Bonnie Bernell gets tickled when her friends accuse her of being a "girlie girl."
They razz her for adoring designer dresses and sexy underwear. They tease that her makeup is always polished and her natural curls perfectly coiffed.
And when she struts out of the gym Tuesday mornings wearing a "Woman of Substance" T-shirt and high heels? Well, then she's just a scandal!, says friend Shelley Bond.
After a workout on a recent morning, Bernell and three friends laughed and swapped advice over breakfast at a Redwood City, Calif., cafe.
Besides sharing time at the gym, the women have something else in common: They are considered large -- or fat -- by most standards.
Each has a story to tell about cruelty and injustice suffered because of their size. But they don't dwell on that. On this day, they celebrate Bernell and her book, "Bountiful Women: Large Women's Secrets for Living the Life They Desire" (Wildcat Canyon Press, $15.95).
The book, which encourages women to shed body-image baggage and start living now, has sold almost 10,000 copies since its release early this month, and there's talk of a second printing.
Borrowing tips from her friends, Bernell, who is a psychologist, presents strategies large women have developed for handling challenging situations. Readers learn everything from the proper way to request seat belt extenders on airplanes to how to stand up to rude people.
Ginny Lee, a professor at Mills College, added this little jewel to thetravel section of the book: "When going by plane, wear panty hose to keep ankles from swelling." In the chapter on health, Lee tells women they don't have to know their weight when they go to the doctor. "Just look away from the scale," she says.
Now, that's important for anyone to know, regardless of size. And that's the message Bernell hopes to send with "Bountiful Women."
"Being bountiful is about attitude," says Bernell. "It's about embracing a rich, full way of living. I want women to read this and be inspired to stop waiting to live life until they can reach some imagined perfect size or goal."
Bernell used to wait. The daughter of a physician and a fashion model, she always felt pressure to achieve. She also felt pressure to be thin.
"I tried every diet on the market," she says. "And I always used to say. 'When I lose weight, I'll do XYZ"'
But diets didn't work, so she held off on the things she really wanted to do, such as shopping for exquisite clothes. It took a string of tragic events to make her realize she was entitled to enjoy life at any size.
For Bernell, her change in perspective happened in stages. She survived divorce and major surgery 27 years ago and decided then that she had to go through life feeling either "less than" or "entitled to." She stopped dieting and started to embrace life as a woman with an abundance of goodness to share.
She met San Francisco Bay Area psychologist Debora Burgard, who introduced her to a whole community of large women who weren't hung up on weight.
"They are activists and artists, professionals and fitness trainers," Bernell says.
She started working out -- not to lose weight, but to get fit. Socially, her life was on the upswing. Eventually, she met Gary Embler, a high-tech engineer. He asked her to go bike riding, and she almost let those old insecurities take over.
"He was thin and really fit, and I thought, 'There's no way I'm going to be able to keep up with him,"' Bernell says. Six miles and a few weeks later they were a serious couple. They have been married for 14 years.
Bernell laughs easily and commands attention wherever she goes, but she is more subdued around her soft-spoken husband. He calms her.
"I learned from him that it's OK to be quiet with another person," she says.
She's also learned to trust her inner voice. After losing a close friend to leukemia a few years ago, Bernell wanted to get her affairs in order. She made out a will and, following a family tradition, tried to make arrangements with Stanford Hospital to have her body donated to science. They told her she was too fat.
"I was angry," Bernell says. "I thought, 'How dare they say I can't make a contribution to medicine because I'm overweight.' "
Instead of slimming down, Bernell stepped up plans to write the book she's had in mind for years.
"Bountiful Women" is Bernell's inspirational gift to anyone, regardless of size. It is a rich chorus of voices from a community of women who have learned that, by living bountifully, one can transcend life on hold and engage in a more plentiful way of being.
For more information on Bonnie Bernell's "Bountiful Women," check
out their
website
close