Our Top Story...

During the game "Weird Newscasters," each player has a different role. Ryan does the weather report, Wayne does the sports, and Colin and the guest are the news anchors. To start out the game, each person gets a character with which to do the news. Then, Colin or the co-anchor begins with the "top story," which they make up completely randomly. Here is a list of some of my favorite Top Stories!

+ Welcome to the six o'clock news! I'm your anchor, Thor JustThinkingAboutIt. Our top story today: The Great Jamboni, eccentric human cannonball known for taking his lucky donkey to all his performances, escaped near tragedy today when the donkey climbed into the canon muzzle just as Jamboni was taking off. It took the surgeons three hours to remove Jamboni's head from his ass. Both are resting comfortably. -Colin
+ Welcome to the 6 o'clock news. Our top story: Wives live longer than husbands because they're not married to women. -Colin
+ Famous Playboy, Hugh Hefner managed to successfully stop an order of monks from operating a business on his property. The police forced the friars to close down their stall, which was outside the Playboy Mansion, where they had been selling flowers. Said one friar, "Well, if it was anyone else we may have gotten away from it but unfortunately only Hugh can prevent florist friars." -Colin
+ Welcome to the 4.15 news. I'm your anchor, Orland Kurtbach. Today's top story: 9 out of 10 Americans believe that out of the 10 people, 1 person will always disagree with the other 9. -Colin
+ Welcome to the six o'clock news. I'm your anchor, Olly Oxenfree. Our top story tonight: Famous TV dolphin Flipper was arrested today on prostitution ring charges. He allegedly was seen transporting two 16 year-olds across state line for immoral porpoises. -Colin
+ Good evening and welcome to the six o'clock news. I'm your anchor, Oswald That-Ends-Wald. Our top story today: Convicted hitman, Jimmy "Two Shoes" McClardy, confessed today that he was once hired to beat a cow to death in a rice field, using only two small porcelain figures. Police admit this may be the first known case of a knick-knack-paddy-wack. -Colin
+ Our top story today: According to a recent scientific report, men think about sex every 6 seconds and beca...(pauses) -Colin
+ Welcome to the six o'clock news. I'm your anchor Frankly Don't-Give-A-Damn. A large wooden object with a pointy end was found spinning in the downtown core. That's our top story. -Colin
+ This just in: Beverly Hills 90210, Cleveland Browns 3 -Colin
+ Welcome to the six o'clock news. I'm your anchor, Puffy Don't-Need-Combs. Our top story today: An entire cult of killer bees were found dead. They are thought to have committed insecticide. -Colin
+ Welcome to the six o'clock news. I'm your anchor. Gay Apparel. Our top story tonight: Ninety-five year old Fred Schepisi was found not guilty today of sexual harrassment. The ninety-five year old however was arraigned on charges of assault with a dead weapon. -Colin
+ Welcome to the six o'clock news. I'm your anchor, Pierre Cause-My-Bladder's-Empty. Our top story tonight: NASA sends probe to Uranus. People everywhere giggle. -Colin
+ Welcome to the six o'clock news. I'm your anchor, Tito Through-The-Tulips. Our top story tonight: A man is still in critical condition after swallowing 250,000 dollars in large bills. No change is expected. -Colin