Legal Stuff 'n' such Mystery Science Theatre 3000 & related characters are owned and copyrighted by Best Brains Inc. all other characters and likenesses are owned by their respectable owners. Please don't sue me! I'm poorer than dirt! Ken's Notes: This is the third part of five of the Slayers Idiotic series! I WILL warn you now that there are some gross scenes in this thing... as well as the other parts. With that out of the way, here we gooo! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Last Time: Legato; No, I did not. We had a small... incident involving Jusenkyo spring water. The budgie is Nakoruru, the Gatomon is Miko and, as you can tell, the Spriggan is Rezo. Anyway, You shall be watching the third part next time. Push the button, Nakoruru! Nakoruru Budgie: Chirp! *pecks frantically at the button until it works.* *opening song* In the not to distant future, (Who cares just when!) A guy kidnaps some characters And decides just then... (Zoinks!) Legato: I'll send 'em cruddy fanfics. The worst that I can find. (DSF Slime, Miko, Dan, Nakoruru & Rezo:Lalala!) Then we'll see how long They keep their lil' minds (Neko, Dubimon, Team Rocket: Lalala!) Now remember, even Zelgadis can't control when the stories come. He's just gonna take another 'zac (... and maybe anot'r Tum!) MST'er ROLL CALL! Cham Cham!: (Me like Spam!) Key!: (30,000?!) Sasami!: (Ryo'ohki!) Sailor Mercury!: (Stupid Fanboy!) Liiink!: (Oh, Woofnab!) If you're asking how they eat 'n' breathe And, uh, other types of stuff, Calm yourself, put down that bottle 'o' Jolt, And kick back in the buff (eep!), For MST Ripoff 2K! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- (SOAP) *You hear music faintly. As you get closer, you realize it's Daft Punk's "One More Time". You follow the source and come upon Link. He's dancing... badly. You wait patiently...* Link: Oh yeah... Let's get funk-ayy!*Sees you* Oh, hi! Ken said I could listen to his CDs while he was gone... Zelgadis: *comes in sleepily* Actually, he said it was fine... as long as you didn't play them full-blast UNTIL TWO O' CLOCK IN THE BLOODY MORNING!! *Whacks Link upside the head repeatedly with Rolled-Up Newspaper of Whacking(tm)* Now, GO TO SLEEP! *Zelgadis leaves* Link: Fine! Fine! Geez! *gets into bed and turns off the light* *A few seconds later...* Loudspeaker: All SOAP Inhabitants to the Control Room... All SOAP Inhabitants... Link: Aww, cripes... (SOAP Control Room) *All are present... minus Ken, Vash and Lara, that is. Legato's image is on the screen* (Dark Place) Legato: So, did you have a good sleep? All: No. Legato: Good. That's what I like to hear. I will remind you now that you will bow to me when this is all over. (SOAP) *Chorus of "Nope!" "Never!" and "Dream on, hippie!"* Krillin: So, did you figure out your little problem? Legato: Yes, actually. It was just a simple task of getting hot water. Anyway, as I said last time, You shall be watching part three of Slayers Idiotic. Push the button, Nakoruru. Nakoruru: Drill Instructors! Get 'em off my hill! (SOAP) *lights & klaxons* Akurei: Oh, poopies! WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN! *Door sequence: Door 6: Dogbone door. Opens automatically. Door 5: It's an Ash and Misty romance fic! You burn it and move on. Door 4: It's Lucille from Samurai Pizza Cats! She is watching "Mighty Joe Young" with Mihoshi, Usagi and C-ko. You avoid the Macross-style onslaught of missiles while barely making it out without drowning from the resulting tears. Door 3: It's a drawbridge. It slowly opens, the rusty squeak slowly driving you insane. Door 2: It's a Legend of Zelda-type closed door. You defeat all the enemies and the door opens. Door 1: It's a wall! One of Lucille's stray missiles blasts an opening. Seated left to right: Link, Sasami, Key, Sailor Mercury, and Cham Cham.* >Slayers Idiotic III: >LINA IN SPACE Link: Aww, nuts! Not another Slayers/Robotech crossover! Sasami: Believe me... It's not! >By: Ryu Cheese Sailor Mercury: *announcer* Yes! It's the new cheese made from fresh Ryu's milk! >------------------------------------ Link: Look out for the... Say it with me! All: *bored* pika-pi! >Lina opened her eyes and looked up. Link: ... Gourry and Naga were standing over her... COMPLETELY NUDE! *WHAM!* > She saw the stars in the sky, thousands of tiny specks glittering like >thousands of priceless diamonds. Salior Mercury: *Lina* DIAMONDS?! GIMME! > What a nice night it is, Lina thought to herself. Then a big fat ugly rat head >with foam coming out of its mouth hovered three feet over her. All: EEK! >"Awake Lina?" the rat head asked. Cham Cham: *Lina* Damn Survivor dreams... >Lina bolted up, smashing into the rat head that was looking down on her from >above. "OWWW!" Both of them cried as their skulls cracked against one another. >It was Naga, with the head of a rat! LinK: Whoa! That's pretty *Bleep*-ed up! Sasami & Key: We're used to it! >"Naga!" Lina darted backwards and prepared to launch a fireball in her >direction. All: Yes! Do it! Do the deed! > Then suddenly she stopped and looked at her surroundings. They were on a rock >floating in space... a rock no bigger than a small house. Lina then noticed >that this rock was actually part of the Earth. There were other parts floating >around in space nearby. There was some kind of protection spell surrounding the >entire rock, keeping the two of them alive and full of oxygen. Cham Cham: What happened?! Sasami: You'll see... >"You see what you have done, Lina Inverse?!" Naga with the head of a rat >smiled. "You tried to defeat me, but instead you destroyed the Earth! Cham Cham, Sailor Mercury & Link: oh... > Do you realize what you have done?!" Link: *Lina* Hmmm... Methinks I blew up the world, and everyone on it, trying to kill you... Need I add more? >Lina looked at Naga and then out into space. She saw Zelgadis' severed head >floating by. I'm hungry, Lina thought to herself. All: Ick! Link: Did someone cut off his head with Gourry's sword of light? Key: No. Gourry still had it when Zelgadis' head landed in Lina's soup... he started cuddling it, too... Sasami: Which STILL doesn't answer the question of how the HELL did Naga kill him without a sword of light?! >"Lina Inverse!" Naga with the head of a rat yelled. "Are you paying attention >to me? You have destroyed the world! What do you plan to do now? Both of us >are stuck on this rock with no place to go!" Key: *Lina* Well, I could KILL you... > Naga scratched the top of her rat head. "By the way, Lina, do you have any cheese?" Key: Naga_IS_Steve Urkel! >Lina rolled her eyes. "Naga, don't blame me for the destruction of Earth, if >you didn't try to kill me none of this would have happened, so it's really >your fault." Link: Why WAS Naga trying to kill her? Key: Because Lina toastied her... quite literally... and when Naga was brought back by an ex-stalker/boyfriend, she came back with that rat head. Link: Oh. Damn. > Lina looked towards Zelgadis' floating severed head again. God, I'm really >hungry, Lina thought to herself. LinK: MAN, she's out of character! Sailor Mercury: Wow. And you_JUST_noticed that?! > "Besides, we're alive, right? I'm sure that there are other people alive on >other rocks too, other people who used a protection spell just like you." Cham Cham: That's bloody unlikely! >Suddenly Lina had this weird feeling in the pit of her stomach... uneasy and >tight. "... That's funny," Lina said out loud. "It's not that time of the >month..." Sasami: Maybe it was because of that weird spider that latched onto my face... Key: Key does not understand... Sasami: That was a reference to "Alien", you dolt! > Lina then noticed that Naga was looking at something behind Lina. So Lina >slowly turned around and was greeted by something even more hideous and >disgusting than Naga's ugly rat head... Amelia Seyruun. All: Crap! >"OH MY GOD!!! AMELIA!!!" Lina's head began to spin. Cham Cham: Lina_IS_Beetlejuice! > Amelia was floating in space outside of Naga's protection spell. It seems that >Amelia had her own protection spell around her which allowed her to survive the >destruction of Earth. Sailor Mercury: Naww! Really?! >"AHH HA HA HA!!!!" Naga laughed at Lina's expression. "So, Lina Inverse!! That >little sorceress outside brings you fear and disgust?? I shall allow her to >pass through my protection spell so that you can be subjected to your own >personal hell!!!" Link: As if Naga's laughing and jiggling weren't enough... > Naga weakened her protection spell around the asteroid just enough so that >Amelia could pass through without harm. > >"NAGA, DON'T LET HER IN!! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING!!!!" Lina screamed >in terror. > >Naga began dancing around in little circles as Amelia passed through the >protection spell. "AHHH HA HA!!" Naga laughed, her rat mouth so wide open, you >could probably park a truck in there. Sailor Mercury: Why not try? *grin* >Foam from Naga's mouth began splashing on Lina as Naga continued her insane >laughter. > >"Oh Miss LINAAAAAAA!!!!" Those were Amelia's first words as she entered their >little asteroid. "I missed you SOOO much!!! Why did you and Mr. Gourry try to >sell me to those evil men the other day for food, Miss Lina? Key: Try? I thought they succeded?! Sailor Mercury: *Lina* Bad men?! They PAID us for you services! Me and Gourry are secretly pimps! >"Um, we did it because we love you." Lina looked around for something in which >to bash Amelia's head open with. Cham Cham: Nothing says lovin' like a blow to the head! >She then noticed a nice jagged rock that she could possibly use to carve out >Amelia's eyes. Link: Oh, yummy! >"Really Miss Lina?" Amelia's eyes opened wide with happiness. "I love you >too!!! By the way, who is your friend?" Amelia looked at Naga with a rat's >head. Link: *Lina* "Friend"?! we're more like lovers! *THWAKAAM!* >"I shall introduce myself!!!" Naga pointed up towards the sky. "I am known as >Naga the serpent! I am the most feared sorceress on the planet." > >"Yeah, if I had an ugly sewer rat head like yours, people would fear me too." >Lina mumbled. Sailor Mercury: After a good hearty laugh and oogle, that is... >"Lina Inverse!!! I heard that!!" Naga's rat head was filled with anger, her >tiny beady eyes red and shaking. "Do not forget that it is I who keeps you >alive with this protection spell!!!" > >Lina picked up the rock that she was going to use to bash in Amelia's head and >threw it at Naga's ugly rat face. It cracked upon the top of Naga's skull, >some of her brains began to ooze out. SasamI: This again?! Key: Well, there's always been at least one in the previous chapters... >"OUCH!! You hurt me, Lina!!!" Naga felt her brains run down the side of her >face. "Damn you Lina! What if I get a scar from that!!??" Link: Her brains are leaking out and she's worried about a SCAR?! >"Oh Miss Naga, please forgive Miss Lina." Amelia said with concern. "Sometimes >Miss Lina does not follow the laws of truth and justice." Amelia began to >yell. "It is MY job to help Miss Lina differentiate between what is right and >what is wrong!! Together we will fight against the forces of EVIL using TRUTH >and JUSTICE and HEROICS and..." Link: The American way! >Amelia got cut off as both Naga and Lina kicked Amelia in the crotch >simultaneously. All: *Wince* Ohhh! owchie! >"Dammit, Amelia..." Lina said with clenched teeth. "If only you were a guy..." LinK: What IF she were a guy, Lina? *Wink* >Amelia's face turned red. She held her crotch and fell backwards. She may not >have certain parts that guys do, but it doesn't mean that getting kicked there >by two people didn't hurt. All girls: DAMN STRAIGHT! ow... >"*Sigh* I see what you mean, Lina..." Naga frowned. "She is so very annoying. >Perhaps she will serve as a food source since we are stuck here on this rock >with nothing to eat." > >Amelia looked up. "You don't want to eat me... I have diarrhea." All: EEW! >Lina and Naga both winced in disgust. > >"Well.." Lina began. "I don't plan on having to eat Amelia. If we can just find >the sword of light that I used to destroy the Earth, I might be able to do >something to fix our little problem. Do you know what happened to it, Naga?" >Naga was busy picking black ear wax from her ears. "I'm sorry Lina, did you >say something?" Cham Cham: *Naga* I didn't hear you... I had this weird black wax in my ears... >Lina placed her hand on her forehead. "Why didn't I just die in Earth's >destruction? Is that too much to ask?" All: Yes! >"Miss Lina? Is that the sword over there?" Amelia pointed out into space. > >Lina climbed up on top of Amelia to get a better view. Sure enough, way, way >out in the distance was Gourry's old sword of light shining brightly. It >looked almost like one of the stars, blending into the background. > >"That's it!!" Lina yelled with happiness. "Once I get my hands on the sword, I >might be able to fix everything!!" Sasami: maybe... >Suddenly there was a huge flash of light that blinded everyone for just a >moment. Then, as their eyes adjusted, Lina, Amelia, and Naga were greeted by >something so filled with wonder and amazement, it made Amelia's diarrhea come >out. Cham Cham: This author is gross! Link: And your first clue was...? > A wonderful, beautiful spaceship hovered before them. It was huge, as big >as a town. Link: I_KNEW_this was a Slayers/Robotech crossover! Sasami: No, it ISN'T!! >It was filled with millions of lights, all different colors of the rainbow, all >shining brighter than the brightest stars in the background. Lina and Naga >stared in awe and amazement All: Awww! Amazement! >while Amelia cleaned up the mess she made; all the while hoping they didn't >notice. > >"My God, Lina... do you see THAT?" Naga's rat jaw dropped to the ground. "It... >it's beautiful... um... Lina, do you smell something?" Link: I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I do belive that is what "The Rock" is cooking! >Lina and Naga looked at Amelia. Amelia smiled. "Look back at the spaceship... >please..." Amelia said with sweat dripping from her forehead. Naga and Lina >looked at each other and then complied, staring back at the spaceship. > >The spaceship seemed to be collecting rock samples and such that was left over >from Earth's destruction. It was drawing the samples into the spaceship using >some sort of beam. Key: Yknow... Those last two sentances could have ben merged into one! >"What do you think it wants,?" Naga asked. > >"I dunno, Naga..." Lina answered. "I've never EVER seen something like that >before..." Suddenly the spaceship's beam locked on to the sword of light. "OH >NO!!" Lina screamed. "If they get their hands on that sword, we're going to >DIE out here!! Quickly, we've got to stop the spaceship somehow!!" Cham Cham: Wow! Some plot, finally! Sasami: umm... guys? IF they've never seen something like that before, how did they know it's a spaceship? *Jeopardy theme plays in the background. All shrug.* >"I'll get us there!!" Amelia yelled. "Stealing is against the law!! Those >aliens must face the hand of justice!!!" Amelia cast a protection spell around >the three of them. "Miss Naga, lower your protection spell around this rock, >we're going after that spaceship!!" > >Naga did as Amelia asked. The three of them, in a much smaller protection >spell, shot towards the huge spaceship in an attempt to stop it from stealing >the sword. The spaceship's beam was drawing the sword closer to the ship. >"We have to attack it!" Lina yelled. "FLARE ARROW!!!" Lina shot out her Flare >Arrow spell towards the ship. It hit the ship directly, however, it had no >effect. "Damn it!!" Lina cursed. "That's one tough piece of metal!" > >"AHHH HA HA HA!!!" Naga with a rat's head laughed. "You are so weak compared >to me, Lina Inverse!! I will destroy the ship with MY magic!! FREEZE ARROW!!!" >Naga cast a Freeze Arrow spell at the ship. However, like the spell cast before >it, this spell had no effect. All: natch... >"You were saying, Naga?" Lina looked at Naga's rat head. > >"Hmph..." Naga frowned. "It's this little jinx, Amelia's fault. She's >distracting me with that fart smell of hers!" All: That_wasn't_a fart... >"Miss Naga!" Amelia whined. "I DID NOT fart! I just, um..." Amelia broke off >her sentence in embarrassment. > >"You crapped in your pants, Amelia." Lina said without hesitation. "I could >smell it, don't think that I didn't notice." > >Amelia blushed with humiliation. "Miss Lina..." Amelia whined some more. >"Couldn't you have been a LITTLE more discrete??" Link: Lina? Discrete? Never! >"ARGH!" Lina screamed. "The sword is almost in the ship, we're going to have >to follow it in!! Amelia, take us inside!!!" > >"Right away, Miss Lina!!" Amelia yelled as they soared towards the sword. > >There was a little hatch in the ship that was open. The sword was being pulled >into the hatch by the beam. Amelia led them on a trail right behind the sword. >As the sword went inside the hatch, Amelia, Naga, and Lina followed. They flew >inside the ship right behind the sword, Sailor Mercury: *Sarcastic* Gee. I would have thought they'd fly right into the side of the ship! >the hatch closed once they were inside. > >The three of them stood in some sort of cargo bay. It was about the size of an >auditorium. The walls seemed to be made of some sort of strange metal. There >was one door leading outside of the room, however, it had no door handle. Sailor Mercury: Ryu Cheese: Master of the art of description! >Amelia let her protection spell fade away, they no longer needed it, there was >oxygen to breath on the ship. Sasami: How'd they know that it was safe to breathe the air in the ship? Key: The author told them it was okay! >The cargo bay was filled with various items that the spaceship must have found >after Earth's destruction. There were cups, chairs, assorted rocks, and a robot >Gourry. All: A WHAT?! Link: How useless would THAT be?! >"GOURRY???!!!!" Lina looked in astonishment. > >"Mr. Gourry!!!" Amelia yelled with delight. "It's so nice to see you!! I didn't >think that you were alive!!" > >"Um, Lina..." Naga with a rat's head started to talk. "Correct me if I'm >wrong, but didn't I kill this stupid looking blonde haired man earlier when I >was killing anything that moved for my insane quest for revenge against you?" > >Lina looked at Gourry. "Yes you did... Something fishy is going on here!" Sasami: Smells like tuna! Naga! Close your legs! >Gourry seemed to be half robot and half human. His head was attached to his >body by some sort of metal band around his neck His left arm and left leg were >also made of some kind of metal, his other limbs were attached to his body by other metal bands. Key: Like Metallica, Poison, Judas Priest... >His eyes were glowing red. Sailor Mercury: *Gourry Robot* Damn allergies! *Achoo!* >"Miss Lina, ..." Amelia said with worry. "Mr. Gourry doesn't seem too happy. >Do you think he smells my little accident?" Link: Who WOULDN'T?! >"LINA!" Robot Gourry yelled. "The aliens of this ship brought me back to life >using their robot technology! Key: Dude! They sure worked fast! >They told me that since I only use 0.0000002 % of my brain, there shouldn't be >any brain damage by bringing me back to life" Gourry made a stupid smile. >"These aliens seem like nice people!" Amelia said. "They have used their >technology to bring back Gourry because they are peace loving aliens who hate >to see people die." Sailor Mercury: Somehow, I very much doubt that... Cham Cham: Me too... Sasami: *Crow* Me three! >"Actually, Amelia.." Gourry said. "They programmed me to kill all three of >you. I'm really sorry about this." Gourry pulled out a sword and cut off >Amelia's right arm. "Do you forgive me?" >"MISS LINA!!! MY ARM... MY ARM IS GONE!!!!" Amelia screamed. "You're a bad, bad man, >Mr. Gourry! I don't know if I can consider you a friend anymore if you don't >apologize." > >Gourry took another swipe with his sword and cut open Amelia's stomach. Her >intestines oozed out and hit the ground. All: Eew! >"That's it, Mr. Gourry!" Amelia yelled again. "I don't like you anymore!!" >Amelia fell to the ground like a wood log. > >"Naga, take care of Amelia... I'm going to handle Gourry." Lina said with >determination. Naga began to scoop up Amelia's intestines and put them back in >her stomach. > >"Eww, she's right, Lina..." Naga with a rat's head cringed. "She DOES have bad >diarrhea!" Cham Cham: What was her first clue?! Sasami: Wow! Naga FINALLY gets with the program >Lina and Gourry stood in front of each other. "Where's the sword of light, >Gourry?" Lina asked. Link: *Gourry as Sean Connery* Itsh in my pantsh, Trebek! Shuck it long and shuck it hard! *WHAM!* >"Oh, I can't tell you that, Lina. " Gourry answered. "I'll get in trouble. How >about you just let me kill you instead?" Link: Sounds like a good deal to me... >"Looks like this fight is unavoidable, Gourry." Lina prepared to fight. "Looks >like I'm going to have to take you DOWN!!" > >And thus the fight with Lina and Gourry began... All: YAAY! >******TO BE CONTINUED...****** All: RATS! >Well, here's part 3 of my Slayers Idoitic fanfics. I've gotten a lot of email >from you guys who read my other ones, so it prompted me to make a third one! Sasami: Two billion flames prompted him to write a third one? >Thank you again for everyone who emailed me with your thoughts of the previous >two Slayers fanfics. I got a lot of good remarks, Key: Okay! Who was smoking that Wacky Weed? LinK: And where can I get some to escape from the memory of this fanfic? *Author's note: Ken-Chan X's Website of STUFF!!! does not condone the use of drugs! Remember: Winners don't use drugs!* *fourth wall crashes in the distance* *Sigh* It was a bonnie fourth wall... >although I was not without a few bad. So I'd like to hear any comments you have >on Slayers Idiotic III, good OR bad, just please be honest. Sasami: It's crap! Key: It's tripe! Link: You suck! > You can email me at Xellos@ix.netcom.com, or just sign my guestbook. Come on people, I wanna hear more of your comments, good or bad!! Link: Well, okay... but don't say we didn't warn ya! *Doors open and all leave* --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (SOAP Control Room) Link: Betcha anything we're gonna have to watch the fourth part next time! Sasami: Prolly... Key and I won't have to watch it, tho'... We've seen about six fanfics already, so we get a break! It's in our contracts... *red lights begin flashing* Sailor Mercury: The Three Stooges are calling! *pushes red button* (Dark Place) Legato: *To someone offscreen* Well, keep looking! *turns to SOAP Inhabitants* Well, hello. Did you enjoy your little torture? No matter... saay... Where's Ken, Lara and Vash? (SOAP) Misty: Oh, they're around somewhere... Probably playing some game that only three people can play... Ash: *ZAP!* Oww! (Dark Place) Legato: Your lying. No matter! Part four next time. Push the button, Nakoruru! FWOOSH! ================================================================================ Season One: episode 1-13 Season Two: episode 14: SLAYERS IDIOTIC: A Parody Prequel episode 15: The Belmont Anime Geek Table Squad vs Evangelion, Macross and Gundam episode 16: Project A-ko vs. Sailor Moon episode 17: Slayers Idiotic II: NAGA'S REALLY BIG RETURN episode 18: Slayers Idiotic III: LINA IN SPACE Quote o' the Day: >"These aliens seem like nice people!" Amelia said. "They have used their >technology to bring back Gourry because they are peace loving aliens who hate >to see people die." Sailor Mercury: Somehow, I very much doubt that... Cham Cham: Me too... Sasami: *Crow* Me three! Oh, just a gentle reminder that my E-mail address is ken_chanx@hotmail.com! Send Fanfics, Jokes, Quotes, notes of your undying love, Flames (uh... on second thought...)