TOO SEXY FOR MY SHIRT!
Character: Ken Kaze
Swift sweeping footsteps announced the arrival of someone at the Dunkin Donuts Centre. The precise location was a construction site on the boundaries of the complex. The vicinity’s perimeter was bordered with yellow tape warning caution to all who may foolishly attempt to enter. How would I know this? Well, maybe the fact the yellow tape proclaimed, “WARNING! Do not enter!” helped a little. Other than that – you got me. Apparently, the source of the footsteps was not bright enough to comprehend the meaning of the caveat as they had entered the forbidden environment anyhow.
The piercing emerald green eyes encircled by a golden yellow glow introduced this someone to be none other than Ken Kaze. However, tonight, his demeanor was no longer the carefree, lighthearted manner he usually conducted himself as. George the Trashcan did not accompany him, either.
Last week, the recent thorn in his side in the form of Polar had made an attempt to play mind games with him. Following that, the Iceman was the sole purpose of his elimination from the Battle Royale, thus costing him a chance at the Triple Crown number one contendership. To top it all off, Polar had even taken it to a more personal level. He had kidnapped the single best friend Ken had on this planet. He had abducted the heart and soul of Ken when he had hijacked George.
Tonight, his appearance was of stern professionalism, which was very extraordinary for the Hero of Hardcore. As he made his way through the construction site – of which looked to be the addition of a larger parking garage – the chilling night breeze allowed his breath to appear before him. His journey finally came to a halt as he stopped before bulldozer marked off with more warning tape.
“Caption?” he queried contemptuously as if he had been insulted. “I’M NOT F[BEEP!]KING DEAF!”
In a fit of rage, Jolt’s Resident Moron had managed to rip the white T-shirt that had once covered his small frame. Wrapping it around the yellow warning tape, Ken bellowed aloud, “HOW YA LIKE THIS BITCH?! HOW YA LIKE GETTING’ CHOKED?! WANNA KNOW WHY I’M CHOKING YA?! HUH?!” He now put on his best Buzzed Bunny expression.
“BECAUSE I’M EXTREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEME~!!!!!!!!!!!”
As if by cue, Ken released the clutches of so-called “choke hold” on the warning tape with the T-shirt, and pulled out an EXTREEEEEEME~!!!!!! Buzzed Bunny action figure. He aimed it at the warning tape before furiously shouting, “TAKE BUZZED BUNNY’S EXTREEEEEEME~!!!!!! EYE LASERS BEFORE HE F[BEEP!]KS YOUR MOM IN THE ASS WITH A RAZOR DILDO ON A DRIVE-BY IN A BUICK WITH A F[BEEP!]KING MONKEY!” He pressed a button on the action figure as a laser shot out from its eyes and melted the warning tape.
“Gah! I can’t stand cocky bastards sometimes.”
CLINK!
The sound of metal striking metal was heard overheard. Kaze glanced skyward to discover the cause of the noise. Alas for him, the origin of the noise came in the form of an enormous metal beam plummeting to the ground at high-speed.
Toward him.
Oh. [Expletive Deleted]. You could probably guess the word.
“AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!” he shrieked in a shrilling scream that would make the average Japanese anime schoolgirls jealous. “WHERE’S MY EXTREEEEEEME~!!!!!! LOONATICS HELMET WHEN I NEED IT?!”
In a last act of desperation, he leaped underneath the bulldozer for cover.
NOT.
Actually, with the Buzzed Bunny action figure palmed in his hand, he raised it above him before shouting, “Eat my c[BEEP!]k, Sir Metal Beam!”
CRUUUUNCH!
Fortunately, the metal beam had strayed from its path toward Kaze and had dismantled the bulldozer instead. Looking approvingly, he taunted, “See! You’re no match for Buzzed and I, beee-yiiii-iiiiittcccccchhh!”
He approached the now-obliterated bulldozer and metal beam, donning a smirk across his face. “You’re working for Polar, ain’t’cha?” he interrogated as he scanned the carnage before him. “Polar hired ya to take me out, huh? Well, you tell that prick he’s gotta try harder than that! You tell him there’s two things you don’t do in this world! One: f[BEEP!]king with me. Two: f[BEEP!]king with George. And three: f[BEEP!]king with me AND George!”
His leg arched back before he attempted a field goal kick to the metal beam.
TING!
Not a good idea. He released the Buzzed Bunny action figure as he clutched his injured foot, hobbling around on the other.
“Ah, you bastard! You may have the last laugh. But I’ll have the last CHUCKLE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
