The Payment of DOOM~!
Character: Ken Kaze
“God, I love saying the word dildo!” the voice
of Ken Kaze announced unexpectedly to no one in particular. “Because I can say
it all want . . . and Broadcast TV can’t do a thing about it! If it wasn’t
for Buzzed Bunny, I would’ve never heard of such an amazing word before in my
life!”
He peered downward to his arm dangling by his side.
Clutched tightly in his palm was the EXTREEEEEEME~!!!!!! Buzzed Bunny
action figure. A twinkle in his eye glistened vibrantly as he marveled at his
newly found idol.
“This one’s for you, Buzzed.”
He smiled proudly before drawing in a long, deep gasp.
“DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO,
DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO,
DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO,
DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO,
DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO,
DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO,” – a second long,
deep gasp – “DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO,
DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO,
DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO,
DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO!”
He was doubled over, drawing in as much oxygen and
releasing as much carbon dioxide as possible. “I,” – gasp – “RAPE,”
– gasp – “MY,” – gasp – “SELF,” – gasp – “SOME,” –
gasp – “TIMES!” As he finally managed to catch most of his breath, he
straightened his posture and examined what was in front of him.
Before him was his locker room door. How do I know that?
Still questioning me, are you? Well, maybe the sign that read, “KEN KAZE’S
LOCKER ROOM” gave me the slightest hint. But, I’m clueless! I swear!
He pushed through the door into his diminutive, murky, yet
comfortable abode. He was still panting from his earlier random lashing whilst
fumbling around on the wall for the light switch. Illumination enveloped the
room as he headed straight for a content-looking couch. He collapsed on top of
the sofa and switched on the designated Television set in his room.
Little did he know, just above and behind that TV set was a
message, waiting to be read by yours truly. It was similar to the message
painted on George from last week, as a matter of fact. As he flipped through the
channels of the TV set, a familiar scene appeared before the viewers’ eyes.
Just as Polar flipped through his TV last week, Kaze did
the same. Just as Polar received the same message on every channel, Kaze
received the same.
Except this time, the message was different. It was nothing
more than a white arrow on a black background pointing up. Instinctively, the
Hero of Hardcore glimpsed up at the ceiling. And to his amazement . . . there
was nothing.
“Huh?” he pondered aloud. “There’s nothing there,
you damn idiot TV!”
Enraged, he blindly threw the remote control at the TV
screen still staring at the ceiling above. As he released the gaze, he slowly
lowered his eyes. To his dissatisfaction, he realized what it was the arrow had
been pointing to:
“RED- REDEM- RED IMPSHUN?”
The message on the wall was clear:
REDEMPTION!
“I dunno what the f[BEEP!]k that says, but I know that
clown-ass Polar has something to do with it! Probably some secretive homosexual
mating call. I bet he’s in the boiler room, salivating at the thought of
sodomizing me with uber steaming hot ice cubes or something.”
Jolt’s Resident Moron had now become rooted to the floor.
“Forget all of these gay messages he keeps trying to send me. And forget
waiting on the perfect moment to strike when the homo is weak. This
f[BEEP!]kstar kidnapped George . . . and I’m going to get him back!”
To accentuate his final proclamation, he stormed out of the
locker room, presumably heading ringside.