Entry written on 10/29/05; Saw the show in Denver @ Colorado Convention Center's Lecture Hall, 8:00 PM, 10/28/05

Recounted by Kelly in 7 pages of notebook paper.
Little warning-note... In properly recording this momentous event, I had to use four letter words that start with f, d, (no, not the 'amn' one..), and make references to male genitalia. If this offends you, or if you don't have two digits in your age yet, now is the time to go watch Dora the Explorer.

Friday couldn't have gone slower at school... except for gym, where I made this one kid pay for making me look bad in French. Heh. Every time I saw Amanda I'd tell her how many periods were left. Then we got to counting the hours. Anyway, around 5:45-ish, Amanda came over because she wanted to see the NY Friar's Club Roast of Drew Carey (which I'd taped), and so we watched that until my mom got home. Then we grabbed notebooks, pens, waterbottles, my Whose Line Greatest Hits CD (I burned it from http://www.geocities.com/whose_line77/ ), and we were off! When we got there, a nice man gave us his parking pass that was good all night, 'cause he was leaving and didn't need it. Then when we got there, we walked in this WL-procession inside, where Amanda and I bought t-shirts - she got one with a dinosaur on it, and I god the black and green one with Drew Carey's silhouette. Then, we went inside and sat down, and watched the show! The show lasted about two hours, which is approximately the time it will take you if you decide to read this entire journal entry.

The Show!! (with quotes & moments from each game under them!)
btw... some of these will only make sense to me and Amanda. Oh yeah, and also, these are probably out of order, because the only ones I'm sure of are the first one and the last two.

Performers: Drew Carey, Chip Esten, Greg Proops, Jeff Davis, Jonathan Mangum, Sean Masterson, Kathy Kinney, Laura Hall (Pianist)

+ Drew's opening stand-up act
--"Yeah, we both have something in common now... both our football teams suck dick."
--"I was at the airport today, and they searched an old in a wheelchair and confiscated a pair of tweezers. Good thing, that cripplebitch. I took one look at her and thought, God, please don't let her be on my plane."
--"...Shifty-eyed cripplebitch..."
--"One thing you never wanna hear... *makes sound effect of putting on a latex glove* if you are ever in a doctor's office and hear that sound, you're screwed. Matter of fact, if you're ANYWHERE and you hear that sound, you're screwed."
--"I can't watch the news anymore, it's too sad. You know, every time I watch the news now, I open up the Book of Revelations and start checking stuff off... hurricane, earthquake, Paris Hilton..."
--"You know they named the resort in Vegas after her? They're calling it The Paris... what, couldn't they have just called it The Whore? ....Hi, welcome to The Whore! ...Come get lucky at The Whore!"
--"She's in all those magazines, and what does she do? Nothing! And I'm out here, entertaining people... put me in a magazine! I'll show my panties!"
--"[On hurricanes] First there was New Orleans... which is such a good Christian city, I don't know why God would want to punish them... then they moved to Texas, and along came Rita... then they were like, 'Let's move to Florida!' ...eh heh... Wilma!"
--"Whoa, got a little winded there... *someone in the audience makes a remark about it being the altitude* ...no, it's not the altitude, I'm just fuckin' overweight."
--"I used to look for nice legs and a cute face. That was all. Now I just look for big titties. 'Cause I have titties too, now... I don't wanna be the one in the relationship with the bigger titties anymore. I want someone I can sit out on the beach with and not think about how I have bigger titties."
--"Hey, you guys up there in the nosebleed section... if there are empty seats in front of you, go ahead and fill those in."

+ Freeze Tag - Caller: Kathy; Contestants: All, Sean & Jeff start
--"Cowboy on a dude ranch? I'm afraid you misunderstood me... alright, cowboy on a dude ranch. And a non-sexual physical position for Sean... second baseman. Not first or third, second baseman." -Kathy
--"This game of horseshoes is hard with such a small stake..." -Jonathan, aimed at Greg who was on the floor with his legs up.
--"Welcome to the clinic for small penises.." -Greg, after Jonathan was frozen in the position of a wolf (after Jonathan's first remark)
--"I don't care how much your penis itches, stop rubbing it on my carpet!" -Sean, to Greg who'd turned over on the floor.
--After Jeff "shot" Greg, who was a bird, Greg pretends to die; and right before he completely dies, he sits back up to give Jeff the finger.
--"Hello darkness, my old friend..." -Chip & Greg, when Greg was kneeling on the floor.
--"You'll never beat me, Anakin Skywalker!" -Chip, pretending to be on the lava-floaters from Episode III

+ Moving People - Caller: Chip; Contestants: Drew & Sean
Scene: (hobby) Butterfly-catching
--"If you want him to move forward, touch his legs like this... if you want him to move backwards, touch him like this... and if you want his room number, touch him in this general area..." -Chip
--"Okay, now be very careful with Drew, he's a celebrity (*turns to lady with Sean*) ...you can do whatever you want." ... "Don't worry, I'm in the same boat..." -Chip
--"No, I am absolutely not going to look at you. I am not going to look at you until you're sober - Oh, looks like you're sober now." -Sean
--"Look at me, I'm walking backwards like a bad Broadway dancer!" -Sean
--"Rub my titties and make a wish!" -Drew
--"Woohoo, I'm drunk!" -Drew
--"Yes, but if we're going to catch any butterflies" - "Oh, we're still on that?" -Sean & Drew

+ New Choice - Caller: Jeff; Contestants: Greg & Jonathan
Scene: (worst job you ever had) Lumberjacks
--"I only work here because I love you" "Change" "I only work here because I love your sister." -Jonathan/Jeff/Jonathan
--"I am your sister?" -Jonathan

+ Songstyles - Caller: Drew; Contestants: Chip & Jeff
Scene: Old blues
--"So, how long have you been married?" - "Thirteen years" - "So what are your kids, fourteen and fifteen?" -Drew/Wendy/Drew
--"You know what I'd like to hear? Some old blues.." -Drew
--"Under the covers, she's askin' for mo'!" -Jeff
--"It sure is fuckin' weird watching a labrador retriever and a poodle screw!" -Jeff
--"Happy birthday, Darrel!" -Chip (not too funny, but it was really cool the way he included it.)

+ Sentences - Caller: Jonathan; Contestants: Kathy & Drew
Scene: (place where a soap opera could take place) Hospital
--"*reads a sentence off the paper* ....what the fuck does that mean?" -Drew
--"That's not what you said last night, when you leaned over with your elbow on the pillow and said... 'That was like a virgin sailor at a cathouse'" -Kathy

+ Sound Effects - Caller: Jeff; Contestants: Chip & Sean
Scene: (What's your name? + What's an occupation that starts with S?) Salesperson
--"Here, let me make you some coffee before you go... *does sound effect of spitting into the coffee machine* Oh wait, I forgot I usually do that before you get here..." -Chip
--"My elevator was made in 1850." -Chip
--"...And my motorcycle was made in 1840." -Chip

+ Film, TV & Theater Styles: Caller: Jeff; Contestants: Kathy & Sean
Styles: (Favorite type of TV?) Latino, (Favorite type of theater?) Uh.. musicals! (Favorite type of book?) Sci-Fi, (Favorite director) Hitchcock, (Favorite type of music) Hip-Hop, (Favorite period of history) Old West, (Favorite section of the video store) Porn!
--"You know what, I wanna talk to the girl sitting next to you because she's more interesting. Girl in the white, what's your name?" - "GIA!!" - "Gia, if you had to describe yourself in one word, what would it be?" - "..Perky!" -Jeff/Gia
--The 'Latino' suggestion, where Sean and Kathy start singing and dancing Spanish-ey, and Chip, Drew, and Jonathan join in the background playing acoustic guitars
--The 'Musical' suggestion, where they all came back out again, and Chip, Drew, and Jonathan come back and start doing chorus-line dance moves across the stage
--After the hip-hop suggestion, Drew and Jeff join in, going up to the front and dancing, then turning around and shaking their butts in a stripper-y way at the audience, while Jonathan takes two stools in the background and pretends to be a hip-hoppin' DJ
--"Freeze: everyone except Drew. Drew, do that dance again solo." -Jeff
--"Sir, what is your favorite period of history? .... West? That's not a period of history... oh, you mean the old west period, okay." -Jeff
--During Hitchcock, Drew pretends to be a zombie/sleepwalker walking back and forth at the back of the stage
--During Sci-Fi, Jonathan picks up a microphone stand and stards spinning it around slowly behind Kathy and Sean

+ Jeopardy: Caller: Greg; Contestants: Everyone Else
Characters: Kathy - Arlene "Andy", Sean - Meth Addict, Drew - Saddam Hussein, Jonathan - the Hamburger Helper glove, Chip - Napoleon Dynamite, Jeff - Sam Elliott.
Scene: Suggestions: South Platte, Marijuana, Bajarain, Jolly Rancher, Mother-in-Law, Jihad, Bow-Hunting, Condom
Categories: Rivers in Colorado, Secret Ingredients, Cities in Afghanistan, Things that are pretty sweet, Things you can run over in your car, Arabic words, Skills, Things you can find in strangers' cars.
--"What is the name of the only river where if you drink from it, you get cavities?" -Sean (South Platte River)
--"I ride in the extreme rodeo, and on the side I'm a topless dancer." - "Can you describe what makes it 'extreme' rodeo?" - "Yeah... we shoot the clown afterwards." -Kathy/Greg/Kathy, in introductions
--"Schfaashanschashin *pretends to do own subtitles* ...These are my subtitles." - "Really now? I couldn't tell." -Drew & Jeff
--"Can you explain to me why hamburger needs any help when it is already perfect by nature?"
--Chip's Napoleon Dynamite dance @ the beginning, and the reprise at the end..
--"Yeah, it's like a Bronco's highlight reel." -Greg (not in a positive way XD)
--"I'll take Things You Can Find in a Stranger's Car." -Kathy "Drew Carey!" -Audience Member
--"What I had to do after I knocked up Wanna" "Ah, Marry Wanna." "Yeah, she was a Catholic girl.." -Jeff & Greg (Marijuana)
--"Achshflachsherlasch *does 'subtitle' hand motion* What did I live off of for two weeks while I was living in a hole in the ground?" - "That is correct; we also would have accepted chocolate torte and human flesh." -Drew & Greg (Jolly Rancher)
--"What do you call a gay guy on a dude ranch?" -Jonathan (Jolly Rancher)
--"Well, that's not by any means a city in Afghanistan, nor is it pronounced or spelled right... but we'll use it." -Greg ('Bajarain')
--"What do I yell when I'm riding at the extreme rodeo?" -Kathy (Jihad)
--"What comes before 'leeza Rice'?" "Ah... Condoleeza Rice." -Jeff & Greg (Condom)
--"What is a stoned guy trying to say 'brain'?" -Chip ('Bajarain')
--"What is that old Prince song that I love?" -Drew ('Bajarain')
--"I'll take 'Things That are Pretty Sweet'" -Chip
--"I'll take skills for 400." -Chip
--"What is the sound it makes when I spit into my spittoon?" -Jeff (Bow hunting)
--"*suggestively* What do ladies in Denver do on a Saturday night? *pause, no one gets it* Come on, beau? B-E-A-U? You guys are terrible..." -Sean (Bow hunting)
--"What is the name of the Chinese guy who lives.. [??]" -Chip (Bow hunting)
--"...*pause while no one gets Kathy's joke*... I'm trying to make this work for you because I like you." - ".*trying to cover herself*...JIHAD!" -Greg & Kathy
--"I'll take Things You Can Run Over in a Car" -Kathy "VIOLAS" -Me and Amanda! XD (even though they ended up taking "Mother-in-Law")
--"What Darrel calls Wendy" -Sean (Mother-in-Law)
--"Might I remind you all that this is the lightning round." -Greg, after it was taking a while for people to buzz in

+ Greatest Hits - Callers: Drew & Kathy; Contestants: Chip & Jeff
Songs: Neil Diamond - The Big Crane, Country - Heavy Crane, Light Heart, 50's Do-Wop - I'll Move the Earth Under You (?)
--"Ah, heavy machinery, what you should never eat before you drive an aspirin... *a few people laugh* I'll let that one resonate a little..." -Greg
--"It's true, I wanna sledgehammer you!" -Jeff
--"We now have 2015 CD's... fifteen people just called and returned theirs." -Drew
--Just as the country song starts, Jeff runs back to the piano, takes Laura Hall's pink cowboy hat, comes back around and puts it on Chip's head.
--Before the Do-Wop song starts, Chip takes off his blouse, rolls the sleeves up on his undershirt to his shoulders, and does the curly-thing with the front of his hair to look like Elvis or Grease-guys.

+ Mousetrap Game - Caller: Greg; Contestants: Drew & Jonathan
Scene: (Favorite period of history) Civil War
--"Scarlet, I love you!" -Drew to Jonathan (making Jonathan a girl in the scene)
--"Or else you would experience a full-body lapdance from Drew Carey." -Greg
--Chip setting off two mousetraps on himself during setup, then when he and Sean picked up mousetraps and started moving them around so that Drew and Jonathan would step on them. Also, when he was moving them around and ended up setting one off on himself, but couldn't shout in pain or else Drew and Jonathan would catch on.
--"Damn YANKEES... I'm gonna KILL those Yankees..." -Drew, referring to Chip and Sean.

...Yep. And that's what I was writing on the drive home, for a half hour after we got home, and then spent about 3 hours typing up tonight as more and more of the show came back to me. Yay!

<3<3