POTC
Pirates of the Carrabian Fanfic
ok I found this online and it's only the first chapter, but hopefully there will be more coming soon! :) Oh, and thank you to fanfiction.net and bored.com.
Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Bad Script
By: sweetcherries304
Disclaimer: I, sadly enough, do not own any part of the Pirates of the Caribbean or any of the characters. That dream would be a little too good...*sighfaint* Then I would own Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp and would have every right to torture Elizabeth (Kiera Knightly)!
Disclaimer: I, sadly enough, do not own any part of the Pirates of the Caribbean or any of the characters. That dream would be a little too good...*sighfaint* Then I would own Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp and would have every right to torture Elizabeth (Kiera Knightly)!
Summery: Just one of those eveyday parodies! Please R and R because this is my first every fanfic! Thank you so much! Includes (when requested) fangirls that are needed!
Here, if you review, I hand out cookies and peppermint mochas for all! I swear, under pain that I shall no longer love Johnny Depp! Thanks! Now READ!
Chapter One:
Young Elizabeth: (singing sharp and off-key) ...We pillage, we plunder, we rifle and loot. Drink up me 'earties yo ho! We kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot. Drink up me 'earties yo ho! Yo ho yo ho a pirate's life for me. We extort, we pilfer, we filch and sack. Drink up -
(Gibbs places a hand on her shoulder, causing her to scream and slip on the fog-drenched deck)
Fangirls: GIBBS! GIBBS! GIBBS! GIBBS!
Gibbs: Missy! You had better not be singing about pirates at this time! There be nancing faeries about...
Elizabeth: (stands up, rubbing where she fell) But I think it might be exciting to meet a sexy hot pirate! (her eyes go out of focus and she starts to sway drunkingly)
Norrington: Mr Gibbs! What have I told you about putting those ideas into my Elizabeth's head! See! It takes us up to an hour to get her out of that state every time someone mentions pirates! Now, get the bucket of ice water, and step on it!
Govn. Swann: That will do Commodore! Let Elizabeth think about her sexy...hot...yummy...(his eyes now go out of focus before Norrington slaps him) um, pirates if she wants! Wait, I mean, don't let her think of these things! No, very bad...
(Gibbs returns and throws the water on Elizabeth who jumps quickly and slips again)
Fangirls: Over the edge, over the edge!
Young Elizabeth: Hey! Where did you come from?
Fangirls: Um...nowhere, we are just members of an Anti-Eliabeth-When-She-Falls-In-Love-With-Will Group! (vanish)
Young Elizabeth: Ok...(she goes over to the edge of the ship and gazes into the water. She spots a parasol before Will floats by) Oh look, a cute boy who will soon be my future husband! I mean, boy! Boy in the water!
Norrington: Um...why do I care? Its just the boy who will in 10 years steal your heart from me and cause me to look like a perverted old man after a young girl's heart!
Young Elizabeth: (puppy eyes) PleasePleasePleasePleasePLEASE!
Norrington: (sighs) Fine...MAN OVER BOARD!
(The crew pulls Will on board)
Govn Swann: Elizabeth, I need you to watch over him but whatever you do, do not tell any of us about him being a pirate or his shiny medallion! (he walks away)
Young Elizabeth: (she nods and smiles) Yes daddy! (she pokes him repeatedly in the stomach) Cute boy...cute boy!
Young Will: (wakes up and smacks her) I am awake you freak!
Young Elizabeth: Fine then, what is your name? I am Elizabeth Yolanda Brandy Marie Victoria Chann-
Young Will: (cuts her off) Just Elizabeth is fine...Will Turner! Ack! (he faints again)
Young Elizabeth: Hey! I wasn't done! Oh well, hey! Lets see what's on this pretty chain! (she pulls the medallion out from under his shirt and takes it off his neck) OOOO! You are one of those sexy pirates! I will keep you as a pet!
Govn Swann: (returns) Has he said his name?
Young Elizabeth: Yes, he is Will Turner and is a sexy-wait, I promised not to tell that!
Govn Swann: Ok then (he goes away)
Young Elizabeth: (sees the Black Pearl and closes her eyes, waking up 10 years later)...
Ok, that was my FIRST EVER CHAPTER! Ok, so it probably stinks like a bunch of really old rum but I am not the best writer but was just bored out of my mind! Please review and tell me if you want to be a fan girl! Thanks again!
Chapter Two:
(Elizabeth awakes suddenly and goes to her dresser, taking out the medallion from a secret compartment. She studies it for a moment before putting it around her neck)
Elizabeth: You might think that after I broke the clasp 10 years ago that it wouldn't clasp anymore but no! You were wrong!
(Govn. Swann knocks on Elizabeth's door)
Govn Swann: Elizabeth! I have the new dress for your future husband's ceremony today! (he barges in the door holding the box which he thrusts into her arms) Open it!
(She rolls her eyes and opens it, taking out the dress)
Elizabeth: Um...its incredibly ugly and large...
Fangirls: YOU NEED IT!
Elizabeth: Shut up! This is my scene! (fangirls stick out their tongues at her before vanishing) But I suppose I will wear it anyways, I mean, when I fall over the wall some kick-ass pirate will have to pull it off me to save my life anyways...(She and her maids disappear behind a screen to dress)
Govn. Swann: How is it Elizabeth? I heard its all the rage in London!
Elizabeth, gasping for air: Well, women in London must have learned not to breathe!
Fangirls: Yes. So? Now, go not be a woman in London and die from loss of oxygen!
Elizabeth: (comes out from screen) How does it -gasp- look? -gasp choke-
Fangirls: (Sit in theatre seats on opposite side of the room to watch)
(The doorbell rings downstairs and a short midget-looking guy comes up the stairs)
Guy: (In tiny squeaky voice) The blacksmith is here with your sword sir! (He bows and leaves)
(Downstairs, Will looks at a candleholder, causing a piece to break off. He hides it in the umbrella stand)
Govn Swann: William! How nice to see you again! Not
Will: (Takes out sword and shows the governor)
Govn Swann: Its wonderful! My compliments to Mr. Brown!
Will: But I made it
Govn. Swann: So?
Will: (Spots Elizabeth and cringes at the sight of her dress) Ms Swann! What a lovely dress you are wearing! -coughhack-
Elizabeth: All the better to burn your eyes out with! And how many times must I tell you to call me Ms. ELIZABETH Swann?
Will: Just one more time! Please!
Elizabeth: (Rolls her eyes and follows her father out the door to the ceremony)
(Meanwhile...)
(Jack stands on the mast of his boat, which is slowly sinking)
Jack's Fangirls: -swoonsigh-
Jack: (He looks down and spots water filling his boat through a hole in the floor) Ah, not again! (he jumps down and tries to bail out water, his foot getting caught in the hole and he falls to the deck as they pass the hanging pirates) No! Not another one of these nightmares! I am too young to die!
Jack Fangirl 1: -grumbles- Not young enough damn it...
(Jack frees his foot and climbs up the mast again, stepping onto the dock when he reaches it. He walks drunkingly down the dock to the harbormaster)
Harbormaster: That'll be a shilling to tie up your boat...mast...thing...and I shall need your name
Jack: Let me give you 3 shillings and we forget the name? (He begins to walk away)
Harbormaster: Welcome to Port Royal Mr. Smith
(Jack whips around)
Jack: Mr. Smith? Mr. Smith? Why can't you use your imagination! Call me Mr. SmithY! (He rolls his eyes and continues on his way)
Ok, so it kind of stops suddenly...I have other things I am needing to do and cannot really finish in a good place!
Back to main page.
Back to fanstuff page
Back to news page