Singles Match

Polar vs. Ken Kaze

Special Guest Referee: Sylo

“Pet” by A Perfect Circle blared through the public announce system as the lights dissipated from existence. After a couple of seconds into the song, blue pyrotechnics – no, blue fire ascended from the stage. The heat plastered across the bodies of the fans that were near the stage and ramp way. An array of blue pyrotechnics followed the fire, exploding in the air. Throughout the fire and fireworks display, a wall of smoke had begun to assemble at the top of the stage, growing thicker by the second.

Of course, it was obvious that this was the entrance of the Superbeast, who was scheduled to be the special guest referee for the following match. Thus, the audience showed their endorsement with a nice round of boos.

“Introducing first,” began Clippie Da Clown, who was stationed inside of the ring, “standing seven feet, one inch tall and weighing in at an amazing three hundred ninety-five pounds . . . he is the special guest referee for the following bout . . . the expert of the Systematic Shutdown . . . he is the SUPERBEAST SYYYYYLLLLOOOOO!”

The hisses intensified as the wall of smoke had finally evaporated. Standing in place of the now extinct barricade of smoke was none other than the man himself, Sylo, in the flesh. He was wearing the standard black and white referee shirt to fit the circumstances of the match. He was jumping around a bit at the top of the entrance ramp, pumped for what was about to come. He made his brisk walk to ringside before leaping to the apron and stepping over the top rope to enter the squared circle.

Just as the lights had returned . . .

If you havin’ girl problems, I feel bad for you son.

I got ninety-nine problems, but a bitch ain’t one.

HIT ME!

Jay-Z’s introduction of “99 Problems” into Linkin Park’s “One Step Closer” lead into the Collision Course remix of the two aforementioned songs as the lights became extinct inside of the coliseum for the second time of the night. The customary blue lasers for this entrance divided the darkness as they spiraled around the stadium amongst the crowd. Appropriately, jeers were thrown toward the entrance way as the lights had finally returned.

Emerging from the curtains was the man who demanded retribution against his opponent from the Retort. The man who wanted a rematch against his opponent from the Retort, of which he received the approval of with the signature of Jolt Wrestling CEO American Hero III.

“Introducing second,” Clippie Da Clown piped up once more, “he hails from Anchorage, Alaska by way of Chicago, Illinois . . . standing at six feet, five inches and weighing in at two hundred sixty-five pounds . . . he is the expert of the Icecap powerbomb . . . the Alaskan Assassin, Abominable Snowman, and the Iceman himself . . . he is POOOOOLLLLLAAAARRRRR!”

The lights had returned as Polar was pelted with boos, hisses, and jeers alike, coupled with random assortments of various snack items. However, he ignored the pathetic attempts of belittlement from the crowd. Instead, he was focused on the man standing inside of the ring at that very moment.

No, not Clippie Da Clown, you idiot.

Sylo. This was the man who had screwed him over at the pay-per-view. This was the man who interfered with his rivalry against the blundering idiot Ken Kaze. This was the man who took it upon himself to dismantle Kaze at any expense. This was also the man who had attempted to take his life, just as Sylo had claimed the opposite.

The incident with the speeding car from last month had only escaped Polar’s memory temporarily. Now that it was at the forefront, Polar seemed to have put it aside. It almost seemed as if he wanted no part of Sylo. Was he afraid? Did he not care? Did he think that because Sylo had found a mutual enemy in Kaze, the two of them could destroy the fool together?

All of this left Polar’s mind as the illumination vanished for the third time in minutes. A piercing screech resounded throughout the arena until “Structural Defect” by Static-X replaced it. As the song blared throughout the coliseum via the P.A. system, the RaveTron was overcome with a screen full of black and white static. Random assortments of green, white, and yellow pyrotechnics rocketed skyward, as the fans knew what to expect, rising to their feet, cheering as loudly as humanly possible.

“And introducing finally,” the all too familiar voice of the Jolt ring announcer, Clippie Da Clown, stated, “hailing from the mean streets of Charlotte, North Carolina . . . he stands at a mere five feet, eleven inches and weighs one hundred ninety-eight pounds . . . he is the master of the St. Patrick’s Spinal Tap cloverleaf submission . . . the Mastermind of the Piledriver . . . he is the Hero of Hardcore, KKKEEEENNNN KKKAAAZZZZEEEEE!”

The volume of the jubilation recited amongst the fans heightened another notch as the homecoming of the lights arrived. Let’s hope these lights don’t go out any more, eh? Rapidly emerging from the Gorilla position was none other than Ken Kaze himself. He was charging down ringside, though, as Polar’s back was turned, facing Sylo. Apparently the two were exchanging a few choice words.

“Look out,” Sylo said with finality, as a smile crept over his face.

“Huh? – ARGH!”

Ken had speared Polar in the lower back to the mat.

“Ring the bell!” growled Sylo from inside the ring.

DING DING DING!

Instantly following his attack, Ken mounted himself onto the back of Polar, pounding away with lefts and rights to the back of his skull.

“See this you piece of s[BEEP!]t, Sylo? This is what I’ll be doing to you!” Kaze shouted from his mounted position.

Sylo’s response was a simple laugh followed by the shake of a head, as if to say, “In your dreams.”

Ken stood up to his feet, only to stomp onto the back of Polar’s head. His face smashed into the canvas, causing him to roll over onto his side. A quick leg drop from Kaze snapped Polar’s neck to the mat as he now rolled over onto his back. Ken remounted himself on top of Polar, grasping Polar’s hair with his left hand. With his right hand, he began to deliver devastating Fist of Iron blows. Kaze’s believed-to-be superior straight right closed fist punch in tribute to Garvin’s Fist of Stone punch.

After six Fist of Iron punches, Kaze was back to his feet. He hesitated for mere seconds. He was not used to being the first on the offensive. He was a counteroffensive practitioner and usually waited for his opponent to open the match up, so he could scout their weaknesses. Throughout his quick thought process, Polar had managed to roll over and get up to all fours, positioned on his elbows as he cupped his face.

Continuing with his advantage, Kaze charged against the set of ropes. On the rebound he connected with a dropkick to Polar’s ribs, knocking the Iceman onto his back. Ken, not relenting on this opportunity, decided it was a perfect time to take it high risk. Only, he decided he’d need a sudden equalizer in the form of a piledriver. Lifting Polar to his feet, Ken roundhouse kicked him in his gut causing him to double over. Placing Polar’s head in between Ken’s legs, he had applied a standing headscissors.

Ken reached through Polar’s leg and locked his arms, lifting Polar up a bit while leaning back, before spiking his opponent’s head into the canvas with a cradle piledriver. Polar crumpled to the mat onto his stomach as Ken vaulted to the top rope. Only, he never had the chance to soar through the skies. He was cut short as he dropped down on top of the turnbuckle utterly destroying his gonads. The reason this happened was because Sylo had accidentally stumbled into the ropes. A smug grin was widespread on his face.

Polar had rolled over into the ropes and was pulling himself up as Ken’s body finally dropped from the turnbuckle onto the mat back first. Polar achieved a vertical base and shook his head around a bit, ridding himself of the cobwebs. He turned around to lift Ken up onto his feet and Irish whipped him into the ropes. Polar was looking for the decapitation with a clothesline, but Ken ducked it. On the rebound, Polar was looking for a big boot, but Ken ducked that, too, and rolled through. Rather than heading into the ropes once more, he popped up to his feet and turned around.

WHAM!

Didn’t mean much, though, as Polar swept him from his feet cleanly with a vicious clothesline, sending Ken corkscrewing in the air. Polar leaned over and grasped onto Ken’s hair; however, that’s exactly where Polar’s advantage ended as Ken kicked him in the gonads. Polar dropped to his knees in front of Ken, looking longingly at Sylo. Sylo turned his head as if he never saw it.

Meanwhile, Ken had brought himself to his feet and had locked in a front facelock. That ended with a DDT. As they were both on the ground, Ken did not release the facelock, but instead wrapped his legs around Polar, cranking on his neck while squeezing the oxygen from his lungs. Surprisingly, Sylo tapped on Ken’s shoulder and ordered him to release the hold.

“F[BEEP!]k off!” Ken replied

Sylo laughed before responding with, “Okay. I guess this match is over.”

Rage had overwhelmed Ken completely now as Sylo had threatened to disqualify him. Deciding the submission hold was not worth losing, Ken released the hold before standing to his feet. Instantly, he stepped into the Superbeast’s face. Or, shall we say, his chest.

“You might wanna step back, little man,” Sylo sneered, pointing to his black and white referee shirt. “I’m not standing here inside this ring just to watch you two assholes fight for no particular reason.”

Once again, Ken decided this was not the best approach as he turned around, only to be leveled by a big boot out of nowhere. Polar followed through with an elbow drop to the face. Back up on his feet, he repeated the same process before laying his forearm across Ken’s face in a crossface whilst hooking the leg.

One.

. . .

. . .

Kickout!

Sylo was slow to count, but it was not because he had forgotten what came after one. Polar knew what Sylo was doing. It was Polar’s turn to step up into the referee’s face.

“Listen, motherf[BEEP!]ker. Might wanna step back. I’m not the titanic. I’m SS Sylo. And I’ll take your p[BEEP!]y ass iceberg out.”

“More like SS Steroids, prick,” Polar scoffed as he turned around to tend back to Kaze.

As the Alaskan Assassin doubled over to lift his opponent from the mat, he felt a slight shove from behind. Before he knew it, he had tripped over Kaze and was falling face first fast. At the same time, in Polar’s mid-fall, Ken latched onto his leg. He applied a leglock as Polar dropped to the mat, and began to twist his ankle with an ankle lock. Sylo dropped to the mat and got into Polar’s face

“Do you give up, bastard?”

“F[BEEP!] you —”

SLAP!

Sylo’s right hand met the left side of Polar’s face. Polar wanted to retaliate, but decided it was better to not play Sylo’s games, which would eventually lead him to become disqualified. Instead, with his free leg, Polar kicked back hard hoping to hit somewhere, anywhere on Kaze’s body. The leglock was released as Polar connected with a stiff kick to the jaw.

Polar popped up to his feet and charged into the ropes, weathering the storm that was his injured ankle. On the return, he noticed Ken was on all fours making his way to a vertical base. A jumping knee drop into the spine sent the Hero of Hardcore back to the canvas, however, as Polar followed through with a second jumping knee drop. He stood back up to his feet, helping Ken up as well. With the headscissors applied, Ken now knew what it was like becoming one with the mat. Especially after Polar made the lateral press.

One.

. . .

TWO!

. . .

. . .

Kickout! Polar was up to his feet, enraged because Sylo had executed a second slow count. However, he decided to stick to the offensive rather than letting the referee become a distraction as he brought Kaze up to his knees. A knee strike to Ken’s face sent him reeling back first to the mat. Off the ropes, Polar had landed a vicious jumping knee drop to his opponent’s face. It was a surprise Jolt Wrestling’s Resident Moron had not received a broken and bloody nose yet.

Polar stood to his feet, lifting Ken up as well. With a side headlock application to Kaze from Polar, Ken was sent darting towards the ropes. However, much to Polar’s surprise, Ken had evidently rejuvenated from the series of attacks. He stepped up from the middle rope to the top rope before vaulting into the air with a moonsault. As he came down, he landed in a seated position upon Polar’s shoulders. Relinquishing the reverse rana position, Ken pushed into the air to fling his legs behind Polar as he latched on an inverted front facelock.

As Kaze’s feet came spiraling to the ground, Polar’s head spiked into the canvas with a midair inverted tornado DDT. Seizing the opportunity, Ken had Polar up to his feet and was delivering devastating Fist of Iron blows to his rival’s jaw. This sent the Iceman reeling into the ropes. A moonsault dropkick sent Polar spinning one hundred eighty degrees, hanging over the top rope stomach first.

Realizing the match was in his control, Ken charged to the adjacent corner, stepping up to the top rope. Just as soon as he had made it up there, his body had leapt into the air with a shooting star! However, Kaze continued with the revolution until he executed a picture perfect guillotine leg drop, sending Polar up and over to the outside.

Yes, that was a shooting star guillotine leg drop for those who didn’t catch it.

Ken picked himself up from the outside mat as Sylo began the double count out, rather quickly if you asked anyone.

One! Two! Three!

Ken slid into the ring before charging toward the parallel set of ropes.

Four! Five! Six!

Ken had bounced from the ropes and was heading directly to the opposite set of ropes.

Seven! Eight! Nine! Te—NO!

Kaze had spring boarded from the top rope with an insane corkscrew plancha that took Polar back down to the mat as he was finally making it to his feet. This also had restarted the double count out.

One! Two! Three!

Again, Ken was the first up to his feet as he grasped onto Polar’s hair.

Four! Five! Six!

Kaze rolled his foe into the ring before following suit. Polar was up to a vertical base now, as both men commenced into a stare down on opposite ends of the ring. Polar was the first to attack as he swung his right arm wildly, hoping for the clothesline.

Ducked.

He turned back around to catch an airborne Ken Kaze right into his arms. A sickening smirk overcame Polar’s face as he lifted his opposition into the air. With a loud roar, he threw Ken up and behind him with an overhead fallaway slam. Back on his feet, Polar approached Ken before aiding him to his feet. An Irish whip later, and Ken was bouncing from the ropes, heading straight toward the brick wall that was Polar.

Praying to God it would land, the Hero of Hardcore swung his right arm recklessly looking for the clothesline much like Polar had done seconds prior.

Ducked.

Polar had reached around Ken’s head, hooked his own left leg around Ken’s right, swept the hooked leg forward, and slammed backwards into the mat with a ruthless Russian leg sweep. However, holding onto the opportunity at hand (no pun intended), Polar wrenched in a crucifix armbar as Ken began to scream in pain. Polar was looking to hyperextend Ken’s weak left elbow. Apparently, Polar had been scouting Kaze over the past weeks if he was intelligent enough to know Ken had a permanently weak left elbow. Or, perhaps it was coincidence.

Sylo was in Kaze’s face asking if he wanted to tap out. Shouts of agony was the response he received as the match continued.

Polar managed to shift Kaze’s weight until Ken’s shoulders met the mat.

ONE!

. . .

TWO!

. . .

Ken kicked his feet upward, allowing him to shift his weight until he was once again in a seated position. Polar was still wrenching onto the crucifix armbar, relentless as could be. Finally, Polar released the submission maneuver before he decided he had to capitalize on Ken’s current weak stature. Ken was up to his feet, clutching his injured elbow. A foot to the gut obviously meant Polar followed it up with a standing headscissors. He hooked Ken’s arm behind his back in a hammerlock before lifting him sky high, and driving him into the mat with a hammerlock powerbomb, all of Kaze’s weight slamming onto the wounded limb.

“AAAHHHHHH!” Ken screamed in agonizing pain. “You sonuva . . .”

He never had time to finish his statement as he was lifted from the mat and Irish whipped face first into the corner. He decided he would lean into the corner for a bit, hoping to gain some rest. Conversely, Polar had other plans in mind as he took to the top rope of the corner that Kaze occupied. As Polar literally turned his back to the fans, he doubled over to lift Kaze up.

You knew what was next.

Standing headscissors as Kaze straddled his feet on the middle rope.

Lifted into the air.

This was Polar’s Ice Age, after all, after he concluded it with the Icecap!

The Iceman leapt into the air whilst throwing Ken to the mat, looking to hit his Icecap top rope, sit out powerbomb.

SLAM!

HOLY SHIT!

HOLY SHIT!

HOLY SHIT!

Polar’s skull had been drilled into the canvas as both men laid there, breathing heavily. Did you miss that? Let me rewind.

The Iceman leapt into the air whilst throwing Ken to the mat, looking to hit his Icecap top rope, sit out powerbomb. However, this was not to be as Ken began to gyrate in midair, rotating Polar’s body along with him with a hurricanrana reversal!

But – wait – no! Polar continued the rotation as well as both men neared the ring. Polar was on top once again in position for the Icecap, with a reversal of his own to Kaze’s reversal. There was no escape to Polar’s finishing maneuver.

Despite the last statement, there actually was. Ken Kaze had spiraled through for a second time with a hurricanrana reversal of the Icecap for the second time in midair! Practically, a double hurricanrana reversal of the Icecap! A magnificent, never before seen maneuver!

Once again, both men were conscious, yet motionless. Ken began to stir as he pulled himself up with use of the ropes. Sylo only stared in confusion. He was half bemused, and half awestruck at the tremendous double reversal from the Hero of Hardcore, Ken Kaze. This was one of the men he would face at One Night In: Winnipeg. If this man could reverse a reversal of a reversal, Sylo knew that would mean he was in for more than he thought.

The roof exploded from the coliseum as Ken was up to his feet, approaching the immobile Polar. He instantly reached for his adversary’s legs, locking them into a figure four with his hands. Lifting up on the legs of Polar, Ken rocked him to a side and stepped over, performing a cloverleaf leglock. He jabbed his knee into his opponent’s spine for extra discomfort. This was Ken’s submission finishing maneuver.

St. Patrick’s Spinal Tap!

This must have brought Polar to consciousness as he began to yell in distress, pleading for someone to break the hold. Sylo, committed to his temporarily assigned job, queried Polar on whether he wanted to give or not.

Eventually though, the pain cultivated and grew enormously. Polar had nothing else to do.

Tap.

Tap.

Tap.

Tap.

Sylo raised to his feet, signaling for the bell, as Ken released the maneuver that brought him to victory. “Structural Defect” by Static-X resounded throughout the coliseum in celebration of the victor. Polar was still face first on the mat, holding his back in pain.

As Kaze turned around, he ran into his worse nightmare. A swift, sweeping Superbeast devouring him with a powerful spear. Sylo called this the Slaughter.

Sylo raised to his feet, hands raised into the air as jeers poured from the rafters.

“Hope you’re ready, Kaze. At the ONI, there won’t be no fluke win like this s[BEEP!]t!”

Winner: Ken Kaze via submission by reversal of Polar’s Icecap into St. Patrick’s Spinal Tap

Time: 15:10