Legal Stuff 'n' such Mystery Science Theatre 3000 & related characters are owned and copyrighted by Best Brains Inc. all other characters and likenesses are owned by their respectable owners. Please don't sue me! I'm poorer than dirt! Ken's Notes: this is a little fanfic I wrote a looooong time ago. I thought I had lost it when I lost the disk with most of my fanfics on it. I found it... sadly. I had printed out a copy and I then found it about a month ago in my "Swipe File". I re-wrote it and, voila! Here it is! MST'd for the masses! With that out of the way, here we gooo! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *You come upon the same "Masterpiece Theatre" chair from a couple of episodes ago. Knives turns to face you.* Knives: Ah! Hello, pitiful little insects! Your humble human exterminator here! I trust you are anxiously awaiting your so-called heroes' latest endeavor? Well, now. You are in luck! The fanfic is just starting now! *opening song* In the not to distant future, (Who cares just when!) A guy kidnaps some characters And decides just then... (Zoinks!) Legato: I'll send 'em cruddy fanfics. The worst that I can find. (DSF Slime, Miko, Dan, Nakoruru & Rezo:Lalala!) Then we'll see how long They keep their lil' minds (Neko, Dubimon, Team Rocket: Lalala!) Now remember, even Zelgadis can't control when the stories come. He's just gonna take another 'zac (... and maybe anot'r Tum!) MST'er ROLL CALL! Zelgadis!: (... ...!) Sailor Mercury!: (Stupid fanboy!) Misty!: (GO, Starmie!) Aaash!: (Finish him, Pikachu!) Liiink!: (Oh, Woofnab!) If you're asking how they eat 'n' breathe And, uh, other types of stuff, Calm yourself, put down that bottle 'o' Jolt, And kick back in the buff (eep!), For MST Ripoff 2K! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (SOAP) *You come upon Shadow. He is madly tinkering on... SOMEthing. He's muttering to himself, as well.* Shadow: Curse my addiction of catnip! I coulda taken over Dark Place by now! But nooo! I had to eat a whole freakin' bag... *Sees you.* Greetings! I suppose you are wondering what a semi-mad scientist wannabe such as myself is doing... No? Feh! Anyway, this is the invention that will change everything! Behold! *He steps back to reveal... A scratching post with a toy attached by an elastic string.* Impressed? No? Oh, well! You might as well watch a commer-DUST BUNNY!! *Shadow pounces on the dust bunny. With an anime sweatdrop, you push the grey button.* Announcer: Do you ever wish you could have a dramatic mist to announce your arrival? Do you dream of being like your favorite heroes or villians? Like Darkwing Duck, Batman, and Team Rocket, you CAN! With NEW Instant Mist! Yes! You too can enjoy the thrill of having villians guess where your voice is really coming from! Random Guy on the Street: Ayuh! Ah enjoy usin' Instant Mist! It gives muh cousin, Bubba Ray Bob, a start every tam ah use it! Ahyuck! Announcer: Instant Mist: For the perfect dramatic moment every time! Fast Voice-over: Not to be used if you are pregnant, breathing, smoking, hot, cold, or otherwise living. Side affects include nausea, nosebleeds, blindness... or, at the very least, temporary insanity. Zelgadis: uh huh... Anyway, here we are in the control room, waiting, once again for Legato to call... Have a seat! *You sit down. An hour or two passes.* *The red light begins flashing* Akurei: The preppies are calling... *Pushes red button* (Dark Place) Legato: So sorry to keep you waiting. We were getting digital cable. Now we get to watch movies and, most importantly of all... THE A-TEAM! And you can't watch it! *Evil laughter* (SOAP) Wolfwood: A-Team!? Y-you BASTARD! (Dark Place) Legato: Damn straight! Anyway, we STILL have not found the final part of Slayers Idiotic, so you will watch this long-thought-lost fanfic by Ken. Push the button, Nakoruru. Nakoruru: Yeppers! (SOAP) *lights & klaxons* Akurei: Oh, poopies! WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN! *Door sequence: Door 6: Dogbone door. Opens automatically. Door 5: The Crow is standing in front of you. He asks you if that's gas he smells. You step on his foot and run away, giggling. Door 4: It's Lucille from Samurai Pizza Cats! She is watching "Romeo and Juliet" (1990's version) with Mihoshi, Usagi and C-ko. You avoid the Macross-style onslaught of missiles while barely making it out without drowning from the resulting tears. Door 3: It's a drawbridge. It slowly opens, the rusty squeak slowly driving you insane. Door 2: It's a Legend of Zelda-type closed door. You light all the torches and the door opens. Door 1: It's a wall! One of Lucille's stray missiles blasts an opening. Seated left to right: Link, Ash, Misty, Sailor Mercury and Zelgadis.* Ash: Which lost fanfic could this be? I thought we saw all of them... Link: Not to sound like Shadow or anything, but could this be a lemon? All: *Chanting* Pleasedon'tbealemon! Pleasedon'tbealemon! >The Ranma Group Spends a Week At Belmont Misty: Sounds innocent enough... >by Ken Scott > >(Note: The following diary entries belonged to someone named Ash: Bubba! Link: Napoleon! Misty: Abe! >Ranma Saotome, All: D'oh! >and was found in a grubby binder with crude stick drawings on the cover. All: *Snicker* >As a service to all involved, we must warn everybody that the following is >EXTREMELY disturbing. *Ash and Link look at each other and nod* Ash & Link: Lemon! *ZAP!* >All children, pregnant woman, people with queazy stomachs, and weird little freaks >with smiley face tattoos, must leave the room!) Ash: I'm a child! Misty, Zelgadis & Sailor Mercury: I've got a queazy stomach! Link: I, umm, I've got the tattoo! *All try to leave, but remember that past attempts have ALWAYS failed and sit down.* >Saturday > >Arrived in Victoria. It rains a lot here! (I'll have to buy an umbrella!) Akane, >Ryoga, Shampoo and I are in this place as part of the student exchange program Ash: That's bound to suck... >(I feel sorry for the poor saps who have to endure a week at my school. NOT!). Link: Rotten little bugger, isn't he? >We got assigned to our residences for the week. Ryoga and I are staying with the >Pollitt family (Man, their son, Devin, is twisted! I'll have to be careful around him!), Misty: Nah! Just splash him with water: He's supposedly allergic! >while Akane and Shampoo have the privelage of staying with the Clarksons. We'll >have a whole day to rest up (or party), Zelgadis: Or leave. >until we have to go to Belmont. > >Sunday > >Akane called me this afternoon to tell me that the Clarkson's daughter, Ky, has a >habit of "Out-Hentai-ing" everyone. Things may get weird! Zelgadis: Compared to? >Monday > >Ah! Our first day here, and already things have gotten weird! Ryoga got lost (as >usual), All: *snicker* Sailor Mercury: *Ryoga* Excuse me, where is Furinkan High School? >trying to find the South gym. Even after getting a school map, and having numberous >people, including Akane, Shampoo, and myself, point out that he was right in front >of it! Misty: *sigh* He's hopeless! >I met some of the teachers in the hallway. One of them, a Mr. Bowen, has the >BIGGEST eyebrows I've ever seen! He could practically kill someone with those >things. Just by turning his head, he could knock loose some of the bricks in the >school, crushing any poor shmoe stuck behind him! Ash: Ken Scott: The occasional master of Super-exaggeration! >Later on, at lunch, I met Devin's friends (including Ky), known collectively as the >Anime Geek Table. Link: ...Squad. >They all seemed to recognize me for some unknown reason (They even knew about my >curse! Zelgadis: Who doesn't? > Brrr!). I decided to head to my gym class early! Ash: Now, is Ranma in girl form, or boy form? >I left the cafeteria through one of the doors leading outside. Just as I opened the >door, I got splashed with rain water that had collected on the door frame. All: *Nelson* ha ha! >Dang! I had to find some hot water fast, so that I could change in gym without >being gawked at. Seeing no great deal of hot water around, Link: ... I splashed myself with hot oil. Sending me to the hospital, where I'm writing from now. The doctors say I could die any mi-~\ ~ >I opted for skipping gym. I wasn't all that anxious to go anyway! > >Oh, weird thing. I could have SWORN I saw Happosai lurking in the shadows today! >I'll have to look into that. Misty: That's not good! Ash: Since when is seeing Happosai good? Misty: *Mr.Peabody* Quiet, you. > >Tuesday > >I was right! I DID see that perv, Happosai, yesterday. Turns out he's a replacement >custodian. Misty: Damn! Now Canada isn't even safe! >Ryoga is STILL lost! I walked out of the South gym, and he was STILL looking for >it. He's hopeless! > >I've learned a new method to get past that doorway splashing problem. I simply kick >the door open and take one step back. It is very effective. Unfortunately, Ryoga, >Akane and Shampoo haven't learned that yet, so two out of three become animals that >shouldn't be at school (the perfect way to skip without getting caught, I guess.), Link: I suppose... >and Akane becomes (more) hostile. All: Aha aha aha... >I went to the library and saw one of Devin's friends, Clayton, looking at anime >pictures. Some of them were of my friends and I! The plot thickens!! Zelgadis: It does? When? >Wednesday > >I wanted some answers! How the heck did all those pictures of me get on the 'net? Zelgadis: Oh, they just pasted your head onto some nude model's body... >The Anime Geek Table said to come to the Anime Club, which was conveniently today! All: *Bored* Whoot! >But, that would only confound me more! > >Oddly enough, they were watching we had when we got shipwrecked on that island, and >Akane, Shampoo, and the other girls were kidnapped. I didn't remember any cameras >being there. If I had seen them, I would have gotten rid of them with one of my >cool karate kicks! That woulda taught them to spy on me and my friends! Link: Cocky little one, isn't he? >Thursday > >It was a bit of an eventful day. After lunch, I did my usual >door-kick-one-step-back thing, and the water missed, as expected. Unfortunately, >Akane was waiting on the roof with a bucket of cold water. All: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA! >'Nuff said. Fortunately, I had a spare block, and I'd brought my girl gym strip. > >Also, apparently Happosai is still the custodian, though probably not for long. It >seems the balding midget snuck into one of the Girls' change rooms and stole-you >guessed it-panties. All: natch... >The perv was caught on one of the security cameras, sneaking in and out. And, >although there was no audio, you can tell what he was saying: "What a haul! What a >haul!" > >Oh. And Ryoga got lost again! > >Friday > >TGIF!! It was our final day at Belmont, and it was a shortened day. So, we all got >our stuff packed so we can party later this evening! Wine, Women 'n' Song! I can >hardly wait!! Ash: Me neither! *ZAP!* >Saturday > >Oh,my head! I am SO hung over! Thank God We're going home! Last night got a little >out of hand. Ryoga and I got into a drinking contest, and we both got plastered. Zelgadis: Where'd they get the booze? Misty: It's Belmont... Whaddaya expect! > >I passed out in a drunken stupor and Ryoga plashed me with a bucket of cold water >to revive me. Shampoo says we left kind of close and holding hands. All: 0___o;; Ash: *ZAP!* > >I guess one thing led to another, and this morning I woke up with Ryoga beside me. All: >.< >Now, I,uh, I think I'm pregnant! *All start to run around the room screaming.* >How am I going to explain this to Dad?! It's gonna be a long flight home!! > >Signed: Ranma Saotome > >THE END. All: THANK GOD! *Doors open and they all scramble to get out.* ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ (SOAP Control Room) Misty: Remind me to kill Ken when he gets back... Sailor Mercury: I'll help! Link: It's things like this that makes me wonder where Legato's getting all this stuff... Ash: I have an ominous feeling that we'll find out soon enough! FWOOSH! ==================================================================================== Season One: episode 1-13 Season Two: episode 14: SLAYERS IDIOTIC: A Parody Prequel episode 15: The Belmont Anime Geek Table Squad vs Evangelion, Macross and Gundam episode 16: Project A-ko vs. Sailor Moon episode 17: Slayers Idiotic II: NAGA'S REALLY BIG RETURN episode 18: Slayers Idiotic III: LINA IN SPACE episode 19: Slayers Idiotic IV: Lina Versus Gourry! episode 20: The Ranma Group Spends a Week At Belmont Quote o' the Day: >TGIF!! It was our final day at Belmont, and it was a shortened day. So, we all got >our stuff packed so we can party later this evening! Wine, Women 'n' Song! I can >hardly wait!! Ash: Me neither! *ZAP!* Oh, just a gentle reminder that my E-mail address is ken_chanx@hotmail.com! Send Fanfics, Jokes, Quotes, notes of your undying love, Flames (uh... on second thought...)