Legal Stuff 'n' such Mystery Science Theatre 3000 & related characters are owned and copyrighted by Best Brains Inc. all other characters and likenesses are owned by their respectable owners. Please don't sue me! I'm poorer than dirt! Ken's Notes: Well, here is another Anti-Sailor Moon fic. It pits the cast of Project A-ko against four of fifteen of the sailor scouts... as if you couldn't tell by the title! Anywhoo, the ending is predictable, but at least the sailor senshi don't_REALLY_die! Ah, well. Read it for yourself, I guess. With that out of the way, here we gooo! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ (SOAP) *Ken is wandering around and looking like he's not supposed to be there* Ken-Chan X: Wha-? This isn't the SOAP bridge I remember... *Just then, a bearded man in a loose-fitting shroud appears next to Ken, floating* Who are you?! God of Self-Insertion: I am the God of self-insertion! Ken-Chan X: You mean YOU'RE the one responsible for all those fics where the authors fulfill all their sick dreams to satisfy their egos? God of Self-Insertion: The very same. Ken-Chan X: Wh-what do you want from me? God of Self-Insertion: Join us again, Ken! Ken-Chan X: NEVER! God of Self-Insertion: But think of all that you could do! You could get rid of all the evil in Slayers! Gain the respect of the Sailor Senshi! *Puts his face near Ken's, grinning.* Make sweet love to Ryoko in Tenchi Muyo! Ken-Chan X: G-GET BACK EVIL HELLSPAWN! Besides, all I have to do is borrow her from Misty! *grin* *Suddenly, chibi versions of past authors famous for self-insertion appear and grab Ken.* AUGH! LEGGO! *Ken wakes up, but instead of Oscar and the others, it is Vash, Cham Cham and Link shaking him.* Oh, man! I had that dream again with the guy who called himself the God of Self-Insertion... Vash: Never mind that. The DiGiorno Delivery-boys are calling! *opening song* In the not to distant future, (Who cares just when!) A guy kidnaps some characters And decides just then... (Zoinks!) Legato: I'll send 'em cruddy fanfics. The worst that I can find. (DSF Slime, Miko, Dan, Nakoruru & Rezo:Lalala!) Then we'll see how long They keep their lil' minds (Neko, Dubimon, Team Rocket: Lalala!) Now remember, even Zelgadis can't control when the stories come. He's just gonna take another 'zac (... and maybe anot'r Tum!) MST'er ROLL CALL! Wolfwood!: (Oh, lordy!) Key!: (30,000?!) Sasami!: (Ryo'oh ki!) Misty!: (GO, Starmie!) Aaash!: (Finish him, Pikachu!) If you're asking how they eat 'n' breathe And, uh, other types of stuff, Calm yourself, put down that bottle 'o' Jolt, And kick back in the buff (eep!), For MST Ripoff 2K! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- (SOAP Control Room) Ken-Chan X: So, what do you want now? (Dark Place) Legato: Oh, just to give you your next fanfic. Did you have a good sleep, Ken? Ken-Chan X: No. Legato: Good. That's what I like to hear. Anyway, you shall be watching "Project A-ko vs. Sailor Moon". It is another Anti-fic by some guy named Bane... Not to be confused with the guy from Batman. (SOAP) Shadow: Is this a lemon? (Dark Place) Legato: NO! I will tell you when it is a lemon. Push the button, Nakoruru! Nakoruru: You ARE the weakest link! Good-bye! (SOAP) *lights & klaxons* Sasami: Oh, poopies! WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN! *Door sequence: Door 6: Dogbone door. Opens automatically Door 5: Usagi, Mihoshi & C-ko sit on a couch watching... Nothing! You don't have to worry about drowning in the resulting tears. Door 4: It's Lucille from Samurai Pizza Cats! You woke her up!! Again! You avoid the Macross-style onslaught of missiles. Door 3: It's a drawbridge. It slowly opens, the rusty squeak slowly driving you insane. Door 2: It's a Gamemboy Color with Kirby Dreamland in it! You play it for a while before moving on. Door 1: It's a wall! One of Lucille's stray missiles blasts an opening. Seated left to right: Ash, Misty, Wolfwood, Sasami, and Key.* >Project A-ko v.s. Sailor Moon Ash: Woo-hoo! Lesbian innuendo abound! *WHAM!* Wolfwood: Starting early, are we? Ash: Yup. >It is Summer time in Graviton city. A-ko wakes up and her radio in the >background. A-ko was **happy that it was vacation time. Sasami: *A-ko* Oh BOY! A_WHOLE_THREE WEEKS! >She did not have to run out the door to get to Graviton High School for >Girls. Wolfwood: And the citizens of Graviton city rejoice! >She overhears the radio mention something about a sailor going to the >moon being on t.v. last night. She thought nothing of it. Sasami: Bane, proud student of the Nav school of character introduction. >The doorbell rang it was C-ko. She could hear a loud >waaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!! Wolfwood: What the...? HEY! Where are the quotes?!? Misty: Maybe the writer didn't think they were important. >C-ko whats the matter did you eat your lunch said A-ko. Sasami: Um... Bane? There's a key just to the left of enter key that makes an ASCII symbol closely resembling this: ". Try it sometime. >As C-ko started to catch her breath she said I saw the most horrible >thing on t.v. last night. hat could be bad enough on t.v. to come >running all the way to my house screaming asked A-ko. C-ko pulls out a tape. Key: *A-ko* What the...? "LA Blue Girl"?! Bad C-ko! No treats for you! >They watch the tape in horror. They saw four girls who basicaly called >themeselves Sailor Scouts. Wolfwood: Aren't there five? Ash: Why do they "Basically" call themselves that? Misty: Well, they don't BASICALLY call themselves the Sailor Scouts, they ACTUALLY call themselves that. >A-ko began to grit her teeth in anger. A-ko said in a fit of anger >nooooooooo they stoll all our material. Then they took all of the things >that make our movies more realistic and took it out shouted All: *Rolling eyes* Yeah, A-ko, realistic, mm-hmm. Wolfwood: Last time I checked, a sixteen-year-old girl stopping a large steel beam falling at about terminal velocity WITH HER FIST isn't too realistic. What do you think? > **A-ko. Look their suits are just like our school uniforms too. Wolfwood: Would I be remiss if I said that ALL scool uniforms in Japan are the same? Key: No, you wouldn't. >Then D showed up Have you come to take C-ko again said A-ko. Not this >time said D. The Sailor Moon show that you witnesed is spreading across the >Galaxy like a plague. Sasami: Pink Sugar Heart Disease? >I not only spy for the Captain but I work for the I.S.M. Ash: I Smell Monkey Sh**"? Wolfwood: "Ignorant Stinky Men"? Misty: "Icky Scalp Mold"? Key: "Insane Short Mothers"? Sasami: No, you guys. Ice Sailor Moon. It's a campaign to get Sailor Moon off the air entirely. All: Oh. >Sailor Moon is turning people off to our movies. They copied us so much >and so poorly that new fans are turned off to our movies before we get a >chance Said D. Wolfwood: No, they aren't. Actually Sailor Moon is probably the one most responsible for getting Ken and others hooked on anime! >B-ko now shows up. Look A-ko I saw the show said B-ko. I have a contest >for you smugged B-ko. Ash: A wet t-shirt competition! *WHAM!* SHIRI ANA! Sasami: Do we have to get you a V-chip, Ash?! >The one who beats up the most snoty little Sailor Scouts gets to go to >the movies with C-ko for a week sneered B-ko. Ash: Would you really want to? Key: What's being "Snoty"? >Your on A-ko said. D then says thats good because they are here in Graviton >city harrassing all the males here to date them before D could finish A-ko >and B-ko ran him over to start looking for the Sailor Scouts. Wolfwood: This just goes to show how much of both series this guy has seen. Everyone knows that D is really a woman! As is the capitan! >near the command center Sailor Mercurey and Sailor Mars where out >shopping. Sailor Mercurey was babbeling about homework while Sailor Mars >was out insulting people she never met. Wolfwood: What kind of crack is this guy on?! Rei NEVER insults anyone she doesn't know! And I as far as I know, Ami doesn't babble! Ash: And you know this how? >Look at that big ugly girlSaid sailor Mars. She has to be a Negaverse >monster said Mercurey.Im no monster said Mari. Your the monsters for >having only two dimensinal personalities said Mari. Ash: Ummm... "I live in the shadows, a ninja!"? "How are you gentlemen!! All your base are belong to us! You are on the way to destruction! You have no chance to survive make your time! Ha ha ha ha!"? Key: What's a "girlSaid"? Wolfwood: A distant cousin of Commentedchrono?! >As they began to fight B-ko walks up. Back down Mari said B-ko they are mine. Then B-ko disrobes Ash & Wolfwood: *nosebleeds* Whoot! >revealing her Super suit. Ash & Wolfwood: D'oh! Misty: At least it isn't B-ko's Dad in the suit! >We now fight said B-ko. That suit dosen't look very cute and cheery. >And in Sailor Moon world we win because we are all bright cheery cute >girls fighting to protect happy cheery little Neo Tokyo ranted Sailor >Mercurey. Ash: Not to mention the whole world and the universe... Sasami: Neo-Tokyo? Did we just stumble into Akira during the last paragraph? >And we win because we defend people who are dating said sailor Mars. >After all the power of shallow two week flings is the greatest power of >all said Sailor Mars . Wolfwood: Hello? Has he actually_watched_the show?! Usagi and Mamoru are together throughout the entire series! >They then began to say in the name of bright cheery people who are >dating we pun However B-ko fired her missiles and blew them back to the >moon kingdom. Ash: Have you ever noticed how exciting a well-written, detailed fight scene is? Misty: What??? Ash: Not to imply that this is either one of the two, I was just saying... > But they didn't die. If they would die all the people who put >anti anti web sights would not leave me alone. Sasami: How does this fit into the story? Key: Who is saying what? Did Ken-Chan X somehow teleport into this fanfic?! > B-ko looked at her handy work and said they could be cheery Ill be the >bad girl thought B-ko. Ash: What tense is this in??? Misty: It's past, no, it's past-theoretical, no, future, no... Key: B-ko's got licence to 'ill! >Sailor Moon and Sailor Jupitor where out at a candy store. A-ko was across >the street eating an entire pizza to herself when C-ko showed up. >A-ko why are you eating that when I made you this asked C-ko as she >pulled out the lunch she made for A-ko. Sasami: *A-ko* Pizza or C-Ko's cooking, pizza or C-Ko's cooking... I just can't decide! > That was when they spotted the other Sailor scouts. A-ko pulled up Ash: What? Now A-ko's in a car? When did THAT happen? >and said look Sailor Moon and Jupitor Wolfwood: I swear, if her name wasn't in the title, these hack writers would get all the Sailor Senshi's names wrong! Ash: *Usagi* I'm Sailor Mune! Sasami: Yeah! And I don't remember any episode where they go shopping in their Senshi uniforms! >you stole all our material.And then you made us look so bad that you made >C-ko cry. Wolfwood: No they didn't. Ash: Shouldn't it be Chibi Moon who should be crying? Misty: No, it should be SAILOR Moon. Ash: Point. >Then Sailor Moon said you can't say that and then Sailor Moon began say it >is not nice to say that somone stole your material even though they did. All: COME AGAIN? Wolfwood: Don't you just have the incredible urge to just insert the quotation marks so this ACTUALLY becomes readable? Sasami: Yes. Yes I do. >Sailor Jupitor said in the name of planet Jupitor I attack you with >lightning.Then A-ko got **an idea on a good attack strategy Ash: I don't know any swear words with "-an" in them... > Before we fight I offer this lunch made by C-ko said A-ko. All: NOOOO! DON'T EAT... >Sailor Moon and Sailor Jupitor began to eat it. >AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAgh She poisoned us said the two >foolish Sailor Scouts. All: ... C-ko's cooking... > Hey my cooking isn't that terrible said C-ko. Wolfwood: Yes. Yes it is! Ash: Again, this shows how much of the series this loser has seen. C-ko tries her own cooking in the first one! > But before C-ko could cry she realized they won. Key: *C-ko* Yay! I killed the bad guys! I'm Ki- ummm... QUEEN of the world! Sasami: *Gameshow Host* Tell them what they've won! All: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! >They As the two Sailor Scouts where being taken to a poison center in >Neo Tokyo C-ko was saying we got rid of them yay. Then B-ko showed up well >it was a tie said B-ko. Ash: Wait! We haven't seen Venus yet... Wolfwood: Shut up! Don't jinx it! >We need a tie breaker suggested B-ko. Deep, Ominous Voice: AT LAST! NOW WE KNOW THE BASIS OF KEN'S FIRST FANFIC! Wolfwood: The hell...? Ash: I'm still all for that wet t-shirt contest. >What do you have in mind asked A-ko. Then A-ko noticed two hundred >mechs. staring at her. All: *mechs* CRUSH! KILL! DESTROY! MASTICATE! FLUFF! CUDDLE!... > Oh the usual thought A-ko. >The End. All: YAAY! *doors open. they leave* ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- (SOAP Control Room) Ash: That... was high! Wolfwood: You'd think that some people would use a spell-checker for some of these things! Misty: At least this wasn't a self-insertion! *Red light strts flashing* And speaking of "Insertion"... Sonny and Cher are calling! (Dark Place) Legato: I used to like them... pity they divorced... *grin* Anyway, I assume you survived the ordeal? (SOAP) All: Yep! (Dark Place) Legato: Uh huh. Anyway, next time, you shall be watching the second part of "Slayers Idiotic". Push the button, Nakoruru! FWOOSH! ============================================================================ Season One: episode 1-13 Season Two: episode 14: SLAYERS IDIOTIC: A Parody Prequel episode 15: The Belmont Anime Geek Table Squad vs Evangelion, Macross and Gundam episode 16: Project A-ko vs. Sailor Moon Quote o' the Day: > Before we fight I offer this lunch made by C-ko said A-ko. All: NOOOO! DON'T EAT... >Sailor Moon and Sailor Jupitor began to eat it. >AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAgh She poisoned us said the two >foolish Sailor Scouts. All: ... C-ko's cooking... Oh, just a gentle reminder that my E-mail address is ken_chanx@hotmail.com! Send Fanfics, Jokes, Quotes, notes of your undying love, Flames (uh... on second thought...)