Legal Stuff 'n' such Mystery Science Theatre 3000 & related characters are owned and copyrighted by Best Brains Inc. all other characters and likenesses are owned by their respectable owners. Please don't sue me! I'm poorer than dirt! Ken's Notes: This is the second part... of five... of the Slayers Idiotic series! I WILL warn you now that there are some gross scenes in this thing... as well as the other parts. With that out of the way, here we gooo! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ (SOAP) *Ken and Lara are talking in hushed tones.* Lara: So, do you think this'll work? Ken-Chan X: It should... Shadow fixed it, so all we hafta do is... *Vash enters* Vash: Hey guys! What up? Lara & Ken-Chan X: SHHH! Don't talk so loud! Vash: umm... okay! *whispering* So, what are you doing? Lara: Well, Ken fixed up Shadow's transport machine. Me and Ken are going to get away from here! You can come too, if you'd like! Vash: Shouldn't we get the others? Ken-Chan X: No! If all of us leave, Legato will become suspicious! The others have been briefed on what to say! Now, I'll just tweak... THERE! Let's go! *they step into the device and disappear* *opening song* In the not to distant future, (Who cares just when!) A guy kidnaps some characters And decides just then... (Zoinks!) Legato: I'll send 'em cruddy fanfics. The worst that I can find. (DSF Slime, Miko, Dan, Nakoruru & Rezo:Lalala!) Then we'll see how long They keep their lil' minds (Neko, Dubimon, Team Rocket: Lalala!) Now remember, even Zelgadis can't control when the stories come. He's just gonna take another 'zac (... and maybe anot'r Tum!) MST'er ROLL CALL! Sakura!: (Haaadoken!) Krillin!: (Huba!) Key!: (30,000?!) Sasami!: (Ryo'ohki!) Happosai!: (Watta Haul!) If you're asking how they eat 'n' breathe And, uh, other types of stuff, Calm yourself, put down that bottle 'o' Jolt, And kick back in the buff (eep!), For MST Ripoff 2K! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- (SOAP Control Room) *You come upon Misty and Ash. Ash is tied to a gurney and Misty is wearing a labcoat.* Misty: *Sees you* Ah! Hello! You may be wondering about all this... people complained about Ash being too much of a porn fiend for a 10 (or 13) year old. Ash: LET ME GO! Misty: All in due time, Ashy-washy! Anyway we all created a device that will ensure he will stop being a hentai! It will administer an electric shock whenever Ash is about to say something hentai-ish. ASSISTANTS?! *Link and Zelgadis come out with fake humps. The device is a cage with a Raichu on a hampster wheel*. Now then, thanks to modern technology, we have shrunk this honkin' device into the size of a small microchip and... Ash: *cough* Southparkmovieripoff!*cough* Misty: *AHEM!* ...and we implanted it into Ash's head while he slept last night. Ash: SO WHY THE HELL AM I TIED TO THIS GURNEY?! Misty: So you wouldn't escape before we got the chance to test it. *Others come in to watch* Now, Ash. Think of a nice relaxing evening with you and I in a hotub... alooone... Ash: Hmmmm... *ZAP!* What the...? I didn't even thi-*ZAP!* Misty: Good. It works! *Red light begins flashing* Ah! Bad guys calling! *pushes red button* (Dark Place) Legato: Hello. *Sees Ash still on gurney* Ummm... what are you doing? Misty: Oh, just making sure that Ash doesn't have any lusty thoughts. Ash: Hey! *ZAP!* Legato: Hmmm... amusing. Anyway, Part two of "Slayers Idiotic" today. Watch with agony. Push the button, Nakoruru! Nakoruru: Oh yeah!! (SOAP) *lights & klaxons* Sasami: Oh, poopies! WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN! *Door sequence: Door 6: Dogbone door. Opens automatically Door 5: Usagi, Mihoshi & C-ko sit on a couch telling sad stories. You barely make it out without drowning in the resulting tears. Door 4: It's Lucille from Samurai Pizza Cats! She's got a cold. You avoid the Macross-style onslaught of missiles. Door 3: It's a drawbridge. It slowly opens, the rusty squeak slowly driving you insane. Door 2: It's a Gamemboy Color with Kirby Dreamland 2 in it! You play it for a while before moving on. Door 1: It's a wall! One of Lucille's stray missiles blasts an opening. Seated left to right: Sakura, Krillin, Sasami, Happosai, and Key.* Happosai: So, how bad is ths? Key: Very! Happosai: Oh, poopies! >Slayers Idiotic II: >NAGA'S REALLY BIG RETURN Happosai: Saaay... >By: Ryu Cheese All: *snicker* It's the Cheesiest! >------------------------------------ Happosai: Look out for the... nah! That's an old joke! Key: Key likes it! >"I'm HUNGRY, Lina!!!" Gourry walked behind Lina on a trail in the woods, >staring at the ground. "I thought we would have enough money for food when >we sold Amelia... Krillin: They be pimpin'! > but we barely got anything..." Gourry's stomach growled. > >"Gourry, I'm sick of your complaining!" Lina turned towards Gourry. "It was >your bright idea to sell Amelia in the first place! We would have been >better off if we'd just skinned her alive and eaten her!" All: eew! > Lina then began thinking of a cooked Amelia on a plate, complete with an >apple in her mouth for flavor. "It would have been soooo yummy..." All: EEW! > Drool fell from Lina's mouth and hit the ground. Sasami: ... activating the pressure-activated mine. It exploded, killing the OOC couple. The end. >"Ewww, that's disgusting, Lina!" Gourry cringed. "I sometimes wonder whether >or not you're a girl... Sakura: Believe me. She's a girl! >I mean, you have no breasts, you scratch yourself in places that you're not >supposed to have, and now you drool on the ground like some sort of >disgusting animal..." > >Gourry didn't get to finish his sentence as Lina kicked him in his face, Sakura: See? >using both feet at the same time. Gourry hurled backwards into a nearby tree, >his head bashed apart. All: OW! >"Hey, Lina..." Gourry said, blood pouring from his mouth. "That kind of >hurt, I think you should apologize." All: KIND OF?!!? >Lina covered her face with her hands. "I used to think that pieces of lint >or grains of sand were stupid... then I met Gourry..." Lina looked back at >Gourry who was attempting to duct tape the crack in his head back together. >Lina thought to herself, "It never used to be this way with Naga. Sure, she >was stupid, but not THIS stupid! I wonder what ever happened to her... Oh, >wait a second, I killed her! I had almost forgot, silly me!" Krillin: Whoa! Some of Gourry's stupidity must be rubbing off on her if she's THAT forgetful! >Gourry looked up and noticed that Lina was laughing to herself. "Hey, Lina," >Gourry asked, "Whatcha laughing at?" > >"Nothing that concerns you I'm sure, Gourry!" Lina answered. > >"Oh, well when it does concern me, let me know." Gourry smiled. Key: My, for a guy who had his head smashed in, he sure is doing fine! Krillin: You forget that he has little or no brains, so he won't feel pain until much later. >Lina and Gourry continued walking towards the next town... > >********************************** Sakura: Looks like Cloud, a flock of Chocobos, and the others got hit with 'small' again. >Tublar Giffnorf was an evil wizard who lived in the town of Quinton. When he >had heard of the death of Naga the Serpent, he was crushed. You see, the two of them had a past. They had once been madly in love, however, Naga had ended the relationship for reasons that escaped him. All: *cough* Onlylikedtheboobs! *cough* Sasami: *Naga* ...And I says to Mabel, I says... HEY! My face is up here! >So even though Naga had stopped loving him, Tublar had never stopped loving >her. Key: Stalker!! Happosai: Wiener!! Sasami: Idiot!! >He had always hoped that one day, the two of them could somehow be together >again, but now it was impossible... or was it? Tublar had been perfecting a >potion that he hoped would be able to bring the dead back to life. Krillin: *Tublar* And if THAT doesn't work, I'll just call it New Coke! >When word had reached Tublar that Naga had died, he ran out to find her >remaining body parts in order to use them for his potion. All he was able to >find at the scene of her death was her left leg. He remembered when he tried >to uncover her dead body at the scene of her death, little children had >already gotten there before him and made jewelry out of Naga's other body >parts. Key: Odd little children... > He didn't even want to think of what kind of jewelry was made from Naga's >chest. Happosai: Can you MAKE jewelery from Silicone? Krillin: Does Silicone EXIST in that world? >He remembered one smelly child who thought that he could get a wad of gold >coins from the tooth fairy by putting Naga's jaw under his pillow. What a fool, >Tublar had thought. He himself had personally killed the tooth fairy three >years ago when he caught her stealing liquor from his liquor cabinet. Key: WHAT?! That magnificent bastard! >Now, back at his underground hideout, Tublar prepared to bring Naga the >Serpent back to life. He didn't need the entire leg to bring her back to >life, only part of it. So he cut off her foot, carved out the inside muscles and bones, and used it as a flowerpot. Krillin: What IS it with these people?! NOBODY did this in the Slayers series!! > He had layed the main part of the leg, Happosai: eew. Sakura: *The Rock* He layedeth the smacketh down! > the part he needed to bring her back, Happosai: Didn't we figure this out already? Krillin: Yes. But most of the people in the audience with ADD didn't catch it the first time. > in an old bathtub that he aquired a long time ago at a mystical garage sale. >It was a mystical bargain. All: Aha aha aha. >He had also filled the bathtub with his magic potion that would act as a >catalyst in the rebirth of Naga the Serpent. Happosai: He's gonna bring her back as a baby?! eew! *WHAM!* Sasami: Happosai no baka! >Combined with his magical powers, the potion should help to bring her back to >life, hopefully without any complications. Sakura: That being said, you just_KNOW_some complication is going to set in! Key: True dat! >Now that everything was set up, Tublar began to chant the spell he had >perfected. "Power from beyond the grave... Grim Reaper who controls the >death and life of all people, answer my request! I call forth your power, >your power of death. In reverse I shall use it to bring her back transformed, >complete with a body and soul which you had since torn... LIFE BLAST OMEGA >REVISED EDTION PART II!!!!" Krillin: "Revised Edition Part II"?! Happosai: Crap! It's Bill Gates! > And with those words, power from beyond the grave shot through Tublar's hands >and into the bathtub filled with the magic potion and Naga's leg. >Naga's leg began to mutate... it began taking shape. Sasami: ...of the Taco Bell Dog. Krillin: *Taco Bell Dog* Yo Quero Better Fics! >Tublar laughed an evil laugh for no apparent reason as the leg continued to >manifest itself into Naga's original form. > >"Soon, very soon..." Tublar said to himself, "Naga will be back... my love >will be returned to me!!" Sakura: *Tublar* Then her boobs will be mine! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! > Then Tublar began doing a silly dance around the room, hopping on one foot. >Then he switched feet and hopped on the other. He was having so much fun >hopping around, he didn't even notice that a large rat had climbed inside the >potion filled bathtub in search of food. All: natch... >He didn't notice it fall into the liquid of the bathtub and he didn't notice >that Naga's leg and the rat began to merge together as one entity. Happosai: That's all this world needs: A rat with huge ti-*WHAM!* >Finally the spell and the resurrection of Naga was complete. There was, >however, a slight problem. Naga had the head of a rat. All: natch... >Tublar starred in disbelief. "Something must have gone wrong..." All: NO SHIT, SHERLOCK! Key: What was his first clue? >Tublar looked at Naga in awe. All: Awwww... Key: Key thinks we've milked that old joke for what it's worth. Happosa: Nah! There's still some dregs stuck at the bottom! >"AHH HA HA HA HA!!!!" Naga with the head of a rat began to laugh her old >spine chilling laugh. "Lina Inverse, I have returned from the dead!! AHHH HA >HA HA!!!! Now I will seek you out and DEFEAT you once and for all, AHH HA HA >HA!!!" Naga with the head of a rat looked at Tublar, the wizard from her past >who had brought her life once again. Sasami: ... and promptly killed him. >"Naga, my sweet," Tublar said with delight. "I have brought you back to life >because I love you so much!" He looked at her whiskers. "I do not mind that >you have the head of a rat, it's your body that I was in love with anyway. All: natch... >Um, can you just wear a paper bag over your head when we go out in public?" Sakura: THAT deserves getting toatied. What do you think? >Naga stepped towards Tublar. She smiled, showing her bucked rat teeth, and >then bit off his head. All: YAAY! > Blood splattered upon the walls, one of Tublar's eyes fell into the >liquid-filled bathtub. Sasami: Promptly respawning him. Smooth move, exlax! >"Now I will get my revenge upon Lina Inverse! Because of her, I have the >head of a rat!!" Naga looked into a nearby mirror. "AHH HA HA HA, with this >new head Lina Inverse will not even recognize me! I will be able to kill her >before she realizes what has happened! AHHH HA HA HA!!!" Sakura: Somehow, I think Lina would see her coming. Something might be a dead giveaway. All: The Boobs! >Naga set out after Lina... > >*************************************** Key: *Ash* Chansey! Use Minimize! >Lina and Gourry waited for Zelgadis to meet them at a local restaurant in the >town of Ugaich. Zel had promised to meet them there a few days ago when they >had sold Amelia for money. When they had departed those few days ago, >Zelgadis had also promised that he would be able to get money in order for >the three of them to eat. > >Since Zel was late, Lina took the pleasure of ordering everything on the >menu, times two. Gourry wasn't feeling very hungry that night, so he only >ordered 25 pounds worth of beef. All: ONLY?! >"I dunno about this, Lina." Gourry said with a mouthful. "We don't have any >money but we still ordered food. What if Zelgadis doesn't show up, THEN what >are we going to do?" Sasami: *Lina* Do the dishes until we pay off our meal... That oughta take about 50 years... >Lina took a big bite out of her chicken leg. "Stop worrying, Gourry! Zel will >show up, he probably got held up or something. Remember, he's a chimera and >its not like he can just walk into town like a normal person would... he's >got to be in disguise." Lina swallowed. >"I guess you're right, Lina..." said Gourry. "I mean, if worst comes to >worst, we can always kill the waiters with your magic and my sword of light!" Sakura: Yeah! That's how we ALWAYS solve things! *rolls eyes* >Lina winked at Gourry, "I guess you're NOT as dumb as I thought you were. You >continue to surprise me everyday, Gourry! I'd place your intelligence one >notch above that of an amoeba." > >"Gee, thanks Lina!" Gourry began picking his nose. > >Suddenly the door to the restaurant opened and Zelgadis' severed head flew >across the room and into Lina's soup. All: EEW! Krillin: Someone must have stolen Gourry's sword... Because that is the ONLY weapon that could really hurt him! > Lina looked at Zel's lifeless head floating in her soup, face down. "You're late, Zel." Said Lina. All: Aha aha aha... >"Oh my god, Lina!" Gourry shot up and pushed his chair back. "He almost >spilled soup on my sword of light!!!" All: THAT MAGNIFICENT BASTARD! Happosai: His "sword", huh? >Gourry began cradling his sword like a little baby. "It will be okay, there >there..." Krillin: Gourry_does NOT_do that! He also doesn't refer to it as his "Sword of Light" unless he's summoning it! >Then in from the doorway stepped someone that Lina never thought she would >see again... Never in a million years... Sasami: Amelia? Happosai: Vash the Stampede? Krillin: Her sister, Lana? Key: Barney? Sakura: Gomer Pile? > for, that person was long, long dead, Lina herself had made sure of it. >"AHHH HA HA HA!!!" Krillin: *Lina* Oh. Hi Naga with a rat's head... >"Oh no..." Lina put her hand on her forehead. "This is impossible!" > >"LINA INVERSE!!" Naga with a rat's head pointed directly at Lina from across >the room. "I have finally found you, now I will have my revenge!!" Sakura: Damn. That is just so CLICHE! >Everyone in the restaurant began to laugh. Naga just stood there feeling >stupid, her rat jaw hanging wide open with shock. "Look, mommy!" said one >little boy. "It's Mickey Mouse with a chest!" Sasami: *child's mom* No, honey. That's Minnie! Happosai: I wasn't even aware that this world knew about Mickey? >Everyone continued to laugh at Naga's misfortune. She wished she could have had >her old head instead of this rat's head... Sakura: But alas, a cruel fanfic writer gave her this horrible fate. She then committed Seippuku. The end. >Anger filled Naga as everyone in the restaurant continued to laugh. "That's >enough!" Naga prepared a spell. > >"Get over here, Gourry, she's gonna use a spell!!" Lina grabbed Gourry and >put up a protection spell around them. > >"DIMONA CRYSTAL!!!" Naga shouted and freezed every single person in the >restaurant except for Lina and Gourry who were protected by Lina's spell. >"You're next, LINA INVERSE!!! AHHH HA HA HA!!!" Sakura: Again, how cliche! >"Hey Lina, is she a friend of yours?" Gourry asked. Krillin: *Lina* Yep! Actually we're gay lovers... >"Long story, Gourry, long story..." Lina answered Sasami: Much like the rest of this story... >"Well don't worry, Lina, I'll take care of her!" Gourry whipped out his sword All Females: WHOOT! >and openly attacked Naga with a rat's head. > >"Gourry, don't you'll..." Lina cried. But it was too late. Naga casted >another Dimona Crystal spell towards Gourry and froze him into a block of >ice. The block hit the ground and shattered into tiny little pices, and >Gourry was no more. All: Oh, poopies... >"Oh NO, Gourry!" Lina cried out in horror. Then she stopped and thought to >herself, "This might actually be a blessing in disguise. Now Gourry's sword >of light is MINE, ALL MINE!!! But first, I've gotta kill Naga, again. Key: Why does she have to wait till after? Why not use it now? Happosai: Because the writer is gay, and anime law says she can only use it as a last resort. Key: Oh. >"AHH HA HA HA! As you can see, Lina Inverse, my powers have grown >dramatically since our last encounter! Coming back from the dead boosted my >powers ten fold! There is no way you can defeat me!!! AHHH HA HA HA!!!!" > >"We'll see about that!" Lina said with determination. "Fire... BALL!!!!!" A >fireball shot from Lina's hands and directly towards Naga's rat head. >Unfortunately for Lina, the fireball she cast had no effect on Naga. Krillin: damn... >"AHH HA HA! You see, Lina Inverese?? You simply cannot defeat me!!" Naga >continued to laugh. > >"DILL BRAND!!!!" Lina cast another spell at Naga, this time causing the >ground under her feet to shoot up and engulf her. However, when the smoke >cleared, Naga with a rat's head continued to stand without a scratch upon >her. Sakura: Rats... Key: No, that's her head! *Others look at her* >"AHHH HA HA! Now you die, Lina Inverse!!!" and with that, Naga with a rat's >head began chanting the words to the ultimate spell in black magic, the >DRAGON SLAVE! Krillin: She can't do that! It's impossible! >"But, you can't do the Dragon Slave, Naga, it's impossible!!" Lina cried. > >"AHH HA HA!!!" Naga laughed again. "I think not, Lina Inverse! I told you, >coming back from the dead has made me undefeatable!!!" Sasami: Yeah... But that_STILL_doesn't explain how she can do the Dragon Slave! >"Naga Don't do..." Lina wasn't able to finish her sentence. > >"DRAGON SLAVE!!!!" the rip roaring spell shot from Naga's hands directly >toward lina's small body. If you were in the next town, you would have been >able to feel the ground shaking from the sheer force of the explosion. The >restaurant was gone, the town was gone, everything in ruins. All that remained >was Naga, laughing like crazy. > >"AHHH HA HA!" Naga stood laughing. "I told you Lina, but you refused to >listen to me. Now you have been defeated by MY hands!! AHH HA HA!" Krillin: *Naga* And MY boobs! And MY ass! And my... Sasami: Krillin... >"I don't think so..." Lina pushed her way out from under the crumbled >restaurant. All: *cheer* >"Lina??? Alive??? How??" Naga was stunned. > >"You think that I wouldn't have some sort of protection spell against the >Dragon Slave?" Lina smiled. "I know how powerful the Dragon Slave is, that's >why I was able to create a protection spell against it. But it completely >drains my powers. I don't know if I have enough energy to defeat you... that >is why I won't defeat you with my own magic... but with another being's >magic..." > >"Wh- what do you mean?" Naga asked with fear. Krillin: *Sarcastic* Gee. I thought she was asking with extreme joy... Key: You did? >In her hands, Lina held Gourry's sword of light. "You'll see what I mean in >just a second." Lina began to cast a spell, a spell Naga had never heard >before during their travels together in the distant past. "Darkness beyond >black as pitch, deeper than the deepest night. King of Darkness who shines >like gold upon the sea of chaos. I call upon thee and swear myself to thee!! >Let the fools who stand before us be destroyed by the power that you and I >possess. Sword, accept this darkness, AND OBEY MY COMMAND!!" Lina pointed >Gourry's sword of light in Naga's direction. > >"Lina what are you..." Naga with a rat's head continued to stare in awe, her >beady little eyes shaking like a thousand tiny crystals. > >"GIGA SLAAAAAAVE!!!!!!!!!" Lina cried out the same spell she used to defeat >the evil Shabranigdo, Happosai: Betcha can't say that three times fast! Krillin: Shabranigno... Shabran-dingo... Shag-a-bran-dingo... Ah cripes! >the dark lord. Unfortunately for her, and the Earth, Lina must have goofed when >making the spell. Instead of just defeating Naga, Lina destroyed the Earth and >every living soul that walked upon it. That was the power that the Giga Slave >possessed, and she learned that the hard way. > >Now the Earth is gone, and what of Lina? Is she still alive? Well, I would >say, yes under any normal circumstances, however, Lina isn't your everyday >normal person. We'll leave that up to you to decide, or until a sequel to >this story comes out. Sakura: Betcha she lives... >******THE END****** > >I hope you enjoyed my second Slayers fanfic. All: We didn't! > I got a lot of emails from people concerning my first fanfic. Well, I got a positive response Sakura: What'd THEY have for breakfast? CRACK?! > so I decided to make a sequel. The first one was slightly more >disgusting than this one, Sasami: "Slightly" he says! > and that's partially because some of the comments I got said that the first >fanfic was TOO digusting. Anyway, if you have any comments, Email me >(Xellos @ix.netcom.com) *They all hurriedly write down the address* > or sign my guestbook. I want to hear all your HONEST comments! If you really >liked it, tell me, if you really hated it, tell me that too! Happosai: Oh, believe me. We will! *Doors open and they all leave* --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Krillin: So, how many parts left? Key: Hmmm... By Key's calculation... three! *red light starts flashing* "Doctah H" is calling! (Dark Place) *Legato's image pops up on the screen. Behind him, a Gatomon wearing Miko's bow is chasing a white and red budgie. A Spriggan with Rezo's staff stands directly behind Legato.* Sasami: I see you got some more underlings. Legato; No, I did not. We had a small... incident involving Jusenkyo spring water. The budgie is Nakoruru, the Gatomon is Miko and, as you can tell, the Spriggan is Rezo. Anyway, You shall be watching the third part next time. Push the button, Nakoruru! Nakoruru Budgie: Chirp! *pecks frantically at the button until it works.* FWOOSH! ================================================================================ Season One: episode 1-13 Season Two: episode 14: SLAYERS IDIOTIC: A Parody Prequel episode 15: The Belmont Anime Geek Table Squad vs Evangelion, Macross and Gundam episode 16: Project A-ko vs. Sailor Moon episode 17: Slayers Idiotic II: NAGA'S REALLY BIG RETURN Quote o' the Day: >He had always hoped that one day, the two of them could somehow be together >again, but now it was impossible... or was it? Tublar had been perfecting a >potion that he hoped would be able to bring the dead back to life. Krillin: *Tublar* And if THAT doesn't work, I'll just call it New Coke! Oh, just a gentle reminder that my E-mail address is ken_chanx@hotmail.com! Send Fanfics, Jokes, Quotes, notes of your undying love, Flames (uh... on second thought...)