A Gold Muddle

  ...There are people like you and me...and then there are the French. How many Frenchmen does it take to negotiate a surrender? God created the French as a punchline. And these people are our allies? Why, pray tell? They haven't won a military battle since Napoleon, they routinely refuse to open their airspace to American warplanes when we deem it necessary to pound someone into submission, they're obstinate to a fault, and were it not for the blood of the English-speaking world, including Canada, they would be speaking German. We have better wine here in California and more girls. So why do we need the French at all? They don't dance, sing, or compose great literature, they don't play baseball, and their vaunted national independent-mindedness is nothing more than arrogance of the poser. Perversions often have French names ("femme mimic", "menage-a-troi"), and they didn't even invent the French Fry! They're fakes, cheats, and schemers who will sell-out anyone and everyone, including their own (Vichey); a pink-feathered albatross around the neck of the civilized world. I'm not surprised to find them at the heart of the Olympic pairs figure-skating scandal, because, on top of everything else, the French are fools. They deserve nothing but contempt, and the next time Germany expands its frontier to the Atlantic, we, including Canada, should look the other way.