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JOURNAL II | |||||||
| 2-03-2004, 12:58 AM, I am not sleeping well because of nightmares and am in one of my obsessive modes where I don't eat or sleep, constantly thinking about and working on the case for Bethany & Lilly. Today I woke up early and walked Snoopy. He has learned to fake shiver when he wants to come in. He never did it with Alan until it worked so effectively on me with me practically carrying him up the stairs. I read something about Jack Russell Terriers faking limps in order to get attention since they are so smart. Well Snoopy has done the fake limp, it is actually quite funny but it works nonetheless. I spent all day on the case. I had a headache in my eye all day and finally, gripping my head in pain, I took an Aleve. I was so busy working I forgot to eat until 5 PM, maybe that was the cause of the headache. I have created two online petitions however I am searching for a better format. I did consider making my own but I do not know how to make the signature page. I will not give up hope and faith in God that standing in truth wearing His armour will bring our family to victory. It amazes me that so many people who are responsible for the welfare of children can so casually tell you "these things take time" or "there is not much we can do" and so on. Unfortunately it seems to boil down to politics and who you know. | ||||||||
| 2-03-2004, 2:21 PM, I have finally decided my next strategy. I have been mulling over in my head how to go about accomplishing three goals with one throw, Petition / Abduction Laws / Bethany & Lilly home with us. I believe Chris is working diligently on ensuring the way the case was handled gets investigated properly and fairly. I need to figure out how to combine the electronic with the hard copy of the petition and then get it distributed and signed. Then I will have to mass copy the petition. I plan to do something that has never been done before and I must to gain the attention of those I am contacting. I think it is possible to enable people to do the right thing. I don't want to point the finger anymore, I want to convince them to stop compromising. I believe in people because I know God loves them. I believe people can stand up and do what's right because it is right without giving into fear. It has just recently crept into my mind the idea of creating a foundation for Bethany and Lilly and all abused, abducted and lost children. I have faith that God will direct me where I need to go to get this done. I picture our family standing at a podium in front of politicians speaking about our story and pleading for a change in legislation and stricter investigations / oversight of department functions. I believe we are in the unique position to see things from a perspective most others cannot and our insight can be monumental in the area of child welfare reform and legislation. I believe everything we are going through now is leading us to the steps we will be taking in the future. Every person I speak to and every incident that occurs brings me a better understanding of how the system works and therefore how to get inside and improve its workings. I believe it is imperative for us to turn our suffering into something great and good. I want to so drastically change the system that never again will there be a price on a child's head. That financial incentive is given to outstanding performance and human service awards and promotions are issued to those who hold a child's best interests foremost in their decisions. Where child welfare jobs are sought after by the best in their field and seen as a position of great accomplishment. I want to take away sides and create an attitude of unification and love, in all actions. Our children deserve this kind of advocacy and representation. The first step must be to eliminate the financial incentive, overhead and statistics, as long as there is money on a per child basis coming into the system, there will always be some level of corruption. I believe we can be a better society than we have become and I believe we can change and improve this system. There must be a before and after, we must recycle instead of continuing to throw away children and families. Every family destroyed by abuse, neglect, etc., carries the price of future generations. The impact of one family in time is immeasurable. Generations of cycles and pain passed onto more and more children who become adults who are suffering. We can do better for them and ourselves and we must, we can do better for our children. | ||||||||
| 2/07/04, 12:28 AM, You see the pattern, I always find myself here just after midnight, wanting to wind down writing my journal on this site. Today was a good day, productive, in fact this whole week has been eventful. Little scrapes and scratches linger in the air as angels mark down battles won while seasons bring the sun closer to the day when our children will be here. God is bringing me closer, changing me, showing me, comforting me and giving me strength. I pray He send more angels than ever to keep Bethany and Lilly safe, unharmed and home to us, their mommy and daddy soon, where they belong. I pray God give us back what men have taken, our beautiful daughter's Bethany and Lillian. In Jesus' name I pray all the things here I have written be given to me. | ||||||||