If I had to describe the past almost two years in three words, it would be "dancing in grace." In a month and about a week, I will celebrate my two year anniversary of walking in recovery from anorexia. The past two years haven't been easy, but every step leading up to where I am now as been completely worth it. There have been tears, heartache, temptations to give up, and lots of hard work, but as a result, joy, peace, relief, and enjoyment of life have sprung forth. Not only am I physically healthy but I am mentally and emotionally ok with the weight and physical changes that have occured. More so, I am learning to live.... and dance. God has been showing me "life is more than just getting from the hospital bed that I was born in to the hospital bed in which I will die" (Dr. Coeffield). Life is about dancing and enjoying each day. God has given me a song by Bebo Norman to call my own - "A Page is Turned". The lyrics are as follows: "A page is turned in this world to reveal a little girl with a heart that's bigger, as it is unfurled, By the language in her soul, that's teaching her to grow with a careful cover of love that will not fail. And the God of second chance picks her up and He lets her dance through a world that is not kind." God is showing me that I am HIS little girl, and He is my Daddy! I can crawl up in His lap and be real with Him... let Him share my struggles and heartaches, as well as my joys and happiness. He's teaching me to dance through life instead of trudge. He's showing me the dance moves and all the while teaching me along the way. The past two years have been full of accepting new things, living on the "edge," learning to be real and honest with myself and others, and realizing that life is so much more than food, numbers on the scales, and sizes. Life is about watching a movie with friends and eating popcorn, making sweatshirts at 12:00 at night, telling someone how I really feel, and not living in fear. By placing a new friend in my life, Hannah Grace, God has revealed through her what His grace is all about. I don't consider her middle name a coincidence. This messenger of grace has shown me that I need not apply "spiritual cosmetics" (Brennan Manning) in order to stand before God, but that He is committed to walk beside me no matter what. God's showing me that even if I miss the dance step and fall flat on my face, He's there to pick me up, dust me off, and even let me stand on His feet while He continues to dance. Contrary to my former thinking, it's not just a one time deal. Even after the thousandth fall on the same dance step He's taught me for the past month, He's committed to stand by me and help me get back on that dance floor. Now, don't get me wrong. Life's not a bed of roses and I do still struggle, but God's my new companion and He gently reminds me of His love, grace, and presence. I have to admit sometimes I leave Him and find a new dance partner, but He's still there... waiting for me to come back to Him. So, after almost two years of being afraid to dance, I can say, this gal's on the dance floor jamming to a song called Grace with the best Dance Partner by my side. .
~Kelly |
