Gratitude -- Travis is 8! -- November 5, 2000

Dear everyone,

As I type, I'm looking out at Travis and Spencer, up in a tree in our backyard -- chatting and having a ball with the neighbor kids. What greater picture of normalcy and "boyhood" than that, I can't imagine! (I DO get nervous about tree climbing, but can't deny them this rite of childhood!) Yes, Travis is strong, healthy and thriving -- and miraculously, celebrated his 8^th birthday yesterday. I am so awed at how far he's come. Two years ago his birthday began with a midnight check in to the hospital in Milwaukee -- with Joe and me decorating the room so he'd wake up with some sort of good cheer. Today, we feel light years away from that day. Or as Spencer says, "That's waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay behind us now." We are so VERY fortunate.

For Travis' birthday yesterday, we had a kids' party at our home. Yikes, I think it's the last of my choreographed home parties -- I was WIPED out afterwards! Two noteworthy items about it: (taking an idea from our friend Nora -- the queen of giving), we requested that instead of having kids bring gifts for Travis, they bring a gift that he would donate to the HOT (transplant) Unit at Children's Hospital of Wisconsin for patients and siblings. Both Travis and Spencer agreed that they'd get enough gifts from our family (and did!)-- and that it would feel good to share with others this way. And it was a wonderful "teachable event" for our kids and the kids who attended. The idea was a big hit -- and many have now said that they want to do something similar. And we can't wait to deliver all the gifts. Also, at the party, my wonderful friend Deb came and drew rainbow pictures of each child -- in whatever setting they wanted! The boys' bedroom is covered with these special treasures -- and now each friend has one of their very own from this "famous artist" (which she would be, if she took this talent seriously!). It was a fun and unique keepsake for each child at the party. And all from an idea she created while we were struggling up in Milwaukee during transplant days.

Yesterday, Travis' hero and marrow donor, Marge, called. She has been so beautifully thoughtful about showing her love and concern for Travis and our whole family. Marge, if not for you, we wouldn't have been able to celebrate this milestone. Thank you, thank you, thank you, from the bottom of our hearts.

As I sit here and write, I have such mixed emotions. Here we are, celebrating Travis' 8 year milestone and enjoying ever-increasing normalcy (though the emotional after-effects still continue for us all -- cancer hits a family HARD). And just a few hours ago, I learned that a friend of ours' youngest son was just diagnosed with cancer. The news just rocked me. I felt back in the hospital room, myself, hearing those words about our own son. My heart just breaks for this family, whom we've known since our children were born. I spoke with them this afternoon -- listening and gently sharing some insights that might be helpful for them right now. Most importantly, we decided to get our boys together (they're roughly the same ages) this week to talk about all this -- what a Central Line is (the tube into the chest for drawing blood and giving chemo) and how it's not their fault that this is happening to their baby brother, and how they might be afraid, etc. Travis and Spencer really want to help -- and each of the boys can give a unique perspective to their little friends facing this challenge. Our prayers go out to little Carson and his whole family -- and we have tremendous hope for him.

Strange -- I literally had just finished reading the book "When Bad Things Happen to Good People" by Harold Kushner, not 30 minutes before learning the news about Carson. While the first half of the book challenged a number of beliefs I hold, I was profoundly moved and comforted by the philosophy so sensitively concluded in this book. It is a powerful, powerful book -- and I highly recommend it to ANYONE. I'm so grateful to have been reading it at just this time.

Our latest medical update with Travis is his post-BMT visit to the Endocrinologist last month. The great news is that Travis is right, smack where he should be, in terms of height and weight for his age. They've estimated that, given Joe's and my height, and some factor applied for post-BMT (radiation and chemo), he should grow to between 5'6"-5'-11". They'll be monitoring him every 6 months now, to see if he'll need growth hormones to ensure things keep moving along. This becomes more apparent as Travis reaches puberty, I guess. The sobering part of the visit was the reminders of his likely being sterile and hearing about risks of secondary cancers and complications -- thyroid and others (I think I've actually blanked them out -- just can't bear to imagine it right now). Fortunately, they'll monitor closely for these -- and if I remember right, they're not highly likely, just possible problems to watch for. While he didn't understand the sterility conversation, I know Travis was shaken a bit at the talk of other cancers. I had to take some quiet time afterwards to assure him that it's not likely, but we always have to monitor for no other problems. Sheesh. My heart was in my throat. We haven't had the sterility conversation yet -- and aren't quite sure when we'll approach this with him, as he doesn't need this information now, I believe. We'll talk to Travis' doctors and his therapist (whom he no longer visits -- doesn't feel the need) about how to discuss this --and when. It's not a certainty, but we do someday need to discuss this potential with Travis. One bridge at a time… As many parents have told me, though, no matter what, he can still be a wonderful, loving parent. That's so important for us to remember.

A few other updates:

Also, many of you have asked how Joe's marathon went. He did great! Ran 26.2 miles in 4 hours and 13 minutes (like it was a stroll in the park for him!) and raised over $1,500 for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. He came in the top third of the runners -- 9,000-something out of 31,000 participants! The boys and I cheered him on (and many others we knew who ran) at four different spots along the race (the Pikachu balloons were perfect to have the runners spot US!) and cheered, cried and had a ball. Probably the most emotional moment for me, though, was when Travis' BMT nurse, Jill Perrone, came running past -- also running for the LLSA's Team in Training Program. Here we were, cheering her on from the sidelines -- thanking her for helping keep our son alive. I can't begin to describe how grateful we felt and how proud of her we were each time she passed our cheering spots (and she was a NON-runner a few months ago!). At the end of the race, Joe was blistered, but proud and happy. He then proceeded to carry Spencer around on his shoulders as we made our way through downtown Chicago! Unbelievable. He's already planning on running next year's Chicago Marathon (and maybe Grandma's Marathon in Duluth -- with me? -- next summer)! One last marathon update -- I actually won a trip to the Honolulu Marathon with the LLSA Team In Training on December 10^th! Yikes -- I'm not trained and ready -- but am planning on run/walking it as best I can. I'm excited and scared -- but can't wait to go for it. It's a tremendous cause.

Thank you, everyone, for continuing to show our family such tremendous caring. We never forget for a moment how lucky we are -- and we continue to try to find ways to "give back" in your honor. The recent local tri-city marrow drive, which was subsidized by the Friends of Travis Fund (that YOU all created and supported), funded over 600 new people being brought into the NMDP registry. It was so touching -- the boys were at one of the locations handing out Lifesavers candy to all people coming in to register. It was just beautiful. (Thank you, Chris Moore, for your dedication and perseverance at making these drives happen.) Since we can never individually thank everyone who supported us in one way or another, we're trying to thank you all collectively and honor you in as many meaningful ways as we can.

Thank you for celebrating this miracle milestone with us. And thank you, Marge!

Love from "big boy Central". Melanie, Joe, Travis and Spencer