawled over to the unconscious Sylo. Ken’s knee was still writhing in immense pain, but he managed to throw an arm out to cover the downed Superbeast. Alexx was in position.

ONE!

. . .

TWO!!

. . .

. . .

. . .

. . .

T.

H.

R.

E.

E.

THREE!!!

The fans roared with jubilation as Jared Alexx grabbed a hold of Kaze’s pinning arm to raise it into the air to symbolize his victory. Despite the standard theme music that was usually played for Ken, “Doomsday Jesus” by Black Label Society began to course through the P.A. system.

“THE WINNER OF THIS MATCH,” Clippia Da Clown announced cheerfully, “VIA PINFALL BY WAY OF THE DOOMSDAY CRUCIFIX NECKBREAKER POWERBOMB . . . THE HERO OF HARDCORE, KKKKEEEEEEENNNNN KKKKKKAAAAAAZZZZEEEEEEE!”

Winner: Ken Kaze via pinfall by way of the Doomsday Crucifix

Time: 23:56