One Man’s Dumpster is Another Man’s Palace
By Ken Kaze
“Pssst, George. George!” The whisper of Ken Kaze is heard, but from where is unknown. George is standing right beside a dumpster that is in the backstage parking lot area. He still dons his crown from earlier, but this time he now dons a red cloak similar to the one Kaze was wearing earlier tonight. We once again can hear the whispers of Kaze. “George? Are you still there?” The source of his voice seems to be coming from the dumpster. “Is the coast clear?”
The top of the dumpster raises just a bit, allowing us to see the top of someone’s head as well as a set of eyes. He brushes a banana peel out of his face in order to view his surroundings. Deciding it is safe to come out, he stands up completely vertical pushing the top behind him. However, the top rebounds off of a wall and comes back CRASHING onto Kaze’s head.
“SHEET!!!!!” he is heard screaming in pain. “OOWW! OW, OW, OWWWWWW!!!”
The top flies up once more as Kaze comes back to a vertical base once more. “George, help me out here! The dumpster is trying to eat me!!!!” Trying to escape the JAWS OF DEATH~!!! of the dumpster, he leans over the ledge trying to flip out. However, the dumpster has different plans as it SLAMS down onto the back of Kaze.
“OH NO, GEORGE!! IT’S GOT ME!! I’M SORRY I COULDN’T ESCAPE, BUD! YOU’LL ALWAYS HAVE A SPECIAL PLACE IN MY HEART! I LOVE YOU, GEORGE!!”
Kaze struggles to free himself from the vice that is the top and the ledge of the dumpster. His hands flailing around in the air desperately, his feet kicking against the top of the dumpster, screaming obscenities, trying anything and everything to free him from the vicious dumpster.
“THIS IS IT GEORGE!! THIS IS WHERE HE JUST GOBBLES ME UP!! SORT OF LIKE A CHICKEN! HOW THEY GO, ‘GOBBLE, GOBBLE!’ I’LL ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU GEORGE, I’LL ALWAYS—UGH!”
With a nice swift kick to the top of the dumpster with his heel, the dumpster releases its grip as Kaze drops headfirst onto the concrete floor. He lays there spread eagle for a moment, before turning his head toward George.
“I’M ALIVE, I’M ALIVE!!! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!!” He springs up to his feet, rubbing his head with one hand and brushing himself off with his other. His red cloak is even more torn than before and is no longer clean. Whatever contents the dumpster had once contained are now clinging to Kaze. “I’M ALIVE!!!!!!”
All of a sudden, a voice is heard booming from the other end of the parking lot area, echoing off of the walls. Kaze turns around to notice two figures advancing toward him. Afraid that it may be the same two enraged backstage workers who had attacked him earlier, he quickly opens up the dumpster and throws George inside. “OH MY GREATNESS, THEY’RE COMING!! THEY’RE COMING TO GET ME GEORGE!”
He quickly dives into the dumpster and slams the top shut. “Hey George,” he whispers. “Doesn’t this remind you that one time when we were in that dark room and we had soooo much fun?”
Silence, followed by the trademark, high-pitched school girl giggles.
“Hehehe, this is even MORE fun!!”
