Legal Stuff 'n' such Mystery Science Theatre 3000 & related characters are owned and copyrighted by Best Brains Inc. all other characters and likenesses are owned by their respectable owners. Please don't sue me! I'm poorer than dirt! Ken's Notes: This is the fourth part of five of the Slayers Idiotic series! It's just as gross the other parts. With that out of the way, here we gooo! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ (Dark Place Basement) *Dan, Rezo and Neko are searching for something* Rezo: Keep looking, Dan! Legato said it was around here somewhere... Neko: It could be over... *A sound is heard from the direction that she's pointing* Dan: You don't think... Rezo: Naw, it couldn't... *Evil laughter is heard* Let's get outta here! *they run upstairs* *opening song* In the not to distant future, (Who cares just when!) A guy kidnaps some characters And decides just then... (Zoinks!) Legato: I'll send 'em cruddy fanfics. The worst that I can find. (DSF Slime, Miko, Dan, Nakoruru & Rezo:Lalala!) Then we'll see how long They keep their lil' minds (Neko, Dubimon, Team Rocket: Lalala!) Now remember, even Zelgadis can't control when the stories come. He's just gonna take another 'zac (... and maybe anot'r Tum!) MST'er ROLL CALL! Kristina X!: (Blaster Beeeam!) Shadow!: (Don't_call me_Squeaker!) Kage Y!: (Encyclopedia!) Akurei!: (Suffer, Bill Gates!) Tenshi!: (You are forgiven!) If you're asking how they eat 'n' breathe And, uh, other types of stuff, Calm yourself, put down that bottle 'o' Jolt, And kick back in the buff (eep!), For MST Ripoff 2K! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- (SOAP) *You enter the control room and come upon all the inhabitants... fast asleep. You notice Zelgadis. He is fast asleep with a Steven King novel on his chest. You wake him up... gently.* Zelgadis: Huh? Wha...? *Sees you* Hello. We didn't get much sleep last night... Partying and all that... Anyway, I figure that Legato will be calling soon. *Red light begins flashing. Others wake with a start* See? *Wolfwood sleepily pushes the red button.* (Dark Place) Legato: ahh. You are awake! That's just splendid. I just called to send you your next... *Rezo, Neko and Dan run in, totally out of breath.* Rezo & Dan: Sound! Basement! Evil laughter! *pant pant* Scared the sh** out of us! Neko: Ran upstairs as fast as we could! *Dubimon flits in* Dubimon: Man! You guys should practice you evil laughter in the basement! It's got kick-ass accoustics! Ummm... Why're you guys looking at me like that fo-*Rezo, Dan and Neko jump him and beat the smeg out of him.* Legato: *sweatdrop* Erm... As I was saying: Part four of Slayers Idiotic. Suffer well, you pitiful humans, catpeople, and chimeras. Push the button, Nakoruru! Nakoruru: Free your mind! (SOAP) *lights & klaxons* Akurei: Oh, poopies! WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN! *Door sequence: Door 6: Dogbone door. Opens automatically. Door 5: It's a red-shirted ensign. He gets killed after you leave. Door 4: It's Lucille from Samurai Pizza Cats! She is watching "Romeo and Juliet" (1970's version) with Mihoshi, Usagi and C-ko. You avoid the Macross-style onslaught of missiles while barely making it out without drowning from the resulting tears. Door 3: It's a drawbridge. It slowly opens, the rusty squeak slowly driving you insane. Door 2: It's a Legend of Zelda-type closed door. You push a block onto a switch and the door opens. Door 1: It's a wall! One of Lucille's stray missiles blasts an opening. Seated left to right: Akurei, Kage Y, Shadow, Kristina X, and Tenshi.* Akurei: So why do WE have to watch this? Tenshi: How bad could it be? Shadow: Shh! It's beginning! >Slayers Idiotic IV: >Lina Versus Gourry! Kage Y: Cool... This is bound to be a short fanfic... Tenshi: Nuh uh! Look at the scroll bar! *Points at the scrollbar as the fourth wall crashes in the distance.* >By: Ryu Cheese Shadow: As in "Cutting the cheese"? Kage Y: "Letting loose"? Kristina X: "Making brownies"? Tenshi: Guys... >----------------------------------------- Shadow: It's... just... too... tempting! MUST RESIST!! >Gourry and Lina's swords clashed into one another, sparks flew to all different >directions like a spectacular fireworks show. Neither one of them hit the other >person directly, but both swords were slightly scratched from their simultaneous >attack. Gourry charged at Lina again, however, Lina was ready for his attack. Lina quickly dodged out of Gourry's way and picked up Amelia's arm, which had been severed from her body earlier. All: EEW! Akurei: Does_THAT_answer your question? > She then began whacking Gourry on the back of the head with Amelia's bloody stump >of an arm. > >Naga, All: EEEEK!!! >who was tending to Amelia's stomach wound, watched as Lina continued to further >beat Gourry upside the head. "AHHH HA HA HA!" Naga began laughing. "That's pretty >funny, Lina! You always know how to use what's around you to win a fight!" > >"NOW is not the time to be complimenting me, Naga!" Lina ducked as Gourry tried to >counter Lina's attack with Amelia's arm. Kristina X: *Ash* Gourry! Use Counter attack, now! Give her whatfor! >"Well, I just wanted to say that you're doing a pretty good job there, Lina!" Naga >with the head of a rat frowned, Shadow: Oh, look. A new character. Sasami: *over loudspeaker* No... It's really Naga... she's had that rat's head since part two... I'll explain later! > showing her green, fungus-ridden buckteeth. "That Gourry person seems to know how >to fight very well, I'm actually surprised that you're still alive. He's attacking >you so fast, you don't even have time to use any of your spells!" Naga then noticed >one of Amelia's fingers laying on the ground which must have been left over from >her bloody stump-arm. All: Eew! > Making sure that no one was looking, Naga picked up the finger and quickly shoved >it into her big rat mouth. Naga chewed the tasty treat with a big smile on her >face. All: EEW! >Amelia, who was resting in Naga's lap on the ground, woke up from her unconcious >sleep. "Oh Miss Naga..." Amelia said weakly. "What are you eating?" Kage Y: *Naga* Oh, just eating your finger... want a bite? >Naga looked down at Amelia and quickly tried to wipe the finger-crumbs off of her >whiskers. Shadow: "Finger-crumbs"?! How the hell do you get crumbs from FINGERS?! >"Um, I'm not eating anything..." Naga blushed red. > >"Miss Naga! You were eating my finger!! How could YOU??" Amelia yelled with anger. > >Naga smiled a comforting smile at Amelia, and then slowly wrapped her fingers around Amelia's neck, choking her. All: *cheer* >Amelia turned bright red, then purple, then became unconcious again, drool fell >from her chin. "No I wasn't.." Naga said to the unconcious Amelia. "It was all a >bad dream, now go back to sleep and forget all about this." Kristina X: Shyeah, right! >Gourry and Lina continued to duke it out. "Damn it!" Lina said to herself. >"Gourry's too fast, I can't use any spells, all I can do is defend! I've got to get >some space between us somehow so I can chant a powerful spell!" > >"I'm sorry I have to kill you Lina..." Gourry said in between his attacks. "But the >aliens of this spaceship programmed me to kill you. Shadow: Well, poopies! >Again, I'm really sorry." Akurei: No your not! Because then you would be showing a little remorse! Tenshi: Don't talk to the screen, Akurei! It's a sign of weakness! Akurei: Screw that! It's a sign of COMMON SENSE! *twitch* >Gourry swung his sword with one hand, and scratched his itchy crotch with the >other. All: Aha aha aha... >Suddenly Lina became angry. "You've annoyed me enough, Gourry!" Lina yelled. >"LEVITATION!" Lina cast a levitation spell Kage Y: NAAAW! I thought she cast an ice spell! >that caused her to rise up, beyond Gourry's reach. Gourry tried to hit Lina from >the ground, but she was too high up. Her head was almost hitting the ceiling of the >spaceship's cargo bay. Shadow: The WHAT?! Tenshi: I do believe they're suddenly in a spaceship somewhere. Kage Y: Looks like Lina's levitated too high... >"Can't get me up here, can you, Gourry?" > >Gourry was stumped. He didn't know what to do... Lina was too high up. Gourry >looked at Naga and Amelia who were resting in the corner of the cargo bay. Naga had >just finished healing Amelia's stomach wound with a spell. Suddenly, Gourry had a >great idea. He ran over to Naga and Amelia and ripped Amelia from Naga's arms. Kage Y: ... And killed them. The end. > He then threw Amelia's unconcious body way up in the air. Lina watched in horror >as Amelia's limp body went flying upwards in her direction. Since she was so close >to the ceiling, Lina had no way of dodging or maneuvering out of the way. Kristina X: Crap. >Amelia woke up in the middle of the air as she was flying towards Lina. As Amelia >opened her eyes, she saw Lina's head coming closer and closer. Amelia smiled as if >Lina was her guardian angel... then the two of them smashed into each other, Amelia >head first. > >Amelia and Lina fell to the ground with a loud, crunching thud. Amelia's head was >bashed apart, her brains had stained Lina's costume slightly. Shadow: That's not good... >Luckily for Lina, her shoulder guards had protected her from any serious damage, Kage Y: Suure! That just makes everything Aaall better, now, doesn't it! >although they were the main cause for the cracking of Amelia's head into two >pieces. Tenshi: Y'know, this author has issues! Akurei: y'think?! >Lina quickly tried to push Amelia's body off of her leg before Gourry could get to >her, but unfortunately she was too late. Gourry stood above Lina pointing his sword >directly at her face. Kage Y & Shadow: Saaay! >"Looks like I win this one, Lina." Gourry said. > >Damn it, Lina thought to herself. Lina looked around desperately for some kind of >distraction Kage Y: *Thug* We've got Travel Scrabble in the car... >so she could get away. Kage Y: *Thug* WE'VE GOT TRAVEL SCRABBLE IN THE CAR! Shadow: *Violence Man* REALLY? WHERE?! >She saw Naga, with the head of a rat, sitting in the opposite corner of the >spaceship's cargo bay. Naga was picking out little pieces of wax from her big rat >ears and then munching on them as if they were little pieces of Bazooka Joe bubble >gum. All: EEW! > She won't be any help, Lina thought. Then she looked out the window of the cargo >bay and into space. She saw Zelgadis' severed head floating by again... All: EEW! Kristina X: *tears welling up in her eyes* Who killed the story-version of Zelgadis? Shadow: And how'd they steal the Sword of Light?! Sasami: *Over loudspeaker* That's already been addressed... > thank you Zel! Lina thought. Your head will be the perfect distraction! > >"Gourry, before you kill me, you forgot one thing!" Lina said with determination. > >"Oh?" Gourry said with a bored, puzzled expression. "What's that, Lina?" > >Lina pointed towards the window of the cargo bay and to Zel's severed head. >"Zelgadis is right behind you!" Kage Y: "Holy cow!" yelled Gourry, turning around and slashing the door. Then they all got sucked out into space. The end. >Gourry swerved around and looked out the window towards Zel's head, which had >already been dead for a few days now. "Hey, its Zelgadis!" Gourry yelled and ran >away from Lina and towards the window. Gourry began knocking on the window, hoping to get Zel's attention. Kage Y: But, the window broke, sucking them all out into space. The end. > Zelgadis' eyes had already sunk way back into its sockets... it was very obvious >that he had been dead for quite a while now. "Hey Zel, why aren't you saying >anything?" Gourry was getting frustrated. Gourry began waving and >jumping up and down, continuing his attempt to gain the severed head's attention. >Zel's head was floating upside down now. All: *Snicker* >Lina slowly pushed Amelia's body off of her leg. She stood up and began chanting a >spell... "Darkness beyond twilight and Crimson blood that flows, buried in the >stream of time, is where your power grows. I pledge myself to conquer all the foes >who stand, upon the gift bestowed in my unworthy hand..." >"Lina, Zelgadis isn't answering me!" Gourry was angry and turned in Lina's >direction. "I wonder what's wrong with him." Gourry looked upwards in thought. Shadow: "Gourry"? "Thought"? Those are two words that don't go together! >"Do you think he's mad at me or something? Hmm... it could be because I've been >trying to kill you. Do you think that's why he's not speaking to me? Lina?" Gourry >looked back at her. > >"Zelgadis is dead you stupid moron!" Lina screamed with impatience. Her hands >charged and ready to cast her spell. "Naga killed him at the same time she killed >you, only you were stupid enough to come back!" Shadow: So... Gourry's so brain dead, he just won't die! Is that it? >"Oh yeah, I forgot." Gourry said. "The ugly, big-chested, rat-headed lady killed >him, didn't she?" Kristina X: By jove! I think he's got it! >Naga looked up like a puppy which had just had its name called. "What did you say? >Are you calling me ugly???!!!" Naga with the head of a rat became filled with rage. > >"Ha ha" Gourry laughed and smiled, putting one arm behind his head. "Of course you're ugly. I've flushed more attractive things than you, right Lina?" Shadow: And I betcha they didn't clog up the toilet as much as Naga would... > Gourry looked over in her direction. Kage Y: And got toastied. >"Um, Gourry, there's something that I didn't get to finish.." Lina had a look of >disgust on her face. > >"Oh? And what's that, Lina?" Gourry asked. > >"Um, it's this... DRAGON SLAVE!" And with that, Lina cast the Dragon Slave spell. >Gourry was engulfed in a burst of light and energy, his figure was but a mere >shadow, slowly fading as the light shined brighter and brighter, pulling him into >its power. Lina had concentrated all of the power of the Dragon Slave directly at >Gourry, he was in the center of its power. All: Owch! > To have survived it would be a miracle... or just plain dumb luck. And guess what? It was choice number two. Kristina X: You mean we had a CHOICE?! Why didn't they tell me? >Gourry had somehow managed to survive the Dragon Slave attack. Lina was baffled, >Naga was shocked, and Amelia was practically dead, her brains oozing out of her >head. "How could anyone survive that?" Lina thought to herself. "I mean anyone who >can survive the Dragon Slave must be pretty damn powerful... or maybe the alien >technology was what made him powerful." Tenshi: Or maybe he somehow got some of Vash's luck! >"L...Lina" Gourry managed to speak. His clothes were ripped torn, and burned >severely. Gourry himself was burned and bleeding, barely alive, but alive >nonetheless. "I'm sorry, Lina." Gourry was able to speak some more. "The aliens had >somehow brought me back and programmed me to attack you... but I guess you >destroyed their programming with that spell of yours..." Akurei: *Gourry* Oh, wait... Nope... Oh, wait a sec... Yes... Wait... >"Gourry?" Lina smiled. "Does that mean you're back?!!" > >"Yeah, Lina... I'm back to my old self!" Gourry opened his arms awaiting a hug from >Lina. Lina ran over to him with her arms wide open, but instead of hugging him, she >punched him in the face. Akurei: *Nelson* Ha ha! >"Okay, stupid, where's the Sword of Light?" Lina said, hands on her hips. Shadow: *Sean Connery* Itsh in my pantsh, Trebek! You can shu-*Wham!* Sasami: *over loudspeaker* That's been done already as well! >"Ouch, Lina!" Gourry yelled. "It's great to see you too! Well, I think the aliens >have the sword, they want to use it to conquer the galaxy or something like that." Kage Y: They won't be able to do that! The sword would sense the fact that they were using it for evil, without permission, and would just toasty 'em all! Akurei: Plus, Lina et al are there to stop them. Kage Y: Point. >"Okay!" Lina said. "Now all we have to do is get to the aliens!" Lina looked >towards Naga with the head of a rat. "Naga, Amelia's barely alive over there. Try >using that beefed up magic of yours and cast a healing spell to bring her back to >health. Me and Gourry are going to get out of this cargo bay and find those aliens, >we'll meet up with you two ahead." Kage Y: How will they find the aliens? Akurei: Oh, they'll just follow that brunette woman with the big gun... >"But Lina, " Naga whined. "I don't want to get stuck with that little annoying >girl. Why don't you just let her die? I won't tell if you won't." > >"I know she's annoying, Naga, but we may need her as a decoy!" Lina continued, "If >we need a human shield, we have Ameilia, if we get stuck somewhere without food or >water, we have Amelia, Kage Y: Where are they going to get the water? Tenshi: Don't ask, Kage. Just don't ask... > if we just need to take out our frustrations on something, we can always beat up >on Amelia. Believe me, Naga, she has her uses!" Shadow: *Lina* ... And if we need sexual favors we have YOU, Naga! >"AHH HA HA HA! As usual, you are thinking ahead, Lina Inverse!" Naga with the head >of a rat opened her mouth with acceptance. Shadow: "Opened her mouth with acceptance", did she? Kage Y: I wonder what she was accepting by opening her mouth *wink**WHAM! WHAM* Kristina X: BOYS NO HENTAI!! >"Do not worry, Lina, I will take care of Amelia and find you and Gourry and destroy >those aliens! AHH HA HA HA, AAAAHHHH HA HA HA AAAAAAA HA HA HA HA!!!!" Naga with >the head of a rat began laughing uncontrollably. Key: *Over the Loudspeaker* AGAIN?! 0__O >"Come on, Gourry, let's go." Lina began walking. > >"But Lina, that rat headed girl is laughing like crazy!" Gourry kept looking back >at Naga. Kage Y: *Gourry* Damn, she's hot... even for a rat-headed freak! >"I know... she does that every so often. It'll pass. Tenshi: Someday, she's gonna overdose on her laughing and won't be able to stop! Sasami & Key: *Over loudspeaker* That already happened in part one! Tenshi: gleep! *hides under seat* > Now come on, lead me to the sword of light!" >Gourry slashed open the door leading out of the cargo bay. "After you, Lina." >Gourry said, letting Lina pass. Kristina X: *Gourry* Congratulations, Lina! You passed with flying colors! >"Thank you, stupid" Was all Lina said as she passed by. > >Gourry began laughing. "Ha ha, Lina, it's just like old times again! Except I'm >half robot and you still have no chest!" Shadow: Yeah... HUH?! >Lina whacked Gourry on the back of the head Akurei: Ah! Some things never change... > and the two of them continued out of the doorway, and eventually out of Naga's >sight. > >Naga with the head of a rat walked over to Amelia's body. "Well, its just you and >me now, little girl." Shadow: Man, that just sounds wrong! Akurei: To YOU, maybe! >Naga sat down and began scooping Amelia's brains back into her head. "You know, >Amelia... I've only known you for a few hours now and yet it seems like you are >almost like a sister to me... Shadow: EEP! Kage Y: What? WHAT?! Shadow: Has anyone here mentioned the rumor that Naga is Amelia's sister?! Kage Y: Yes, but wh-... oh. >and yet I still want to kill you. Go figure." >Naga picked up Amelia's severed arm that Lina used before in the fight with Gourry. >"Hmm.. I dunno if I can heal this... healing severed limbs isn't something I'm >specialized in." Naga shoved the whole arm into her mouth and ate it. "Hehe, what >do you care? You're asleep anyway!" Kage Y: But WE'RE not!! >Naga began to scoop the rest of Amelia's brains back into her head. "I wonder how >you're going to get the sword of light back, Lina Inverse..." Akurei: She'll figure out how. She IS the main character, after all! >*************************************** Tenshi: *Ash* Muk! Use Substitute, now! >Lina and Gourry continued down a passageway in the ship. > >"How do you know where to go, Gourry?" Lina asked as they walked. > >"I don't" Gourry answered. "I thought that you knew." > >"What makes you think that I know where to go??!!" Lina became agitated. "Honestly, >Gourry... couldn't those aliens have put some brains into your head when they >brought you back to life?" Akurei: SUPER! TALKING! ACTION! >"Lina..." Gourry started. > >"What is it NOW, Gourry?" > >"I have to go to the bathroom, Lina." Lina began holding his crotch area. All: SAAY! >"Oh my God, Gourry! Where do you expect to go? We don't even know where this >passageway is taking us and you have to go to the bathroom?!" >"Oh, I can just go on the floor here. Um, could you turn your back? I don't want >you getting scared or anything." Kristina X: *dryly* heaven forbid! >Lina had a look of disgust on her face. "Yeah, sure Gourry..." She answered and >turned her back. > >"Um, Lina, I think you should take a look at this.." Gourry said. Kage Y: Saay... >"GOURRY! I don't want to see it!" Lina said with anger. > >"No, not that, this... there's a hole in the floor where I went, it looks like this >metal is sensitive to fluids or something. It burned a hole through the ground." > >Lina peered over Gourry's shoulder. "You're right, there IS a hole... it leads way >down into the ship." Shadow: Must... resist... urge! Sexual... innuendo... abound! >"Do you wanna climb down the hole, Lina?" Gourry asked. All: *Snicker* >"Well it IS faster than walking down this seemingly endless corridor!" Lina said. >"Okay, let's go down the hole... And Gourry, next time zip up your pants before I >take a peek over your shoulder." All: EEW! Too much info! TOO MUCH INFO!! >"Oh, right... sorry, Lina." Gourry smiled. > >Lina hopped into the hole, Gourry followed after. What they came to beneath them Shadow: Yes. uh, huh. I see... HUH?! >was a strange room filled with all kinds of flashing and blinking lights of various >colors. All: Ooh! Pwetty! >The room was fairly large, although not as large as the cargo bay. There were all >kinds of control panels on the walls and screens and monitors all over the place. Tenshi: Hmmm... Must be the control room... >Towards the end of the room there was a chair, someone was sitting in it, however, >their back was facing Lina and Gourry. > >"Lina, look, there's some guy there!" Gourry pointed at the chair. > >"Hey, who are you? What is this place? Where is the sword of light?!!!" Lina >yelled. > >"How rude of you, Lina Inverse." The person in the chair answered. "You must learn >better manners before talking to me. Kage Y: It's... DARK SHADOWY FIGURE! All: Bum bum bUUUUUUM!! > But I will excuse your rude behavior for now." The person in the chair turned >around to face them. > >"Oh my God Lina!" Gourry pointed. "Look at his funky hair!" > >"His hair is nothing, Gourry... Look at who it is!" Lina's mouth dropped open in >surprise. "It... it's impossible!" Akurei: Vash?! Kage Y: Ken-Chan X?! Tenshi: Barney?! >The person in the chair was non other than Rezo the red priest. Akurei: Oh. Is that all? No big whoop! >******TO BE CONTINUED****** All: *gasp* OH NO! How unexpected! NOT!! >Well here it is, the fourth episode to Slayers Idiotic! What did you think of it? Shadow: Well, aside from the bad spelling, grammar, and the unintentional sexual innuendo, IT SUCKED!! >Remember, your emails are what keeps this series alive, Kage Y: Alright, Who's been into Citan's stash?! >so I want to hear your honest opinions! Shadow: I'm_NOT_repeating myself! > You can email me at Xellos@ix.netcom.com. Hope to hear from you soon! Kristina X: Oh, you WILL!! *Evil High-Pitched Laughter* >BACK TO THE ANIME INVERSE SLAYERS PAGE Kage Y: Ummm... Let's not an say that we didn't... *Doors open and they leave* ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ (SOAP Control Room) Kage Y: Man! That was a pretty *beep*-ed up fic! I'd hate to see the rest of it. Sasami: Then, congrats! You have a life! Luckly, there is only one more part for some of us to suffer through... Akurei: Heaven help 'em all... *Red light starts flashing* Ren and Stimpy are calling... (Dark Place) Legato: Ah, hello. You made it through without suffering? Nuts... I mean... Aww, nuts. Anyhoo, You will have a SLIGHT reprieve next time, as we misplaced the final part of Slayers Idiotic... *Glares at his underlings* 'Til then, push the button, Nakoruru! FWOOSH! =================================================================================== Season One: episode 1-13 Season Two: episode 14: SLAYERS IDIOTIC: A Parody Prequel episode 15: The Belmont Anime Geek Table Squad vs Evangelion, Macross and Gundam episode 16: Project A-ko vs. Sailor Moon episode 17: Slayers Idiotic II: NAGA'S REALLY BIG RETURN episode 18: Slayers Idiotic III: LINA IN SPACE episode 19: Slayers Idiotic IV: Lina Versus Gourry! Quote o' the Day: >"Lina..." Gourry started. > >"What is it NOW, Gourry?" > >"I have to go to the bathroom, Lina." Lina began holding his crotch area. All: SAAY! Oh, just a gentle reminder that my E-mail address is ken_chanx@hotmail.com! Send Fanfics, Jokes, Quotes, notes of your undying love, Flames (uh... on second thought...)