AN: So many Kevin stories to choose from. I blame Em. LOL Its a good kind of blame though as it tends to involve updates... And feedback on your (the readers) part. *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* inspiredthoughts@hotmail.com ************** Finding Happiness: Chapter Two **************** Bernadette chose to clear the dishes by herself after the subdued atmosphere of post dinner conversation became too much. She liked Mrs. Richardson, she really did, the woman was so open, so warm, even to her, and Bernadette treasured that small token of kindness, but she couldn't enjoy it tonight. She didn't look at Kevin as she took his plate, or her mother's. Her father was out of town for a business convention so it was just the five of them. How cozy. Bernadette, balancing an armload of plates, kissed Belinda's silken hair as she passed by on her way to the kitchen. She dumped the plate into the sink and sighed, her hands clenching the counter top until her knuckles turned white as she fought back tears. There were soft footsteps behind her and Bernadette hastily cleared her throat. "Its okay Mama," she said evenly enough, "I got the dishes. Go chat with Mrs. Richardson." Berndette froze when the footsteps stopped behind her instead of retreating. "Bernie..." Kevin started gently. "Don't Kevin," she whispered harshly. He ignored her; he usually did. His arms, so uwanted but desperately needed, wrapped around her in a tight hug from behind. She sighed despite herself at the offered comfort- it had been so long since anyone bothered to care about what she was feeling that even Kevin's dubious empathy was a godsend. "Have you always been this unhappy Bernie?" She hated that she was crying, especially in front of Kevin because, even though he couldn't see her face, she knew he could feel her shaking. "Not always," she said simply as she ineffectively wiped at the tears coursing down her cheeks. "I forget sometimes," he replied as his hands gently rubbed circles on her arms, "I forget how fragile you are. I forget that you aren't stronger than the rest of us, no matter how well you pretend. I forget that you don't deserve all my anger." "I don't deserve any of it," Bernadette answered softly, voice weary instead of angry as she leaned into him. "I forget that too, even when I'm trying to remember." It was the closest to an apology that Kevin Richardson ever got. Even when he had pushed her once, in third grade, and broken her arm, he had picked her a dozen wild daisies and brought them to her house the next day, shame faced and repentant, but not apologetic. Bernadette sighed deeply. It wasn't enough, but it was more than she had expected. "Can you take care of the dishes?" she finally asked. Kevin nodded. "Yeah, I can. Are... are you all right Bernie, I mean really all right?" She shook her head as she forced herself to step out of the imaginary sphere of safety. It felt too nice to be there, to be held, to be protected. It wouldn't do to get used to it. "Don't ask questions that you don't want answered. Just tell yourself whatever makes you feel better. Tell my mother that I'm going to bed." And she turned heel and left, taking the stairs by the back door up to the second floor and as far away from Kevin Richardson as she could get. ********************************************************* He watched her retreat as he methodically continued the chore, his hands scrubbing at dirty plates, brows furrowed in thought. Damn Bernadette for her strength and her vulnerability. Kevin sighed and tried to forget her tears but couldn't. Bernie never cried, unless he made her. Damn him for his deliberate cruelty to her. She didn't deserve his anger, or his scorn, or contempt. She didn't deserve to be a prisoner of chance. Bernie deserved a happily ever after. She deserved to live life to the fullest, instead of wasting away in her parent's house for want of care. She was better than that. Better than he was, better even Brian. Kevin loved his cousin fiercely but, sometimes he loathed him as much as he loathed himself. They had both used Bernadette badly over the years, often without thought. That made it worse somehow, that they didn't bother to feel guilty over their treatment of her. Until she cried in his arms. Kevin sighed and began to put the dishes in the dishwasher, thinking all the while. ********************************************************* "So, you planning on waking up anytime soon?" Bernadette groaned and tried to pull her covers further over her head. "Its Sunday, let me sleep Dad." There was a dry chuckle that wasn't at all like her father but, Bernie didn't often get any sleep during the week. On Sundays she usually slept past three in the afternoon. She batted ineffectually at the voice. "I'm not your father Bernadette." Bernie groaned. "Go 'way..." The covers were slowly peeled away, letting light hit her closed eyes. "Come on, time to get up, its nearly noon." She grunted and rolled over to bury her face firmly in the pillow, blocking out the offensive light. There was a loud sigh from the intruder. "Bernadette, really. Fine, I'll drag you out of bed if I have to." She screeched as someone grabbed her and tossed her out of bed with ease. She landed on the ground with a graceless thump. Kevin couldn't help but smile as Bernadette glared up at him through tangled dark hair, brown eyes dazed but furious. Her bow shaped lips were turned fiercely downward as she glared. Bare, tangled, legs stuck out from her pajama shorts and her oversized sweatshirt left one shoulder as bare as her legs. "What are you doing in here?" "Getting your lazy butt out of bed." Her mouth dropped open in shock and she clenched her hands into fists as she counted to ten, twice. Of all the overbearing, wretched, arrogant... "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that. Let me repeat my question so you might understand it, what in the HELL are you doing in here?" He offered her a hand. "Get up, Bernie." She grumbled at him, ignoring his hand as she pulled herself up by grabbing an edge of the bedspread. "Kevin, I swear I'm going to kill you if you don't explain yourself in about two seconds." "Calm down, don't get your panties in a twist." She clapped her hands over her ears. "I NEVER want to hear words concerning my panties coming out of your mouth ever again." He rolled his eyes and sat on the bed, crossing his legs. "Really, Bernie, do grow up." She sneered at him. "Dear lord, Kevin, could you be anymore of an ass?" He shrugged. "Probably. Sit down, I'm not used to having to look up to see you." Bernadette cursed him mentally as she sat warily back down on her bed. "All right, see, I had this idea the other night and I thought you might like to hear it because it concerns you." "I hate you..." "Anyway, see my wonderfully brilliant idea involves you and Belinda taking a break and coming to spend some time on tour with us. Belinda can spend some time with Brian, actually get to see her Father, and you can have a real vacation, relax, see the world some. What do you say?" Kevin leaned back, pleased with himself and ready to hear Bernadette's grateful thanks. She spluttered for a minute and finally managed to squeak out, "Are you NUTS?!"