Wrong Place, Wrong Time
By Ken Kaze/Sgt. Henry W. Rowengarter
"Sounds like a busy schedule, huh George?"
The voice of NOWrestling's Resident Moron, Ken Kaze echoes through the backstage corridors. Dragging beside him is his faithful companion, his Lord and Savior… George the trashcan.
"I mean, not only do we have to wrestle four people tonight, but we have to wrestle..." he trails off, pondering for a second, "...four people tonight!"
Kaze passes by a backstage technician as he looks down at George, looking for a reply of some sort.
"Shut up, George! Don't pick on me just because I'm not the brightest crayon in the cookie jar!"
Kaze stops at a vending machine which is right along side a drink machine. He reaches into his pants' pockets searching for some loose change. Not accomplishing his goal, he checks the coin return slots for some change.
"See here, George, usually..." He trails off while grunting as he crams his fingers up into the coin return slots. "Usually, you can find some change in here. But today I'm out of luck. You wouldn't happen to have any change, would ya George?"
Kaze glances down at George awaiting a reply. Silence.
"Ah, freakin' A, George! You suck. How are you supposed to be so superperior, yet be as broke as... a broken item-thingymabobbeejeewizztoythangathang!"
Out of frustration, Kaze slams his fist against the vending machine punching right through the glass. Instantly blood shoots out of his arm like a jet stream, spraying everywhere nonstop.
Kaze's face changes from a very bright red to a now ghostlike paleness. He grabs a hold of his arm while yelping in pain.
"GEORGE! GEORGE! THE GLASS SHOT ME! THE GLASS SHOT MEEEEEEEEE! I'M GONNA DIE! I'M GONNA DIEEEEEEEE!"
Kaze lets loose of the grip on his wrist and grabs George, waving him in the air.
"I WILL SHOW YOU THE TRUE MEANING OF DEATH! DIIIIIIIEEEEEE!"
Kaze slams George into the vending machine once.
"I'LL TEACH YOU TO MESS WITH ME! NOW FEAR MY WARCRY! IIIIIYEEEEEEEEEE-YOOOOOOO-DOTHEHOKIEPOKIEANDTURNYOURSELFAROOOOOUND!"
Kaze slams George against the vending machine once more. Followed by another bashing, and another, and another. He goes into an all-out attack frenzy on the vending machine, displaying his true ruthlessness. Shards of glass flying in every which-way direction. Finally, Kaze decides to give up on the assault.
"Well George..." Kaze huffs, obviously out of breath. He tries to catch his breath before speaking. "We sure taught him a lesson. I don't think any more glass will be shooting me anytime soon."
Kaze, obviously distracted from his severe bleeding due to his temporary insanity, now looks down at the shards of glass covering the floor as well as his blood.
"Say George... what do you suppose that red, sticky... stuff... ....is - AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"
Kaze once again clutches his wrist and instantly does an about face, trying to run off in the opposite direction from which he came. However, as soon as he turns around, he runs into something, knocking him on his rear end onto the floor.
Or someone.
Standing before him is Sgt. Henry W. Rowengarter. Obviously not too pleased with Kaze running into him, he bends over, grabs Kaze by the collar of his shirt and pulls him up to his feet. Recognizing the Sarge instantly, Kaze opens his mouth in a fashion the Sarge doesn't agree with.
"HEY! GEORGE LOOK! It's that guy that dislikes the bestest guy on this earth, George Dubya Bush! That president guy that named himself in honor of you! You, Mr. Sergeant sir, should be ashamed of yourself! Bush could have you killed, you know! Talking trash about him like that."
Kaze glances back at George and then at Henry who doesn't look too pleased. Henry looks down at Kaze's arm, then at the vending machine. "I see you broke that vending machine over there. What were you trying to do, rape it?"
Before Kaze says anything, Henry cups Kaze's mouth with his right hand. "Don't say anything. And I see you like George Bush as well. I have no problem with that. The problem I have is that I was going to get something out of that vending machine and you HAD to break it. What do you have to say for yourself, kid?"
Obviously intimidated by Henry, Kaze struggles to speak.
"I.. uh.. um..."
Kaze looks down at George as if he were looking for some help.
"Psst... psst," Kaze whispers, "psst.. George! Help me out here, bud."
Silence.
Once again looking back at Henry, Kaze says, "Um.. the glass shot me.. um, sir. For no reason at all, too! I was just fingering it, you know, because vending machines like that... and it wouldn't pay me! So I took it upon myself to try and get my money's worth."
Kaze gulps, still frightened, and looks down at George, giving him a half smile, obviously looking for reassurance.
Henry kicks George aside. "You're answering to me, not some fucking trashcan! What is your problem anyway? Talking to trashcans? You're nothing more than a fucking joke. Back off before you get yourself hurt."
Henry has now taken it too far. Kaze no longer acknowledges the bleeding of his arm and quickly balls up his fist.
"You'll wish you never did that, Mr. Sir! George is an immortal being! He is your Lord and Savior! And I, John McKenzie, am one of his faithful disciples."
Kaze looks over at George with a look of confusion.
"What do you MEAN my name's not John McKenzie? Ken Kaze? Whatever! Same difference!"
Kaze now turns his attention back to Henry.
"Anyway, I will strike you down for disrespecting George in such a dispicabullyness manner!"
Kaze raises his balled up fist and swings straight for the face of the Sarge. At the last second he opens up the palm of his hand and slaps Henry across the face. Henry doesn't seem to feel the slap. Instead, he quickly gets behind Kaze, trips him down to the ground, gets on top of Kaze and pulls out a combat knife, holding it against his throat. After seeing such an act, security draw out their taser guns, aiming at The Afghani Assassin.
"Drop your weapon, Henry! Don't do this!" one of them says, perhaps the head of security.
Henry looks up at the security guards, their taser guns pointed at him. He smiles at them and then turns his attention to Kaze. "Like I said, boy, step off before you get yourself hurt."
Henry gets off of Kaze and puts his combat knife back in the sheath of his right boot. He gets up and leaves the scene, leaving Kaze lying there staring at George.
“WHY DIDN’T YOU HELP ME, GEORGE?!?!”
