Four Men in the Bathroom . . . Together!
Written by Ken Kaze & Love!Love! KAMIKAZE!!! featuring the Ninja Brigade (Back Alley Brawler & Mittens T. Cat)
The Love!Love! KAMIKAZE!!! had not been having a good night thus far. I mean, sure it started out great, it was wonderful to be back in the U.S. again, and the match was going so God damn well . . . and the bastards even hit the woman he had hoped to get the number of with a guitar. He wondered if she would be okay by later that night. Bastards, he mused, who were after him and would be barging in at any minute. Calm down. Calm down. Clam down. Clam up. Sleeping with the fishes. English was a bastard language that hated him. He needed to get a grip.
He entered the male�s bathroom. He turned on the water and splashed it on his face � this would calm him. Then the door slammed open and Kamikaze turned to face his persecutors. Yep. Shitf(BEEP!)ed again.
�There ya go, ya eggroll-eatin� bitch!� exclaimed the Back Alley Brawler. �We got�cha punk azz cornered now!�
�Yeah, beeeyotch. We ready to pulverize yo bitchin� azz!� Mittens T. Cat blurted, �now I�m going to beat you like we�re married!�
�Payin� in yen? Are ya f(BEEP!)in� retarded? Does it look like I go to Hong Kong often? How in da hizzell do ya expeck me to use dis�� Back Alley Brawler paused halfway through his sentence. Something else had grabbed his attention. �What da f(BEEP!) is dat smell?� He cocked his head toward Mittens.
In return, Mittens glanced at the Brawler before making his own declaration. �It smells like s(BEEP!) in here! Hey, chink-boy, did you crap your pants or somethin�?� He followed this with a laugh, of course, later followed by the Brawler.
Love!Love! KAMIKAZE!!! was not a coward, but he generally liked to try diplomacy when the alternative was being force-fed a pain stick the size of a small country. He cautioned himself to say something smart . . .
�I thought that smell was your mascot costume, do you get off from relieving yourself inside?� Damn it, Kamikaze realized.
�Aw hell no . . .� began the Brawler.
�You asking me to crap down your throat, yellow kid? I�m gonna crap down your throat and that�s what you�re gonna get off to! You think this costume doesn�t have a crap-hole? I made my craphole with my own two hands! Look at my anus! I am a lawyer and I demand you look at my anus!�
�Chill, man, just chill, we gonna� kick his scrawny little ass . . .�
The Ninja Brigade advanced on poor, little ol� Kamikaze. Things were definitely *not* in his favor. I could springboard off of this wall, he thought to himself, strategizing a way to get out of this situation. Or maybe if I jumped up and grabbed onto that rail above the stall, I could swing out and . . .
. . .
. . . Suddenly, a toilet had flushed. �Zuh?!� was the expression on all three men�s (well, two men and one cat) faces. Flying � seemingly out of no where � from the stall of which occupied the flushed toilet came a glistening, tin object.
CLUNK!
A trashcan had just crashed down on top of Mittens� head. Thanks to that fake cat head of his, he was saved from a concussion for sure. However, there was something unique about this trashcan. It was wrapped in barbed wire. Nails were protruding from every angle around its entire circumference. It even had a nice, spray painted smiley face as well. That would mean the man behind the stall would be . . .
SMACK!
Mittens had bum rushed the stall from which he was attacked. Just as he shouted, �FLYING DRAGON KICK!� and attempted the kick itself, the door swung open immediately slamming into his cat suit. This sent the Cat into the sink.
� . . . MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!�
Mittens had been dampened by the still-running faucet. Everyone knows cats hate water! This caused for Mittens to charge toward the air dryer, only to SLAM! into it. He dropped to the ground in a heap, moaning and groaning.
Out of the stall stepped Jolt Wrestling�s resident moron, Ken Kaze. Then, obviously, this random trashcan which had took flight through the air, was George.
�How�s it goin�, Brawler?� Ken said. �Still claiming I ain�t got your attenchun yet, bee-yi-itch!?�
Back Alley Brawler was obviously infuriated at the dismantlement of his partner in crime, as well as the statement, more so than a question, proclaimed by Kaze.
�Lissen boy, I advise you to get outta here. This ain�t none of ya bizness, undastand? This is stickly between Karate Kid and I.�
�You�re right. You�re right.� Kaze had no choice but to admit defeat. �This ain�t none of my business. George and I will make our exits. Come on, George, let�s leave this homo to do his dirty work, and I don�t mean kicking this chink�s ass, either. If ya catch my drift, that is.�
Ken paced over to George and picked him up. He glanced across the bathroom at the immobile cat, still grunting. �Good job, George!� As he made his way past the Brawler, the Brawler instinctively turned around with a knockout punch, ready to obliterate the back of Kaze�s cranium. However, Ken apparently had the same idea in mind as he turned around ready to jaw jack the Brawler with a George-shot. The Brawler�s attack connected first, sending Kaze reeling while George flew behind him mercilessly in the air. Ken retaliated with a hard left jab.
Before you knew it, a full-on brawl had unleashed. As the two men became grounded, Kamikaze saw his opportunity to reach to the audience�s heart. Time to show off his lucharesu style. He rapidly hopped up onto the sinks into a single bound, before launching off with a corkscrew moonsault! As the fans watched all of this going down via the RaveTron, they let out a humungous pop for this insane maneuver.
Now all three men were grounded and security had rushed in. Security staff lifted all three men involved in the brawl to a vertical base. They restrained the Brawler against the stalls, and Kaze and Kamikaze against the sinks, while a paramedic leaned down to attend to the downed pussy.
�Get your hands off me, you pussy!� And, dignity wounded, Mittens slapped the paramedic�s hand away, stood up, and strutted out of the door.
