PARVUM OPUS
Number 257
December 20, 2007
Here is a silly
Christmas greeting to all of you from me, Fred, and the cat (if you want to see
what we look like): http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1607249875.
(For those of you who got the beta version, this is somewhat improved; Fred’s
face isn’t so red.)
Merry Christmas
to all, and merry non-Christmas too.
Frankee sent a
“nice image”:
One of the people in my class was
complaining about how the postal service never seems to be willing to do the
hard things necessary to deal with poor performers. In his words, "we
always deal with them with kitten gloves".
Yes, I prefer the
period outside the quote.
I want kitten
gloves for Christmas!
Jim Simmons sent
me the 12/16/07 Opus cartoon strip (which I was already planning to use;
coincidence? ... perhaps....). Opus the penguin is making up words that he
calls little bon bon mots:
giving up all hope for a flat stomach =
abdicate
rescue vehicle for carrying squashed
folks to the hospital = flatulance
An Australian Santa
provider has asked its Santas not to say “Ho Ho Ho!” because it might
frighten the children or insult hos, I mean women. Santas can frighten children
no matter what they say or how they laugh, but as for the insult potential ~
this is a case of bad words driving out good. If we stopped using every word
that has been used to insult someone, we’d be reduced to a vocabulary of about
ten words, all articles and conjunctions probably.
Here at home,
some people are calling for Santas to be thin from now on, as examples for
children. One guy calls it “updating Santa’s brand”. Santa is a brand?
Regarding
"generously tipped the entire staff after his 50th birthday party at the
restaurant", which I thought should be “tipped the entire staff
generously”: Mike Sykes wrote, “It suggests to me that he was generous to tip
everybody, rather than only those who served his party.” That’s a good
possibility, probably more likely than my interpretation. You’d have to read it
with the emphasis on “entire”.
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Church sign: “Download
your worries. Get online with God.” Shouldn’t that be “Upload your worries”?
Sounds like God is sending the worries ~ of course, that’s why we pray, “Lead
us not into temptation.”
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Cooking program: “We
certainly do like to imbibe in sugar.” First, “imbibe” means drink and is not
followed by “in”, although you can drink in something, like a beautiful sunset.
Second, we don’t imbibe sugar. Sugary drinks, yes, but I think the cook meant
something like indulge in sugar, consume sugar, scarf down sugar.
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On Oprah: “If it doesn’t
hurt other people, quantification has to be added.” This was a show about
polygamy (or “plural marriage”). I don’t understand that sentence.
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From somewhere: “In ten
years India’s going to transcend China in terms of population.” It’s surpass,
not transcend. Transcend means to rise above qualitatively, perhaps into
another plane of existence altogether, while surpass just means to pass
quantitatively. And why is it so hard to construct a sentence without “in terms
of”? “In ten years India’s population will be bigger than China’s.” Might India
transcend China in terms of, say, spiritual enlightenment?
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Library counter sign by
piles of books and tapes: “Please feel free to Check-Out one.” First,
“check-out” with a hyphen is a noun; the verb does not take the hyphen. Second,
why capitalize it? Third, I’d say “check one out” (but, “check out a book”).
Fourth, shouldn’t a librarian know these things? Fifth, don’t I need a drink?
Dave DaBee
hipped me to Novels
in Three Lines, a book of three-line
novels written by Felix Feneon. They read more like police report
summaries, intriguing but lacking character development and denouement. Here’s
an original by me, inspired by Feneon:
The cat sharpened its claws on the
corner of the expensive new leather couch. After that, it was forced to eat its
meals on the porch, despite the cold weather.
Dave also sent this item from The
Onion:
According to a groundbreaking new study
by the Department of Labor, working ~ the physical act of engaging in a
productive job-related activity ~ may greatly increase the amount of work
accomplished during the workday, especially when compared with the more common
practices of wasting time and not working.
This reminds me of a typical word puzzle that translates a
common saying into ponderous language: “A manually-restrained denizen of the
avian world is more valuable than two specimens in the foliage.” But I like The
Onion’s style of humor better, stating the obvious in journalese or academese.
HOW COLD IS IT?
My mom used to say someone or something
was frozen into a cocked hat. Why a cocked hat? I couldn’t Google up the
phrase, although I learned that “knocked into a cocked hat” means to get beaten
soundly.
BLOOD GLOW
When did the makeup that makes your
cheeks red change from rouge to blush (both of which can be nouns
or verbs)? Rouge is French for red; blush is English and comes
from a root that’s more about shining or blazing (as Romeo said, “O, she doth
teach the torches to burn bright!”). My theory is that the word rouge became
too closely associated with the artificiality of makeup, while blush was something
that girls used to do naturally and implies innocence. But I think women use
the color to look healthier, brighter, more vivid, not necessarily more
innocent. A better name might be glow, or for the Anglophile, plain old red.
It’s all about blood in the face; no one blushes any other color, although we
do have bronze makeup for the summer look.
DO YOU HAVE A LICENSE FOR THAT OPINION?
David
Hazinski, an associate professor of journalism, thinks there should be some
sort of certification for “citizen journalists”. In other words, if you want to
post a story or your opinion on your blog, someone official ~ such as him,
presumably ~ should train you and give you the OK. Even if you’re not getting
paid. He compares the “citizen journalist” to a “citizen surgeon” or a “citizen
lawyer”. Bad analogies, and I won’t even bother to explain why, except to say
that it doesn’t require all that much skill to get a job as a journalist (and
none to make bad analogies) ~ and certainly very little to get a journalism
degree these days. And no amount of training will make an ethical journalist.
Herb H. is
pressing all his nieces and nephews (and me) to take this test ~ at AmericanCivicLiteracy.org you
can test your knowledge of U.S. history. I did better than the Harvard
students’ mean score, but not as well as Herb’s 90%. Must study.
The
New York Post’s
headline on the death of Ike Turner: “Ike ‘Beats’ Tina to Death”. I saw Ike and
Tina perform together years ago at the Ohio State Fair. They never did it nice and easy.
Rest in peace, please.
Reader Ezra
Sykes is running the Boston Marathon and raising money for the Massachusetts
Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children, offering as an incentive for
donation a CD of original songs for children, Juvenile by Design, by
himself and David Brodie. Go to http://www.firstgiving.com/ezrasykes
to make a contribution. If you'd rather donate by mail, make your check out to
"MSPCC" and send it to his home address, 44 Nonantum Street,
Brighton, MA 02135.
______________________________________________
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WHEN SONNY GETS BLUE! Check out the video clips of Sonny Robertson and the Howard Street Blues Band at http://www.sonnyrobertson.com/ and http://www.youtube.com/rondaria, with his new original song, "A Different Shade of Blue".
SEARCH
IT OUT ON AMAZON : "It is the glory of God to conceal a thing: but
the honour of kings is to search out a matter." Proverbs 25:2; "Get wisdom!
Even if it costs you everything, get understanding!" Proverbs 4:7:
The poet Muriel Rukeyser said the universe is not composed
of atoms, but stories. The physicist Werner Heisenberg said the universe is not
made of matter, but music.
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