MarinersnextGenereation

Mariners the Next Generation

(Our story begins after the 2001 All Star game and the Seattle Mariners have acquired the only women in Major League Baseball. Kelsey Garcia who is married to pitcher Freddy Garcia and she plays all positions and Krista Sele who is married to pitcher Aaron Sele and she is a Relief Pitcher)

Dan : It sure is nice that we all live together isn't it?
Bret : Yes it is Dan. Yes it is.
David : Ya what ever. (yelling) Canadian! Get your ass in here with my meat shake.
Aaron : Whoa buddy whatup?! I thought that you all were veggie lovers?
David : Yeah well we gave that up.
Aaron : Then why did you have to beat me up cuz I eat meat?
(Ignoring him)
Bret : Yup now we are murderous bastards like the rest of Seattle!
Carlos : Here! Here!
Freddy : I wonder where the girls are? They�ve been shopping for hours and I don�t make that much money
Bret : Oh Freddy. How you worry so. You have lots of money and with Kelsey's contract for her money and yours for 1 billion well then you have lots.
Freddy : Not in today's market.
Dan : You know what Freddy? I am still kicking myself for letting Kelsey get away and marrying that bitch Annie.
Aaron : Well you should have cheated on her with Krista. They are best friends Ya know.
Carlos : Ya did you think that she wouldn�t find out?
Dan : It isn't my fault. She drugged me!
Freddy : Yes it is.
Bret : Ya I mean did you not notice it when she stuck a needle in your ass?
Carlos : HELLO!
David : OK. No one cares. Freddy has Kelsey, Aaron has Krista, Dan has nobody and is a druggy and where in the BLUE hell is Canadian.
Canadian : I is here Master Rage. What can I get you.
Bret : What took you so long? The man is wasting away here,
David : Do you know what you are getting you little slacker?
Canadian : Is it what you would call EH swift kick in the ars?
David : What do you think?
(Kelsey and Krista return home)
Kelsey : Freddy! How's my baby? (Kisses him) Hey guys what's up?
Krista : Aaron sweetie.
Aaron : What?
Krista : Lets go to our room and um, er, I mean talk.
Aaron : (Jumps up) Yes ma ' m
(They leave)
Bret : So what did you spend Freddy's money on?
Carlos : She has money too ya know. She does play on our team and does have a contract. For 272. 9 Billion dollars. ( Dr Evil hand thing)
Bret : I know that.
Freddy : Did you get me something?
Kelsey : Well duh! I got you a �
Dan : Horse?
Freddy : Car?
David : Gun?
Kelsey : A brand spanking new �
Bret : It's a comb isn't it? I knew it.
Kelsey : HAT! (Kelsey holds up a Mariners hat)
Freddy : A hat?
Carlos : Well your old one was dirty.
Kelsey : What? You don�t like it? (Sounding hurt)
Freddy : Well its just that um I um (Carlos elbows him in the ribs)
Carlos : Well shucks Kelsey! He loves it don�t you Freddy?
Dan : (mumbling) No.
Freddy : Ya um of course! (Hugs Kelsey) Thanks sweet heart you are so good to me.
(Kelsey kisses him)
Kelsey : I know.
(Kelsey and Freddy go to their room)
Carlos : Whoo that was a close one. Freddy owes me one.
David : She has him wrapped around her finger like a bullet through Ivan Rodriguez's brain!
Dan : (mumbles) I wish I was wrapped around her finger.
Freddy : What? What ? What ? I couldn�t hear you what?

Safeco : Seattle vs Texass

(Kelsey is playing 3rd because it is David's turn for a day off. It is the 9th inning and Krista is on the mound. the score is 97 to 0 and 45 of the runs were scored on errors by Arod. Pudge Rodriguez in on first and Alex is batting.)

Alex : Hey! Danny Boy remember me?
Dan : I try not to.
Alex : Danny that isn't nice.
Dan : Don�t call me that. Ass.
(Krista pitches)
Ump : SSSSTTTTTTTYYYYYRRRRRIIIIIKKKKKKEEEEE
Lou : (Calling from the dugout) Shut the fuck up and play!.
Alex : Whoa someone woke up on the wrong side of the money bin!
Krista : Arod www.ZIPIT.com.org
(Trying to cause trouble. Arod talks to the Ump)
Alex : Oh Mr. Handsome, Umpire man sir. Krista's beauty is distracting me � (On third Kelsey laughs) and I think that she should be ejected.
Bret : Loser!
Carlos : And I vacationed with that guy? Au Vay!
Kelsey : Alex. You embarrass yourself and those around you so why don�t you just shut up?
Alex : What?
Kelsey : What's the matter Arod? Not looking 2 year old girlish enough?
(Benches clear)
Alex : Well now look what you did Kelsey! Always the trouble maker are you!
Kelsey : Arod you are so full of shit, your eyes are brown!
Pudge Rodriguez : His eyes are green. Purrty green. (Winks at Alex)
Alex : Thank you Ivan!
Kelsey : (Coughing) Gay
Alex : OK Kels! Truce? (Offers his hand)
Krista : Don�t trust him.
Dan : He's a Texan! You cant trust anyone who names the ball park "The Ball Park"
Kelsey : Yeeeaaaaaaa NO (Punches Alex)
Umpire : I've had enough of this Tampa Bay behavior and I am going to get rid of the problem � (Alex is nodding confident that Kelsey would be ejected)
Umpire : Alex you are gooooooonnnnnne. Outta here! Arod you are sooo busted!
Alex : What?! What did I waaaaahahaaaaa ahhhhhh waaaaaa!
Kelsey : (Jay Buhner's evil laugh) A ha ha ha.

Comfy Couch Time

Krista : Canadian? Where the fuck are you?
Canadian : Yes? Mistress Sele?
Krista : Where is Aaron?
Aaron : Here I am angel.
Krista : Oh good now go away Canadian.
(Canadian bows and was about to leave)
Aaron : Hey you don�t bow. That is Sasaki's thing. You crawl when you leave.
(Canadian crawls out)
Aaron : (yelling) That�s better!
(Krista and Aaron get cozy on the couch but the mood is spoiled by Dan and Kelsey fighting.)
Dan : You liked it! Admit it!
Kelsey : Why would you do that to me?
Dan : Am I a good kisser or what?
Kelsey : OR WHAT?
Dan : You didn�t like it ?
Kelsey : (Shrieking) No! You are still in love with me.
Dan : Why? You used to like my kissing. A lot if I recall correctly. And Ya I am still in love with you.
Aaron : Duh who isn't? (Krista smacks him)
Krista : This is re GOD DAM diculs.
Aaron : Go get some concealing or something.
Dan : Maybe we should.
Kelsey : No only psychopaths go to counseling. Cept Jay and Jeff but I am not going you cant make me you cant make me you cant make me.

The Session

Coun : Welcome to your first session Kelsey. Dan it is good to see you again. How is David doing? Still with those anger management classes?
Dan : No he didn�t make it.
Coun : Oh that is too bad he really needs them.
Kelsey : Could we please hurry up please? I have places to be.
Coun : A year ago you were lovers. Dan cheated on you with your best friend and now you're friends again. (Mike Cameron shows up)
Mike : (Yelling) Jerry! Jerry!
(Mike leaves)
Coun : Hmm I should have given that young man my card. He needs help! Any ways. That's hard because feelings cant be turned on and off like a faucet but you both know that.
Kelsey : Listen bitch I don�t know what you are jabbering about but I have a hot and sexy husband.
Dan : So I have an ugly dog faced wife.
Kelsey : No you don�t I had David kill her 2 months ago.
Dan : And I was not informed of this?
Coun : Here are some sympathy dolls. Use them
Dan : Sometimes it's hard for me to see Kelsey with Freddy.
Kelsey : Talk to me not the fuckin bitch getting paid 56 dollars an hour!

Months Later

(Dan and Kelsey are buds again and Aaron is reading the newspaper he is wearing nerdy glasses. David isn't home)
Aaron : Dam, shit, ass, all to hell.
Krista : What's that?! What's that?!
Aaron : That dumbass is in here with his salary again.
Kelsey : That is old news I mean he isn't the highest paid person anymore.
Aaron : No he is bragging that he is the lowest!
(David returns and has a book)
Dan : Hey! Davie has a book!
Bret : That�s a first.
David : Normally I would do something about your attitude Boone but it is true.
Kelsey : What's the book for?
Freddy : Reading.
David : Well no shit. So I was reading this�
Carlos : Well duh�
David : And I read that �
Bret : Yes we established that you were reading it. Now what did you read before you lose my attention.
David : OK and it says that if we find a thing called the "Holy Pail" that we will get a cash reward of � we it doesn�t say but I am assuming a lot of money.
Krista : So where is this hunk of junk?
Kelsey : If they knew that it wouldn�t be lost now would it?
Carlos : Shut up and let Davie talk.
(Kelsey pouts)
Freddy : Kelsey, don�t pout.
Kelsey : (whining) I'm not.
David : Ya any hoo it is supposedly lost in the area of Vancouver, Canada.
Krista : Hey me and Kelsey used to live there. Well in Surrey but it iz pretty much the same place.
Dan : Whoa! Whoa! Wait one hot shit minute. You mean that we have to go all the way up to that flee ridden place and we don�t even know if we will get a reward or not?
David : Ya pretty much.
Dan : And you are telling me that we have to miss a series against Tampa Bay and the Expos?
David : Ya
Dan : Alrighty I'm in!
(Later that day they were packing. Bret is in his room arranging his luggage. Everyone else is done packing. Yes Bret is slow so Kelsey is helping him pack)
Bret : OK I have the small suit case with my hat, tuxedo �
Kelsey : A tux?! Why?
Bret : You never know if you are going to meet a hot Igloo chick.
Kelsey : Igloo?
Bret : And I have my Armani suits that I stole from Alex, a parka, a Speedo..
Kelsey : Bret why are you taking a Speedo if you are taking a parka? That is dumb.
Bret : Duh! You're a Canadian figure it out.
Kelsey : Ya I am a Canadian but I don�t know what the hell you are doing with it.
Bret : Sheesh! Polar Bear swimming! Duh.
Kelsey : Oh sorry.
Bret : The medium suitcase has my Booney PJ's in it and my hair dryer, gel, my Sports Illustrated with me on it, hmmm my baseball cards to play with, my GameBoy for the plane with Tetrus, Mario and Pokemon, back up gel and most important my mirror.
Kelsey : K are you ready yet?
Bret : No and I have the large suit case with my brushes and combs.
(Kelsey looks around and Bret has his whole room packed)
Kelsey : Done now?
Bret : Yup. That wasn�t hard was it?
Kelsey : (Sarcastically) Oh no! Not hard at all.
Bret : I know.
(Krista is calling everyone to come into the living room but only Kelsey comes)
Krista : When I tell you to come you do it.
Bret : But I have a surprise.
Dan : Me too.
Carlos : Me three
David : Me fourth
Aaron : Me fifth
Freddy : Ya I do too.
Kelsey : Cool.
(They all come out dressed like Indiana Jones complete with the whip and hat.)
Krista : Oh �
Kelsey : My �
Krista : God!! Ha ha ha ha
Kelsey : Dude! That is just what I was thinking!
(Krista is shocked)
Krista : Were you?!
Kelsey : Wuz I?!
(They laugh but Dan looks confused.)
Dan : I don�t know? Was you?!
(Krista looks at him funny)
Krista : Yes she was. Silly.
Aaron : Well ladies how sexy are we?
Dan : I don�t know? How?!
Kelsey : No Dan no.
Freddy : (Singing) Dan was going to get help but he got high!
Carlos : Story of his life.
Dan : But I was high?
Freddy : Because you got high, because you got high, because you got high.
Kelsey : Hey what is wrong with getting high.
Dan : I was going to make love to you but then I got high.
Kelsey : Actually ya you did cuz Krista got you high but we wont go there.
Krista : Aaron you guys are the Cakes of all Hotties!
Bret : Why thank you! Skippidy Di da boom. A E I O U and sometimes W.
Kelsey : Come on we are going to be late for the flight.
Carlos : I called in "sick" for us today.
Dan : Cuz I got high?
Freddy : No, Dan no.

Flying High in the Sky (No not a drug high)

David : Hey! Stewardess! Get yo slimly punk ass over here.
Stew : Yes sir?
(David talks for a second and the stewardess walked to the Pa system)
Stew : Ladies and Gentlemen we would like to welcome 7 of the Seattle Mariners superstars and Dan Wilson.
(Everyone laughs)
Dan : Cuz I'm high, cuz I'm high?
David : Any ways where are my peanuts?
(Dan giggles)
Stew : You don�t have to yell. You aren't the only one on the plane.
Freddy : Shouldn�t have said that.
Aaron : Now you're in for it.
Kelsey : Hee hee bitch away!
(David grabs her hair and throws her out of the plane.)
David : If she lives she will be a paraplegic.
Dan : Because she was high, because she was high!
Bret : La da dat da da.
(Another stewardess bring David some peanuts)
David : No thanks. I'm not hungry anymore.

No More High

(They are going through Customs at the airport)
Machine : BEEP
Guard : You are fine Mrs. Garcia go on through.
Machine : BEEP
Guard : You too Mrs Sele.
(Everyone goes through except David)
Guard : Your turn sir.
David : Nope, that�s ok.
Guard : Sir please step trough the detecter.
David : No, you. Make me.
Carlos : Come on we don�t have time for this.
Machine : BEEP BEEP BEEP
Guard : Sir are you concealing a weapon?
David : Duh! I'm a fuckin American.
Guard : Sir you are violating �
(David shoots him)
Freddy : Uh you just murdered someone.
Aaron : You're gonna go to jail. The cops are going to arrest you.
Krista : No they wont.
Bret : Wha?
Kelsey : Ya in Canada it is only like a 10.00 fine and you have to appologise to his family.
Carlos : Man stricked enough?
Dan : Taxi!

Hotel Time.

(There arnt enough rooms and the maneger is talking to David)
David : What do you mean there arnt any more rooms.
Manager : Monsure Bell there are too many guests but I will send you to a good motel.
(David looks around)
David : He's kidding right?! Does he know who I am? (Grabs him by the collar) Do you know who I am? Bitch?
Manager : I am sorry sir no room for you and your friends.
Kelsey : Here we go.
David : Don�t worry. I'll make room! (He shoots everyone and the rooms are free.)
Krista : Oh look suddenly people have checked out and now there are plenty of rooms.
Carlos : Dam David! You got blood on my silk shirt!
(John Olerud appears)
John : Use Power Burst 3 plus whitners!
Carlos : OK thanks!
(John leaves)
(Kelsey and Dan are talking)
Kelsey : Say it again Dan please? Please Danny wanny please?
Dan : Keepin the women beggin as always. ARE YOU FEELING THAT SODO MOJO!
Krista : Sexy Dan!
Kelsey : Oooohhhh (sounds like a goat) no you don�t. You cant have him. He is mine.
Krista : Fine be a butt head.
Dan : I am yours again?
Kelsey : Ummmm ya ok. I can have 2 husbands.
Freddy : Says who?
(Tom Lampkin appears)
Tom : Whoaa that�s a problem.
David : Hey Lamp! Whatca doin?
Tom : Listening to my new headphones from Radio Shack.
(Tom walks away)
Freddy : Well actually I don�t mind if you are married to both of us.
Dan : Ya we can all share a room.
Bret : Hey I can come too and we can have a sleep over!
Carlos : Bret, you really want to be in the room with them at night?
Bret : Why what are they gonna do?
(They ignore him and Edgar comes)
Edgar : Son come here it's time for one of our father son talks.
(Bret comes)
Bret : Yes Daddy?
Edgar : Gar Jr come sit on my lap.
Bret : Ok Papa.
(Edgar then tells little Bret about the birds and the bee's then Edgar leaves)
Bret : Oh my god!!!
(Bret cries and they ignore him)
Kelsey : Dan, tell ya what, we can get married.
Dan : You fancy another go? Cuz once you�ve have Dan you never go back!
Kelsey : Freddy is my one and only. Now Dan is too.
Freddy : I'm rich and I'm dead sexy.
Dan : Well throw me a frickin bone here.
(David comes over)
David : All right zip it.
Dan : You cant even �
David : Zzzzzippp
Dan : Kelsey would you back �
David : Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, ex ZIPIT a.
Dan : David what the �.
David : Look I'm Zippy Longstockings
Kelsey : No you arnt �.
David : When a problem comes along you must ZIP IT whooca ZIP IT good.
Bret : All right that�s enough Dave.
David : Whatup?
Bret : As much as I like seeing Dan confused (Looks at Dan) and I do.
Krista : (Yelling) THAT IS REALLY REALLY ANNOYING.
David : Looks like someone wants of suckle of Davy's ZIPple.
(Aaron comes over)
Aaron : I found a guide that will take us to the supposed location of the Holy Pails last resting place� In downtown Vancouver.
(Psycho music)
Carlos : Ya skeery.

The Cave of the UnKnown Bugs

(They are with a guide. His name is Harakchucka. They are being lead to the Meat Tree which is the next clue to finding the treasure.)
Dan : Oh no! Watch out!
(They all look)
Everybody : What's wrong? What's that?! What's that?!
Dan : Just testing.
Bret : Hey look! The Meat tree!
Harakchucka : Be careful the tree maybe haunted.
(Bret runs over to the tree)
Kelsey : Free food? In Vancouver ?
Krista : Something aint right.
Kelsey : Oh my good I was just thinking that!
David : Ya ya I know the drill.
Carlos : Bret, you better not touch it.
Bret : Ya I better not.
(He touches it anywayz, The ground started to shake.)
Harakchucka : Freaky shit! I is outta here ! EH!
(The guide runs away and leaves them. They fall into an underground cavern.)
Everybody : Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Ow!
Kelsey : I landed on my ass.
Krista : Is your face hurt? Ha ha
Kelsey : Good one.
Dan : Wow it's dark down here.
Carlos : Ya Dan we know.
Freddy : Stay close to me Kelsey.
Kelsey : Ahhh! Something just touched me! And it wasn�t Freddy.
Krista : Kelsey! (In slow motion) Watch out!
(Behind Kelsey there is an Ewalk.)
David : Die you bastard!! (He shoots the Ewalk)
Kelsey : Whoo that was a close one. Thanks David.
Dan : David can you teach me to be like you?
David : No.
Dan : Why?
David : Cuz you're not quite evil enough. You're quizi evil, you're semi evil, you're the margerine of evil, you're the diet coke of evil, just one calorie not evil enough.
Dan : Huh oh sorry I stopped listening like an hour ago.
Aaron : Hey I found a flash light.
Krista : Where?
Aaron : I don�t know do I look like I am writing this?
(Aaron turns it on and the roof, floor and walls are covered with bugs.)
Kelsey : Ahhhh ha ha ha wahhh I don�t like bugs wahhahahahahah!
Krista : Whaaaaaaaa get the off of me! Aaron!
Carlos : Big babies!
(A bug flies by Carlos.)
Carlos : They're in my hair! (screaming) They're in my hair!
Freddy : Ya they're the babies. Ha.
David : Ok it says that we have to go through a series of challenges to get to the Holy Pail well actaully it sayz that the challenges are people that we have to fight to get to it but I call that a challenge.
(The walk on and suddenly the first challenger pops up. It is Blue Jay catcher Darrin Fletcher.)
Darrin : So I see that you have found the book.
Kelsey : Ya dumbass that is why we're down here.
Krista : Kelsey! Don�t talk to your lover like that.
Kelsey : Shut up bitch!
Krista : Whoops did I say that out loud?!
Kelsey : Shhhhh quiet k. That was a long time ago and it was a one time thing ok. *Cough yousleptwithDerekJeter *Cough.
Krista : A heh heh nuh uh.
Darrin : Ya enough of that. You have to defete me in a battle of wits to get past me to the next challenge.
Freddy : Bring it on.
David : Do we really have time for this?
Darrin : There is no other way to get past me I am invisible. K If you want to have some fun�
(BANG)
Carlos : David! We didn�t hear the question.
Bret : Whoops you just killed another Canadian.
Aaron : Ya what is that now? 50.00 you ow?
David : Who cares?
Dan : Who owns the pail anyways? And how did Darrin know we were coming?

Somewhere in Toronto

(They are in the office of the owner of the Blue Jays. He is talking to a mystery person)
Pat Gillick : Darrin is dead. It is up to you to stop those damn Mariners.
Mystery Guy : Yes sir.
Pat : I do not want they getting to the pail. It is the secret to our cheating to win.
Mystery Guy : I know.
Pat : If they get it in their posession, then they will be unstoppable.
Mystery : Well sir they already are. They are the best team in baseball.
Pat : Shut up bitch. Just don�t let them get it k.
Mystery Guy : Sure.
Pat : Don�t fail me.
Mystery : So what is in this pail again?
Pat : The mind control divice that I make the other team suck except the only team that it didn�t work on was the Mariners because they are mentally strong and I had to hide it because the leage is offering a reward to find it and whom ever was controlling it.
Mystery : Allrighty.

Caves Rule

(The mystery guy is down in the cave waiting for the Mariners to come.)
Mystery : Hmmm where are they?
(The Mariners are about 5 minutes away from the mystery challenger.)
Aaron : Hmmm where are we?
Bret :I don�t know.
(Just then they get to the challenger.)
Mystery : Well well well we meet again.
Kelsey : It's you!
Mystery : Yes it is. You might have cheated to get past my Darrin but you wont get past me.
Freddy : Oh Raul shut up!
Raul : How did you know my name?
Aaron : Your jersey.
Raul : Oh ya heh heh.
Carlos : Can we hurry up I want to beat you so we can get the prize.
Raul : Ok well my challenge is for you one of you only so you have to choose to fix my hair and not make it a fro!
Dan : That isnt fair! You might as well just tell us to go home.
(They all push Bret forward)
Bret : I don�t wanna touch that!!
(He cries)
Bret : It's all greasy and slimy.
Raul : I hope you have choosen wisly.
(Bret works for 6 hours on Raul's hair and during that time Aaron, Carlos, Dan, Kelsey and Krista go and get the treasure.)
Dan : Hey Bret? We can go now.
Raul : Hey what do you mean?
Kelsey : Well while Bret was trying to fix your fro we just went and killed Shannon Stewart and go the mind controller out of the pail and now we are leaving to go and take it to Bud Selelig the Commissioner of the MLB.
Raul : No you don�t!!!!!!!!
(Raul whips out a machety and does all these fancy moves but David takes out his handy gun.)
Raul : I am the man who will be killing you now.
Krista : You know what. Ive had enough of you.
(Krista takes Davids gun out of his hand and shoots Raul)
Krista : Whoops! Lets go you guys I am missing my show!
Kelsey : Oh my god! We are missing Sports Central.
Aaron : Don�t worry. I taped it.
Krista : Good job.
(And so my story ends and we all go back home and collect the reward of 90.00 which is just enough to pay the Canadian Government for all the people that David killed. Freddy, Dan and Kelsey are still married and Krista as it turns out is pregant with twins and the father is �. we that will be revealed at a later date. MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! )