I saw Booker T on Much Music the other night, and man, that guy's a pimp. He was being interviewed by this little white chick named Amanda and the whole time he was just imagining her pogoing on his five time cock, no doubt. She asked him what she and her friend could use as a tag team gimmick and Booker, smiling his giant pimp smile, says, "Well, lessee... you could be Sugar and Spice, you know, everything nice, and for a finisher you could use the Jelly Roll or something." Now I don't know what a Jelly Roll is, but that was the greatest idea I've ever heard. Booker totally needs to get on the creative staff, and they need to hire a little white chick to suck him off while he stares at his palm and goes into a seizure. I swear, he was dying for that slut.
Speaking of sluts, Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley. Wow, she has some big tits. I'm not gonna pretend I don't like 'em, but it's more of an automatic reflex than anything. As soon as they come into view my brain just short circuits at the very abstract notion of tits that big.
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Whenever I see these two together I imagine them rubbing their big fake hooters on Steve Austin's bald head... while he smiles...
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So I wanna make it clear that I'm all for big tits. It's brutal reading some sarcastic article about how "On her latest album, Jewel has gigantic boobs," yet nowhere does the author admit that he wants to fuck said boobs until he passes out and lets his head rest in their fatty embrace. It's all well and good to make fun of tits, but let's not lie about it: We also wanna jiggle those titties long into the night.
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Stephanie's boobs, they're a weird thing. They aren't just big, they're giant. Even Sable at her highest ebb of whorishness would have had a hard time outdoing those tits. Stephanie has great big super-sized retarded jug hoots. Getting the implants has had one positive effect: I'm a lot happier listening to her screech in the middle of the ring now. Before I'd kinda put up with her, but now I get giddy with anticipation to see what she's wearing. Then I laugh and say "Haha! Wow, what a slut! Look at those tits! Man! Those are some of the biggest tits I've ever seen! You whore! You whore!!"
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Check this guy out, looking her right in the eye. Fuck, I hate Test.
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I try to yell this as loud as I can, no matter where I happen to be. I can only assume that Stephanie got her implants so people would say things like that, and I'm happy to oblige her. I understand that most women want to feel sexy and feminine, and Stephanie must have felt a little left out with all the other big-titted sluts in the WWF. She really didn't dick around, leaping to the front position as biggest-titted slut queen of all time in one go, instantly increasing the number of Stephanie McMahon Yahoo Jerk-Off clubs by a fantastic rate. Man. Man! They're so fucking big! Fuck! All kidding aside, those are some big tits. I wanted to lick 'em. Bladow.
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In a lot of ways I'm against implants, 'cause basically they're weird looking and start to go south after a couple of years. It's like they leak crack-whore into the body of their recipients and leave them creepy and frightening looking within a matter of years. But it's just Stephanie, so what the hell. I really can't complain. I don't even know what I'm talking about here. I was sure I had some points to drive home, some theories to put forth about gigantic breasts, but I got nothing. Let me just say Tits.
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Stacy K, my titless Hero.
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LET'S LOOK AT SOME TITS
Here we have a vidcap of Stephanie. What separates this cap from most others is that it elicits in the viewer a sudden fear that he or she may be pulled toward SMH's breasts and crushed harmlessly against their gigantic surface. A simple 258 square graph illustrates the following:
- An old man's head takes up a single square
- The WWF and TNN logos take up approximately 4 squares each
- Stephanie's mouth, nose and eyes each fill one square
- Stephanie's breasts fill a shocking 45 squares
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Elementary math tells us that Stephanie's breasts are taking up well over 70% of the screen and that we should run for our lives. Further study shows that there is no need to run, as it is far too late and we're already hurtling toward silicone doom.
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PPV buy rates remain healthy, despite horror.
Nov.05/01
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