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STANDARD DISCLAIMER: I do not expect to be held responsible for my words in here. This is a journal, so if you wish to confront me on anything said in here, give up. I'll sic my Yami on you. u.u; I do wish some amount of privacy, even if it's web-journal. I'll talk about innermost things here, things I won't and would NEVER say in real life. I refuse to be held responsible for anything as a result of my journal. Oh, and I'm bi and dating Kaiya-chan. GET OVER IT.


01.26.2003 | Monday




Begin Entry | 10:47
End Entry | 11:04
School(ness).

   HA! All I need to do is instead of skipping my lunch to work in the cafeteria, I can skip my lunch to work in the library and between working, I can update and check stuff. Yay for me!

  Well, let's see. About school so far... I've had Lebsack, Algebra 2; Rivard, Cadet Teaching; and Johnson, American History. The transfer from Algebra to Cadet Teaching to American History isn't as stressful as I thought it would be. I was worried about not being able to get to Johnson's on time, so I hurried today and I was way early. As long as I don't get distracted on my way from point a to point b, I should be fine on the time issue. n.n yay.

  In other news, I'm working harder this semester if it fucking kills me! I can't stand always doing shitty work, it irritates the hell outta me.. sooo, I'm just going to try harder. Yay for meh again! I know I'll still procrastinate and all that, but at least the quality of my work should definintly up itself, hm? Well, we'll see.

  Other than those topics, there's really nothing else to say. ~.~ I'm on my period, so I'm icky and tired, but I think I'll manage. I updated earlier by my compy claimed it wasn't working right and wouldn't save it, so I decided to just say fuck it and worry about it later. And then at lunch I decided to update so I won't have to do it later, and poof! Updated already. Huh, weird. Oh well, no biggie. I've got Am. Hist. hmwk, and Algebra 2 hmwk, so if someone who reads this see's me online, tell me to do it!! I don't know, say you'll Kaiya-deprive me or something. n.n'' I gotta get it done. Thanks!



Begin | 6:45
End | 6:47
ack!

  ~.~ Worse thing about school today I think is that I won't be able to get online during 3rd. Iiiiiiiiiiiicky. I'll write about school when I get home!

      Rath


01.20.2003 | Tuesday

Begin | 23:09
End | 23:12
Yawn.

  I'm tired. I've been studying for exams. I don't care if I haven't updated in a fucking millenium.

      Rath


01.13.2003 | Tuesday

Begin | 10:24
End | 10:31
We are the people you hate..
We are / the fucking / bastards you created...

  Man, I'm depressed. Mom says I can't go see Kaiya this weekend. That's a bitch. I had a longer update, but Matt disconnected me from the server and it deleted. So yeah. The only other thing I really said is that I'm within the process of putting my mom through a huge guilt trip. She told me this morning, and I stared at her, then started crying and told her to go so I could finish getting ready for school. X3;; She started crying and told me she was sorry. I really do believe she won't let me go because she's afraid of me "fallnig in love" with her-- she currently thinks I'm insane and have no idea what I'm talking about. I'm probably going to be depressed all week and when she asks, I'll -- in a very calm, truthful manner-- inform her its because she fucked my week up.

Yes vengeful much.



      Rath


01.12.2003 | Monday

Begin | 10:35
End | 10:44
DEATH TO THEE!!

  Worg....... I want to go home and sleeeeeeeeeep..... @.@ I'm not really that tired, but it's monday and I'm bored out of my skull. I'm trying to decide what to write my Geography of Michigan Final Examination paper on. I feel like I'm supposed to be picking what manner I wish to die in-- "Would you like to be beheaded, squashed below the weight of a hundred thousand bricks, or beaten into the very carpet you stand upon with a ladel?!" "Well, I don't know. I'm thinking being smote by devouration via alligator sounds pretty tempting..."

      Rath


01.11.2003 | Sunday

Begin | 16:18
End | 16:49
I'm bouncin' off the walls again! Whoa-Oh!
I'm lookin' like a fool again! Whoa-Oh!
I threw away my reputation..
One more song for the radio station!

  XD Whoaaaaaaaa...... I definently shouldn't read Orli/Vig fanfiction at early morning hours. I'm so bloody hyper, can't walk in a straight line and giggling like a bloody schoolgirl. ... Wait. I -am- a schoolgirl. XD Hot damn, I'm awesome.

   XDD And according to an older update in Inu-Chan's journal, I'm an attention slut. XD HELL that's funny. X3 In combination with me being a detail whore. Too funny, man. I'm laughing my ass off over here.

   And as for everything else, nothing new's been going on, really. i get to see Kaiya this weekend! ^o^ can't wait!! *long pause, about ten minutes later* o.O Well fuck! Now I -know- I'm acting Orlando-ish. o.O O.o *was wandering around her kitchen, and got bitched at by her mum for being too hyper*

Mum: u.u you just take it too far sometimes.
Rath: *half-smirks, shrugging and stands, walking away* No, you're just getting too old.


  O.o I never tell my mum she's gettin' old. But that right there always pisses me off. She always tells me all I do is sit on the computer. I'm going to start keeping a log of the times she tells me no. o.-

      Rath


01.07.2003 | Wednesday

Begin | 10:39
End | 10:42
She's my kind of rain...
Like love from a drunken sky...
Confetti fallin' down all night...
She's my kind of rain.

  Well, not much to really say, I just wanted to updated. I've been really huggly. My sister says next weekend she'll take me to see Jami. I really can't wait to hug her. And I just want her, and the whole world to know how much I love her, and that I'm always impressed and astounded by her personality, stunned by her passion, amazed by her beauty-- within and without.

She's my kind of rain.


      Rath


01.06.2003 | Tuesday

Begin | 11:02
End | 11:23
"Look you pansy ass little boy, do you -want- me to kick your ass?"

  Uh huh. Riiiight. I'm at the library, I slept in this morning, and I've got one of the largest masses of idiots next to me.

&nbps; ...I ph34r.

      Rath


01.05.2003 | Monday

Begin | 5:15
End | 5:43
I.. HATE... EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU
WHY.. DO I LOVE YOU?
You.. hate... everything about me..
WHY.. do you love me?

  O.o I haven't updated in a week? Weird. Well, here it is now. ^^ I finally got around to it, and it's o.O early in the morning, before I go back on the first day. And due to the snow and slick roads, I'm playing avid attention to the channel 5 news in hopes that it'll be delaed. n.n;; Hm, what, lethargic? >.>;

   Kadien: u.u Lazy bastard.

   x.x shut up, Kad.

   Chaos: o.- He's right. You ARE lazy and forgetful.

   x.x I'm SORRY Chaos! GAH! @.@ Stop holding a grudge against me! o.o ... Er. ^^; These are two of my muses. They've been revived in the last day or so because I've been ignoring them -- Chaos: FORGOT them-- o.-' For the last day-- Kadien: YEAR-- x.x; or so. As you can see, they're, um. Slightly malevolent.

  ^^ So! On to brighter news. I think I forgot to make a New Years Resolution. Oops. Oh well, I don't suppose they're -that- important. As for my goals, let me think. Well...

  • 1. Top on the list is seeing Jami. I'm downright adamant about this now.
  • 2. Next is bum-bum-buh! Good grades. Hey, what can I say?

      o.o And ironically enough, I think that's about it. I'm not too worried and I don't keep goals well. *glance at T.V.* A~and I really don't think I'll be getting that delay I wanted. Oh well. I know I wanted mainly to work on my story, Salvation, but it's no biggie. I suppose you could count that as a new year resolution, but it doesn't really matter to me that much. I mean, I'm determined to work on my stories, and force myself to complete the damn things, but... I don't know, it feels almost cheapened by placing it on a "to-do" list, ya know? So I just won't do that.

      A~and let's see. To cover what's been going on in the real world... Well, not much, I think. I got a fishie!! ^^ I named him Varawoo, after the Demon fish in Dragon Knights! n.n The fish who sank the world.

       Demiance: He's a goldfish.

      AYE and a vicious one at that..! *watches him flit around backwards and in circles, seemingly still confused by his mirrored image* ... Uh... In... Portugal, that's considered a terrifying characteristic you know..!

       Dart: *sweat...drop..*

      n.n; RIGHT! Anyways, I believe I've *coughMUSEScough* have rambled enough this update. So ya, I've got to go to school in an hour and twenty minutes, unless I get the delay I want. Icky icky.

          Rath


    12.29.2003 | Monday

    Begin | 14:37
    End | 14:44
    Left on an east-bound train,
    Gone.. first thing this morning.
    Why's what's best for you...
    Always the worst thing for me?!

      Hee. I felt bad that you people weren't getting a real update, soo... Ya. Here's your update! But honestly. When I said there wasn't much to say, there realy isn't. I got lots of stuff for christmas, which I'm too lazy to say. And yea, I know it's about Jesus. n.n I'm just slightly defective. I'm refundable!!

      well, I'm a little irritated with the RP. I seem to be having issues thinking of a plot. But that's okay, because I know we'll get something. O.o o.O or.. something. I -might- have a plot, but I said I didn't want to involve Seig. Oooh well, he's my asshole, I'll do what I want, lol. ^_^ Ya, we just now noticed that we transferred Lyk's original character to him. Hee, that's okay. I'm more easily-able to play characters like Seig, because o.o I don't get as easily guilted as my partner. X3 Who is a sap. I mean. Not to say I like mushy love scenes or adorable cuddlyness or anything. >>'' <<;; No, never. X3;;

      A~and as for the song-- "Do This Anymore" by Nickelback! ^_^ I've gone on a Nickelback craving lately, as well as Eminem. Weiiiiird. Oh well. n.n Anyways, I think that's it for the meanwhile. I can't wait for the tenth, when I get to go see my girlfriend. ^_^ Automatic.

          Rath


    12.28.2003 | Sunday

    Begin | 16:37
    End | 16:40
    This looks like a job for me,
    So everybody.. Just follow me!
    'Coz we need a little.. Controversy,
    Because it feels so empty without me!

      Well, I don't really have anything to say, it's just the sort of Let you know I live update, lol. So yea... Lots of family socialness, many presents, I've got a car, and yeah. ^_^ that's about it.

          Rath


    12.20.2003 | Saturday

    Begin | 0:00
    End | 0:24
    You've always been a friend of mine
    And that's the way it'll be
    Till the day I die
    Yeah, it's good to know you're on my side
    And now you know she's leavin' me
    And I need you're help to make her see
    So turn on your charm and let it shine
    'Cause you've always been the one who could make her stay around
    So when she gets to the city limit signs, don't let me down!

      Er. I was going to update. But. Yeah. Got distracted. ^_^ I love kaiya!

          Rath


    12.20.2003 | Saturday

    Begin | 13:12
    End | 13:38
    The Smile On Your Face Lets Me Know That You Need Me
    There's A Truth In Your Eyes Saying You'll Never Leave Me
    A Touch Of Your Hand Says You'll Catch Me Whenever I Fall
    Yeah, You Say It Best When You Say Nothing At All..

      ^_^ *feels all mushy and cuddly now* Kaiya-chan is so getting pounce when she gets online. n.n I hope she's heard this song, because she'd love it's cute mushiness. ^^ It's just so damn cute, I love it. n.n Man, I love her so much.

       I was updating, because it's been three days, and I try to at least update once every three days, you know, so here. There's not really much to say-- X3 Dakota gave me a cookie and was like, "~.~ *shove cookie at her* Here, take yer cookie. *pause* ... I don't hate you. Yer kinda cool.. *hurridly* but not really, coz you're a girl." I almost cracked up laughing. ^^ It was cute.

      Argh. I ... hate this keyboard. The space bar doesn't work that good so you have to really pound on it-- which is sad because I already pound on meh keys. EXTRA violence. ^_^ Squee (Which is a word copyrighted to Lil Kris). But, yes. Here, the rest of those mushy, mushy lyrics.



    It's Amazing How You Can Speak Right To My Heart
    Without saying a word, you can light up the dark
    Try as I may I can never explain
    What I hear when you don't say a thing

    The Smile On Your Face
    Lets Me Know That You Need Me
    There's A Truth In Your Eyes
    Saying You'll Never Leave Me
    A Touch Of Your Hand
    Says You'll Catch Me Whenever I Fall
    Yeah, You Say It Best When You Say Nothing At All..

    All day long I can hear people talking out loud
    But when you hold me near, you drown out the crowd
    Old Mr. Webster could never define
    What's being said between your heart and mine

    [Chorus] x2


       n.n *squeals* If I could, I would hug Kaiya I tell her those words (from the chorus) for the rest of her life. I swear, either I'm moving down there, or she's moving up here when we're out of school. I want to be with her for the rest of my life.

          Rath


    12.14.2003 | Sunday

    Begin | 11:20
    End | 11:33
    Wai, husky puppies!

      <.<; Curses. It seems another three days have melted by. ^_^ HOWEVER. I SO have a monitor now! YAY for me!!! n.n Seriously. That's just like.. the highlight of my day. I love it. I decorated it already. It's old and big, and CRT, but I love it, damnit! And Kaiya-chan just showed me a REALLY cute picture of a huskie However, I want to RP and I have to go christmas shopping soon and yeah. ^_^ *pet journal readers before bounding away*

          Rath


    12.11.2003 | Thursday

    Begin | 10:03
    End | 10:05
    "BLOODY" "FUCK" "DAMN"

      Here. Currently twitching. *copies and pastes from Gaia* I'll explain more later, maybe. If I feel motivated.

    ((x.x honestly. BLOODY honestly. I can't remember how many times I've said "bloody," "fuck," "damn" and all of the other curse words I rely on. NO clue. o.- I'm going to beat that woman.. I mean, seriously, she's a good lady I suppose. She's nice, and she's smart, she knows the shit she should be teaching, but does she bloody know how teach it?! x.x no! I'm going to fucking scream. "Read the book, Rath." "o.- I've READ the bloody book at least 4 frickin' times! The BLOODY BOOK doesn't do sh-.. x.x crap. It doesn't teach worth CRAP." "... *long pause, looking as though she'll say something useful* ... *then* read the book, Rath." o.- She's lucky I don't have something sharp. Honestly. I don't want to make her cry. I don't want to mutilate her mentally or physically. Not much, anyways. x.x ALL I WANT IS TO BE ABLE TO DO THE FUCKING CHEMISTRY WITHOUT BREAKING A FUCKING BLOOD VESSEL FROM BLOODY STRESS! x.x Christ. ))


          Rath


    12.10.2003 | Wednesday

    Begin | 10:20
    End | 10:23
    Well, isn't that a bitch?

      Okay, just a note-- Joe doesn't hate me. He told me so. N'yah.

      Alright, and now there's the REAL big issue of late. My CRT monitor crashed/burnt out so yeah. I'm at school right now, updating, and I need to get a new monitor. That sucks ass. Damn. So yeah. I'll update when I can at school, but other than that, I'm screwed on that account. Until the 25th. God bless crappy old '98 upgrades, hey?

          Rath


    12.09.2003 | Tuesday

    Begin | 11:14
    End | 11:15
    X3 automatic.

       Not a big update, but that Joe (Inu-chan) hates me.

    This will lead to much amusement.

          Rath


    12.07.2003 | Sunday

    Begin | 13:48
    End | 14:02
    As we go on, we remember all the times we had together
    And as our lives change, from whatever,
    We will still be friends forever.

       ^^ That song is Vitamin C's "Graduation (Friends Forever)." I like, seriously heart that song. Coz it's so going to be the class of 2005, hey? ^^ But I don't want to think about it, coz I jus' don't. n.n I'mma go get a Christmas Tree soon, but not just yet. X3 Dad gave me two new shirts-- "You have the right to remain silent-- SO SHUT THE F**K UP!" and "That's Mr. Asshole to you." XD YES! And my ma's going to be all "o_o RICHARD! x_x I can't believe you gave your daughter those!" X3 And I shall rule the world. X3 Lates.

          Rath


    12.05.2003 | Friday

    Begin | 11:13
    End | 11:20
    I can still feel you just as close as skin every now and then,
    All by myself in a crowded room on my empty bed..
    There's a place you've touched with your love, no one gets close to..
    I can still feel you...

       Hurray! I'm finally feeling better! God, how I missed that! I'm used to being a generally healthy person, so when I'm sick, I get really sick. ^_^ And I was moderately depressed yesterday, but that seems to have worn off. ^^ Cool.

       >.> But there's this PrEsEnCe looming in the back of my mind-- Homework! x.x I've got a lot to do. Oooooooh well. I'm going up north tonight, so I'm like.. psyched. don't ask me why. ^-^ And Kaiya-chan's home, so I get to talk to her all day! n.n There's what seems to be the perfect mood lingering below my .... er, somewhat calm attitude. *bounce* I'm going to go try and beat Sephiroth again in Kingdom Hearts. I can only like, beat down one-one and a half lifebars on the bastard till he just kills me. Like BAM. Dirty, dirty bastard. Ooooh well, I'll get him sometime. It's not like it's essential to the game, I already beat the game like, four or five times playing all the way through. But I didn't do a lot of the side stuff, so that's what I'm doing now. Can we say Rath wants the Ultimate Weapon for Sora to play with? X3 Oh yeah. Anyways, I'll check you all later in a better update and fill you in with how I'm goin' on Kickin' Sephy's ass!

          Rath


    12.03.2003 | Wednesday

    Begin | 20:48
    End | 21:02
    Dancing All Alone, singing dum-di-doe
    Listening to the music from the radio.

      @.@ So many people talkin'... x.x Well, they're all worried because I'm kind of sick. but that's alright. I jsut need to sleep some more. I've got a really bad headache and the only reason I'm up right now is because I want to try and sleep a bit more. ^^ *yawns* I've went through six -- soon to be eight-- Tylenol PMs, so yeah. Yawn. I'll update later though, coz I'm tired just now.

          Rath


    11.25.2003 | Tuesday

    Begin | 17:30
    End | 22:42
    Dancing All Alone, singing dum-di-doe
    Listening to the music from the radio,
    Dancing All Alone, singing dum-di-doe
    Pretending I'm together with my romeo.

      Hmm... ^^ sorry, it's been a long while since I've updated *yawn* but I've been busy and there hasn't been much to say. ^_^ Thanks Kaiya-chan for giving me my own spot in your prayers. ^__^ *huggle* Love you!

      still not much to say, I had a good turkey day, it was fun

          Rath


    11.25.2003 | Tuesday

    Begin | 22:08
    End | 22:42
    I love you, always forever,
    Near or far, closer together,
    Everywhere, I will be with you,
    Everything, I will do for you.

      ^_^ Rath is deeply in love with someone. Has been, for a while now. Isn't THAT a plot twist? Marvelous, I love it. And it gets better. The person Rath loves? Loves Rath back. ^_^ GOD, I love that. And you know what, the person Rath loves is *gasp* another girl! For those of you that read my journal and know me in real life, you may be confused. ^^ fine by me. I LOVE A GIRL. Nice and plain. Oh, I'm not a lesbian though. I'm bi. n.n And you see, the reason I can admit this easily is that so long as she loves me, nothing else matters. If you guys hate me for being bi (I HIGHLY doubt you guys are that shallow though. Birch Run hasn't warped you THAT much, lol, GO BR! X3 ) that's cool... but I don't give a damn. ^^ simple as that, don't waste your breath taunting me, if you're a guy, I'll kick you in the nuts so hard you'll be sterile, and if you're a girl, well. I'll still beat you down. Coz I'm cool like that. Bu~ut, as for saying who it is, I won't. Because I don't know if she wants me to. ^_^ But my close friends know who it is, and they still love me. n.n Coz they kick ass. You know who you are.

      Well! I didn't mean to make you all wait five days! Sheesh, someone could've reminded me... ^^ I know, I know, thanks lil kris! Well, anyways. Lots and lots of work, and I'm trying so hard, because if I do really good, maybe momma'll take me down to see *censorcensor*! ^_^;; Whoa. Way to be obvious, Rath.

          Rath


    11.20.2003 | Thursday

    Begin | 07:00
    End | 07:08
    Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming,
    Cannot sleep for the fear of silent nights.
    Oh, how I long for the deep sweet dreaming,
    The goddess of imaginary light.

      This background wasn't going to be put up until December, but I need a change of look, so I think it can go up early.

      Well, I wen't to Josh's showing yesterday, and cried. Unendingly. I was the last person to leave who wasn't a relative, because I got a little stranded. I stayed, and stared. Crying, whispering nonsense, begging and recieving nothing in response. That brought more tears.

      But now, it is November twentieth of the year two-thousand three. the day of Josh Agius' funeral. And I'm probably going to cry my eyes out again. I hate it when things like these happen. I don't want his parents to have to do this... I don't want the B.R. Class of 2005 to have to do this again. It was hard enough last time. I wish I controlled who lives and dies, because I think I would make us all Elven, and then we'd live forever. But shit like that doesn't happen, and we'll just have to cope... Because we're strong like that.

    Live.


          Rath


    11.17.2003 | Monday

    Begin | 15:00
    End | 15:10
    *sigh*

      Eveeryone, I'm very, very depressed today. I've been crying a lot, and when I can't cry anymore, I think. And then I cry again. Yes, I understand crying doesn't help anything. But what more do you want? Class 2005 lost another student yesterday-- His name was Josh Agius. He was one of the Class of 2005, and I've known him since kidnegarden. I'll be the first to admit, we hardly talked in high school. Maybe five or six times out of two years, but I don't care. He was--IS one of us. We've already lost Kristina Toth, last year. Just 11 months. To the DAY. She died December 16th, 2002. And now Josh just died... It's not fucking fair! They can choose another class to badger, right? I don't even know why I'm crying. I knew him well up to 6th grade, had a crush on him even, but I was in seventh at Chesaning, and then I came back and we picked on each other a little and on the halls, but I doubt our names ever even reached each other's conversations. But in high school, the last thing I did was give him a cookie. It wasn't anything big, or special, I just had some cookies with me that day and he like tackled me and was all "I want a cookie" and I told him "No, you're not special enough for a cookie." He blinked at me and said "Well.. I want a cookie anyways." So I gave him one. Then he tried to mob me and steal the thing of cookies (he didn't though, I think I may have smacked him with the bag and broke the cookies, thus effectively ending his want for them) and yeah. It's no big deal, but the last thing was giving him a cookie and telling him no? That's ridiculous. I'm going to go cry some more and try to at least mouth lyrics in a false attempt to calm myself.

      And you know what? I don't care if anyone says I'm just bullshitting to get attention. I honestly don't. Say what you want. There are more important things to worry about right now.

          Rath


    P.s. The background for this journal is Mineko Ohkami's "Rath Illuser" and "Kai-stern of Blue" and I don't own ANY of them. Sadly.The Background however was made by me. Take it and be smote.

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