Legal Stuff 'n' such Mystery Science Theatre 3000 & related characters are owned and copyrighted by Best Brains Inc. all other characters and likenesses are owned by their respectable owners. Please don't sue me! I'm poorer than dirt! Ken's Notes: Well, I found THIS little gem on the "Anti-Anti-Sailor Moon MSTing" page. See, the site is there to punish all the gay-ass people who hate Sailor Moon and undignify us with their craptastic fanfics and their inability to spell, use punctuation, etc. There was one fic on the page where the Sailor Scouts are lead into an alley and killed (Tuxedo Mask too) by a loser with his M-16... Though it is funny that he did not kill the Sailor Starlights, Sailor Chibi-Chibi or the cats... the REAL masters of evil(!), it also proves that Eminem isn't the ONLY one that needs therapy! Nav was his name, I believe... Anyway, this ISN'T the one by him, but I'll do it, along with the second part of the story, in a future episode. Enjoy this one. Oops! My rant was a bit long! With that out of the way, here we gooo! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Legato: *Stroking his arm* Now, how can I torture them? What would make them squirm in agony like the pitiful humans that they are? Queen Beryl: We could send them this Anti-Sailor Moon fic I found! Legato: Thank you. *Queen Beryl gets contorted into a pretzel* This will do nicely. Dismissed! Queen Beryl: *gack!* You're welcome. *hobbles off* *opening song* In the not to distant future, (Who cares just when!) A guy kidnaps some characters And decides just then... (Zoinks!) Legato: I'll send 'em cruddy fanfics. The worst that I can find. (DSF Slime, Miko, Dan, Nakoruru & Rezo:Lalala!) Then we'll see how long They keep their lil' minds (Ganondorf, Queen Beryl, Team Rocket: Lalala!) Now remember, even Zelgadis can't control when the stories come. He's just gonna take another 'zac (... and maybe anot'r Tum!) MST'er ROLL CALL! Sailor Mercury!: (Stupid Fanboy!) Lara!: (>sniffle< I'm lost!) Happosai!: (Watta haul!) Ken-Chan X!: (Wasaaabi!) Vaaash!: (Love and Peace!) If you're asking how they eat 'n' breathe And, uh, other types of stuff, Calm yourself, put down that bottle 'o' Jolt, And kick back in the buff (eep!), For MST Ripoff 2K! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (SOAP) *Sasami is at a stove in the kitchen. She's hunched over various pots, bowls and pans* Sasami: hmmm... needs more garnish... *Sees you* Well, hello. I just woke up and am fixing breakfast for the others... They enjoy sleeping in! Too bad Shadow, Ryo'oh ki and Pikachu find the need to wake me up at 6 in the morning *Grumble* Well, since nothing is happening, have a seat and wait for a commercial! *grey button on the wall starts flashing. Sasami pushes it with her elbow* *Camera pans in on Shinji from Evangelion* Shinji: I musn't run away! Everyone's counting on me! Announcer: Got angst? *Shinji nods* Then you'd be perfect for the first annual "Mr. Angst-ridden Teen Bishounen World Championships"! Yes! If you have issues, or any type of hangup, then compete to have the chance to become known as the Bishonen that oozes with so much angst, it's scary! Sasami: Whoa! That's pretty *beep*-ed up... I'll go wake the others... *Loudspeaker crackles to life*... or not. Loudspeaker: All SOAP inhabitants to the control room... Get up off your duffs, people! (SOAP control room) *All are present* Ken-Chan X: NOW, what do you want? (Dark Place) Nakoruru: Legato has another fanfic for you! Take it away, boss! uh, boss? BOSS! *Rustling of paper bags and chewing noises are heard* Legato, quit EATING! You were going to address the inhabitants, remember? *more chewing noises and then a swallow* Legato: ...This world is going to be obliterated by my hand. Why do you persist in entertaining such pointless activities? Your time left on this planet should be spent much more wisely. Like eating, for instance. There is never too much eating. *chews some more* OH! The fanfic! *sigh* Someone splash Dark Shadowy Figure with hot water. I'm too busy. *Jesse splashes a black slime that's sitting on a chair. It turns into Dark Shadowy Figure* Dark Shadowy Figure: YOW! It doesn't have to be BOILING hot, you idiot! Anyway, Queen Beryl donated this anti-Sailor Moon fic and was rewarded as expected... Queen Beryl: *still in a pretzel shape* Yo! Legato: *Still eating* I happen to LIKE Sailor Moon. *munch munch* Anyway, enjoy. Push the button, Nakoruru! Nakoruru: Yes, oh Snacking Evil One! (SOAP) *lights & klaxons* Lara: Oh, poopies! WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN! *Door sequence: Door 6: Dogbone door. Opens automatically Door 5: Usagi, C-ko and Mihoshi(?) sit on a couch watching "Casablanca". You barely make it out without drowning in the resulting tears. Door 4: It's Lucille from Samurai Pizza Cats! She is trying to reload her head and you avoid the Macross-style onslaught of missiles. Door 3: It's a drawbridge. It slowly opens, the rusty squeak slowly driving you insane. Door 2: It's Kirby! He has a helper character. You beat the smeg out of both of them before going on. Door 1: It's a wall! One of Lucille's stray missiles blasts an opening. Seated left to right: Lara, Ken-Chan X, Vash, Sailor Mercury and Happosai.* >A Typical Sailor Moon Episode Sailor Mercury: THAT'S highly doubtful... Ken-Chan X: Okay, ten bucks says that it goes like this: The Sailor Scouts investigate a new business, only to find that it IS indeed a Negaforce plot. They try and beat the monster who's running it, but it is to strong. Tuxedo Mask comes out of nowhere, delivers a speech and disappears. They then beat the smeg out of the monster. The end. Vash: Yer on! Ken-Chan X: I was kidding. >It was a typical day in Tokyo. Ken-Chan X: *Wide announcer voice* Industry! Bits of silicon formed into the most powerful computer components the world has ever seen! >Serena was acting in her typical way.(Notice the cheesy theme) Vash: What cheesy theme? >She had just got a phone call from her bully friend Lita. Lara: *Lita* Gimme your lunch money, Serena. Sailor Mercury: She's not THAT bad! She's just a little... tomboyish. > Apperantly her new boyfriend dumped her when she beat up his little sister. Happosai: Oy! That's not good! >Serena then called Amy and Rei to go and cheer Lita up. Vash: If ya know what I mean! *Wink wink* Ken-Chan X: Yeah! *nudge nudge* *WHAM WHAM* *Lara puts away Huge Squeaky Mallet of Doom (tm)* >When they all met at Litas house they tried to cheer her up in there own way. Happosai: By stripping! > "Hey Lita"shouted Rei. " At least you had a boyfriend that is more than Serena >could say hahahahah"Rei said in a loud superior voice. Ken-Chan X: I think the lack of ANY punctuation will confuse us and the plot. Sailor Mercury: What plot? Ken-Chan X: Good point. > Serena replied with >"waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah That wasn't nice". Sailor Mercury: Oh, come on! She isn't THAT much of a crybaby! Lara: *Motioning towards the now-blocked entrence*Oh yeah? Then HOW do you explain what happened on our way here? Sailor Mercury: Like I said, she's not THAT bad. Besides, Rei is totally out of character! Ken-Chan X: Glad you agree. >Rei then yelled " ya but it is true you stupid ditz" Happosai: Boy, Rei is more of a bully than Lita! PLUS she has no idea on how to use punctuation! >Serena and Rei then started fighting. Happosai: Now, THAT's A match I wanna see! *grin* Lara: And it's round one of the Senshi match. I gotta tell ya, Vash, My money's on the blonde. Vash: No way, baka, it's Rei all the way! Lara: I always root for the underdog, you broom-headed hentai! Besides, Serena will probably trip Rei up. Vash: Oh yeah?! LET's GET IT ON! *Start to wrestle each other* Ken-Chan X: Uh, guys? The story... Lara & Vash: Oh, right. >Aimy then suggested"Why don't we study calculus. It allways cheers me up". >"Whats calculas" asked Serena. Sailor Mercury: Not calculas, calculus. >"it is math" explained Aimy. Vash: Don't Aimy that gun at me! Ken-Chan X: No, Vash. No treats for you. Vash: C'mon, didn't you think that was a little funny? Sailor Mercury: Nope. > "Whats Math" asked Serena. Ken-Chan X: She's not THAT dense! She knows what math is. Obviously this guy based his info on one episode! >"It is the class that you allways fail"Explained Aimy. Ken-Chan X: I think the author is subconsciously writing in his own failures in English class. Happosai: How true. How true. >"Oh that silly class tee hee hee hee hee"laughed Serena.Then Serena suggested"lets >go to the mall to get make overs" Lita,Rei and Serena then begin to jump around All: o/~Jump around! Jump around! Jump up Jump up! Jump Around!o/~ >like the idiots that they are. Sailor Mercury: We NEVER jump around... only when we're fighting a Negaverse monster! It's called SELF DEFENCE! Something the author will need if I ever find him! Vash: So you're admitting you're idiots? Sailor Mercury: Don't be stupid, blondie! >Aimy took Luna to the library the rest of the Scouts went to get makeovers. On >their way to the hair salon they see a new shop. It was called Jeodites energy >drain shop. Then Molly comes up to the scouts."Look Serena its a new energy >draining place dosen't it look neat. Happosai: Molly's a Sailor Scout? Vash: You wish! Happosai: Yes, actually. I do! >yelled Molly as she is running toward them. Ken-Chan X: Oh sure, I can see how... HUH??! >Normal people would be able to figure out thatthis was an obvious Negaverse plot Lara: That is, if they knew what the Negaforce was, or believed in such things. >but Luna wasn't around to figure things out them. Vash: heh. Good point. Sailor Mercury: I would be able to recognize that it was a plot by the Negaforce right away! Happosai: Yeah. But your character is at the library right now! Sailor Mercury: Oh yeah! >The Sailor Scouts then started jumping up and down for a half hour. Lara: WHAT THE HECK IS ALL THIS *bleep*?! Ken-Chan X: Oh, the author is just using the same scene over and over again. Vash: I want my money back! >In the Salon Rei and Serena start fighting over who goes first. >"Listnen Serena did you even remember to bring money"Said Rei. >"oops I will be right back" said Serena. Serena ran to get her money. All: *trumpet-like sound* Waah waah waaaaaaaaaah. Sailor Mercury: Sadly, I can see her doing something like that. >Heading back to get money to pay for her Energy Drain Lara: Wait! I thought they were in the hair salon! Vash: I guess they went to the energy drain shop. Lara: It clearly said they went into_the_salon! Happosai: I'm starting to have trouble believing this story. Sailor Mercury: Starting? >Serena runs into Aimy and Luna. All: Ouch! > Serena then explains what happned up to the part where Serena realized that she >didn't bring any money. Then Luna got suspicous." There might be a slight chance >that the Negaverse might be involved" All: NO SHIT, SHERLOCK! Happosai: Involved in what? Her forgetting her money, or the Energy Drain Shop?! >suggestd Luna "I think you girls should Transform" Vash: *Optimus Primal* Maximals! Transform and move out! >Ordered Luna. Lara: *Gum-chewing diner Waitress* Someone ordered the Luna? >"No way" said Serena. " The Negaverse wouldn't drain energy by opening an energy >draining shop". Ken-Chan X: Ummm... "Have a fun!"? "Go kicky fast okay!"? "Ha ha! What a weird!"? "Make #1 Sexy Chat!"? >" Still I think we should check it out even if it seems like an inocent energy draining shop. Lara: What's so bleedin' innocent about it?! >They then transform and head over to the energy draining store. > >At the energy draining shop Sailor Moon and Sailor Mercury noticed that their >friends where sleeping and Jeodite and a stupid looking monster was laughing. Ken-Chan X: *Stupid Looking Monster* Du-uh! I like rice! >"So you msailor scouts Vash: Jadeite and the monster_ARE_Jimbo and Ned! >discovered my brilliant plan of opening an energy draining shop" Happosai: How is it brilliant? C-KO_could have come up with a better plan than that! >yelled Jeodite."Now you Die" yelled Jeodite. Lara: He yells alot, doesn't he? Vash: A lot of pent-up anger, I'll bet. Sailor Mercury: Add the fact that all of Queen Beryl's Generals are male, you might want to toss in a little sexual frustration. Happosai: All of them? *All nod heads* Including... *All nod heads* Eew. >The Sailor Scouts respounded by screaming and running away from the monster. Then >Tuxedo Mask showed up. He threw a flower at the monster. Vash: *monster* For me? You remembered! >"ack its a flower me Negaverse monsters are afraid of flowers". Thought the >monster. " Sailor Mercury: No they're not. >I know I will stand still and do nothing that will beat those Sailor Scouts" >Thought the monster. Ken-Chan X: Wow... man. What a self-defeating idea! > Then Mercurey made a speech when it was apparent that the monster wasn't going to >fight back. " I will defeate you in the name of love and pretty things" Yelled >Sailor Mercury All: *Cheer* >" I will defeate you in the name of being good and ditzy" yelled Sailor Moon. Vash: Why must they yell? Why must the little voices in my head yell? I've got a migraine! Mommy! >They then danced around for a minute while the monster stood still. Ken-Chan X: *bored* Oh, look! The so-called author is doing the same scene again. Aren't we all excited, gang? All: *bored* yaay. >Sailor Mercury shot her bubbles, *Lara puts her hands over Ken and Vash's mouths while Sailor Mercury brandishes a tree branch menacingly at Happosai* >and Sailor Moon threw her plastic Tiara Vash: They Just don't make 'em like they used to. Sailor Mercury: It's METAL, baka! >in a combination that made the monster disapeer. Then Jeodite ran away to the >Negaverse Ken-Chan X: What? The circus wouldn't take him so he joined the Negaverse instead? >and everybody awakened. Lara: You mean this has all been a DREAM? *Pinches Ken* hmph. He's in pain. Maybe this isn't a dream after all! >The moral of this story is no matter how weak the Sailor Scouts are the Negaverse >monsters are allways in sadder shape. Lara: How true. >The end ALL: Yeeaaay! Lara: We're outta here! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (Soap Control Room) Ken-Chan X: Well, that was one gay anti-Sailor Moon fic. Happosai: And we ate it up then spat it out. Lara: Please, sir! I want more! (Dark Place) Legato: You'll get your chance. I have already found another one, but I have... other things planned for you first. Sleep well. Push the button, Nakoruru! FWOOSH! ==================================================================================== episode 1: Why RPG's Should be Severely Censored and Devoid of Character Development episode 2: Steven Gohan's letter to the GIA episode 3: Doubleheader: The Anime Night Before Christmas and The Anime Geek Table Squad Meet Ranma 1/2 episode 4: The Anime Fight of the Century episode 5: Life Sucks!: A Slayers fic episode 6: Chibiusa's 7th Birthday episode 7: Doubleheader: Madness takes Hold -- Rape and Ruto's Gift episode 8: Doubleheader: Ami-Chan and First Times episode 9: A Very Merry Trigun Christmas episode 10: A Typical Sailor Moon Episode Quote o' the Day: >"No way" said Serena. " The Negaverse wouldn't drain energy by opening an energy >draining shop". Oh, just a gentle reminder that my E-mail address is ken_chanx@hotmail.com! Send Fanfics, Jokes, Quotes, notes of your undying love, Flames (uh... on second thought...)