AN: Because Nick lends himself so well to angst filled song fics... inspiredthoughts@hotmail.com The song is Michelle Branch's "Everywhere", duh. ************************************** Everywhere *********************************** *Turn it inside out so I can see The part of you that's drifting over me And when I wake you're never there But when I sleep you're everywhere You're everywhere* She arched under his touch as warm lips covered hers. It was familar, and unfamilar. She hadn't held him, touched him, for months but it was still like coming home each and every time. She whispered his name as her nails trailed lines down his back and across his broad shoulders. Nickolas Gene Carter smiled as his hands relearned every curve, every line, that belonged to him, and always would. Nights like this sustained her because he was gone far more than he was close enough to call home. To come home to. She dreamed vividly of him when he was on the road, until it almost felt like he was sleeping beside her, warming the bed with his strength. It hurt to wake up in the morning but it hurt far more not to dream at all. Nick was her dream. *Just tell me how I got this far Just tell me why you're here and who you are 'Cause every time I look You're never there And every time I sleep You're always there* It wasn't easy being Nick Carter's girlfriend. She was just another pretty face, another pretty fan, but she had been around longer than anyone before her. Sometimes she looked back and wondered how she had managed. How she had come so far. Nick didn't make it easy to be his girlfriend. Nick wasn't easy to love. Not the real Nick. It was difficult to even meet him, no matter how many times they had shared the same bed. He laughed at her in her dreams and she woke to tear damp pillows. *'Cause you're everywhere to me And when I close my eyes it's you I see You're everything I know That makes me believe I'm not alone I'm not alone* She played his CDs non stop when he was gone, putting them all on repeat so that she could at least hear his voice. When she closed her eyes, he was with her, singing in her ear, one hand curling around her hip, the other touching the curls at the base of her neck with inquisitive fingers. He was worth it, every tear, every heartache, every pain filled night. She could ignore anything for him, the cheating, the drinking, the disdain of the fans. It was worth it, to be with him, not because he was Nick Carter but, because when she was with him, she wasn't alone, no matter how far away he was. *I recognize the way you make me feel It's hard to think that You might not be real I sense it now, the water's getting deep I try to wash the pain away from me Away from me* She wondered sometimes how he existed like he did, content to show the world a mask so worn he rarely took it off. Nick had been pretending since he was a child. He was very good at pretending. He was very good at being a star. She saw him somtimes, peeking out behind Nick Carter's eyes, the child he tried so hard to outgrow. She saw his vulnerability in flashes so brief it was easier to ignore them than to ask. To ask him what he dreamed about. She knew he didn't dream of her. That might have hurt more if she hadn't needed him so damn much. It was hard to demand anything from the only thing, the only person, the only man who made her feel close to alive. *'Cause you're everywhere to me And when I close my eyes it's you I see You're everything I know That makes me believe I'm not alone I'm not alone* It was easy to forgive his anger. And he was angry, all the time it seemed, at his fans, the record company, the other guys he called brothers, her. Most of all, he was angry at himself though. That's what made his anger so easy to forgive. No one was harder on Nick than Nick. No one dared. She never knew someone could hate themsevles so much. She didn't understand how someone so torn up inside could give so much of himself so wholly to others. Maybe it was because it was never really him. The little boy in his blue gaze still ran from her. Sometimes she wondered if he ever got tired of running. Sometimes she wondered what kind of man Nickolas Gene Carter would be if he was really himself. She doubted even he knew. Not that it mattered, to Nick and the world, he was, would, and always be, a Backstreet Boy. No amount of solo work could ever change that. *I am not alone Whoa, oh, oooh, oh* She said yes when he got down on his knee and offered her a black velvet box. Love didn't have to be perfect, or even real. It just had to be. His hands lingered that night and when she dared to look in his eyes, the little boy was staring boldly back at her. He wept in her dreams when she slept, and she woke to dry pillows for the first morning in a long time, Nick wrapped gently in her arms, his face buried against her shoulder as his breath warmed her collarbone. She sighed deeply and ran shaking fingers through his too long hair. Her ring caught the morning light as Nick murmured, telling her his dreams. He didn't dream of her, but he didn't dream of others either. The ache in her heart subsided and she kissed his brow. Nick echoed her sigh and gripped her tighter and for the first time she wondered if Nick might need her just as much as she needed him. The nights were lonely no matter who you were, or were pretending to be. *And when I touch your hand It's then I understand The beauty that's within It's now that we begin You always light my way I hope there never comes a day No matter where I go I always feel you so* She slid the ring onto his finger, before family, friends, god, and the press. She didn't see the crowd and the cameras or their flashes. She only saw the perfect band of gold around her husband's ring finger. His hand clasped hers and traced her answering ring and for now, for them, it was enough. *'Cause you're everywhere to me And when I close my eyes it's you I see You're everything I know That makes me believe I'm not alone 'Cause you're everywhere to me And when I catch my breath It's you I breathe You're everything I know That makes me believe I'm not alone* He kissed her jawline, lips dwelling in the hollow of her throat before sliding down to entertain her shoulder. His hands left imprints that time would never erase. That knowledge soothed and inflamed her. She gasped at his touch because it was new, and old, and something she could imgaine in her dreams and find in reality. Not many were so lucky. *You're in everyone I see So tell me Do you see me?* She caught his face with soft hands in a single perfect moment, the diamond of her wedding ring a tear beneath the perfect blue of his right eye, or a star. The little boy looked at her. "Hi," he whispered. "Hi," came her breathless reply. His hands came up and traced the arch of her brows before he lost himself in her eyes. "I love looking at you," he murmured, "I love seeing you." "What do you see when you look at me?" The little boy let a smile curve along the perfect line of Nick Carter's lips. "Home." And she knew their love was real and that Nick didn't need to dream of her; he dreamt of them. That night, she dreamt of them too.