Behold... GEORGE~!
By Waldo “L33TD00D” Furkenzbaum ft. Ken Kaze
Avoiding his locker room, Waldo finds himself in the presence of Ken Kaze and his trash can George. In tribute to the recently deceased, George has a black band around his waist with the words “KRAYGG CARDER” written in white-out. Waldo, shaking with fright, sits on a bench across from Ken in his small locker room. His high-water khakis are almost up to his knees, while his flannel shirt appears un-tucked for the first time ever. It seems obvious that neither man has talked to each other very much, still. That’s when Ken breaks the silence.
“Remember when the door attacked you, Waldo???” Ken starts walking toward Waldo. With a startle, the geek slides further down the bench away from Ken. Still advancing, Ken continues talking, “That was scary! I thought the door was going to kill us!!!”
On second thought, Waldo started to lose his fear for the idiot. How could he be scared of a person who thought that a door actually attacked someone? Looking back up at NOW’s resident idiot, Waldo responds with a smile, “Uh yeah, I guess that was pretty frightening, L-O-L.”
“What does that mean when you say L-O-L? Is that a code word? George thinks it stands for LOTS OF LOVE!!!” He pauses. “So... why exactly do you always say that? What do you love so much?”
As his mouth drops open, Waldo can only stare at Ken. After a little bit of silence, Waldo shakes his head to clear the confusion Ken has caused. “Wait a minute. You still haven’t told me who George is. Who is this guy and where is he?”
“What?! This is him right here!” Ken beams with pride as he pats the trash can. “He’s the most important and loyal being I’ve ever met. There’s nothing new under the sun!”
“O-M-G, you’re going to give me an aneurysm! What in the SHELL are you talking about?”
Kaze looks to his trashcan and whispers, “George~? Where did you put his andermizum? I forgot that we got him a gift.” Of course, Kaze’s whisper is another man’s inside-voice. Waldo scrunches his eyebrows in confusion and frustration and begins to shout.
“O-M-G! WHO THE SHELL IS GEORGE, AND WHY DO YOU KEEP TALKING TO THAT BLEEPIN’ TRASH CAN?!” The sudden explosion from Waldo’s mouth sends Ken into a panic as he grips George tightly.
“WHAT’S WRONG?! I’M SORRY I DON’T HAVE THE ANGEL GISM YOU WANTED!!! I FORGOT I SAID I’D GIVE YOU ONE! AND WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO CONFUSE GEORGE?! TRASH CANS LIKE TO BE TREATED WITH RESPECT, YOU KNOW!”
With this, Waldo suddenly realizes what’s going on. George IS the trash can. As Kaze stares with horror into Waldo’s eyes, the nerd laughs nervously. “Err…L-O-L. My mistake. I was so excited about my … umm … angel gism that I forgot who George was.” The intensity slips from Ken’s face. “George kind of reminds me of my computer, Bill. I miss Bill and my Rogue poster. I haven’t been home in so long.” At this point, Ken’s eyes begin to tear up. “Could you tell me more about George?”
Ken holds back the tears, as he remembers last week. George was almost separated from him, and he can’t imagine what it would be like to be away from his trash can as Waldo is away from his prized possessions. As he thinks of George, though, he begins to get excited. “WELL, THE FIRST THING YOU NEED TO KNOW IS THAT GEORGE~ IS A TRUE CHAMPION AND NEVER LET’S PEOPLE DISRESPECT HIM. IN FACT, HE HAS SAVED ME DURING MANY A MATCH. PLUS, HE IS A GREAT FRIEND TO TALK TO AND ---”
As Kaze continues, Waldo begins to formulate an idea in his head. Ken continues pouring George history into Waldo’s ear, and the geek soaks in all the great warrior stories of the trash can. He’s won battles, he’s saved Kaze, he’s won the ladies and fans over, he’s done it all. After a while, Waldo starts to let everything go in one ear and right out the other. He’s got a plan. George is the key to winning his cage match tonight.
“RIGHT??!” Kaze laughs as Waldo snaps out of his daze.
“OH! R-O-F-L, L-O-L, O-M-G THAT’S HILARIOUS!!!” Waldo pretends he was listening until the end.
After shooting a confused glance to George, Ken turns back to Waldo with his head cocked to one side. “WHAT ARE ALL THOSE CODE WORDS?!”
To lure Ken from George’s side, Waldo leads Kaze astray, “Oh! Well, I could tell you. But you should go to the Best Lil Chathouse 29 and find out for yourself! Just run down to one of the offices and get on a computer. I’ll watch George!”
Without needing to be told twice, Ken runs off into the hallway. As Kaze runs off, Waldo looks at George. “Hey. You haven’t said a word to me, but I need your help. You remind me of Bill, my talking computer!! No one believes that he can talk, just like no one believes in you. But I do. We’re going to win, tonight, George!! Just wait, L-O-L!!” That’s when Waldo realizes something wrong with his plan. How will Kaze figure out the computer? He’ll run back looking for directions and catch Waldo stealing George.
Quickly, Waldo pulls out a pen and some paper to write up some instructions for Kaze to follow.
“Hmm. I need him to first log on to AOL. Err, wait. L-O-L, George, you know he probably needs to figure out how to turn the computer on first!” Waldo laughs as he begins jotting down his notes:
‘Step 1: Flip the Power Switch to boot up the computer.’ After reading this over, Waldo sighs and pulls out a fresh sheet of paper.
‘Step 1: Press the button that is circly that makes the computer box think.’ Happy with his new explanation style, Waldo continues.
‘Step 2: Let the computer load up and get everything started. Allow 5 minutes.’ Waldo re-reads, and then sighs deeply as he pulls out yet another fresh piece of paper. He re-writes the second version of step 1, and then he continues.
‘Step 2: Lay down on the floor for five minutes while the computer gets ready to think super hard.’ He smiles and tries to keep the rest as simple.
‘Step 3: Use the mouse (Waldo scribbles the word mouse out) thingy next to the keyboard by clicking the left button twice on the picture on the monitor (Waldo scribbles out the word monitor) TV screen that is a little blue square with a white triangle inside. It says America Online beneath it.’
‘Step 4: Where it says username, select the word GUEST and click ‘SIGN ON’. IN THAT ORDER. That’s important.’
‘Step 5: Now where it says username, press the boxes with letters on them in this order. L 3 3 T D 0 0 D. For the password section, type in these letters, IN THIS ORDER: R O G U E S B O O B S.’
‘Step 6: Using the thingy by the keyboard, click the Chat button and type in these letter boxes in this order: B E S T L I L C H A T H O U S E 2 9. This should load up a chat room.’
‘Step 7: Using the letterboxes again, type these letters in order: W H A T D O E S L O L A N D O M G S T A N D F O R ?’
‘Step 8: Read the words that show up on the TV to get your answers. Try to type more words by using the letterboxes to have a conversation. And you’re done! Good job Ken!’
“There. If he can’t handle that, then there’s no hope for this guy, L-O-L!” Waldo looks at George, and he grabs him. He runs off to find Ken to give him the instructions.
Finding Ken stuck at a dead end in a hallway, Waldo hands off the instructions. After helping him find his way out toward one of the offices, Waldo assures the idiot that he is taking George back down to the locker room to baby-sit the trash can. After Kaze informs Waldo that George doesn’t need a babysitter, Waldo pretends to admit that George will be babysitting him. Ken agrees that it is a good idea, as Waldo runs off to prepare for his match.
