.:.Keladryie.:.
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·My Someone·
Yes, tis my seventh songfic. This one uses 1000 Words from FFX·II and Sleeping Awake by P.O.D. from Matrix Reloaded. This is © by moi, 2003.
I'd like to thank someone for being my inspiration for Todd, and I'd like to thank Kam for starting the lil game between us, to take the same song and see how we use it in a songfic.
I really enjoyed writting this, it saved me from boredom and depression in school many -a- time.
She sat, frozen and unfeeling at her desk, writing book left forgotten, exam textbook fallen open to the wrong page, pen uncapped but not used yet. Without a glance to her workbook, she knew it was smudged with sketches, scribbled song lyrics and graffiti writing.
She hadn't removed her black reflective, Matrix like sunglasses yet, and hid behind them, so no one could see where her gaze was directed.
His foot was tapping slightly in time with the music blasting from his headphones. His lips moved slightly, mouthing his favourite words.
From these simple gestures she knew exactly what song he was listening to.
She was listening to exactly the same song…
Reveal to me the mysteries
Can you tell me what it means?
Explain these motions and metaphors
Unlock these secrets in me
Describe your vision, the meaning is missing
Won't anybody listen?
She watched him push on his black sunglasses, Matrix like as well, and she knew then that he was crying, just like she was about to…
They'd both felt the same pain for weeks now. Caused by each other, the pain cutting deeper like a knife with pressure behind it whenever they saw each other…they had quite a few classes together as well…Drama, Technical Graphics, Maths and English, which only left them two classes when they'd be safe from each others sight.
Nevertheless, using her mobile, she sent him a txt message.
She watched him get it, and after staring at her words for a few minutes, rise from his seat. He spoke shortly to their teacher, before leaving the room.
After a few moments of collecting her thoughts, she rose as well, tucking her mobile, Discman and lighter into the big pockets of her jacket.
"I need to go with Todd…"
Define the riddles of my mind
Nothing is strictly what it seems
"Todd…"
"Ziona…"
They stood together in silence, a million thoughts running through their heads, both wanting to talk about what had depressed their lives for weeks, but too afraid to hear the answer.
'How could he have lied to me like that…?'
She didn't know what was real or not anymore, and she only had one way of knowing…
But that would mean voicing her fears…and she just knew she didn't want to hear what he had to say…
And anyway…maybe they weren't lies after all?
Or maybe they were just new lies, invented to cover the old…
Either way…she didn't want to know…
Your words--
The kindness of a dream?
Covering up all the lies
How unfair…
Todd didn't know what had driven him to lie.
He didn't know what had lead him to act like that…even though he knew it would abuse her trust so much…so deeply…and he didn't know what made her still care about him…and come to him when he needed her the most…
Like right now…
She was still everything to him…and he repaid her with lies and bitter memories.
She was all he though about…why couldn't he let himself love her with kindness instead of hate?
Dreaming of Zion, Awake
Sleeping Awake
Dreaming of Zion, Awake
Can't stop Sleeping Awake
They knew they were both going to avoid what they'd left their class for.
"I'm going to get called away again soon…I leave this weekend…"
"So I heard. Have you picked your team yet?" She knew he had, he just hadn't alerted anyone yet…and he would need a hack/con artist…and everyone knew that she was the best in the school. She kept her voice buisnesslike and sharp. If he wasn't prepared to talk about what they needed to yet, she wasn't going to open herself up again just to be hurt…
"My team is myself…" He voiced, breaking her out of her thoughts. "I have no need for anyone else." He added shortly, unsure of what her reaction would be.
"Oh…"
You're leaving on your journey
Coldly you turn your back on me
I heard--you're fighting alone?
How unfair…
They stood again in silence, both bordering on speaking about the unspeakable subject that had them both so close to tears…then suddenly the chance was broken as the bell rang, a shrill offensive noise. The doors opened and their fellow students filled out, most of them marching as were the rules, but some of course ignored the rules, to instead sloppily muck around with their friends.
The crowd separated Todd and Ziona temporarily, before Todd suddenly moved across, smoothly and stealthily, so suddenly she almost missed it, before he was pressing her gently to the wall, chest to chest, so they were out of the way of the impatient masses.
They gazed into each others eyes for a time and a half…before Todd moved away, and leaned against the wall, as if nothing had happened, sunglasses still on, masking his emotions.
Everything they felt for each other was right in their faces; they had to be blind and deaf to miss it. It was in their tone, how they found the opportunity to brush against each other for no reason at all.
Todd liked to live in his dream. He dreamed Ziona still loved him, and that one day they'd be together forever, no mission ever separating them…but until then, all he could do was dream.
Do you see what I see?
And can you hear what I hear?
Do you feel what I feel?
Can't stop sleeping awake
Do you see what I see?
And can you hear what I hear?
Do you feel like I feel?
Can't stop sleeping...
Sometimes Ziona almost felt like he felt the same way that she still did…even when he did lie to her, or ignore her…or say something so incredibly heartless when she, on the very seldom occasion, pour out her heart to him.
There was something in his eyes when he looked a her, or when they talked there was something in his tone…sometimes she'd catch him watching her from across the training hall, or during class, or during medication time, when most students closed their eyes during the pain, or stared at it intently…he just watched her…
And then what was that all about? Pressing himself against her as if they were still dating…?
Ziona sighed. It must be all in her head…he wasn't one to hide his feelings…he only ever spoke the truth. So when he did hurt her deeply…he knew it…and meant it as well…
She was brought back to the present suddenly as she felt Todd rest a hand on her shoulder, his black deep eyes staring into her icy blue orbs desperately, as if he had something he needed to say…
And then it passed. The tender hand on her shoulder turned into a brisk pat, and then his hand fell to his side again.
"I'll be back"
Your voice, passing me by
Being stubborn, pretending to be strong
Turn back time: should I have screamed?
Let loose the tears with a "Don't go"?
Now I can do anything
Todd turned and joined the trail of the last students, moving off to their dorms to put down their bags and textbooks, get changed and then report for dinner. He fell into conversation with one of the younger students he'd been assigned to train when she'd first got there, and put his arm around her, looking content with his life…
'Even though just minutes ago you were ready to cry over me…and I know it…' Ziona thought, her heart twisting with emotion once more at his action.
She just stood there, and watched him depart.
"For a second there…I actually thought we'd get everything sorted out…" Ziona murmured to herself, before pulling out her headphones from her jacket pocket, and un-paused her Discman, letting the words spill into her head once more, letting the music drown out her thoughts. The song she and Todd finished, and the next one arrived, the words much more appropriate to match her feelings.
She felt numb, like she didn't know what to feel or think.
If only she could figure him out…so everything could be like it was before they had even dated, back to when they'd been best friends and they knew each other so well they didn't have to speak to know what the other was thinking…back when they kept each other strong, and they knew they were the best in the school…
The music spilled over her worries, giving her a sudden headache as the activity in her mind grew and grew, until it was all too much…and she turned and punched the wall with a shattering force, one curtesy of her altered DNA code.
She marched off, letting the rules take over once more, so she didn't have to think about what to do next. She let them take control of her life…guide her…leaving a gaping hole in the wall behind her, and an empty space in her heart.
She marched in time with the music.
I don't give a fuck!
I'm a hitman, I'm a stalker,
I'm a solider, I'm a street walker
Fuck you!
You don't know me , I'm a freak
Never slow down, never sleep
Todd walked around his small dorm, collecting his things, ignoring his roommates possessions. With five other guys in the same small room, it was almost a hard task, but you got used to it eventually.
He was going to get called tomorrow after dinner to leave for his mission, so he figured he may as well pack now…it'd save him time and worry tomorrow…might even leave him enough time to talk to Ziona if he got up the courage…
Todd laughed suddenly, a loud contrast to the silence that had filled the room, except for the occasional sniffle as he tried to keep his tears controlled.
'Courage? Isn't that something I was supposed to be born with? Yeah…that's right Todd…you can kill over three hundred people in under a minute without twitching a mm or giving it second thought…you break up with one girl and you're crying every day, wreaked for life…'
"For shame, for shame, for shame…"
He picked up a letter that had fallen out of his folder, recognising it immediately as a letter he'd started to write to Ziona…but chickening out halfway…
Yes, they were solders, and yes, they had been created to ignore personal feelings and just get out there and complete what they'd been informed to do…to not feel fear, or regret, or anger or pain…to just get the job done right the first time and as efficiently as possible…no dicking around as Sergent Progress liked to repeat every second week.
He re-read the letter, and even though it was in his handwriting, and he remembered writing it…he couldn't remember writing each word…and knew that if he wrote a letter now it as damn well sure wouldn't say that…
He didn't even know what his own words meant anymore…and he had no one to explain what they meant…no one to tell him what it means…
He couldn't even feel what he used to feel…even though this letter had been written in the last lesson he'd just been in…and it was what had drawn him to tears…
The words seemed foreign.
He couldn't even listen to his own words anymore…and he wouldn't listen to himself when he tried to get his own body to do the right thing.
Can you see it? The writing,
Can you tell me what it means?
Translate the symbols, Enigma
Expressions keep questioning me
The message is written, the meaning is missing
Won't anybody Listen?
Ziona crashed down onto her bed, ignoring her dorm mates jabbering prissy tones, about the hottest guys they'd just seen with the best six-packs ever!
She rolled her eyes. Her headache was only going to get worse in this stupid place. This school was supposed to be an army training base, not…not…perving teeny boppers unite…
"Can we give you a makeover Zion?" Britney asked, bouncing onto Ziona's bed with a glittery smile.
"I can't take this..."
Ten seconds later, the seven stuck up girls were dead silent, which is usually a result when you're unconscious, and Ziona was out the door again, making her way in the direction of the cafeteria/dinning hall, not caring she was early.
Regulation said they were supposed to stay in their dorms until 5 to 7, but there wasn't a chance in hell she was going to do that today.
This whole 'Todd thing' was destroying her life. Ziona was usually silent, calm, secretive...but fierce and had the strength to complete anything she wanted to, no matter how big the job was, or how many people it needed while she was the only one there. She was proud of her above average talents, and how individual she was, how she never needed any help from any one else.
Until Todd came into his life that is...
He opened up her world and opened her too...changed her from the cold and uncaring girl she had been all her life into a vibrant and caring bundle of energy...
And then, as if someone had flipped a switch...
He changed...
It was almost as if he had changed into her old self, everything he had hated about her, offensive and guarded, cold hearted and unthoughtful of others...but everything he had changed into was only directed towards her...
"What did I do wrong..?"
To everyone else he was still 'The Todd Man'...the only change everyone else noticed was that sometimes he fell silent and cold, and he now totally avoided her, which surprised everyone.
"She must've done something really bad to make him dump her...
"Those two...made for each other..."
"We all thought that they were going to be together forever..."
Ziona wearily sank onto the brick wall that surrounded the outside dinning area, her thoughts running havoc in her mind.
I still love him...so, so much...what did I do to make him change like that? We can talk so casually sometimes...at times we're almost friends again...but then he snaps and all I am to him is some unknown student...no one important in his life...I'm just another blank face, and he doesn't even know my name...
I want to go with him on his mission...
I need to go with him...
I'll write him a letter...
I couldn't say those thousand words
I'll send them toward your far-away back
Turn them into wings
Todd lay under his bed; hidden from view, needing the privacy away from the world should it break through into the safe haven of his dorm.
"How could I treat her like this...?"
Angrily he punched himself in the gut, winding himself expertly...satisfactorily...
"I don't care who she really is...how could I avoid her when she needs me the most...? She's always been there for me...even after I dumped her and treated her like a freak after I found out-...
She's so special to me...even now...but she must hate me, she's got to...I've pushed her too far...
I've lost her forever..."
A loud knock on the door interrupted his self beating.
"Todd man! Time for food! You comin'?"
"...I'll catch you there...gotta uh..get dressed..."
"Wha-...ohhhh! Got a lady in there with you huh? Well, at least you're finally over that Zion freak, have fun you two!"
Footsteps faded away and Todd's tears faded in.
"People are starting to find out...how could I do this to you Ziona...when you’re going to need me the most I turn against you...
I swear...by the time you find out I'll be by your side again..."
He let his tears dry away on his face before he slid himself out from under his bed and checked his appearance on the mirror on the back of their dormitory door.
Thin appearance, well built though. Sharp black emotional eyes, slightly red and puffy from his tears, blonde hair spiked with gel, thankfully didn't make him look like a stuck up, posh guy like most blonde haired guys did.
He locked the door behind himself and started his trek over to the dinning hall, using the concrete paths for once, instead of cutting over the fields with a brisk run. He knew he'd be the last there anyway.
Oh well, not that it mattered. No one ever supervised them. They were build to be perfect, and to never cause trouble amongst themselves, and always, always follow the rules...
He tightened his jacket around his shoulders to shield himself from the cold a bit more, and then entered the hall.
“You fucking freak!!”
“You don’t deserve to be here!”
”You don’t deserve to live!”
There was a violent sounding thump, followed by another, Todd recognizing it as the tell-tale sound of a body hitting the floor.
“Shit…” It suddenly dawned on him what could’ve happened.
He raced in, everyone who could be bothered to make someone’s life hell were crowded around a body that was crumple on the floor. A quick glance to the corner Ziona always sat in without fail told him that his worst fears were indeed true.
Everyone had found out.
And now she knew as well.
And he wasn’t by her side…he wasn’t there with her from the start…
Everyone knew that she, his little Zion, was indeed the prophesy, and this was not how he had wanted her to find out.
It was time to make the decision that would change and determine his life.
To join her and help her be strong again…sort out their problems and be together again…
…or…
Just continue being the ignorant, cold hearted bitch he had turning into to save his own skin…
Prophesy, interprete the signs
Nothing is really what it seems
“Get the fuck away from her!!!”
He was like a leader to them all. Everyone knew he was going to get that title officially in a few months time, after his year graduated. Everyone always obeyed his word, and this time was no exception.
Most of them scatted like flies. Some were brave enough to deliver one last kick or insult before disappearing into their seats, but a few of the older kids stayed.
“Why the hell are you standing up for her man?”
“She’s a freak! She’s abnormal!”
“-And therefore has no place amongst us.”
“We’re all copies of each other! She’s…”
“…different…”
“She’s a fucking reject, that’s what she is.”
“She’s the prophesy…that’s what she is.” Todd snapped, breaking into their delusional gossip. “And we’re all different from each other! I’m better then the fucking lot of you and if you think that’s enough to discriminate someone for, instead of congratulate, then I guess you should all hate me too.”
Todd bent down and picked her up easily, holding her protectively against his chest.
“And if that’s how insecure, naive and all-around fucked in the head you are, then I don’t want to acknowledge any of you by a long shot.”
Everyone in the hall was now silent, and nearly all of them were looking pretty ashamed of themselves.
“Think about what you’ve done and eat your meal. Then complete your homework. Tomorrow I hope some of you will have the strength and honor to apologize to your team member and Chosen One. You’ve grown up with Ziona, and she hasn’t changed a bit since yesterday, so don’t treat her as if she has.”
A swoosh of his jacket as he left, footsteps echoing his path.
Silence.
He took her back to her dorm, thankful for the unlocked door. He wasn’t interested in breaking into anywhere tonight.
He hugged her tightly, before he lay her down on her bed and then locked the door behind them, pulled up a chair and seated himself by her bed side.
He tried to rehearse in his mind what he was going to say, but the words just wouldn’t come.
Finally, he kissed her forehead, and after a long pause snapped off his ID pendant, 262136-MRA, and let it fall gently into her hand. He placed his hand over hers and tightened her fingers around it, before hiding her hand under her pillow, a trait he had noticed she had anyway.
Hating himself, he rose and left her dorm silently, wishing he could stay with her. But it just wasn’t something he could do at the moment.
Instead, he moved off to the kitchens to arrange for something to be sent to her room later for her for dinner, and also to get something for himself as well.
Even though he had finally triumphed over his emotions, had stood up for her finally and convinced himself that she wasn’t different to what he’d known for all these years…he was still angry at himself.
“Still can’t even talk to her about it…”
I couldn’t say those thousand words
I draw close to your wounded back
And hold you…
In her state of dream like unconsciousness, Ziona had felt the hug, the kiss on the forehead and was vaguely aware that Todd had saved her.
She murmured in her sleep, her hand tightening around his ID tag.
“I forgive you Todd…”
From unconsciousness she slipt into sleep, and didn't wake for almost three hours, waking just before 11pm.
Her room mates were asleep, their faces smothered in green junk, some kind of beauty product to make you look like less of a loser.
Ziona wondered why they kept using it, if it clearly wasn't working.
She resisted the urge to pull their blankets over their faces to smudge their face masks, but forced herself out of the door before she had the chance. It wasn't until after she heard it click to a locked close, she remembered that she had left her keys, mobile, jacket and Discman in there, not to mention her writing book and favourite pen, something she hated to be without.
'Why do I feel this dizzy..?' she asked herself, taking a seat on a low bench as she started to remember.
She had been just sitting down to dinner when one of the heads of DNA research came up to her, which was a surprise in itself.
"Ziona…there is something we've been meaning to tell you for quite some time…You'll remember how you didn't get your latest test results back when everyone else did…and you still don't know the results…and how half your last report was missing as well…" the older lady rubbed the bridge of her nose, looking unprofessional for once, the simple action sending Ziona's blood to run even colder.
"Well…there is of course…a reason for all that. You see…you are the Chosen One. The answer to the Prophesy…that's why you're so advanced in everything you do…you're not human…you're supernatural…"
She couldn't think, couldn't feel, couldn't understand what she was being told…
"So of course we're going to need you to come back for some extra testing…as you can understand we're very excited about our find, so don't be surprised when we call you back in for some examinations.
Congratulations Ziona, you've brung hope to us all…" And with that Dr Strouse turned and walked away, looking as calm as usual to the normal eye, but Zion could see a definite bounce in her step.
"You're a FREAK!"
Suddenly a group of her fellow cadet team had advanced and swung punches, Ziona not meeting to defend them, feeling to hollow and shocked to care.
Todd's voice, and Todd’s arms around her, matching her old memories like a blueprint, so exactly she couldn't figure out how she couldn't remember how it felt just hours before.
And then she had woken in her own bed, his ID chain left in her hand…
"It really did happen…"
Finding sudden strength she rose and made her way to the boys dormitory block, not noticing how she swayed slightly as she walked. Hoping Todd still kept his phone under his pillow so the alarm would wake him the next morning, she sent him another txt message, then sat on the curb of the path to wait.
Dreaming of Zion, awake
Sleeping awake
Dreaming of Zion, awake
Can't stop Sleeping awake
When his phone beeped in his ear shrilly, Todd jumped, not being asleep at all.
Again, he had been thinking about Ziona, like he always had been for weeks.
“Dreaming of Ziona…awake…” he sang softly, altering the words slight as he accessed the message.
His eyes widened slightly, before he jumped up, grabbed his jacket and moved outside, as silent as a whisper, just like they’d been trained to do.
There she was, just sitting on the path, turning to see him as she detected his faint movements. He inwardly cringed at the large purple bruise that was cursed across her face, and sighed sympathetically aloud.
“That hurt much?” He asked gently, coming alongside her and sitting down.
She instantly raised a delicate hand to her face, tracing the bruise that ran over her left eye and down her cheek.
“I can’t ever feel pain like this…but it probably looks terrible…” Ziona sighed, and looked at the ground.
“How you feelin’?”
“…Pretty damn bad…”
They sat in silence for a while, Todd resting his arms on his knees and his chin in his hand, Zion sitting on folded knees, staring at the ground mournfully, before suddenly in one movement, Todd adjusted how he was sitting and Ziona moved slightly, until she was resting against him. Todd resting his arm across her stomach protectively, and she laced her arms around his, both still silent.
'A thousand words to say it…' Todd thought to himself. 'A thousand ways to say I love you…'
But he didn’t have the strength to do anything but dream.
The dream continues as I think of you
Pretending to have forgotten about that day
How unfair
He gazed soulfully into her pale blue eyes, that always seemed cold to everyone…but to him all he saw was serene calm safety.
“Ziona…I’m sorry…”
He took her into his arms gently, sitting her up again, caressing her tenderly, feeling her soft skin and warm body, and kissed her gently, still living in his dream that she still loved him…
Always sleeping awake…dreaming of Ziona...
Do you see what I see?
And can you hear what I hear?
Do you feel what I feel?
Can't stop Sleeping awake
Do you see what I see?
And can you hear what I hear?
Do you feel like I feel?
Can't stop Sleeping awake
They broke apart slowly, as if neither of them ever wanted to…
Ziona turned away, and Todd cursed himself in his head.
'She doesn’t love me…'
Just as he was about to stand and run away from everything again, she spoke.
“I don’t want you to go…”
"I'll write"
Your voice, eyes averted
Being stubborn, pretending to be strong
Turn back time: should I have gotten angry?
Shrugged my shoulders with a "I can't wait"?
Now I can do anything
He was so gruff about it…I must’ve interrupted his thoughts…what was he thinking though to make him almost snap at me? He must’ve been having second thoughts about kissing me…
Well…I’m sick and tired of waiting for whenever he’s ready…
And with that Ziona turned to him again, and pressed her lips to hers, feeling the emotion he was feeling as he quickly responded, his arms wrapping around her.
“I still love you…” she felt him murmur against her lips as they parted momentarily for air.
She parted from him fully, trying to see what she had thought for a split second she’d seen.
“…What…?”
“Didn’t you hear me?” he joked, shy now. “I love you…”
And she indeed could see it…
He loved her…
Do you see what I see?
Can you hear what I hear?
And do you see what I see?
And can you hear what I hear?
And do you feel like I feel?
And can you dream like I dream?
“Why did you do what you did then…?” Ziona asked softly.
Todd sighed.
“If only you could still read my mind…and no words had to be spoken between us…”
“Then I could understand everything easier?”
“Just like how we used to…”
Can you hear them, those thousand words?
I'll send them toward your unseen back
Turn them into wings
“Let’s try it again…”
Todd took Ziona’s hands in his and they rested their foreheads together, breathing softly as one.
Do you see what I see?
Can you hear what I hear?
Or do you feel like I feel?
Or do you dream like I dream?
Anybody see me?
Anybody hear me?
Anybody feel me?
Anybody out there?!?
And suddenly Zinoa understood everything.
'He found out that I was the Chosen One…and it was too much for him to deal with…'
'I couldn’t understand what was going on…I didn’t know what to think, how I should treat you…I felt so ordinary compared to you Zion…I’m used to being the best, of the best, of the best…and then it’s proven that it’s you who’ve been better then the best all this time…and I didn’t know what to do about it…'
“I understand now…”
Todd clutched her close, thankfully.
“I’m so, so sorry Ziona…”
Ziona clutched him back.
“It’s okay…I forgive you…”
Can you hear them, those thousand words?
I draw close to your exhausted back
And hold you
They sat there together all night, eventually curling up together, lying down, only moving when the sun started to peak from behind the early foggy clouds.
“I’ve missed you so much…”
“I’ve never stopped dreaming of you…”
“I never stoped hoping…wondering why…wishing I could have you back again…”
“And now you’re never going to get rid of me…”
“Except for the mission?”
Dreaming of Zion, awake
Sleeping Awake
Dreaming of Zion, awake
Can't stop Sleeping awake
“Except for the mission…”
“I have to tell him what I’ve been crying so late at night about…he’s going to find out soon anyway…the tests’ll show it as well…”
“I’ll write everyday though Zion…I promise…I’ll miss you so much…”
“But I can’t tell him now…it’s too much for him to deal with all at once…”
“I love you…”
“I’ll send it in a letter…”
I couldn't say those thousand words
La la la la...
I'll send them toward your back
Turn them into wings
And then he was gone, and all they had were letters and memories…
“Todd…I’m pregnant…”
Do you see what I see?
And can you hear what I hear?
Do you feel what I feel?
Can't stop Sleeping awake
Do you see what I see?
And can you hear what I hear?
Do you feel like I feel?
Can't stop Sleeping awake
And he could feel her pain, hear her crying out to him, in hope he wouldn’t leave her again, see her suffering…
What was he going to do…?
Can you hear them, those thousand words?
La la la la...
I draw close to your back
“I’m really happy about it Ziona…we’re going to be parents…”
Anybody see me?
Anybody hear me?
Anybody feel me?
Anybody out there?!
They had each other. Somewhere, always, they were out there, even if they were separated…they were together.
He could see her, she could see him.
She could hear him, he could hear her.
He could feel her, she could feel him.
They were out there.
Keladryie. Uploaded Jan//2005. Made for 1024x768.