"A Day as a . . . School Bus Driver?" PRIDE Episode Eight, RP #1
It had been almost two months since the world had seen and heard from a certain, unique individual. It seemed as if he had simply disappeared from the face of the earth; vanished; vaporized into nothing more than mere cloudy, diffused matter. Nevertheless, he was still around. Both him and his best friend were still around. They had never left to begin with. They were not the drifters in spite of whatever the scenario may seem. They had been drifted away from.
They -- referring to the (in)famous Ken Kaze and his lifetime companion George the trashcan -- had somehow found their ways out of work once NOWrestling had closed. However, keeping a close ear on the inner-Primetime Central discussions, Kaze quickly learned of another wrestling federation by the name of Core Wrestling. By some means, Kaze luckily found himself once more employed. Scheduled to make his debut in a double elimination, tag team match with his partner Artemis: Version 69 against Adoph Nilsson and a former NOW-mate by the name of Switch, Kaze has decided to work off a couple months of ringrust by getting in contact with his youthful side.
Aaah, forget this stupid monologue crap already. Let us get on with it.
"The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, ROUND AND ROUND! The wheels on the bus go round and round, ALL THROUGH THE CIIIIIIITTYYYYYYY!"
The loud, obnoxious, window-shattering, ear drum-destroying, opera-esque sounding, porpoise-squeal imitating -- alright, you get the picture now -- voice of cW's resident moron, Ken Kaze, can be heard reciting the lyrics to "The Wheels on the Bus."
At this point in time, after once more being employed, Kaze has decided to get in contact with his youthful side. And thus, he chose the most obvious route: becoming a school bus driver for a whole day!
Wait . . . did I just say that? Kaze -- THEE Ken Kaze -- the king of imbeciles, idiots, and morons alike . . . driving a school bus? Oh my greatness, praise be to Allah for those kids! Praise Mary, the Mother of the Lord! Hey, Zeus! Watch among thy children!
Anyway, back to the bus . . .
"SHUT THE FXCK UP!" replied one of the thirty-some-odd, preadolescent passengers riding on the bus. "THAT SONG IS SOOO GAY!" Feeding this brave soul's ego, his surrounding peers snorted and giggled until their pee-ridden blatters craved for freedom of releasement.
EEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRR!! SCREEEEEEEEECH!!
The bus had been slammed on brakes, sending the students aboard facefirst into the back of the seats in front of them. More obscenities were released as many students moaned and groaned wondering what had happened, whilst rubbing their faces to make sure they were okay.
Ken Kaze: "Now who DARES to say George's favorite song is gay?"
Kaze craned his head around his seat staring intently at the back of the bus, knowing from there was the source of the voice. It was a common thing for the troublemakers to sit at the back of the bus. It was also the most intelligent thing for the troublemakers to do. By sitting at the back of the bus, they knew they could easily hide themselves and save themselves from punishment, whether it was appropriately administered or not. The students remained silent, as to not give away who had made the comment.
Ken Kaze: "No one?"
CHIRP! CHIRP!
Ken Kaze: "Anyone?"
CHIRP! CHIRP!
Ken Kaze: "ANYONE BESIDES YOU, MR. JIMINY THE FXCKING CRICKET!!"
The children erupted into laughter as Kaze pursued with his ordinary, insane antics.
CHIRP! CHIRP!
Ken Kaze: "SHUT UP! SHUT UP ALREADY! BEFORE I GET GEORGE TO DESTROY YOU!"
CHIRP! CHIRP!
Ken Kaze: "That's it . . . that's the last straw! Say bye-bye to Pinnochio for me!"
Kaze turned around from his seat, now facing toward the doors of the bus. Beside him is an aluminum trashcan wrapped in barbedwire with nails protruding from the sides at all angles. Spraypainted around the circumference of the trashcan is a smiley face. This trashcan is none other than the Almighty . . . the Beginning and the End . . . the Alpha and the Omega . . . he is your Lord and Savior -- your god . . . GEORGE~!
Kaze grasped George tightly while staring intently toward the area of which the chirp came. He cocked the trashcan over his right shoulder before slamming it across the vacant front seat menacingly, ripping it apart piece by piece.
Ken Kaze: "I'll get your good-for-nothing, Jimmy-eating, salami-stroking, chirp-chirping . . ."
Kaze did not show any remorse as he continued his vicious attacks upon the vacant seats toward the front, swinging George wildly, nearly decapitating the several students that still remained in the front. By now, most of the students flocked toward the back of the bus in terror, escaping the wrath of Kaze which may eventually consume them.
All of a sudden, Kaze stopped the relentless assault on the seats and sat back down in his seat placing George next to him.
Ken Kaze: "Hear that George?"
George: "......................."
Ken Kaze: "Ah -- who asked you?! You're deaf anyway, George!"
George: "......................."
Ken Kaze: "Yeah, anyway -- what I was trying to say was . . . the chirping finally stopped."
The terror had now drained from the students as they all had scattered back into their original seats. The chatter amongst the students begin to build up as Kaze began to drive the bus. He eventually came to a bus stop as a boy and a girl exited the bus. Just as soon as he closed the door ready to continue the route, a piece of paper had hit him square in the back of the head. Hastily, and without hesitation, Kaze snapped his neck backward, almost in a 180 degree complete turn.
Ken Kaze: "Who in the green heavens threw that piece of paper at me? Was it . . . YOU?!"
Kaze pointed his finger to the very back seat on the right side. A boy -- looking as guilty as could be -- tried to duck behind the seat to dodge Kaze's finger, but to no avail.
Ken Kaze: "Yeah, I'm talking to your Jimmy-eatin' ass! Was it you that hit me in the good ol' noggin'?!"
The boy, who looked to be no older than twelve years old, slowly and hesitantly peaked above the seat and shook his head from side to side leisurely. Kaze glanced to his trashcan companion, knelt to George, and placed his hand in front of his mouth as if to whisper.
Ken Kaze: "How 'bout it, George? Was it that queerbait that hit me?"
George: "......................."
Ken Kaze: "WHAT? You reckon so? What do you MEAN you reckon so? Were you not paying attention?!"
George: "......................."
Ken Kaze: "Geez, George. You NEVER pay attention to shiat, do you? Your attention span is as short as my penis!"
As if triggered by remote control, all of the children on the bus began to snicker in unison. Not quite understanding the laughter, Kaze simply glanced around the room, trying to figure out what was funny by the smirks on their faces and the direction of their eyes. After thinking about his latest comment, he finally figured it out.
Ken Kaze: "No -- I mean!"
The students' constant snickering became overbearing as he tried to compensate for his mistake.
Ken Kaze: "I MEAN -- that your attention span is SHORTER than my penis!"
George: "......................."
Ken Kaze: "You're right, that IS pretty small, seeing as I'm only two inches long . . . with a boner! Hahahahaha!"
Now with a look of well done on his face, Kaze placed his hands on his hips victoriously. The students' laughter became interminable as Kaze knew for sure he had won the battle of insults against George.
It's sad, really. If only Kaze knew. If only he knew.
Kaze took his place back onto his seat as he continued his route. Randomly, as Kaze was turning left from a stop sign, a little boy queried the insane bus driver.
Random Little Boy: "Hey, aren't you that Ken Kaze moron?"
For the second time, Kaze slammed on the brakes. However, the moans and groans were not as audible as before since most of the children had prevented themselves from doing a faceplant into the seat in front of them. They had become accustomed to Kaze's awful driving.
Ken Kaze: "What did you say, pipsqueak?"
George: "......................."
Ken Kaze: "Shut up, George! I heard him! It's a figurative of speech impedimentation . . . or something like that."
Random Little Boy: "Yeah, you are, because I just realized you continue to call that there trashcan George. You're in See-Dubya, now, right? Don't you have a match tonight against Switch and Adoph Nilsson?"
Ken Kaze: "Yes, sirree. You're right on track . . . like something on a track! Hahaha, you get it?! You get it, pipsqueak? You get it, George?!"
George: "......................."
Ken Kaze: "Eh, fxck you, too, George."
Random Little Boy: "You're so retarded, Mr. Kaze. Even with your hot ass partner Artemis, you're going to get your ass kicked by my favorite of all, Switch! He's gonna hit'chu with the Switch-Off . . . and then it'll be over!"
Ken Kaze: "What?! Get outta here with that shiat talking you're doing. Get off my bus! NOW!"
Almost as soon as Kaze had finished his statement, without giving the little boy any chance to respond, Kaze began to approach him, George in hand. He reared George back before leveling the poor, seemingly helpless little boy across the top of his cranium. Blood began to seep down the unconscious boy's face as his head slumped against the emergency window. Kaze lifted the boy up with one arm and threw him inside George, who was standing upright in the aisle. CW's Resident Moron kicked George over and began to roll both George and the little boy still inside down the aisle. He lifted George up by his handles, opened the door, and dumped the little boy out the door, leaving him in a ditch before reentering the bus.
Ken Kaze: "Now, for those of you who like to talk trash about either me or George, see example numero uno outside your window on the right. He's in the ditch."
Kaze placed George in his original position beside the driver's seat as CW's enraged moron began to, once more, drive.
Obviously, Ken Kaze is not a sane man and is not "all there" in the head. With CW letting someone like him running loose, certainly no one can be safe. If this man is capable and willing to harm a helpless twelve year old boy, who knows what he would do to someone of his stature. Only time will tell. Tune into Pride Episode Eight to find out.
