TheGaysOfkelsey

The Gays of KELSEY'S Life!!!

(Hi this is Kelsey speaking, this is a diary of my weird adventures that I had, at first I didn�t want to belive that this stuff was happening and it was all a drug hallucination, but then I remebered that the crap that Krista got was Oragano. I will be telling this story as best as I can remember it, and if it seems weird, in mine and the others defense, with the exception of Dan, we were all high at the time)
As our last story finished off, Kelsey had just had her 14tuplets! And each one of them looked like one of her husbands, and then 2 other people, but we find out after like 50 lie detector tests that Kelsey really didn�t sleep with Darrin Fletcher and Jeff Cirrilo, they RAPED her! So she decided to called the two kids Ass and Clown and together they make an ass clown. Kelsey's husbands were against her keeping the 2 other children, but since Kelsey has such a kind heart, she kept them � NO she kept them cuz Canadian died and then needed some new slaves. They all live in the mansion together, Spring Traning has just began and Krista has divorced Aaron and frequently cheats with Kelsey's husbands but Kelsey doesn�t care cuz the deal is that she has to babysit.

Cirrilo : Look baby, I thought you wanted it.
Kelsey : Whoa whoa whoa, back the shopping cart up, I never slept with you, nor would I ever want to! Therefor that means that you forces your ugly ass face on me and raped me from this side of Kentucky to the other!
Darrin : Hahahah that was a good one sweety!
Kelsey : Ahem don�t call me that � ASS I don�t like you either
(In the background Krista laughs and starts to sing)
Krista : Kelsey, you were raped by Darrin Fletcher so Dan and Freddy and the rest went old school and put him on a stretcher!
Dan : You know what, I am tired of you guys coming around our house, harassing my wife, and then saying you are here to see your kids, well then take the little bastards with you!
Kelsey : He RAPED me.
Cirrilo : No, then we don�t have an excuse to come here and see Kelsey.
Freddy : Somethings smells a little fishy here �
Nelson : Ya there is something strange about their story �
Freddy : No serioulsy � I smell fish
John : You do?
Bret : (Yelling) MARTIN, GET THE HELL OUTTA OUR GARBAGE!!
Al : (Yelling) Sorry, Melanie wanted something to eat!
(Just then you hear Kelsey shreaking!)
Kelsey : WHAT THE FUCK YOU NEVER EEEE EEE VER TOUCH ME AGAIN!
Jamie : What's that all about?
Pelletier : Well see what happened is that Darrin, being the perverted bastard that he is, went and tried to rape Kelsey again but then Super Cammie, with his Cammie sense a tinglin, he saved her!
Jamie : I know dumbass, I was standing right here, it was just an expression � ya know what your'e too embarrassin!

Get Away From Me

The house is quiet, the babies are all either asleep or like dead or something, who knows, and then the door bell rings.
Kelsey : Hmm I wounder who that could be at this time a night
Cammie : It's 4 oclock in the afternoon!
Krista : She is aware of the time
(Ichiro then gets up and goes to the door)
Ichiro : You again! I thought David told you that he didn�t want to be your partner any more! He is through with you, � you � you HERMAFRIDITE!
Jamie Sale : To hell with you, to hell with David, to hell with my sex change operation! I am not, repeat not a hermafridite! Not let me in!
Ichiro : Micheal, what do you think?
Cammie : Umm lemme think about that (scratches his head) ahh � lets see �. Here �. NO!
(But Ichiro took too long thinking about that, cuz Cammie's habbits rubbed off on him that Jamie had just stormed into the mansion)
Jamie Sale : PLEASE TAKE ME BACK PLEASE !!! (on her knees) Please David! I love you! I am nothing without you! I cant be a pairs skater without a partner!
Kelsey : Man people who beg are soooo pathetic (in the background you hear Krista talking to Dan)
Krista : PUUUUUUHHHLLLLLEEEEZZZZZZZZZZ Danny wanny?! Come on just once more! One more time, it wont be that bad, you cant last that long, come on puhhlleeezzz?!
Dan : No, I said no the last 12 times you asked, I am 97 % loyal to Kelsey and only 3% to god, but I cant betray Kelsey's trust again. , she'll take away my bible
Kelsey : Hey Kika, whatca doing?
Krista : Uh, nuthing, just asking Dan to play some play � NINTENDO! (she giggles)
Kelsey : Ya uh ha ha umm, we don�t have Nintendo, we only have Playstation � HEY BITCH GET BACK HERE WITH MY HUSBAND!! ( The run out of the room)
Pelletier : Jamie, get over it, I don�t love you, I never loved you, the only reason I fookin skated with you in the first place is cuz I needed a god damn partner! Geez why are you so emotionally attached?
Jamie Sale : Because I love you David! We were perfect together! Remember the Olymipcs? Remember? We, as in you and me got the gold!
Pelletier : You were there? I remember the Olympics but I don�t remember you!
Booney : Ya know what? Get the fuck outta our house! RELEASE THE HOUNDS!!!!
(All of a sudden Cammie runs out in a dog costume and chases her away, Kelsey comes back)
Kelsey : Who wants to come for a drive? (Cammie and Krista puts up their hands)

The Shagwire!

They are driving through the country side, Cammie, who loves the dog suit more than he thought, wouldn�t take the damn thing off so he was hanging out of the Mustang convertible with his tounge hanging out!
Kelsey : Krista did you ever realize how the countryside looks nothing like Safeco's outfield?
Krista : Whoa what was that (referring to the squeeling tires, behind them was a hummer with Arod painted on the side and some guy from the Diminican Rebublic was driving and he was wearing a number 3 Texass jersey)( He was alos holding a gun)
Cammie : Whoa who could that be? No seriously I don�t know!
BANG BANG GUNSHOTS
Kelsey : Reach under the seat Krista, David stores guns under the seats so the kids do get them.
(Krista turns around and shoots out the tires of the hummer, then they all get out. The guy pulled on a hood and was wearing a Texas Fez)
Guy : You look femeiler
Krista : I prolly have slept with you at least once
Guy: No I would never do that to Der � I mean maybe
Kelsey : Who sent you?
Guy : I'll never tell!
Kelsey : Who sent you?
Guy : You'll have to tourture me, I'll never tell
Kelsey : Who sent you?
Guy : Jamie Sale.
Krista ; Well that was easy
Kelsey : Dan was easy, but why did you tell us?
Krista : Ya
Guy : I cant stand to look at a Mariner, it just irritates me
Cammie : (Tugging at Kelsey's sleeve) Kelsey (whining) I have to pee!
Kelsey : Krista, would you take him over to that 7 � 11 to the bathroom?
Cammie : Don�t you think that due to the recent happenings, that maybe we shouldn�t go into a 7 � 11 any more?
Kelsey : (Looking confused) Why what happened?
Krista : So you are telling me, that you would go into one of them 7 � 11's run by a dude with a terbin?
Cammie : No
Guy : Aboslutly
All of them : AWWWW
Cammie : Yous a lyin mother fucker, you'd out run black people to get outta that store!
Guy ; I think that in this time of war, we should be � (He didn�t get to finish because Cammie peed on his leg)
Cammie : (looks sheepish) Whoops a heh heh sorry. I told you I had to go!!
(Guy was so grossed out that he stumbled and fell off a cliff and was dead, well or so they thought �� no he was dead cuz they made Kelsey climb down and check)
Krista : Hmm it�s a shame we never found out who it was.

Take Me Out To Safeco

The Mariners are playing Texass at Safeco and Arod is missing, he didn�t show up for the game. The Mariners are winning but not by that much, the score was only 20 � 2. Jeff Cirrilo wasn�t playing because Lou decided that Kelsey was better and put her on 3rd base permenantly. It was th 8th inning.
Cirrilo : Come on Lou, please, put me in, come on! I am the new player here! I need to play my games!
Edgar : Look Cirrilo, I know you are trying to steal my baby girls position, and I wont have it!
Umpire : Lets go batter uuuupppp!
Dan : Ya lets go, strike this beeotch out!
Mario : Beeotch?! Whats a beeotch?
(Kelsey giggles on 3rd base)
Krista : Come oooonnnnnn! Lets go fat ass! Get your thunder theigh's in the fuckin batters box!
Mario : Don�t rush me! I need to concentrate! (He whispers to himself) Come on Rafeal, you can do this, you don�t need to try to live up to Arod's high standards, you are a good person Rafeal, you are a good person!
Dan : I couldn�t help but hearing your conversation with yourself, well actaully went out of my way to listen but that is my job, cuz well, I'll level with you, no one ever suspects the christian catcher!
Mario : Really? You're christian too?
Kelsey : Marrriiiioooooo! Marrriiioooooo!
Mario (Looks at Kelsey) : What?
(A pitch blows by Mario)
Umpire : SSSTTTYYYYYRRRRIIIIIKKKKEEEE 1
(and so on, Mario strikes out. Bottom of the 9th, Cammie stepps up to the plate with a big WHOOOSSSHH)
Cammie : My Cammie senses are tingling, and they are telling me that it is time to swing!
Lou (yelling) : Will someone just hit a fuckin homer already? Geez, just cuz we arnt a powerhitting line up doeznt mean that you can fuckin swing for the fences!
Cammie : Hmm I think that Lou is telling me to use my special SUPER CAMMIE BUNT!
Lou : Man I hope that Cam wont think that I am telling him to bunt with no runners on. No he wouldn�t be that dumb.
(Cammie bunts, and the ball is fouled onto home plate where it bounces up and hits Cammie in his "super hero's" )
Cammie : Owwweeee owweeee my balls! My big beautiful balls! Get me a splint, I need a trainer, get a trainer over here to look! Do I need stitches? Am I going to live? I don�t think that I'm going to make it! Its all going black, ohhh go to the light Cammie go!! Tell my wife I love her!
Kelsey : Hahaha thanks Mike, good to know, come on get up
Booney : Ahahahaha haha ahaha hahaha (Booney dropps to the floor laughing then gets up right away) Eww I just touched the floor of the dug out, yuck! Cammie you are such a baby, you don�t even need a bandaid! Whata wuss, aww baby Cammie need his ba ba? Whata faker!
(A week later and Cammie has been placed on the DL for the rest of the month.)
Booney : Well that shut me up!
Cammie : Damn rights it did Boone! When you go through your "Girly Time" then you'll know how it feels!
Freddy : Well guys we have to leave on our road trip now, but Cammie, Kelsey volenteered to stay home with you, and then Lou will put someother person on 3rd .
Kelsey : Whoa Cammie, is that a rocket in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Cammie : No � it�s a cast, I had my trainer put it on!
Kelsey : For all night?
Cammie : No just for a few hours

We're Home Alone

(All the rest of the Mariners left on their road trip and that left Cammie and Kelsey home all alone, gee I wounder what they could be doing.)
Cammie : YAHTZEE!! Oh baby! (singing) Opps I did it again! In your face! CAMMIE, CAMMIE! Go Cammie, its your birthday!
Kelsey (Yelling) : Pipe down in there, I'm trying to watch my show!
Cammie : What are you watching?
Kelsey : Uh .. nuthing! D d d ont come in here!
Cammie : Hmm I think she wants me to come in there with her.
(Cammie walks in and is shocked by what he sees)
Cammie : OH MY GOD
Kelsey (yelling) : I told you not to come in here!
Cammie : You are watching that? T t t hat smut? That vile crap? That ssssick freakishness?
Kelsey : What, porn is perfectly acceptable.
Cammie : Ya I know but you know how I hate it when you watch my tapes without asking!
(That night, Cammie and Kelsey went to bed, and yes the did play "Playstaion" cuz Cammie rented Simpson's Road Rage)
Freddy JR : Whahaha ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Cammie (Whispers so not to wake up the reest of the kids) Sweetie? (a little louder) Angel? (louder) Sexy goddess? (yelling) KELSEY GET THE FUCKIN BABY!
Kelsey : Huh? What? Who? Where? How? Why? What? Oh ya the babies.
(Yelling) Cannnnnaaaadiiiiaaannnn! Where is that dumb bitch?
Cammie : Didn�t Canadian die?
Kelsey : From what?
Cammie : Well the police report says she was eating by a whale on her way to drop off Ichiro's birthday present in Japan, but then again she could have just gotten lost.
Kelsey : Oh well, I'll go fuckin feed the leeches.
(She gets up, and feeds them and then comes back)
Cammie : Feeling frisky are we?
Kelsey : Mike, darling, do you know how we keep warm in Canada?
Cammie : Oh ho, I can guess baby.
Kelsey : We go to sleep
Cammie : I guessed wrong.
Kelsey : Look, I am tired and I just had to feed 14 kids, well 12, the other 2 I just left the bottles for, and I really tired.
Cammie : Come on baby, we are rarly alone like this.
Kelsey : Wel actually, the rest of the guys are scared of you, so they leave us alone when we ask for it.
(Kelsey eventually gives in and the next day Krista and the team returns)

A Few Years Later

(Kelsey and her husbands are still happily married, and that night with Cammie, well she got pregnet with 11uplets but had an abortion after some virgin guy name Derek tried to convincer her not too. The babies are in school, except for Ass Clown who were taken away after the courts found out that they were being abused)
Freddy JR : Good bye Mommy! I love you! Good bye Daddies! I love you too!
Everyone : Bye Freddy JR, Dan JR, Bret JR, David JR, Jay JR, John JR, Carlos JR, Jamie JR, Jeff JR, DavidP's on JR, Ichiro JR, and Unsuper Cammie JR. Uh Cammie Jr darling, do you really have to wear that cape to school?
Unsuper Cammie JR : yes, it is the key to my Camme power!
(The are off to school. When they get there, they immediately start kissing ass, just like their dad's, they each hand the teacher a specail present)
Freddy JR : Here Mr. Pinniella, nice shiny Mariners hat!
Dan JR : Clense your soul with this bible Mr. Pinniella.
Bret JR : Yo hommie, lemme hook you up wit a hair appointment yop!
David JR : I don�t like teachers, they make you be nice to each other.
Jay JR : I have free Mariners tickets if ya score me an 'A'! Eh, eh, eh? (winking)
John JR : I have nothing to offer, but my love. (smiling)
Carlos JR : Muei Bueno! Yo querio Toco Bell?
Jamie JR : I'll tell you my fathers secret, he knows where the fountian of youth is.
Jeff JR : I have cool sweaters for you.
DavidP's on JR : I could give you a cool name like mine.
Ichiro JR : I could share my luch with you, yummy rice balls?
UnSuper Cammie : My Unsuper Cammie senses are tingiling and they are telling me, that it is time, time to learn!
Lou : Alright, physcos, Freddy JR, I already have an Mariners hat, but thanks for the offer, Dan JR, you are such a loser, Bret JR, I have no hair to make over buddy, David JR, you better like me sonny boy, or you'll be the bench warmer all year. Jay JR, really tickets EH? Cool, John JR, uh thanks I guess. Carlos JR, no I don�t want some Taco Bell, Jeff JR, if you dress the same as your father, I don�t want your sweaters.
(All of a sudden, a hush is swept over the class room, as Yankee's short stop Derek Rodriguez, I mean Jeter walks into the room.)
Derek : Hello there Lou, it is I, the great, gay, World Series winning, short stop, Derek Jeter! And this is my surreget son � (looks around) son? Where are you? Oh there you are, Dalex, come away from that little girl, girls are bad, they manipulate you. Say hi Dalex.
Dalex : Hi Dalex! (giggles) Daddy, am I funny?
Dan JR (mumbling) : Funny looking �
(Derek picks up Dan JR by the ear and dangles him in the air.)
Derek (in treatening voice) : Why don�t you say that so the rest of the class can hear?
Dan JR : Ok, I said �
(WHOOSSSHHH)
Super Cammie : Unhand that youngin, you bastard! Return Lou's pupil to his feet on the ground positoin.
Unsuper Cammie JR : Hey Dad!
Super Cammie : Hello son, learn anything new?
Unsuper Cammie JR : No, not yet, but I promis I will �
Super Cammie : Don�t promise things that you might regret later son. But I have to be off! My Cammie senses are tingling, it seems that there is a problem, in the choclate factory! Whats that? The Boonpaloompa's are in trouble! I must fly!
(WHOOSSHHH)
Dalex : What a crack pot! Ahahah right Dad? � Dad? � Dad where are you?
(suddenly Derek emerges from under a table)
Derek : That man, that masked hero, that SUPER CAMMIE, he has shuned me, and I'll tell ya, if I wasn�t hiding scared under that table, I woulda kicked his ass! But I must go, cuz well I have a date tonight.
Lou : With some hot chick huh?
Jay JR (snortin) : Not bloody likly
Derek : No just Alex. But he is pretty hot, and sometimes I let him be the girl. Bye son, play nice!
Dalex : By Daddy! I love you!
(Dalex turns around and all of Kelsey's kids are glaring at him with their arms crossed.)
Dalex : Whoa guys, I mean whats up? Seen any good Digimon latly? Guys? Buddy, come on throw me a bone here people.
Jay JR : Ok (He pulls a bone outta his pocket and hurls it at Dalex)
Dalex : Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! (It hits him in the head and he is knocked unconcious)
Jay JR : Opps, my bad? (Looks sheepish)

Unsuper Cammie JR's Lesson

(Cammie, I mean Super Cammie, is teaching his son how to be a super hero so that he one day can be super, just like his dad.)
Super Cammie : Alright JR, today, I will show you my super secret moves, that will disembowl any opponet at any time. These moves are indestrutabe! They are so presice and secret and only super heros can know what they are, you have to promise that you wont tell anyone our ancient secrets! Cuz if you do, the whole world could be doomed!
Unsuper Cammie JR : Alright Dad, I promise. Tell me the secret
Super Cammie : You take your right pointer finger and �
Unsuper Cammie JR : Yes, yes and then? �
Super Cammie : Then you wrap it �
Unsuper Cammie JR : Hurry I want to know ..
Super Cammie : around the trigger and point and fire! Yup your fathers secret is a 9 mm hand gun that is hidden in his super suit. Now you are too young to have your own gun, but you can practice with this (hands him a BB gun)
Unsuper Cammie JR : Can I shoot at old people, and bums on the street?
Super Cammie (in a stern voice) : You'd better!
Unsuper Cammie : Look Daddy, I'm shooting, I'm shooting
Cammie : That's my little dude (tear)

Bullying is wrong � if you arnt the bully

(All the kids are at school, except Unsuper Cammie who decided that he was sick today. The kids were arguing with Dalex)
Dalex : No, Pokemon is better, you butt faces!
Jay JR : Why are you whining? We don�t actaully care about you and your stoopid shows.
John JR : Ya how old are you?
Dalex : Ya well, my daddy told me that you whine until you get what you want.
Dan JR : Ohhh so that�s the story behing the Arod turing queer episode.
Dalex : Whats queer mean?
Bret JR : The gay labeedo, the gay life force, the gay essence, the homosexual right stuff, what the french call a certin � I don�t know what.
Dalex : Don�t say bad words, or else my daddy will come and smack you in a bad place.
DavidP;s on JR : Oh horrers (sarcasm) He will give us the 'no' feeling
Freddy JR : Ya well yo mama!
Dalex : Your momma's a skank
Carlos JR : Ya well at least we have a mom.
Dalex : I have a mom � sorta. Alex likes me to call him mommy
Jay JR : Our mother might be a skank most of the time �
Freddy JR : Ahem Jay �
Jay JR : Ok ALL of the time, but as I was saying, �
Dalex : Whoa whoa whoa, are you telling me, that you think that what, my dad's took their sperm, put it in a zip lock bag and gave it to a postitute, and all of a sudden, 9 months later, I came out and then Uncle Clemens ate the whore? Well? Do ya? �
(The kids are all looking at him)
Carlos JR : Too easy
Jay JR : That was so easy that it makes Mommy look like a Priests daughter in a nuns costume!
Bret JR : Wont even go there
(Lou comes in)
Lou : Hello boys, (looks at Dalex) and weird looking test tube baby thing. I have a special announcement to make �
Dalex : Oooo what is it?
Dan JR : I think he has a bad attitude Skip!
Lou : I think your right Wilson. Any way, my annoucement, is that we are going to have a new student with us, all the way from � Russia, his name is Beflaishagiahfnicoff.
Dalex : Goodie! Finally I can have a friend.
David JR : Oh yay a Russian, we have some new fresh meat boys!
(A small hairy little person walks in)
Beflaishagiahfnicoff : Hi there, hmmm, you look femiler? (pointing to Lou) are you some sort of � sports guy?
Bret JR (sighn) Get um!!!!
(they beat him up and the day is over)

Weeks later

(The kids have been trouble latly, they have been doing normal kid mischif like robbing banks and starting gang wars, but Kelsey has been too tired from caring for them that her game has suffered, once, Lou actaully have to pull Kelsey from a game because she was too tired, but Lou put in Charles Gibson. This left Kelsey serching for answers)
Jay : Kelsey, I know you are tired, but what can we do?
Dan : Ya sweet heart, I mean there is always adoption, but I don�t think you could handle any more kids. (smiles sympitheticly)
Kelsey : No Dan, not more kids, I cant deal with the ones I've got.
John : Look Kelsey, I mean I know it can be trying sometimes �
Kelsey : How would any of you know how I feel right now? I mean I am up half the night, then I have to get up and play a game the next day and I have no energy left for the things � I mean people I like to do!
Freddy : Then its settled, we get rid of them
Jay : No there has to be another way
Freddy : Murder?
DavidP : No, that is too messy, what about � naw that wouldn�t work
David : What?
Jamie : Kelsey, since I love you the most, I think this is up to you. (smiles sweetly)
Jeff : shut up Jamie, look we can just use Pelley's idea
Dan : What was that?
David P : Well we just go back in time, and use protection!
Kelsey : That could work
Carlos : No way, nothing is that simple, I mean hello, if it was that easy, why didn�t we use protection in the first place?
Freddy : Carlos, look, we all know that you are a little slow, but can you see that those kids were an accident?
Super Cammie : Ya all except for Unsuper Cammie, right? � Am I right folks?
Kelsey : Well who do we see about building us a time machine?
Jeff : Well just by coincidence, Ichiro is in the lab right now, building what could be a time machine, kinda eerie huh?
Bret : To the laboritory!!!
(The go to the labritory and Ichiro is wearing a cute lab coat and a polkadot bow tie)
Ichiro : I'll ask that you not touch anything please
Cammie : Hmm whats this (picks up a beaker)
Ichiro : That is slekufvasdiubapoxide
Cammie : And this? (picks up square thing)
Ichiro : That is a raidoaboaoudie machine
Cammie : What could this be? (picks up a stick)
Ichiro : That�s a stick Mike, jeez
Kelsey : Ichi darling, why don�t you show us your machine?
Ichiro : Sure, one day while I was trying to find a way to kill Derek,
Jeff : Why?
Ichiro : Oh ya know, just something to do in my spare time, and I discoved this � (picks up a cylinder) I call it "time machine juice"
Jamie : Time machine juice?
Ichiro : Time machine juice!
Kelsey : So what does it do?
Ichiro : Well after I work out all the kinks, then it should take us back to whatever time of year that we want.
Super Cammie : Lets go! (grabs the time juice)
Carlos : Whoa slow down, wait for Ichiro
Krista : How does it work?
Ichiro (feeling sneaky) : You � drink it.
Super Cammie : Ok (drinks a little) Ooohhh I feel dissy �.
Ichiro (laughing) : Mwhahahahah!
Freddy : Come on hurry up! Lets go!
(A bright flash and they are gone)

Back in the Day

(They land, it is a couple of years before Kelsey had the kids)
Kelsey : Whoa that was crazy
Krista : Ya it was, youz fulla shit Kelsey
Kelsey: Man fuck yall
Freddy : Man you guys, quiet.
Krista : So what year is this?
Dan : This must be the year of our lord!
Carlos : Hmm you know what this mean guys?
Freddy : No, what?
Carlos : Well we can warn everyone about market crashes �
Kelsey : Ya we could �
Super Cammie : And place bets on how many games we will win �
Krista : Of course!
Dan : And warn people about September 11th so then so many innocent people wont die! �
(They all look at him)
David : Now why would we want to do a stupid thing like that?
Dan : I uh I �
David P (mocking) : I uh, I nothing bible boy! We don�t want to spoil everyone's fun!
Dan : No um I just I
Kelsey : All right that�s enough! We all know what we are here for, lets not turn this into being about New York, though somehow I am sure it will end up being so.
(So they go and play playstation, this time using protection � no they used a memory card this time, so the data wont be lost from Cammie's game, eww sicko what were you thinking.)
Kelsey : Changing the course of history is fun! Haha I am so dirty!
Krista : Ya well you took long enough, I actually had to sit here and read! Can you belive that? Me, Krista, reading! Geezzzz! Maahhhnnn!
Dan : Uh Krista, the funnies section of the news paper doesn�t count as reading ..
Freddy : Dan, shut up, we should be proud, our little hell kitten is growing up into a cat!
Carlos : What the hell, since when is Krista a kitten? Last time I looked she was a bitch! Haha just kiddin Kika.
Krista : Huh what, I wasn�t listening, I was just thinking about something �
David P : Wow darling, that is two break throughs in one day! You desrve a reward!
Krista : Ya I do, but that really isnt the point now is it? No, but any hoo, Ichi, do we have a lot of this time machine juice?
Ichiro : Yes, lots � why?
(Krista looks evil, and �)
Jay : Whoa whoa, stop the car, put it in park,and walk with me for a second Ichi
Ichiro : Right right �
Jay : Now this is Krista we're talking about �
Ichiro : Ya Krista �
Jay : And what is Krista most famous for?
Ichiro : Trying to steal Dan (looks at Dan) even though she is usually unsuccessful �
Jay : No, her weekend job?
Ichiro : Protituting?
Jay : No her day time week end job �
Ichiro : Oh you mean trying to take over the world?
(Ichiro looks thoughtful for a second)
Ichiro : Oooooooh! I get it now, sorry Krista, not enough left, we wont get home if you use the juice.
Bret : What do you mean we wont get home?
David : Well Boone, home means the place that we live, ya know the huge mansion and wont means �
Bret : I know what it means jackass! I ment that we wont get home?
Krista : Oh well , too late (grabbs the potion)
POOOSSSSHHHHHHHHHHH
All : AhhhhhhhahahahahaHAHAHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Bret : I want my Mommy! Oh wait, she like Aaron better, go to hell Mom!
(They land in the year, well the year that Jeter was supposed to be born. They are walking down the streets of New York, ya see I told you this would end up being about New York)
Kelsey : Ahhh New York, the cause of all our problems.
John : Wow, this place is great, I mean look at all the people we can beat up!
(They all look quizzicly at John)
John: What I can be violent once in a while?
Jamie : Hey why wouldn�t you swerve and hit a Yankee on a bicycle?
Jeff : I don�t know? Why?
Jamie : Cuz there is a good chance that it is your bicycle!
David : Ooooo get out a booket of water cuz they got burned!
David P : Ya good one.
Jeff : That was stoopid, you know, Yankee's arnt all that bad, they have lots of money and they help needy children.
Kelsey : And you don�t see a problem how?
Krista : Psshhh children what do they ever do for their country?
Dan : Hey look a hospital, lets go read to the sick chilren!
David (sarcasm) : Ya, lets
Dan (real excitement) : Ok! Lets go!
(Krista and Kelsey look at each other, and have other ideas.)
Krista (mumbling to Kelsey) : Today is the day that Derek is supposed to be born.
Kelsey (mumbling) : Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Freddy (mumbling) : No, what are you thinking
Kelsey : Freddy, this is a private conversation
Freddy : Why is it private?
Krista : Cuz we are discussing your surprise birthday jackass.
Kelsey : Don�t call him names, lets make our plan.
(They make a plan that is so devious, so scary that I cant think of it right now)

Undercover!

(Dan is reading to sick children, Kelsey and Krista are waiting for the right moment to carry out their plan. Ichiro and Cammie are playing Tic Tac Toe and the rest are either sleeping or eating.)
Dan : And from that moment on, she was always my Black Beauty (closes the book with a tear) Aww children wasn�t that a good story?
Women : Excuse me sonny, I couldn�t hear a word, would you start again? And I'm not a children! I'm 95 years young.
Dan : Of course mad'am, and may god bless you for the rest of your years.
Krista : Shut up, shut up, shut up, I cant take this any more bible boy!
Dan : Shhh, I'm reading (goes on reading)
Kelsey : Come on Krista, lets go and "eat" (draws quotation marks in the air)
Krista : Yes Kelsey, I too would like to "eat" haha
(They leave)
Ichiro : Hmm I wonder what those two are up to?
Cammie : Its Kelsey and Krista, probably no good. 'X' your turn.
(Out side the room)
Kelsey : Ok, so the first part of our plan is to carefully infultrate the forces of this hospital, we need to be sneaky, underhanded, and most of all �
Krista : Shhh, look, theirs Dereks mom, or soon to be mom.
Kelsey : Lets go �
(They follow them into the room and they hide behind a curtin)
Doctor : Ok Ms Jeter, it seems that you are ready to push and your baby boy is on his way.
DJ Mom : Yes, I was so happy when I found out that he was a boy, I mean I don�t really want a girl, since the baby's father just left us on Tuesday, I don�t want a reminder of daddy;s little girl in my home.
Doctor : And from the sonogram, we are 100 % sure that it is a boy.
(behind the curtin Kelsey and Krista tries not to giggle. 14 mintues pass and soon out comes Derek)
Doctor : Well I'm stumped, that was supposed to be a boy. What happened, this almost never happens, Oh my lord �
DJ Mom (pleading voice) : No one must know about this, you must do something � please anything, surgery, baby switch I don�t care, I do not, repeat do not want this girl.
Doctor : Well there is the surgery option, but it must be performed immediately before any of the nurses find out, don�t worry Ms Jeter, we'll turn this into a boy yet!
(3 hours later he comes back with a boy.)
Doctor : And no one with ever know
Kelsey (whispers) : Except us haha
DJ Mom : What was that?
Doctor : I heard voices coming from behind there.
Krista (whispers) : Don�t worry got a plan (grabs a uniform) Lay in bad Kelsey, pretend you're unconcious.
Krista : Its just me Doctor, a nurse, my patent is unconcious and I am afriad that I fell asleep � sorry did you need me for something?
Doctor (nervous) : Nno just ttake your patient and put him in another room.
Krista : Yes sir.
(They leave)
Kelsey : HIM, what nerve, I'm going to go back and disembowl him with my nija skills!
Krista : Well, what should we do? Not kill Derek or just wait til we are back in the future and just tell everyone?
Kelsey : Well I think that it would serve us more of a purpose if we wait and just told everyone.
(They all leave the hospital)
Dan : That one child, she really broke my heart, the way that she told me that her mother abused her, and her sister didn�t want her around.
Kelsey : Dan serioulsy, you are giving me a head ache! Just stop caring so much, and you know what, that was Krista pretending just so she could get you in the sack! Duh! Get with the time!
Ichiro : Time to go!!!!!!!!!!! (throws the time machine juice at the ground.)
POOOSSSSHHHHH

Fear Factor

Joe : Welcome to an all star studded Fear Factor. Welcome Mariner celebreties � oh and Dan Wilson.
Dan : Why does everyone keep doing that?
Joe : Remember Mariners, if you don�t attempt a stunt , you are automaticly eliminated, and if you attempt a stunt and fail, you are eliminated. Are we all clear?
Bret : You're going down (Lion roar) Booooonnnaaayyyy Poooooowwer!
Super Cammie : (pointing to his head then pointing to his rippling bicept the spreading out his arms) Whats up wit dat?
Joe : Our first stunt will test your physical strength and the bond between you and your friends.
Kelsey : Whoa, stop the car, put it in park, and walk wit me for a seconds �
Joe : Yes Kelsey?
Kelsey : If these are our friends, then why are we trying to kick their asses in the whoop di whoop?
Krista : Whoop!
Joe : Look, I just say that to make conversation and to make dumbasses like you ask retarded questions!
Krista : Ahahah he's got you there �
Dan : Knowing Kelsey and her easability, he had her at "Welcome"
Kelsey : Tell me he didn�t just say that �
Krista : Oh I think he did
Kelsey : No, tell me, he didn�t just say that!!
Krista : Testify!
Dan : Krista, shut up! Don�t make me slap you �
Krista : You mean like you did last night ? �
Kelsey : Huh, what? I couldn�t hear you what? Huh? What?
Jay : Here we go again �
John : Ya when these 3 go at it, they go at it for a while
Joe : What about the show?
Freddy : They'll get to it aventually, and usually it ends up with Krista apologising and promising not to do it again, and saying that Kelsey wouldn�t never hurt her, and then the next thing you know Krista hops in the sack with Jamie!
Jamie : That�s never happened!
Freddy : Well whatever, geez, mahhnnn just telling a story
Krista (in coy voice) : Don�t think it wont Jamie, lock your door tonight �
David P : Oh dear lord!
Dan : Don�t quote the lord Jesus's name in vain
Krista : Shut up bible boy! Geez you arnt that good, maybe you arnt worth it.
Kelsey : What, bitch, he's not good enough to cheat with now?
Krista : Just a slip of the tounge Kelsey � damn I walked myself right into that one!
Kelsey : That was so easy that it makes me look like a Priests daughter in nun's clothing!
Joe : Any hoo, can we go on please?
Krista : Hey Kelsey, that sounds like an invitation!
David P : Ooooooohhh no you don�t, I already share you with 12 other guys, I don�t need 13!
Krista : Geez, maahhhhnnn! It was a joke, god, why cant anyone tell when we are kidding?
Jeff : I quit! Fear is a factor for me! I cant take this any more, Kelsey meet you back at the house! (Jeff leaves)
Joe : Well that was unexpected. K here is your first stunt � (all of a sudden they are on top of the tallest building in the world, and if you could tell me what it is, that would be a big help.) Your stunt is to shimmy across this rope to the ladder dangling in the middle, there you will unfasten your safety harness and continue to climb into the awating helicopter. I am sorry but only 8 of you can compete and 2 other people are flying in to also compete with you.
Kelsey : Well who are the 8?
Krista : Me and Kelsey are 2 of them obviously.
Jamie : Why?
Krista (looks at him) : Well duh, cuz I said
David : Cant argue with that great logic.
Kelsey : No I think that we did you a favour kicking you out.
David : What?
Kelsey : I said I did you a favour, what?! I said I think I did you a favour what?! I said I did that man a fAAAVOUR.
David : I'm not leaving. Dan can leave.
Kelsey : Ok that will work, and umm who else, Jamie baby, how about you? Would you like to stay or go?
Jamie : Well me old bones cant really take all this pressure, but oh well I want to stay.
Krista : This is taking tooo long, Me, Kelsey, Jamie, Cammie, Booney, Freddy, David, and Pelly are all staying.
Kelsey : Don�t worry darlings who wernt picked, we can share the prize.
Joe : Now that that is settled, the female competitor is Lita and Derek Jeter is the male �
Kelsey (whispers to Krista) : Are we sure?
Joe : We have already randamly choosen who will go first and Kelsey, you're the lucky bitch!
Kelsey : OH goody.
(As she gets on her safety gear, Joe talks with her)
Joe : So who do you think is your biggest compotition?
Kelsey : Krista, she is always trying to steal my husbands especially Jamie cuz he is the sexiest. OH you mean for the game, umm I would have to say Booney and Cammie, beause they are the tandom of trouble, as we call them in the dug out.
Joe : Well are you ready?
Kelsey : I was born ready
Krista (yelling) : I thought when you were born you started hitting on the doctor!
Kelsey : I was just a baby, geez, mahhhnnn!
(Back with the others as Kelsey sets up to do her stunt)
Jamie : So do you think she'll fall?
Krista : No, she has a lot of practice shimming down small objects � (looks at Jamie )
Jamie : She's not a pole dancer what are you talking about �. Ohhh shut up, she could kick your ass!
Pelly : Not likely!
Bret : She's gonna fall just to entertain me!
Super Cammie : She is a total butter fingers.
David : I say that she makes it in 2 mintues
Krista : Has she ever lasted 2 minutes?
(They ignore her)
Joe : 2 minutes is a really good score David.
David : I know, she always is a good score. Haha sorry, we cant help making fun of her, but she will do good, she is pretty athletic but we'll have to see wont we.
(Back with Kelsey)
Kelsey : I'm ready!
Joe (yelling) : Go!
(Kelsey starts off and is shimming like a pro, she makes it to the rope ladder in 29 seconds, she now unfastens her gear and grabs the bottom rung of the ladder.)
Kelsey : Ok I can do this, just hurry up!
(Suddenly Kelsey falls!!!! She has no safety gear on!!)
Kelsey (screaming) : Shiiittttt!
Bret : Entertain me damn it!
(Kelsey grabs the rope as she was falling)
Kelsey : Fewf! Now I gotta climb again!
Foe : You're at 1 minute Kelsey! Come on you're doing good.
(She eventually makes it up in 2 minutes.)
Kelsey : Yesss I did it! I am the champion!
(Its Pelly's turn and he makes it in 2 miutes 45 seconds. Then Jamie 10 minutes. Bret 2 minutes 24 seconds Super Cammie 25 seconds (he cheated and flew)
Joe : Well Krista, it is all up to you now �
Krista : Um I already went.
Joe : You did?
Krista (looking supicious) : Um ya, where were you?
(Kelsey laughs)
Joe : Ok, whatever well Kelsey, Krista, and Super Cammie you advance to the next round, Bret Pelletier and Jamie, fear is obviously a factor for you, oh David you get to advance just cuz I said so.
(The next day they show up at a house)
Joe : Welcome contestants, today you next stunt is � EATING LIVE CHICKENS, BEETLES, SLUGS, MOKEY BRAINS AND DOG MEAT.
Kelsey : Or as they say in Japan, a number 34 with rice.
(Everyone eats it except Krista and Kelsey cuz they are babies, and also krista lost because Kelsey made her laugh cuz she told her to swallow. Super Cammie wins Fear Factor)
Joe : Well Cammie
Cammie : That�s Super Cammie to you �
Joe : Apparently fear isnt a factor for you!
Cammie : Fear is only a 4 letter word, like Fuck or Food.

Finally Bret Boone enters Puberty

(One day, all of the Mariners are in the club house after a game, showering and stuff, and shaving, but there was one Mariner who wasn�t amoung them. His name is Bret Boone. Booney was very sad because he couldn�t grow facial hair. Booney is sitting on a bench in the club house as Coolos and Ichiro walk by)
Carlos : Man my face feels nice and smooth.
Ichiro : Yes, as does mine.
(They stop talking and point and whisper at Booney who just smiles meekly)
Carlos (whispering) : He cant grow it
Ichiro (whispering) : Yes, as does mine.
Booney : I will be able to when I'm older!
(Cammie sits down and gives him a hug)
Cammie : Its ok Bret, you'll grow hair one day!
(But one day was too far away for Bret and that night when he got home, he kneeled down next to the bed and prayed that god would give him some hair. Kelsey then came in, tucked him in, and said goodnight and fell asleep together. The next morning Bret woke up, felt his face and was amazed, he looked up at the mirror in the celing and couldn�t belive it! He was so happy that he raced to the ball park)
Bret : Guys look! (points to his chin) Look at me! Cool huh?
(The don�t know what he's talking about, and just smile and knod. The game is over and the M;s won of course and then Bret quickly showered and changed and then was waiting by the sinks for the others)
Bret : Come on guys, lets shave! Yay we can all shave together now!
(The others just laughed and handed him the shaving cream. He lathered it on, and as the others were shaving off their peach fuzz, Booney took a brand new, gold plated razer that his dad bought him when he was 13 and took it, swiped his chin.)
Bret : Got it! See?
(He then puts on small squares of toilet paper, the blood held it on, and added some Old Spice after shave.)

And so ends my story, I hope you enjoyed it! Soon to be continued or so you thought! Hahah most likely it will be another chapter in the Adventures of Super Cammie in a later series.