| Rebecca: NO! Sports figures don't count! Sports figures and George Stephanopolous! Patty: Nothing but platinum touches these cheeks. Dave T: That's why I'm changing my name to platinum. Dave T: I've got three open bottles of party, right here. Brad W: We needed the sprinklers. We were on fire! Matt Mayes: I mean, I'm not homophobic, but 90,000?? Rebecca: I would give my left breast for an ass! "Jerry Falwell can kiss my pagan, feminist, homosexual, pro-abortion ass!" -- Politically Incorrect Team Name for Blood Sport Trivia, Sept 19th, 2001 Ben: It's physically-impossible girl. It seems physically impossible for her to stay upright. Matt M: Cantilevers. Ben: You don't deserve condensation. Matt M: Any response from Kelley that doesn't start with 'fucknut'.... Kelley: I prefer the term 'fuck stick.' Eunice: Who do I have to impress? I don't need to snag a man. Ryan: Well, there were eight Mexicans standing outside, not drinking. So that's odd. Carol: Is it hot in here to you? You could breed sheep in here! Rob: Here, you have the action right but the position is wrong. Lara: I'm wearing white cotton underwear. I am not going to a swingers bar. Shaun: No, first he took his shoes off. Inger and Jessica: Why did he take his shoes off? Shaun: He had some runnin' to do Tobin: This morning, I took the biggest shit. It was one of those 20 minute deals. I grabbed my cigarette pack and the crossword. Shirley: I don't care if he has a million dollars wrapped around every inch of his dick. Steve: She could eat an apple through a chain link fence Matt M's Synopsis of John Knowles A Separate Peace: "The one dude was bitter about not getting gay homosexual buttsex, so he killed his friend, ironically, by thumping his log." Peckles: I like tomatoes as long as they're ketchup Don't breathe on me! You'll melt my eyes! Biscuit the Frog Dave: If I wasn't so lazy, I would get up and stab you in the head! Boy: So, what does it feel like? (inquiring about anal sex) Girl: It feels like a dick in my ass. Curtis: I finally smell as drunk as I feel. Matt W: ...because there is no harem more obedient than one which does not make a sound until prodded to do so... Ken: Your quarter life crisis involves getting a spoiler on your car? Why not just get some hightop sneakers with no laces and a mullet? Kelley: Why should we care about you? Ken: Yeah. What makes you interesting? Are you boring as dirt? Or are you a raw caribou eating eskimo? Matt M: "well, 'cause they're usually into exercising, and eating right, and not drinking beer, and, well, pretty much everything that I'm all not about" (opining on health-nut chicks.) Kelley: I'm girlier than I used to be. Matt W: Maybe it's because you dealt with your fambly issues and now you have matured into a normal, well-adjusted, run-of-the-mill crazy woman Kelley: I can go home and read my perverted book. Dave: Oh, yeah. Gay Vampires. Kelley: NO! Hermaphrodite Witches! Ken: Kelley, you are like a drawer full of steak knives: Sharp! Greg: If you don't like the name "Ice Tigers" you just... don't like yourself. Ken: You can't work for Nike in Texas. You have to work for Nike in Malaysia. Brandon: His hands aren't small enough. Peckles: I don't fuck around when it comes to midgets! Peckles: Did you ever have one of those days where you just want to punch babies? Steve: You could blindfold those people with dental floss. Rob: I'm acting director. I could fire myself. Mom: Jesus cake? What's Jesus cake? Peckelito: You say "potato," I came on her face. Ann: I'm afraid of the Roomba. It thinks I'm dirty! N00b: Fuck! You're black and I'm naked! N00b: When did I become the nipple-flashing whore?? TMac: The things my father will do for a shot of cheap tequila. Scottie: That would be teamwork. I specifically don't do that! Big Lou: You want the head? TMac: Blueberry is easy to blow. Steve: Brigette Neilson. The most disgusting woman I'd still do. DMan: Shaun, where did your woman go? Rob: She went home with a black man. KFab: More screaming rock? Robbo: More like melodic death metal. Alpha Matt: How much audience participation is required? KFab: I think we're getting more than we need! Peckalito: If it's even vaguely mexican, don't order it in Canada! Scooter Boy: Did you ever drink purple passion? Mahvs: In the two litre? PHMike: Hang on! Your designated driver has to finish his beer! Ben the Bartender: People like whores. |