"You like that, Maven? You like that? Huh!?
I love you kids! I LOVE YOU!!"
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"Oh god, please stop... whut about... Maven...
whut... about... ugh..."
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Tough Enough didn't start airing in Canada until last week, so I've only seen the premiere and the first half-hour episode. Overall I like it, but not for the contestants. I like Al Snow cracking jokes, I like Tazz tearing people in half, I like Jackie pretending she's a real wrestler and Tori wishing she still had a job. Just like the WWF proper, I like it for the personalities, something which the contestants have yet to develop. Maybe as the show continues that will change, which will likely end up making me wish someone besides "What About Maven" had come out on top. I've got nothing against Maven, but nothing for him either. And I really hate the way he says "So". He doesn't sound overly southern until that "so" hits, which sounds more like "sue". I'm basically horribly prejudiced against people who talk funny.
What bugs me about these people is exactly what HHH talked about on his first Excess appearance. Basically he explained how difficult it was for him or anyone else to get into the business and make a living at it, an idea which Tazz also tries to get across in Tough Enough. I'm no wrestling historian, I only know what I've read in A Tale of Blood and Sweatsocks (and the somewhat less prestigious The Rock Says), but that's enough to get the message across. Even Dwayne Johnston, who had a relatively easy time breaking into the WWF, had to steal mattresses and eat potatoes once in awhile. That's what I want the Tough Enough contestants to do. I want them to steal mattresses, I want them to sleep in cars, I want them to set up rings for eight months, I want them to eat nothing but noodles and rice. Instead they're living in a fabulous house, access to top of the line computers, a sauna, a comfy bed, and lobsters for dinner. Or whatever they eat there. So Tazz wakes them up on their "day off" and makes them wrestle in the mud. Holy shit! How can he do that?! Oh man, that Tazz, he's working them to the bone! Fuck. I got no respect for those Tough Enough bitches.
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"Yeah, I used to sleep on soiled mattresses.
The Rock says fuck you."
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Now sure, what he and Al put them through would be rough for any layman, but these are the best of the best. These are the cream of the crop. Thousands entered, 13 were chosen, and most of them have done nothing but complain. One guy kept mentioning his cold. I think they should have introduced influenza deliberately into the house so they all had a cold. Let's see 'em wrestle through that. If they were really tough enough, they'd do it.
This next part's gonna sound a little dubious, since I'm 6'1 and weigh about the same as Spike Dudley (almost), but if I were a contestant on Tough Enough, here's what I'd do: Go through the steps and do the drills while resisting any and all attempts made by any of the other contestants to be my friend. Then, after Tazz woke everybody up at 6am and made them mud-wrestle, I'd run back to the house, do a few extra laps besides, come inside and start working out. Even if it hurt like hell, even if I completely killed myself, I'd do anything I could to make everyone else in that house look like a wimp. I'd sleep outside and be the first one up in the morning. After all, they're not there to make friends, they're there to impress the trainers and win a contract. Of course, you can't make it look like you're brown-nosing for the judges, but if you got across a sense of mocking the shortcomings of the other contestants, I think it could go a long way to endearing you to Al and Pete. Of course, calling Tazz "Pete" would get your ass kicked.
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"One time in Red Hook, I killed a guy."
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Then if you lost, join a wrestling school, do some small time stuff and apply to Tough Enough II. Show that you're serious about this business and that you don't give up just because your MTV fast-track to fame didn't come through. If they took you back, fantastic, and if not the exposure of being on tv would still be enough to get your foot firmly in the door of the indies. Things wouldn't be easy, but anyone who gets dropped from Tough Enough and doesn't continue to pursue a career in wrestling will really lose my respect. It's a silver platter whether you win or not, a springboard, and I can't imagine anyone saying "I completely understand why Nidia won. There's no way I could ever be as good as her. That chick's awesome."
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"I'm a real toughy!"
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Oct.23/01
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