THEME: Cupid rhymes with stupid!
DON'T CRY in your beer alone, SINGLE GIRLS AND BOYS! Let us gather together to give the FINGER to this pathetic EXCUSE for a holiday! Come KVETCH with other SAD-SACKS just like yourself about the LACK of desirable men/women/millionaires! BITCH about your lousy dates, or your inability to GET dates, you bitter geek! SHOW OFF your emotional scars, insecurities and neuroses for all to pity and scorn, you unlovable twerp! REMINISCE about what sex feels like--that is, if you can even REMEMBER, you ugly leper! Try to CONVINCE YOURSELF you're perfectly content without a significant other, you hypocritical loser, you REPULSIVE FREAK!!
And don't you worry, COUPLES, you are welcome as well! Just keep in mind, HOWEVER, that the SINGLES have the right to HURL dirty looks, insults, their lunch, and sharp, heavy objects at you if you DARE cuddle, hold hands, make goo-goo eyes, or commit any other NAUSEATING public displays of affection WHATSOEVER with your ball-and-chain/bitch/boy-toy! Nobody WANTS to see that SHIT, you smug bastards! AND if you show up in pink, red, or--God help you--MATCHING outfits, you will be laughed at, DENIED ENTRY and never spoken to again, you sentimental fucktwits!
ANYWAY, the revelry commences on SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 9 at 7 PM and continues until you're a drunken, sniveling, blubbering HEAP of self-pity!
