Birthday Bash

Characters: Geo Vacton, Ken Kaze, Carson Nash, Jolt Enhancement Talents

Backstage of the Exposition Park in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, which was obviously the sold-out confines for Tuesday Night Intense, a few of the Jolt roster members stood behind the entrance doors, huddled together. One wrestler stood out immediately. He was the cream of the crop in Jolt Wrestling. The famed Triple Crown Champion himself, “Untouchable” Carson Nash. Amid his presence were some of Jolt’s enhancement talents in the forms of Silver Bullet, Fret Magic, and Back Draft.

The group was buzzing with excitement and anticipation. Apparently, something was about to come through those doors, and they couldn’t wait. With a closer inspection, the group was decorated with assortments of balloons, party streamers, small pointed hats, and championship belts. Naturally, the latter belonged to that of Carson Nash, but what exactly was the rest of the items for?

The answer came expectedly as the entrance doors swung open and two life forms took place. It was none other than Ken Kaze and Geo Vacton, the two teammates of the Triple Crown Champion.

“SURPRISE!” Silver Bullet, Fret Magic, and Back Draft roared animatedly. “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”

Carson Nash stood to the side, donning a frown on his face.

“HOLY SNAP CRACKLE POPS!” Ken yelled in response.

“WHOA! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!” Geo replied as well.

“YOU GUYS REMEMBERED!” they shouted in unison.

With the expressions on both men’s faces, it was evident they were overwhelmed with ecstasy. The date was May 17, 2005. The birthday of both Ken Kaze and Geo Vacton, ironic as it may seem.

“Where’s my present, Geo?” Ken demanded as he turned to his friend.

“Huh?” Vacton replied, bemused. “Your present? But it’s my birthday. Sorry, bud, but I don’t know what type of tradition they hold in your household. All I know is, where I come from, when it was your birthday, you were the recipient of the presents, not the donor.”

“Your birthday?” Ken queried perplexedly. “Your birthday?” he repeated. “You moron, it’s my birthday! May the seventy teenth!”

“Seventy teenth? I’m sure you meant the seventeenth. Anyhow, my birthday’s on the seventeenth as well. Isn’t that ironic!”

“So, you mean,” Ken said, piecing the puzzle together, “we were both born on the same day? Meaning . . . we have the same birthdays? So, by law, we’re brothers, dude! WHOA! How cool! At least we both know we’ll die at exactly the same time since we were born on the same time.”

“Uh . . . umm . . . right . . . Anywho,” Geo stated, turning to the group of four in an attempt to change the topic at hand. “How’d you guys figure out?”

“Can’t tell you that,” Silver Bullet replied.

“We have our connections,” Back Draft butted in.

“True, true,” Fret Magic agreed. “It always pays to talk to American Hero III.”

“FRET!” Bullet and Draft roared simultaneously.

“Thanks for giving away our connect, jackass,” Draft said.

“Now we can’t seem ubercool, you loser,” Bullet said solemnly. “Here,” he told Ken as he shoved some balloons into his hands and a birthday cake into Geo’s. “Take these. We’re outta here.”

As Silver Bullet handed off the balloons and the birthday cake, with both Ken’s and Geo’s names written on it, the three enhancement talents trooped off through the corridors.

“So,” came a voice from a slight distance. “Happy birthday to you two.”

Vacton looked up. He hadn’t even noticed Nash during his arrival.

“S’up Nash? Thanks.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Kaze mimicked. “What’cha get me, Nash?”

“Huh? Oh . . .”

Nash reached to his left shoulder and removed the jOlt World Heavyweight Championship. He handed it to Kaze.

“You can be my official title carrier. Sound good?”

“YES!” Ken screamed in elation. “THANK YOU SO MUCH, DUDE! THIS ROXORS MY SOXORS, FORGET THE BOXORS! Though, you could’ve gotten me a pooper scooper instead. Those things rule. THEY POOP UP SCOOP, DROOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPP!”

“Anyway,” Vacton said pointedly, “let’s head to the locker room, eh?”

Geo began to stroll down the corridor, as both Nash and Kaze followed behind. However, as Ken was following Nash, he tripped over a cordless phone that came out of (seemingly) nowhere.

“AAAAAHHHHHH S[BEEP!]T, F[BEEP!]K, C[BEEP!]K, DAMMIT!”

As Ken brought himself to all fours, he removed the icing that now engulfed his face. What? You didn’t get it? HE TRIPPED INTO THE FRIGGIN’ CAKE, MAN! COME ON! IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY!”

(Funny pooper scooper comment created by Jenny LaJoy Inc. THAT MEANS COPYRIGHTED TO MY GIRLFRIEND, YOU HOMO!)