The Super Pleasure Beast

Characters: Ken Kaze, George the Trashcan, & Geo Vacton

The location was Madison Square Garden.

New York City, New York, as if it wasn’t obvious.

In the presence of a nineteen thousand, seven hundred sixty-three person audience. Not only were the spectators numerous in size within the sold out coliseum, they were also overwhelmed with jubilation as one of Jolt Wrestling’s most beloved superstars made his presence known prowling through the backstage corridors.

Ken Kaze.

However, unlike last week, the hygiene of the Hero of Hardcore seemed sanitary as he was no longer plastered in blood, dirt, and perspiration. The ol’ fool had finally showered since his confinement at the hands of the Superbeast, Sylo. As a matter of fact, his eyes were no longer full of wrath and his facial expression no longer resembled that of a distraught serial killer. He was back to his usual self as he tipped his chin to the ceiling, above and beyond the majestic heavens. His disgusting, golden yellow teeth glistened from the reflection of the fluorescent lights that decorated the passageways.

Dragging alongside of him was, of course, George the Trashcan, scraping against the concrete floor as Kaze seemed to be wandering aimlessly. With George in his left hand, a second item occupied Ken’s right hand. It was approximately ten inches in length, three inches in diameter, and glowed with a neon pink radiance. Naturally, with the Jolt Resident Moron’s known history, it was none other than the one thing women lust for the most. It was the one option women turned to when pathetic husbands and MILFhunters alike failed to satisfy their – er – womanly needs. It was the one option women turned to after taking one glance at that ugly ass Jap Kenjiro Ito, or that useless Canuck, DILDO-saying wannabe Wippit Guud.

No, it was not Richie Synger’s penis, I regret to inform you. And yes, his penile limb does have a neon pink glow to it.

It was the —

“SUPER PLEASURE BEAST, MAHFIZZUCKA!” Ken roared as he brandished the neon pink dildo in the air, the shaft of the woman-pleasuring device wavering before him. “WATCH OUT! THIS SHIZNAT’S LIKE A LIGHTSABER, DUDE!”

“What the f[BEEP!]k is that thing?” an obviously astonished voice queried.

Ken halted almost immediately. He recognized that voice. He spun one hundred eighty degrees on his heel. Standing before him was one of his new tag team partners. Which one, you ask? It’s either “Untouchable” Carson Nash or Geo Vacton. Take your pick.

Nash?

Vacton?

Nash?

Vacton?

One hint: He’s TNT, mother f[Expletive Deleted]ker.

“Geo! What’s up, man?” Ken said.

“Not much, dude. Just wondering what the hell you are doing roaming around backstage with a gigantic pink dildo in your hands, that’s all.”

“Huh?” Kaze replied, seemingly confused. He glanced at his left hand to see George, but quickly remembered the item that occupied his right hand. “Oooh – this thing! Ain’t this s[BEEP!]t cool, dude man? It’s called . . .” he trailed off, glancing down at the feminine (and homosexual for you gaybos out there) pleasuring utensil, “. . . the super pleasure beast! Yeah, that’s it.”

Geo Vacton was apparently confused as his face cringed into a facial expression of – well – confusion.

“I noticed. I only heard your shouting it down the hallway earlier. I asked, What are you doing with that thing?”

“Oh, well, it’s simple, really. I mean, it’s common sense. C’mon, dude. Just think. I know you can’t be that stupid,” Ken stated whilst insulting his friend without realizing it. “I figured . . . since Sylo is the Superbeast . . . what better way to take him out than with the SUPER PLEASURE BEAST OF DOOOOOOOM~!” He was beaming now, with a slight twinkle in his eye. “Ingenious, ain’t it? Pounding Sylo down with a DILDO at One Night In: Winnipeg. You know, I beat down Polar with a dildo at the Retort. I figured I’d add Sylo to the list as well.”

Vacton simply shook his head, dishonored by the moronic behavior of his friend and tag team partner. He approached Ken before wrapping an arm around his shoulder, spinning him back around to face the direction he was heading in earlier. The teammates began to stride together down the hallway.

“Whatever you say man. Whatever you say. Let’s head to the locker room, shall we? Let’s see if Nash is there. We have lots to talk about, with us being a new team and all.”