Blood stained chest, bruised and battered body, and free flowing blood from the mouth aside, Ken Kaze stood poised like a soldier in the center of the ring. Next to his side was his personal savior, George the Trashcan. Kaze eyed his adversary Mittens T. Cat who slid in the ring with his preferred weapon of choice in hand, the handy dandy . . . NOTEBOOK! Er, the HAWNKY TAWNK STYLED GUITAR~!
The two men – or, one man and one cat in this case – stared at each other, ready to commence battle. Mittens now had his aforementioned guitar suspended in air, with a radiant neon red glow surrounding it. He swished it through the air as it made the infamous Star Wars light saber emission:
VRRRRRRRRRRM!
All of the Star War nerds immediately raised onto their feet, hooting and hollering for this very rare mark out moment. Of course, this was only a small portion of the nosebleed section. Coupled with their cheers being drowned out by the reverberations of awe and excitement from the rest of the arena, no one actually knew they were there.
Ken immediately latched onto George and balanced him into the air as a magnificent neon green blaze bordered him – or it, depending on how you look at George’s gender. He brandished George, followed by the legendary VRRRRRRRRRRM!
The two combatants now circled each other as the crowd was hyped, adrenaline running, witnessing the very first ever light saber duel in the history of jOlt and Jolt Wrestling! It was the Cat who struck first looking to decapitate Kaze, but he easily ducked the swing and attempted to impale Mittens’ knee.
A step back and Ken had lost his sense of balance causing him to tumble forward. Instantaneously, Mittens looked to benefit from the hardcore retard’s mistake with a death strike to the chest; however, Kaze had followed through with his tumble rolling onto his feet, back facing Mittens.
VRRRRRRRRRRM!
He swung around waving George in the air looking to land a blind hit, but it missed as he now faced his opponent. The two had gotten nowhere with their duel and began circling each other once more.
VRRRRRRRRRRM!
VRRRRRM!
VRRRRM! VRRRRM! VRRRRM!
Miss after miss after miss, until . . .
CLIZSHRG$%g$%GYH$%^HrtH$^H^H^H%H%^hHGFf```!!``1!12!!
The two counterfeit light sabers had collided, causing that annoying ass, deafening sound you always hear. The two were pushing against one another, one looking to overtake the other. Finally, Ken pushed off of Mittens and swung at Mittens leg.
VRRRRMCLIZSH!@!~!
CONNECT FOUR! Or two, in this case. The two being the George-light saber and Mittens leg. The Cat hobbled around for a bit, looking to gain equilibrium. You can ask anyone: a barbed wire wrapped trashcan with nails protruding from every angle around its circumference is no joke, especially when slammed into your leg.
“YOU SONUVABITCH!! THAT SHIT HURT!!”
Now infuriated, Mittens rocked Ken recklessly with a rib shot.
BOOIIIIIING!
One of Mittens’ guitar strings had snapped as Jolt’s Resident Moron stumbled into a corner. Oh . . . shit.
“OH, FUCK NO, G. YOU BROKE MY GUITAR STRING. NOW THIS SHIT GETS DANGEROUS!”
VRRRRM! VRRRRRM! VRRRM!
Mittens was brandishing the guitar frantically whilst approaching Ken in the corner. It was like a wavering pendulum entrapping Ken with nowhere to go.
“I’M COMIN’ FOR THAT ASS, RETARD. YOUR CASE OF DOWN SYNDROME AIN’T GOT NOTHIN’ ON THIS SHIT!”
Mittens was slowly – and I mean slowly because it was as if Mittens was in some sort of slow motion replay – approaching Ken. What the fuck’s up with that, homie? I thought cats were fast! Anyhow, he finally stopped waving his guitar around like a down syndrome patient himself, dressed in a skirt twirling her baton in a parade.
“Kaze . . . I AM YO DADDY!” howled Mittens, trying his best to impersonate Darth Vader.
This sent puzzlement through the miniscule mind of Ken Kaze as he stood expressionless for a moment. That quickly faded as the thespian expression had overwhelmed his face.
“THEN WHERE’S MY CHILD SUPPORT, BEEEEOTCH?!” Very nice Luke Skywalker impression, Kaze. Very impressive. [/sarcasm]
CLIZSH3g%g$%G%g%g45GgkWHAM~!
Ken had decked Mittens directly over the tater with that one. His fake, furry cat head wasn’t enough to absorb all of the impact from that blow.
