Disclaimer: Hay people...welcome to my world. Guess what? I've given in. I'm writing a Serena/Darien fic. *shocked senshi fans gasp* And its a song fic. *rotten fruit is thrown* I'm sorry! It won't leave me alone. Besides you guys said the last one was good. *yeah but that was with Jadeite and Rei* Oh hush. Neway this is a shortie based on a really great song by Vertical Horizon called Shackled. I highly encourage you *all* to go out and *buy*, not download, their stuff. They're great! I make no claims of owning either the song or the characters used and all standard disclaimer stuff apply.<-- I am so going to writer's jail..LOL Enjoy! Raing: PG-13 (mild language) 'Shackled' *For so long my life's been sewn up tight inside your hold And it leaves me without a place to call my own* Serena hugged herself as she sat on her bed, looking out the window into a rainy Tokyo night. Luna, purring softly, jumped on her bed and she absently gathered the comforting feline to her chest, hugging her hard. Against her will her cerulean eyes were drawn to her desk where a picture of a smiling Serena and Darien sat. Tears formed swiftly and Serena bit her lip and held Luna tighter before burying her face in ebony fur. So much had been so right and yet, now he was gone and she was left behind. But she wasn't just alone, Serena was lost, utterly and truly lost. For how many millenniums had she depended on him? For how many thousands of years had he been the other half of her soul? For how many lifetimes had she lived, not for herself, but for him? *I know now what shadows can see There's no point in running 'less you run with me Its half the distance through the open door Before you cut me down Again Let me introduce you to the end* Her life was Darien. Every breath, every thought was for him, with him. And without him, what was left? A shadow, a pale imitation of the glow of happiness their love produced? A broken creature who could never be whole? She'd seen death and pain and murder. She'd seen her friends die but through it all she had maintained some innocence that clung stubbornly to her ever maturing frame. But where her eyes used to reflect light, now she was haunted by echoes of the past and nightmares of the terribly lonely future. *And I feel the cold wind blowing beneath my wings It always leads me back to suffering But I will soar until the wind whips me down Leaves me beaten on unholy ground* Serena raised her head, lovely features darkening as the storm intensified. Wind rattled her window and she slowly stood. With small steps she shuffled to the window. She bit her lip and looked into the deepening night. One pale hand reahced out and rested on the cold glass. How many times now? How often had life torn them apart? They always returned to each other but each time another note of mistrust was added to the sonata of their love. Would he break her heart again, after this? For her own good again this time or for his own now? And when it was all over would she go running back? Back to battle with an emotion that had destroyed her more effectively over the years than any monster. Love gave her joy but the pain, oh God the pain it also brought. Pain so great it even managed to overshadow happiness with doubts. *So tired now of paying my dues I start out strong but then I always lose It's half the distance before you leave me behind It's such a waste of time* Two small children went hurtling down the street, their racous laughter carrying up to Serena as they ran through puddles and went flapping by in raincoats. Tears started in earnest then and she leaned heavily against the cool frame, sobbing softly. What more did Fate want of her? She died for the future, she gave her life, her friends, her childhood, her happiness to the Greater Good and still she was denied her only means of existence. Without Darien what was the world to her? What did all her sacrafices mean if the ideals of justice, truth, and love could still find no hold on Earth? She shivered, sickened. And Darien himself? The man she was made for, couldn't he see what she saw? Why?! *'Cause my shackles You won't be And my rapture You won't believe And deep inside you will bleed for me* Darien Chiba sighed as he cradled Serena's picture in his hands. His thumb grazed one cheek before he set it carefully on the bed side and rose to stand at the screen door leading to his balcony. He hesitated for a moment and stepped out into the freezing rain. He was soaked instantly but the outward discomfort distracted him from the inner torments of his soul. He gripped the icy railing and squinted as he looked over restless Tokyo. Cobalt eyes clouded and, unnoticed in the raging rain, tears formed and fell softly, warm, on the concrete. Unconsciously his hands gripped the rail until he winced in pain. 'Serena... Oh God I'm so sorry.' He bowed his head, teeth clenched, but when he looked up again his face was serene. 'I'm sorry love,' he thought silently over the great city, 'but this has to be, first, before us. I've led your life, I've been your life, for over a thousand years. And its not fair to you. Prince Endymion or flushed with new love Darien or even King Endymion might not have realized what we've, what I've, done to you but I do. I've made myself your whole world and that isn't right. I love you with all my heart and soul but that doesn't change this. Before we can love, before we can go beyond words and promises to the kind of love that lasts forever you need to find out who you are. When you think of yourself I want you to know yourself as Serena, not Darien's Serena, not my Meatball-Head. Love yourself first, then love me. I've been selfish in that... and I'm sorry. I'm sorry its taken me so long to realize what I've done but it has to be fixed now, before we're not given any more chances. Who knows? Perhaps we've been given so many chances at love so that we can do this. So we can be partners, equals in the best sense of the word. Instead of completing each other we will complement each other. I love you and always will but I want to love all of you. And even if you never forgive me for this so be it. You are infinitely more important than us sweetling.' He sighed again and ran a hand through ebony hair before turning to go back inside. *So here I slave inside of a broken dream Forever holding onto splitting seem So take your piece and leave me alone to die I don't need you to keep my faith alive* Serena clenched her fist and pounded it against the glass. Slowly she uncurled it and looked outside again, outside and up. Up into the gently glow of the Moon, a glow not even rain could diminish. Slowly slim shoulders straightened and a trembling chin lifted. "Luna," she spoke softly though clearly, no tears in her voice now. The feline looked to her, luminous eyes wise. "Luna I'm done. I'm done with it all. I've always fought for true love and friendship and for the good of all man kind. I've put others ahead of myself until I have nothing left. No more. I'll still fight, don't get me wrong, but I'll fight because I believe in all that's good, not because I'm told to. I'll fight, I'll die if need be not because I should but because I want to." "And Darien?" Serena's mouth tightened a bit but her features cleared as she looked back to the window, to the apartment building just out of sight. "I've always lived for him Luna. Life without him wasn't worth living but that's because I tried to make my life his and I can't, not if I want to remain sane. I think..." she faltered over the words, "I think for awhile I'd like to try living without him." "Without true love?" Luna asked gently. She shook her head slowly, as if to clear it. "Not that either." she whispered. "I'm not sure we ever had true love. We have love but we don't have the kind of love legends are made of, not yet. But we could, someday, someday Luna, but today is my day. And tomorrow, and the next day. And you know what? It feels good." "And will Darien wait for you?" Serena stared off into the distance, face at peace. "If not in this life time then in the next. I can't, won't control him and he... he won't control me, not anymore." She bit one pale lip and closed expressive eyes lightly, lashes fluttering against her ivory cheeks. 'Perhaps... perhaps that's why you stopped our relationship this time...' she thought slowly, 'Before we went too far, before we couldn't stop. Perhaps even if you didn't and won't understand exactly what I want to do you sensed it needed to be done. Oh love... Eventually love but not now, eventually I'll be ready. Right now I feel as if I could explode from within. So many ideas, so much to do, and I want you there darling, I do, but I want me there first...' *I know now what trouble can be And why it follows me so easily It's half the distance through the open door Before you shut me down Again Let me introduce you to the end* "You know Andrew," Darien said conversationally, "The problem with love is that somtimes even when you're doing what's best it still tears you up inside." Andrew joined Darien at the bridge overlooking the park where below, just visible through the trees, a picnic was going on. A picnic where a laughing Serena was having a day out not just with the girls but with new friends she had made over the last six months. Andrew snorted. "I always said you were too smart for your own good Darien. What on earth did you do? I haven't seen you and Serena making moon eyes at each other in months but you guys don't seem angry, if anything Serena seems happier than ever." Darien smiled proudly, albeit sadly. "Yes she does, doesn't she?" Impatient Andrew shook his head after Darien was silent for a long, pregnant moment asked again. "Well what *did* you do?" Darien sighed softly. "I set my falcon free, unhooded, without tresses. Maybe some day she'll come back to me." Alarmed his friend studied his too calm features. "Maybe Darien?" He shurgged helplesly. "I won't control her Andy. Her life is her own and freedom, freedom can be more addictive than any drug." *'Cause my shackles You won't be And my rapture You won't believe And deep inside you will bleed for me* "Hay Serena, hold up..." She looked up and smiled at Mina. "Hay. What's up?" Mina hesitated, blue eyes darkening. "Serena, I'm not sure how to ask this... I mean I know you've told us that you and Darien decided to put things on hold but... I dunno. Serena what is going on?" She sighed. "I take it you're asking as the Senshi of Love?" Mina shook her head fiercely. "No, I'm asking as a friend who cares very much for two people and who wants to make sure they're happy, no matter what that means." She smiled and hugged her friend hard. "Mina, don't worry. I'm happy, happier than I've ever been." Mina frowned and studied her, face bewildered. "You sure?" "Promise." Mina looked at the ground. "And Darien?" Serena shurgged softly. "He set me free Mina. If anything that shows me how much he loves me. He set me free. He owned me, willingly, but owned me in body and soul and he set me free. Nobody has *ever* done anything like that for me. I won't lie to you, I don't think he's happy now but he knew what he was doing and I think he accepted the heartache it would cause. I love him, I love him as much as he loves me but for now, for now Mina I want to fly. I want to see the world through my eyes. I want to be happy for myself. And then, then my friend I want to go back and share my new found world with him, the man who loved me enough to let me discover myself." Mina hugged her back through tears. "All right. That's all I wanted to know." Serena raised an eyebrow. "What? No demand for every single little detail? No cries for gossip?" Mina grinned. "No, just promise when you tell Darien about who you are you tell us, your friends as well. We all care for you too you know." Serena sniffed. "I know and I promise that too." *Though you know you care* She took a deep breath before knocking on his apartment door. Serena bit one pink lip, nervous, and smiled shyly when he opened the door. Darien looked at her in surprise and she choked back a giggle at his dumbfounded look. Quickly, before he could say a word she reached up on tiptoes and kissed him on the tip of his nose. Serena smiled impishly and pressed a white rose into his startled hands. "Happy Birthday," she said softly and turned to go when a strong hand stopped her. She looked at him in askance, sapphire eyes wide. Darien smiled tenderly and reached behind her ear to pull out a red rose, a match for her own present. "Thank you," he replied simply and released her. She bit her lip again and nodded, clutching the rose to her breast, before leaving. *'Cause my shackles You won't be And my rapture You won't believe And deep inside you will bleed for me* Darien watched the sky, blue eyes tinged silver with the light of the moon. 'Come back Serena... Please come back to me... If not now then soon. I miss you, more than I thought possible. But I can't,' he swallowed, 'I won't push...' 'I'll wait for you my sweet one. I'll wait until my heart breaks...' *And my laughter You won't hear The faster I disappear And time will burn your eyes to tears* Serena closed 'The Western Front' and took her reading glasses off. She stood, stretched, and jumped slightly at the door bell. Serena sighed and trotted down the stairs. She paused at the door and looked down at herself. She was wearing her pajamas, a blue tank top and blue pants, yes blue. In her soul searching she had found a lot but one of the more silly things was she decided that she absolutely detested the color pink. She still loved bunnies of course, who couldn't?, and they adorned her clothing fittingly. But she wasn't sure she should be answering the door like this. The doorbell rang again as she debated. A moment later she could make out a muffled voice. "Serena, please, its Darien..." She opened the door to reveal a dishevaled Darien, soaked head to toe from the gentle rain outside. "Oh my God, Darien! What's wrong? Why on earth didn't you take your car?" He shrugged sheepishly. "I... I just sorta felt like a walk." She eyed him. "From your apartment? No wonder you're dripping. Come in." He shuffled in and she took his coat and with a wrinkled nose she put it out on the porch. As she turned and went back into the house she was enveloped by a hug, not a posessive one, but a hug. Arms wrapped tightly around her and engulfed her fragile frame in a warmth she had tried too hard not to miss. Her breath caught in the back of her throat. The moment was broken though as Darien sneezed hugely, breaking them apart. She laughed openly as he looked at her, stormy eyes bewildered at her lightness. "Wait here," she told him and trotted up the stairs where she went to the hall closet and got a warm fleece blanket. Returning she handed it to him and motioned to the couch. "Sit," she ordered simply and, dumbfounded, he complied. Feeling completely at home Serena went into the kitchen and busily began making him some hot chocolate. She heard him clear his throat a few times, as if he was waiting for her to break the silence but she said nothing more until she entered with a steaming mug of chocolate. "Drink." Startled he took the mug from her and sipped cautiously, gaze glued hungrily to her. After several more minutes of silence Darien set the mug down carefully on the table next to the couch. "Serena... I... I miss you." When she didn't respond immediately he fumbled onwards, stubbornly determined to get his words out. "I miss you more than I thought possible. Your smile, your laughter, you. I promised myself I wouldn't, couldn't push you back to me but... God Sere I don't know how much longer I can go on living without you as an active part in my life." Face impassive Serena knelt on her knees in front of him and placed small white hands on his own knees as she looked into his earnest eyes. "You did promise Darien," she murmured, voice expressionless. Her lover's sapphire eyes filled with guilt until they burned an intense cobalt. That she expected, what was alien to her though were the tears... Like precious diamonds the filled the blue waters of his eyes until they overflowed. One by one they slid down his cheeks to splash on her hands. Hesitantly she reached up and brushed one away, her head turned as she studied him. "I... I can't do this anymore." His voice broke, wavering with pain. "I need you." Serena sighed and stood. Darien stood with her, frightened by the determined look on her delicate features. She cupped one cheek with a trembling palm before moving to the phone. "What are you doing Serena?" he whispered, voice hoarse. "Calling a cab for you Darien." In three quick strides he reached her side and grabbed the hand that held the reciever. "Why?" "Because Darien. Because you need to be free too." Baffled once more by her attitude he shook his head. "I don't understand..." Serena nodded slowly. "I know, I realize that now. Come, sit with me." Like a child she led him relunctantly back to the couch, her hand still linked gently with his. They sat together this time and she looked deeply into his confused gaze. "Darien you set me free from yourself. You gave me room to become my own woman, you gave me room to be loved not just by you but to be loved by myself. You gave me a new identity, not Darien's beloved, or Darien's other half. You gave me Serena and for that I will always love and treasure you. But you need to be freed too. You're lost without me, just like I was lost without you. You are my protector, my lover, my knight in shining armor. You are my other half. You know that but do you know yourself? What's your favortie color Darien?" He hesitated at the sudden switch in the conversation. "Your favorite color is pink." She shook her head. "No. My favorite color is blue. Now, what's *your* favorite color?" His silence was answer enough. This time when she reached for the phone he didn't stop her and when the taxi came rose and went obediantly. Serena stopped him by the doorwith a tug on the sleeve of his sweatshirt. "Darien..." He turned to her, face in shock. "Darien, come back to me someday. I want to know what your favorite color is. I want to know you." For a single moment his cerulean gaze cleared and focused for one heart breaking instant on her. He smiled sadly and kissed her forehead. "I will Sere." And with that he left, newly formed diamonds trailing down his face to mingle with the cold rain before falling to the Earth... She watched the car disappear into the storm. Serena hugged herself as she rocked back on her heels. 'Fly back to me my eagle... We've cast off the shackles destiny forged for us. Come back so that we can love freely, love together, as love is meant to be, without bonds, without chains. Come back so that our love will truly be the stuff that legends are made of.' Author's Notes: Heh heh heh...what did ya think? Love it, hate it, love me, hate me, let me know! Email me at inspiredthoughts@hotmail.com OR visit my site, http://www.geocities.com/keitree OR do both...LOL Luv ya'll! Later!