The first two or three weeks I watched WWF the announcers drove me nuts. I could barely stand to sit through their constant yammering, but eventually I came to really like Jim Ross. Now the idea of Stone Cold hitting a stunner on a hated enemy without an accompanying "Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold!" seems completely out of the question. But Lawler I always more or less ignored.

When Lawyer left and Heyman came in, I was against it. I'd gotten to know Lawler, he was the voice I was used to hearing, and it really sucked that he left just because of his slut bitch wife. However, I knew Heyman was the man behind ECW, even if I didn't get a chance to watch much ECW before it went under, so I gave the guy a chance. He was also annoying as hell at first, but I got used to him, and finally got to really like him.

Remember, real-Lawler = great. Only announcer-Lawler = fag0t.

When the Alliance story ended and Lawler came back I felt a little let down. I was glad Lawler had his job back, but I wanted Heyman to stay. The feeling soon flared into complete disappointment when I remembered what a dumbass Lawler is as an announcer. He gets off a good one once in awhile, but Heyman was more clever, at times way funnier and a hundred times better at putting over the wrestlers.

I think that's what I dislike most about Lawler. The announcer's job is to add meaning to what's happening in the ring, to get the viewer more involved and invested in a match. I heard complaints that the Heyman/JR combo lacked a color man, but that didn't bother me at all. What bothers me is that Lawler is all color, and misguided color at that, to the point of actually detracting from matches.

The match that finally broke my back was a six man tag on Smackdown, the week the Hardyz had returned after two months away. I was psyched for the match, but instead of talking about what a great team Matt and Jeff are, Lawler talked about Lita's tits. Instead of talking about the chemistry and timing of the two brothers, Lawler talked about Lita's ass.

I can see why Lawler talks about Lita so much. She's pretty hot. Oh fuck, that's not Lita. Ohhh... I feel funny...

But hey, it was Lita's first week back too, so I overlooked it. Then the Dudleyz came down, and what did fucking Lawler talk about? Stacy's ass, Stacy's legs, touching Stacy's legs, licking Stacy's legs, etc etc. I like Stacy Keibler as much as the next guy, I used to tape Nitro and Thunder just to see Ms. Hancock, I don't deny it. But I'm not here to hear about how hot she is, I'm here to watch some fucking wrestling, and I'd enjoy it a lot more if you'd tell me that Bubba Ray Dudley looks especially violent today instead of that Stacy Keibler has a nice ass. I know she has a nice ass, I have a fucking poster of her nice ass in my room, you don't need to put over Stacey Keibler. She's over, she's way over, hot chicks are automatically over. You don't have to mention their god damned tits every time they're on screen for half a god damned second. Masturbate before the show starts Jerry, release some pressure. Sweet Christ. Though I gotta admit that it's funny when Jazz comes onscreen and Lawler says, "Hey, it's Jazz! Wow... look at that!" and then find something else to talk about.

Don't worry Stacy, it's not your fault.

It's Lawler. He's a bad, bad man.

Sometimes Heyman's assurances that Rhyno was a beast and that Spike Dudley could actually win a fight may have seemed a little hollow, but at least he was trying.

I dunno, maybe this isn't the best Heyman pic.

On the subject of beasts, I heard that the first thing Nidia did after wasting her first and only Smackdown appearance by standing in the ring like a deer in headlights was to get breast implants. This is retarded. Nidia is a no talent bitch, an opinion I've put forth before, and breast implants aren't going to help. Case in point:

Chyna. I talked about Chyna before as well, but check this pic out. After the breast surgery but before the face surgery. Fucking scary, right? And it proves another point:

It proves that slapping a breast implant on something doesn't make it sexy. If you put breasts on your cat, it won't be any sexier. If you put breasts on your chair, it won't make it a sexy chair. You can't just apply breasts like a band-aid, you're either a beast or you're not. But even then, all the surgery in the world couldn't cover up the fact that deep down inside, Chyna was a whiny ho who needed a good slap. "Oh, I'm beautiful, look at me, look at how everyone loves me!" BAM! FIRED! No one wants to hear it! Nobody bought your book and you were a fool to presume that they would. A silly, crying fool. And World Champ!? What were you thinking, sir?

Post-op Chyna creeps me out. She's like girl-type Ranma.

Technically she's sexy, but you know deep down inside that she's not really a woman.

I heard that this year they're picking the two best Tough Enough contestants regardless of gender, instead of best male and female. You know why? Nidia. Maven might make it someday, he's got charisma, and in a way I've grown to like the guy. When he was in the main event a couple weeks ago standing at the bottom of the ramp, turning to view the awesome might of HHH's entrance, I felt a chill. I admit it, the Tough Enough premise worked, I felt a little closer to being there through Maven. But Nidia, no chance. No chance.

Reading this over, I'm not sure if I really proved any of my points or if my evidence made logical sense.

Moving on, here's a pic of RVD as a kid! Isn't that cool? He's l'il rvd, 5-staring the shit out of friends and enemies alike. That rules.