30 Minutes Before the Show
Commemoration
By Ken Kaze ft. David Yoder
He was quite possibly the most miserable man on earth. Last Nemesis, on Monday June 5, 2004, he was stripped of the one thing he cared about more than anything in the world; the one thing he cared about more than life itself. His inner core; his heart; his conscience. His ambition; his strive; his only motive to progress through life. Despite the fact that he had many other things to look forward to, this was the solitary issue that even crossed his mind for the past week.
He was NOWrestling�s resident moron, Ken Kaze, and he had lost his most faithful companion, George the trashcan. His stride today was different. He wasn�t his normal happy go-lucky self, rambling on and on about useful bits of information. He was very somber. Thinking back on it, he now knew how his buddy Waldo felt about being away from his most prized possessions, his X-Men Rogue poster and Bill the computer.
Wrapped around his upper right arm was a black band that read �JOURGE,� an obvious misspelling of �George.� He was clad in a black sleeveless T-shirt that read, �I�m with stupid� with an arrow pointing upward, navy blue Dickies work pants, and a matching navy blue Dickies version of the Chuck Taylor All-Star Converses.
He approached a door that read �NOWrestling CEO: David Yoder.� He grabbed a hold of the doorknob, twisted, and entered the room.
Yoder was having a conversation on his cellular phone when he noticed Kaze. �Let me go, I�ll call ya back.� And with that statement, he ended his phone conversation. �What can I do for ya, Ken?�
�Geewillikers, Mr. Yoder. Hope I didn�t interrupt your conversation or anything! I just had to ask you a small favor.�
�And what would that be?�
�Since last week we held a memorial service for Kraig Carter � you are aware of what happened to George last week, aren�t ya?!�
Not identifying what Kaze was talking about at first, Yoder quickly remembered after some thought when Kaze had found George torn to shreds last week on Nemesis. �Uh � yes, yes. I am. Why?�
�Well, I was thinking maybe we could hold one tonight. You know, in remembrance of George!�
�Well, uh, Ken,� Yoder stumbled, as he didn�t know how exactly to say, �no� to the idiot. �George was just a trashcan. I mean, uh�� he quickly hurried to try and correct his statement that Kaze would have most likely taken offensive to. �He wasn�t JUST a trashcan, he was a very nice trashcan at that. He was an awesome trashcan. He even held the trash at my family reunion without complaining. I tell ya, that George was something. But anyway, that�s beside the point. The point is I can�t do that Ken. Tonight is too busy. Not enough time to set it up. If you would�ve came to me earlier today, we probably could�ve agreed on something.�
Looking a little flustered, a tear rolled down the cheek of Kaze. �But boss,� he said whilst choking back a sob, �He�s the bestest friend I ever had! No one has ever been there for me like he has. I need to pay him tribute somehow!�
Yoder thought of an idea. �Well, how about this. Hear me out. Tonight, in the ring, you can hold your own little memorial service for George. You can talk about all of his great accomplishments � and on the NOWtron, you can talk to the production team, and they could whip up a nice highlight reel for George.�
His happiness now restoring, Kaze ceases his sobbing. �Thanks Mr. Yoder, sir. I owe ya one. No, I owe ya two. Or three. Or four. OR FIVE!�
A smile comes across Yoder�s face. �No problem, bud. I�ll see you later tonight, alright?� He begins to shuffle Kaze toward the door to exit.
�Alright, bossman, sir. I OWE YA SIX, ACTUALLY! HOW ABOUT SEVEN? OR EIGHT? OR TWENTY-THREE? OR FIFTEEN? OR THREE AND A HALF?�
Yoder closes the door behind Kaze, as he is still audible pacing down the hallway. A loud crash is heard, followed up by the screaming of Kaze.
�YOU FUCKING, NO GOOD PIECE OF CRAP TABLE! I�M GOING TO BREAK YOU IN HALF!�
Silence.
�OOOOOWWW!�
