Chapter 1- Condemning Love

"...And sprinkles, with marshmallow, and do you have strawberry syrup?"

Sakura forced her smile to hold as the young girl stood before her, ordering every topping the Ice Cream Barn had to offer. She nodded.

"Okay. With strawberry syrup."

Sakura nodded. "Is that all?"

"Yeah."

Sakura let out a long breath and walked around to the back to fix up the order. Her coworkers stood bored at their stations. She glared at them for their inactiveness. She shovelled out the different scoops of ice cream the girl had ordered. It was disgusting. She cringed as she placed a scoop of pistachio with a scoop of orange sherbet. She poured on the peanuts, chocolate chips, sprinkles, and strawberry syrup as commanded, then returned the monstrosity to the young girl. She smiled with wide eyes as she viewed her masterpiece.

Sakura took the girls money, put it in the register, then took time to adjust her hat on her head. Botan walked to the front, leaning on the counter with boredom. "I need a raise."

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Like you do anything."

He mocked a hurt expression. "I am commander of the blender. I make our shakes possible."

Sakura shook her head and looked up at the incoming customers. Business was way too busy in the summer. She cringed as she recognized the crowd. A boy named Jiro had been constantly hitting on her at school. He was approaching with his friend, Seiichi. Sakura rushed to Botan. "Please take these customers. I’m on break."

Sakura rushed around the ice cream machines, seeking refuge in the back of the store. Their manager was sitting at her desk, enjoying a game of solitaire. She didn’t bother to look up as Sakura walked by.

Botan came back a few minutes later, a devilish grin on his face. Sakura glared at him.

"It seems your friends insist on me finding you. So, I’ve found you."

Sakura gave him a desperate look. "Say I’m sick."

He shook his head. "No, I’m rather interested to see how this plays out."

Sakura glared at him, then stomped past him to the counter. Jiro smiled anxiously, nervously shaking. She tried to be patient. "Hello."

He grinned, a little too happy for an ice cream place. "Hi. I didn’t know you worked here. How come you never said anything at school? I love ice cream!"

Sakura grinned and threw her hands up in the air. "Oh, I dunno. You caught me."

Botan made a laughing noise as he pretended to check on the freezer.

Sakura glared over her shoulder, then returned to her fake smile. "So, would you like to buy ice cream?"

Jiro laughed, practically snorting. "Oh, right. I’m at an ice cream place. I almost forgot."

Sakura found her smile disippating quickly. She nodded.

"Well I would like... a chocolate sundae. Seiichi, what do you want?"

His friend, just as much a nerd as him, stepped up to the counter. "Erm... Just a vanilla cone."

Jiro frowned, taken aback. "Plain vanilla! No one buys that."

Seiichi shrugged. "I am right now."

Sakura turned away from their bickering and walked herself to the soft serve machine. Botan bit his lip as he prepared the sundae, holding in the amusement. Sakura scowled. "What?" She whispered.

Botan shook his head, his smile growing. "Nothing. I’ve just... never seen guys hit on your before, that’s all."

Sakura rolled her eyes, then returned with the vanilla ice cream. "Here you go." Seiichi took the ice cream silently, digging in with quiet contentment. Sakura tried to find something to occupy herself in as she saw Jiro searching for some kind of small talk topic.

"So are you going to the cherry festival dance at school?"

Sakura could have predicted him asking that. She smiled weakly. Botan was laughing to himself as he took his time topping the ice cream. "Oh... I don’t know..."

Seiichi frowned at his friend. "I thought you said you didn’t like going to dances..."

Jiro blushed brightly, shaking his head. "I just said I didn’t care for them, jeez, Seiichi..."

Sakura wanted to melt into the ground. Botan finally brought the ice cream to the counter, not hiding his amusement. Sakura glared at him. Jiro took it happily.

"Well... I suppose that’s it. I’ll make sure to stop by this place more often, now that I know you work here."

Sakura laughed weakly. "Alright. Bye."

The two boys turned and walked away, eating their ice cream and talking to themselves about one thing or another. Botan crossed his arms and shook his head. "He’s quite a catch."

Sakura rolled her eyes at him, then headed back to the back of the store to get a cup of water. She poured out the tap water, then leaned against a table. She looked at her watch. She still had another hour before her shift was up. Tomoyo wanted to do some recording of a song she had recently written. Sakura had agreed, figuring anything was better then sitting at home alone. It was too hard to forget him when she wasn’t doing anything.

Tomoyo would be badgering her about going to the dance, she knew. She didn’t want to go. Especially if Jiro would be there. She wouldn’t have the heart to turn him down if he asked her to dance. Better to avoid the scenario altogether. She didn’t have time for dances. She had to keep the stupid cards contained from attacking the town.

"Kinomoto, two twist cones," Botan called from the front. She sighed and set her glass of water down, then headed to the machine.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Tomoyo sat comatose by the front door. Sakura was going to be there soon. She blinked her eyes, trying to block out the vision. But there was no holding it back when it came. She found herself staring into Eriol’s blue eyes. So many walls stood between her and him. But as she spoke to him, she could see those barriers start to give way. He faultered under her. Tomoyo felt such pity, such sympathy. The man was only half alive. Why did he let the power consume him? She knew he cared for her, despite his insistance on distance.

Tomoyo felt the visions leave her. She was left staring at her door with emotions and thoughts stirring. There was nothing strange about this sensation. She had become accustomed to it. She couldn’t escape who she had been. Who Eriol had made her to be. Eriol had just been trying to advise Sakura. What if he wasn’t so bad? But she knew it was a lie. Eriol had kept them apart because Syaoran was the key to his destruction.

Sakura knocked once and let herself in. She smiled as she spotted Tomoyo, sitting bored in a chair. Tomoyo stood up, happy to see her. "How was work?"

Sakura rolled her eyes. "You’ll never guess who came by for a sundae." Sakura set her work uniform and hat down on a chair, then continued with Tomoyo towards the studio.

"Matsumiki Jiro?"

Sakura laughed as she thought of him standing so awkward and uncomfortable. "The one and only."

Tomoyo giggled. Watching that boy harass Sakura was one of the highlights of her life. "What did he want?"

Sakura sighed, sitting down in a chair as Tomoyo turned on the sound boards. "Oh.. many a thing. First of all, now he knows I work there. He’s probably going to stop by every other day. I have to get fired somehow." She paused as she watched Tomoyo turn on the computer’s digital software. "Then, he practically asked me to the dance. It was so embarrassing."

Tomoyo smiled, shaking her head. "That boy...." She looked up from the monitor. "So what did you say?"

Sakura spun the chair around in boredom. "I just said I wasn’t sure if I was going."

Tomoyo frowned skeptically. "Sakura, I’ve worked on that dress of yours all week. You better go."

She smiled guiltily. "I know... but Tomoyo! What if he asks me to dance? I’ll feel horrible and I’ll end up dancing with him..."

Tomoyo grinned. "Well, what’s the harm in that?"

Sakura sighed with defeat. "Leading him on, Tomoyo-chan, leading him on! I don’t want his little crush to develope into full force, awestruck infactuation."

"I think it’s already there, no offense."

Sakura bit her lip warily. "But.... I just don’t want to hurt his feelings anymore than I have to."

Tomoyo nodded, then leaned on her counter, as if pondering whether or not to say something. Sakura watched her carefully. Tomoyo looked up grimly. "You know what I want to say. I know you don’t want to hear it Sakura, but it’s something you need to face. If you plan to leave Li-kun safe in Hong Kong, you need to let him go. I know, I know, it seems impossible. But the last thing he would ever want to see is you pining the rest of your life away because of him."

Sakura let out a long sigh. She thought these things in her head frequently. She never came to a conclusion. "I know. But it’s just.... it’s so hard. I can’t make myself believe we don’t have a chance."

Tomoyo nodded. She looked up at the keyboard sitting in the room in front of her. She looked back to Sakura. "The most miserable thing you can do to yourself is to sit on the line. You know you need to decide. You can either try to straighten things out with him and finish the cards, or continue to fight alone."

Sakura tried not to hate her friend for bringing the truth. She looked into the room full of instruments. She could picture Syaoran playing guitar. She remembered her shock learning he had been Komai. She had been so mad at him. She was sure she’d never be able to forgive him. But what he had done was nothing compared to what she had done to him. "I can’t help but hate myself sometimes for the decision I made. I’m afraid... that I might have made the decision out of fear, rather than out of concern for him."

Tomoyo smiled sympathetically. "It’s something to think about, Sakura-chan. It’s never too late to make ammends."

________________________________________________________________________

Syaoran wiped the sweat that had accumulated on his forehead, then squinted to see the target he was approaching. Sensei Wanti would be thoroughly pissed if he screwed up another attack. Syaoran shoved Raion over with his left leg and threw his energy down his sword. It errupted into an explosion as it burnt through the red block. Syaoran smiled inwardly with achievement. He galloped the stallion towards where Sensei Wanti stood, completely poised. He halted the big black horse just in front of the man. He only glared at Syaoran in response.

"Better. Maybe next time you can keep from burning the trees behind the target."

Syaoran frowned, then turned to see what he meant. The trees behind the target were blackened. Syaoran refused to let it bother him. He was mastering attacks his Sensei couldn’t even pull off. He looked back to the Sensei, waiting for dismissal.

"That’s adequate for this morning. Get to school."

Syaoran nodded, then walked Raion towards the barn. The horse snorted in protest, wanting a longer run. Syaoran ignored the animal and hopped off. He dragged the horse to its stall, stopping momentarily to strip the tack off. He latched the door behind him and headed away without a second look. Iata neighed hopefully at him as he passed by. Syaoran continued to the tack room to drop Raion’s sweaty saddle and bridle. He continued out of the barn, his step filled with purposeless energy.

Syaoran walked up the sidewalk towards his house. He had a half hour before he needed to get to school. He could manage a shower if he sped down the side roads. He walked into his house, glad for the blast of cool air he received. The air conditioning had been going full blast. He must have remembered to turn it on before he left in the morning. Syaoran thanked himself for the thoughtfulness. Tyung stood up from the couch as he entered. Syaoran paused to look at her, then continued towards his room.

"Always so busy, Syaoran-san?"

Syaoran turned to glare at his once-favorite sister. "Did you want something?"

Tyung shrugged. "I was seeing how you, Lai, and Daikal are managing the house."

Syaoran sighed and continued towards the stairs. "Fine. Go talk to Rana, she’s the one that’s here all the time."

Syaoran walked into his airy room, walking to his closet to search out an outfit for school. He looked up to find Tyung leaning on his doorway.

"Syaoran, you sicken me. I never would have guessed my favorite brother was capable of such wreckless selfishness."

Syaoran scowled. She had decided to try again. "And what would you know about it? You’re off living with your boyfriend... Sii.... whatever his name is. Rana thinks its wonderful, how many friends I have now. You should be happy too."

Tyung watched him in skepticism. "Look at what you’ve become, Syaoran. You were always so smart. Staying away from those people. You were using your anger to fuel you into something great. You saw the corruption in the clan and recognized it head on. Now you’re just swimming around in your very own ocean of pity, doing what they ask of you. You need to snap out of it."

Syaoran brushed past her, stopping in the hallway to face her. "Tyung, if I wanted a failure’s opinion, I’d ask you what you thought. But I’m so sick of people trying to give me little helpful hints on life. I’m fully aware of what I’m doing. I don’t need someone to tell me something I already know."

Tyung shook her head, her eyes watching him lazily. "You changed when you got back from Japan. It was that girl, wasn’t it? Little cherry blossoms? She changed you more than the death of our parents?"

Syaoran felt his body tense unconsciously. Had it been anyone but his own sister, he would have started a physical conclusion. He let out a shakey, angry breath, stepping closer as a threat. "Don’t bother trying to figure it out, Tyung. Just go on in your little world with your wonderful, poor boyfriend at your pathetic supermarket jobs. I’ll keep supporting this house with all the money I make from the elders. And I won’t complain. Hell, I won’t even bring up how I’ve held our family together."

Tyung scowled, shaking her head. "You can’t even hold yourself together."

"Fuck you, Tyung! I-"

"Shut up, both of you!" Rana stepped into view from her room down the hall, a look of utter disgust on her face. She glared at Tyung. "Tyung, there’s really no need to hassle Syaoran. He’s doing his best to cope with everything. We all are. We don’t need to start pointing fingers."

Tyung glared at her sister, then at Syaoran. He held a dark scowl on her. Rana watched from her post in the hallway. Tyung let out a long, calm breath, then turned and headed down the stairs. "I’ll make sure to visit real soon," She called, shutting the front door loudly behind her.

Syaoran swallowed the spit he had been letting collect in his mouth, then continued to the bathroom. Rana watched him with a weak smile on her face. He glared at her. "What?"

She shook her head. "Nothing. I just can’t believe you had the balls to say that to her."

Syaoran shrugged it off, shutting the bathroom door behind him and hurrying into the shower. Tyung had wasted precious minutes of his time.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Syaoran stared at the calculus problems on the board. He didn’t really feel like solving them. He glanced around at the class. Everyone was crouched over their papers, writing frantically. Meilin was the only other sitting with a far off look on her face. She had been doing it alot lately. Syaoran wondered what it was she was pondering so deeply. He looked down the row at Yundi to find his friend wasn’t writing calculus problems. He was writing a note to Ryoto. Ryoto took the paper and read it quickly, then wrote back. He noticed Syaoran watching. He looked back to the paper, scribbling something else down, then tossed it onto Syaoran’s desk.

Syaoran uncrinkled the paper carelessly. One handwriting at the top, presumably Yundi’s, said Did you see that girl Jin brought with him last night? I think she had one too many drinks. I couldn’t get her off me. Ryoto had responded with Yes, I predicted you got some action in with her. How was she? - Li-san, I see you and Mandu were not dancing for very long... Syaoran smiled weakly, then brought his pencil to the page. He felt a sudden blankness as he tried to find a response. Guilt had almost crept in. He blocked her out of his mind and continued to his outerself. It seems girls prefer more physically demanding activities with me... He responded. He tossed it back to Ryoto, who read and rolled his eyes. He flipped Syaoran off when the sensei wasn’t looking, then continued to write to Yundi. Syaoran sighed as he looked back towards the window. Girls were alright. He was saved from thinking about anything in the night. That was a good thing.

But he needed something more. At least he could drink himself out of remembering. The price was hell in the morning, but it provided the temporary escape he craved. Syaoran could still feel Tyung’s words taunting him from the corner of his mind. He had heard it so many times from her. She was one of the few who even recognized his acting. Everyone else seemed to accept him. That was fine. He would rather avoid pity and correction as much as possible.

Meilin eyed Syaoran as he stared blankly out the window. She looked at the paper in front of him. He had gotten as far as numbering the problems. It didn’t look like he was going to finish his homework before class let out. She looked back to the board, trying to focus on the next problem. She couldn’t. She just couldn’t stand watching him live like he was. But there was nothing she could do. She had gotten in the way of too many fights with him. He wasn’t going to stop. The only person remotely capable of the job wasn’t up for the task. And if she was, Meilin wasn’t sure it’d be enough anymore. Does he even think about her anymore? She sighed and began writing out the problem.

The bell rang loudly, causing an uproar of chairs and papers. Syaoran stood up, stretching his arms and shoving his papers into their folder. He grabbed his books, then heading out of class. Yundi and Ryoto walked alongside him.

"Being on the soccer team is so wonderful," Ryoto commented, looking down the hall at the girls who waved at him.

Yundi shook his head, watching Syaoran glare down the hall. "Li-san’s got domain over the entire school because of it. And he’s such a jerk. He could get any girl in the entire school."

Ryoto shook his head. "You’re so gay, Li-san. You need to go on another trip somewhere for the elders. Give us little ones a chance."

Syaoran grinned. "Girl’s are idiots. If you pretend you hate all of them, you’ll have every one of them lined up for you too."

Yundi raised his eyebrows. "That’s your secret?"

Syaoran said nothing, yawning with boredom as he headed to his Japanese class.

Yundi looked to Ryoto. "We can try it on those twins that were at the party the other night. If they’re there tonight. Are you going, Li-san?"

Syaoran frowned. "There’s not even a game."

Yundi shrugged. "We decided, why just celebrate soccer? Let’s celebrate life. Make every day count."

Syaoran thought for a moment, then shook his head. "I dunno. Maybe."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"This is pathetic," Sensei Wanti announced, stepping in between Syaoran and his designated target. Syaoran looked up warily. He deserved whatever punishment the Sensei was going to give him. "Get in stanse," He ordered. Syaoran obeyed, glad for the short break. He stood, sword pointed threateningly. He wondered what Sensei Wanti had in mind.

The sensei walked around Syaoran, observing his position. He slapped Syaoran’s lower back with the flat of his own unsheathed sword. "Straighten up!" Syaoran quickly obeyed, stretching his back as he attempted to get straighter. The Sensei stopped in front of Syaoran. He looked him in the eye for a moment, then moved into a stanse as well. "Let us duel."

Syaoran tried not to raise his eyebrows in question. The last time he had dueled with his Sensei, he had ended up with a bleeding lip practically unconscious on the ground. It had been before his mother had died. It had been before Sakura turned him away. It had been when his life had still been together. Maybe now, now that he had nothing to fight for, he could win by motive of insanity. He moved into a challenging posture, the Sensei doing the same. He nodded his head. Syaoran moved in, clashing his sword against the Sensei’s. Metal clanged loudly at each turn, each block being met by another. Syaoran swirled around in frustration, putting more force into each swing. The Sensei seemed to be just playing.

Suddenly the Sensei found a new level of swiftness. He agressively swung and darted around Syaoran’s feeble attacks. In the blink of an eye, Syaoran found his sword tossed to the ground. Syaoran glanced at it for a moment, then looked back to the Sensei, not bothering to hide his irritation. The Sensei stepped back, lowering his sword.

"You’re sluggish, uncoordinated, unfocussed and are fighting at the level my step-daughter is currently at. Don’t ever come to training with a hang over again. I’ll be sure to bring it up to the elders."

Syaoran winced at the Sensei’s correct discovery of the truth. Truth be told, Syaoran felt he had done a good job at hiding his pulsing head ache and nauseous stomach. But, he supposed, not even he could hold down so much liquor so well. He nodded gravely. "I won’t, Sensei."

Sensei Wanti flourished under the respect, seeming to grow inches in heigth. "I suggest you hold your parties to Friday and Saturday night." He flipped Syaoran’s sword up with his own from the wet, morning grass. He held it out for Syaoran’s retreival. "While we are on that subject, I would also like you to know I do not want my step-son involved in the sadly permissed activities of your little soccer gang. Though he hasn’t the stupidity to drink himself away, he is weak to leadership. He seems to look up to you. Why, I cannot say, but it is unfortunate. I suppose we cannot choose another human’s role model."

Syaoran held a lazy glare on the Sensei. If he’s asking me to babysit Teller because Teller’s too young to look out for himself, he’s going to be unpleasantly surprised. "I will remember it, Sensei."

Sensei Wanti nodded, as if a heavy burden had been lifted from his shoulders. "Good. Now I suppose you should be getting ready for school."

Syaoran nodded. He turned, dismissing himself.

"Li-san!" Sensei Wanti called after him. Syaoran turned. "Remember, I sense one drop of alcohol in your system, you’re out."

Syaoran nodded grimly, then continued on to his house. He let out a long breath. He knew it had been a bad move to drink so much. But he hadn’t been able to help himself. All Mandu had done was complain about how self centered he was. He wasn’t going to find any refuge in her. It seemed that was the only available escape the night before.

Meilin had had the nerve to mention Sakura again. She was always trying to find some way to get him out of his casket. She didn’t seem to understand that he wasn’t going to come back. He had gone. He had left. The Syaoran she wanted had died. Sakura was someone far away that a friend of his had known. He did not know her himself.

Syaoran opened the doors to his house, glad to find it empty. He walked to the kitchen and looked for some food, then decided he wasn’t hungry. Syaoran headed into the living room and collapsed on the couch, enjoying the breeze of the fan overhead. It had been an easy morning. He was lucky. He would have to remember not to drink. It was going to be hard. He would have to find something else to occupy his mind. He lay staring blankly at the fan. The blades spun so fast. He closed his eyes, trying to envision himself somewhere else. Somewhere where he was free. He couldn’t vision it.

There was so much tying him down. He was never going to be happy. It was just something he was going to have to accept. He would just have to wait for his training to end so he could return to his familiar escape. That was real to him. He could really be free, if only for a few moments. It was worth every bit of aftermath. He sat up as he heard someone walking upstairs. Rana was walking to the bathroom. He sighed and looked back to the clock. He needed to go to school. But he didn’t want to.

I don’t have a game today. If I skip it’s not like I’m missing anything. Syaoran didn’t feel like being around them. Every last one of them couldn’t think for themselves. They were more than happy to accept Syaoran’s leadership. If Syaoran was going to drink, why not them? If he was going to go to parties and find a girl to use, why not host one themself? They didn’t care for anything. They cared for no one. People were hopeless. There was no one that was able to escape their own selfishness. Not even Sakura. Not even the purest person he had ever met. Everyone was destined to use and destroy others. It was best to be alone.

Syaoran put his hand on his head, shutting his eyes tightly as his headache raged on. He let out a long breath, opened his eyes, then set out with determination towards the barn. No one would be around for another seven hours. He would have plently of time to see Raion unnoticed.

________________________________________________________________________

Sakura stood in misery. Her feet ached in the arched, high heeled shoes Tomoyo had picked out. The hard tile floor of the school didn’t help much. Her knees felt locked in place. But there she stood all the same, a softy for Tomoyo’s insistings. At least she had gotten a neat dress out of the deal. She looked down at the flaring skirt. Different color ribbons laced through the seams. Tomoyo was a genius. She looked back up, clutching her cup of punch. The school gym was filled with young couples dancing to slow music as if it was the last night they’d ever see each other. Sakura found the whole thing disturbing.

I’m just so jealous. I’m sure if I had someone to be here with, I’d be having fun. Sakura grimaced at her own thoughts. There was someone she could be with if she so chose. Jiro, Seiichi, and a group of other nerdy teens stood at the other end of the food tables, talking loudly and laughing nervously. Sakura wished someone would kick them out for violating noise levels or something. She looked down the dance floor. She could spot Chihura and Tamakazi dancing near the edge of the gym. They were adorable together. She smiled in spite of herself. At least her friends were enjoying themselves.

"That dress looks so wonderful on you!" Tomoyo came hurrying up, returning from the bathroom. She poured herself a plastic cup of punch and stood, watching Sakura. "So you plan to stand by the food table the whole night?"

Sakura looked at the food at her side. "Well... there’s quite an array of appetizers. I was studying the different cookies, looking for patterns, running color themes and such...." She smiled weakly at Tomoyo, who shook her head with a grin. She sighed. "You know I’m not going to dance, Tomoyo. I established that when I agreed to go. There’s no one here I’d dance with."

Tomoyo pouted. "I made such a lovely dress and all you’re going to do with it is stand by the cookies?"

Sakura sighed. She brightened. "Look, I can twirl around here." Sakura spun around, watching the skirt flare around her. The skirt flew out in an unpredictably large diameter, taking a plate of cookies with it on its way around. Sakura stopped her spin, bringing her hands to her mouth. "Oh...hm."

Tomoyo giggled uncontrollably, then bent down to pick up the cookies. Sakura quickly knelt down as well. She laughed, her face red. "Tomoyo, will I ever overcome my clumsiness?"

Tomoyo shook her head, amazed. She piled the cookies onto the plate, then stood up. "Oh... I just doubt it, Sakura-chan."

Sakura stood up, adding two cookies to the stack. She looked around to see who had witnessed the fiasco. No one seemed to be watching them. She sighed and walked with Tomoyo to the trash can. "I just shouldn’t have came. We knew this would happen. Why were we kidding ourselves?"

Tomoyo was looking past Sakura to the makeshift stage at the far end of the gym. Her eyes widened with a shocked smile. Sakura frowned questioningly. Tomoyo simply pointed. Sakura turned, slowly as not to flare out her huge skirt, then felt her muscles go limp. Jiro walked himself onto the stage, a confident smile only someone with no care for others opinions could manage. He stepped up to the microphone, tapping it for a second. People turned as the music from the local band ended.

"Hi, Tomoeda," He announced in his still undeveloped voice. No one responded. "Well, I just wanted to dedicate a song to a certain lady present tonight." Sakura felt her heart stop as she stared at him in disbelief. Her face paled. "This song is going out to Kinomoto Sakura, the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen."

Sakura stood motionless as the music started. To her very horror, he didn’t leave the stage. He was staying at the microphone to sing the song himself. Sakura felt relief for a moment as she realized she wouldn’t be obligated to dance with him. She felt her relief vanish as everyone stared at her as Jiro sang in his soprano voice a well known love ballad. She finally brought her courage up to turn and seek shelter in Tomoyo. Tomoyo had her camera up, taping the whole thing. Sakura felt her hands shake with embarassment. How was she going to get out of this?

Why me? WHY me? People were going on dancing, kindly tolerating Jiro’s shakey pitch and bad tempo. Sakura found the strength to turn her back to the stage, staring desperately at Tomoyo. Tomoyo finally brought her face out from behind the camera, completely glowing. "Who would have thought!"

Sakura rolled her eyes, then turned, her arms crossed. She could feel Seiichi’s eyes on her from down the table. He wanted to know how she would react. The whole school wanted to see her reaction. Sakura felt herself weaken. She couldn’t stay here anymore. Didn’t anyone understand? Syaoran had left. She hadn’t spoken to him in two years. Not once. Everyone else was just carrying on, expecting her to get up and catch up. Didn’t they see she didn’t want to move on? She felt she still had something to cling to. There was always hope, right?

Sakura looked towards the doors of the gym. The song was at a climax. Jiro was belting out the lyrics, a little out of his range. Sakura cringed at the off notes. The doors were so inviting. It had been such a nice walk over from her house. Summer nights were so cool and mysterious. She looked back to the dancing crowd. No one would notice her slipping out. She looked to Tomoyo. Her camera was on Jiro. Not even Tomoyo could fully understand.

Sakura swept past her, hoping her friend wouldn’t try and console her. She slipped out the door, feeling wonderful as the music faded behind her. She sucked in a deep breath, revelling in the peaceful silence of the outdoors. A breeze blew through her hair, rustling the quiet treetops over head. Sakura headed in no particular direction. She didn’t feel like going home. She knew what she wanted to do. It felt uncontrollable. She didn’t think she could stand being away from him another second. But the feeling passed and soon subsided into a dull ache. There was nothing she could do.

Sakura sat down on a random bench on the sidewalk. She could see the gym doors open at the school from far away. Tomoyo was coming after her, like a good friend. Sakura smiled to herself. She was lucky, really. She looked back to her feet. They looked fake curved into the pretty sandles. She allowed her mind to wander to places she had held it from. It surged happily through.

I wonder how he is? I wonder what he’s doing right now? Does he hate me? Does he miss me at all? How can I tell him why I didn’t answer? If I tell him I know he’s going to die helping me, will he think I’m selfish asking for his help? How could he not? I can’t tell him I love him without condemning him. What kind of love is that? What kind of love would sentence one to death? Sakura looked up at Tomoyo approaching. Her friend walked with a deflated look on her face. She sat down next to Sakura silently, looking out into the street. Sakura watched her from the corner of her eye.

Tomoyo would often become far away. Sakura guessed it was part of coming back after being replaced. It was flashbacks. Sakura wondered what that felt like to live with. She watched her for a while. Tomoyo was unaware. She was completely engrossed in some corner of her mind. Sakura bit her lower lip, looking down at her knees in shame. She wasn’t the only one dealing with hardships. "Are you alright, Tomoyo?"

Tomoyo blinked, smiling and shaking her head. "Yeah, why?"

Sakura sighed and looked back to the streetlights lining the street in front of them. She thought of the Fight card. She had only been his rival then. She had never appreciated the time that she had with him. "You were remembering something. I could tell."

Tomoyo’s eyes watered almost instantly. She looked the other direction, frowning intensely. "They’re so strong, Sakura-chan. I did so many horrible things... And yet, I understand why. I know my motive. Does that make you worry about being friends with me?"

Sakura looked up at her friend, surprised to find Tomoyo as the one in need of consolation. "No, of course not. I’m priviledged to be friends with you, Tomoyo. I don’t care what Eriol did with you. The point is, you’re here with me now."

Tomoyo let out a shakey sigh. Sakura had no idea the extent of Eriol’s hold. Tomoyo couldn’t escape it. She was in love with the one she wanted to destroy. It made no sense. Sakura didn’t need that on her mind as well. It made no difference if she felt things for him. He had to be stopped, and that was all there was to it. Tomoyo smiled weakly, reminding herself to be grateful for the kinds words. "Thanks, Sakura-chan. I’m priviledged to be friends with you." She sniffed, then laughed. "Jiro looked so sad when he couldn’t find you after the song. He wanted to dance."

Sakura sighed and nodded. "I figured. I feel horrible, really. Everyone will think I was so mean... but I can’t run from it forever. I just don’t like him. I mean.... don’t you understand?"

Tomoyo smiled, nodding. "Of course I understand. You deserve much better. I just like to give you a hard time."

Sakura let out a long breath into the night air, then sat up straight. "I was thinking about going," she said quietly.

Tomoyo looked sideways at her friend. "Oh?"

Sakura nodded, then looked down the sidewalk. A woman was walking her dog. There was on one else in sight. "I don’t know what to do Tomoyo. If I go back, it made all of this pain pointless. It means all this time we’ve been apart didn’t mean anything. It means.... you know? I caused all of this, just so he could be safe. And if I try to find him, that will be undoing all we’ve had to go through."

"I understand Sakura. Quite a dilemma. I’m spent trying to give you the right advice. I don’t know either. All I know is, I’m sure you can’t defeat Eriol without him."

Sakura chewed on the inside of her lip, searching for an answer. A simple answer. She found none. She didn’t want to think as far ahead as Eriol. She didn’t know if Syaoran could ever understand why she did what she did. And would that mean he wouldn’t help her? He promised. If I ever needed his help, he said he’d be there. He doesn’t take promises lightly. Promise or no, she didn’t know if he could accept her. She had ruined his heart. She had finally shown him love and then turned away when he wanted to give it. "It’s not just the cards," Sakura admitted, feeling her voice shake slightly. She tried to contain it. "I want to see him, Tomoyo. I need to see him. I miss him so much, sometimes I think I’m going to go insane. But I’m trying so hard to not let that affect my choice. Should I put him at risk just because I wanted to see him?"

Tomoyo shook her head. "Your guess is as good as mine Sakura-chan." Tomoyo felt her own insides lurch as Sakura released her desperate emotions. She knew what missing the one you loved felt like. She looked down at the ground. At least I send him letters. But... Sakura could send him letters too. I suppose their parting was so dramatic, there’s no space for long distance communication.

Sakura sat, staring at the street in front of her for quite a while. Finally she stood up, off balance in her high heeled shoes. "A card’s on the loose. I think it’s the Watery."

Tomoyo stood up, her camera ready. "Well, let’s go."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Sakura watched the water surge around the stream running through the park. Chindra had gotten completely soaked, swallowing more freshwater than she ever would have liked. Sakura had gotten there just as Chindra had started attacking. The dark haired girl was more than happy to have a chance to fight by herself. Sakura was letting her do the rest of the work while she sent the occasional attack. She was so tired of the cards.

Her feet sank into the mud as she walked with her icy shield. Sand and muck squished up between her toes. She had tossed the shoes aside, finding them a hinderence to performance. Her dress was splashed with dark mud, though in the dark night she couldn’t see the extent of damage done. Chindra let out a shriek, holding her hand gingerly and calling up a shield. "Eriol’s using other cards!"

Sakura looked up. Sure enough, there was a new electric rage to the Watery. She frowned. The cards had been very mild in all of their attacks. Eriol hadn’t started messing with elemental combinations. But the electricty shined through the water. Sakura bit her lip warily. Was Eriol trying to get her attention? He probably is making the attacks harder and harder until we go to England. "You’re not taking my cards, Hiiragizawa!" Sakura muttered under her breath, sending out a huge gale of wind. The water was picked up and collected into a pile. Now what to do.... Sakura shouted an Erase spell. The water was impervious to her attack. She sent out a blast of fire. Some of the water steamed into the air, but the large mass remained.

"What do we do!?" Chindra called, backing up as the water curled into a threatening wave.

"It’s the Wave, move Chindra!" Sakura watched with horror as Chindra sprinted barely fast enough. Water crashed down, sizzling as electricity spread out over the surface. Chindra ran straight to Sakura’s side.

"What can we do? They are too powerful!"

Sakura scowled at the Water that made its way towards them. She called her shield to be stronger, then stood fast as the water crashed around their shields. It sizzled its way down to the ground. Chindra stood, her hands shaking. Sakura frowned. "We’ll overload it. Remember your electric spells?"

Chindra nodded, her eye on the incoming waves. Sakura nodded. "Alright, on three. One.... two....three!" Both girls sent out charges of electricity. Sakura watched her own attack, impressed at its power. She hadn’t even put effort into it. Maybe she was growing stronger. All the nights of card capturing, it seemed to make sense. The water sizzled into the air at a quick rate. Finally, Watery’s form appeared, looking very perturbed. Sakura stepped out of her shield and laid into the form with her staff. Watery screeched and made all kinds of protesting as she was sealed into her deformed card. Sakura looked at it breifly, then shoved it into the pockets conveniently added to her skirt.

Chindra walked up to Sakura, her dark curls weighing down with water. "He could have killed us. What was he thinking?"

Sakura continued towards Tomoyo, Chindra at her side. "He wants me to give him the cards back. Probably your crystal necklace as well. I don’t think he realized you were still able to use magic."

Chindra frowned. "He wants to have all the power for himself? What are we going to do?"

Sakura bit her lip. "Well.... we’re going to have to go to England and face him. The longer we stay here, the heavier the attacks get. I have some healthy looking scars on me from trying to fight cards that were in league with other cards."

Chindra nodded. "Yes, okay. We should go soon, then?"

Sakura looked at her feet, feeling Tomoyo’s eyes on her. She owed it to Chindra. She owed it to herself. They should get rid of the cards once and for all. "Yes. But I’m going to Hong Kong first."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Kinomoto-san, boss wants to talk to you in her room," Botan said casually, walking up to the counter to take over. Sakura nodded slowly, then turned and walked around the ice cream machines towards the back room.

The door was open for air circulation. She stepped in after knocking on the wall. Her boss looked up, her old, tired face not smiling. She motioned to the chair in front of her desk. Sakura took the chair and sat down.

"Now.... we both know what this is about. I received your notice today. I was just... a bit curious, why you’d be leaving during the busiest time of the year."

Sakura picked at a jagged nail on her left hand. "I have some business I have to take care of myself. Travelling and such. I just don’t have the time."

Her boss sighed, then sat up straight. "Well, I’ll be honest Kinomoto-san. I’m a little irritated you’re leaving so soon. You could have given more of a heads up."

Sakura nodded and looked down at her knees. She had things she needed to do, did no one understand that? "I’m sorry. I just... it came up suddenly."

The boss nodded, then half spun in her chair. She reached for a piece of paper on her desk. "Well, I’ll miss you. You were a good employee, not like the rest of the complaining bunch out there. This is your last paycheck."

Sakura nodded solemnly, taking it from her. She smiled gratefully. She needed all the money she could get. "Thank you. I’m sorry to leave, but it’s just something I have to do. I’m sure you can find a ton of other kids willing to take my place."

The woman smiled kindly, then leaned back. "You’re free to go. Good luck."

Sakura smiled as she stood up. "Thanks alot. You too." She turned and headed out the door. Botan watched her carefully. She smiled as she breezed past him. "I’m done."

Botan frowned in shock. "What? I have to finish this shift by myself?"

Sakura stopped and turned, grinning at her freedom. "I quit. You’ll have a brand new coworker."

Botan frowned disapprovingly. "Thanks alot."

Sakura took her ridiculous hat off and held it under her arm. No more working for her. She turned as she walked down the sidewalk to inspect the ice cream building. She had grown so tired of working there the past two years. But she had gone there needing the money. She turned away from it, smiling as she headed towards home. The funny thing was, she had never spent a cent of the money she had gotten from working there. It had all gone straight to an account. She had been saving every penny for the past two years for no particular reason. But Sakura knew the reason. It was so if she ever needed, she could afford to fly up to Hong Kong.

Sakura spun around down the sidewalk. She was finally giving in. She was finally going. And it was the best decision she could have ever made. She wasn’t moping around anymore. She was so excited. Because in a week, school would be on break. And in that week, she was going to buy a plane ticket, fly up, and see Syaoran. She would tell him everything she held back. And everything would be better.

She refused to let herself worry. She wasn’t positive he’d be living in the same house. He had, after all, told her his life with the elder’s was shot. But she had a feeling he had gone and straightened out everything there. There was no doubt in her mind he was alive and well. She could still feel his aura, through all of the space. It was going to be wonderful. Sakura wasn’t sure if she could contain herself.

Sakura found herself heading towards Moondust’s. That was a good idea. She hadn’t seen the mare in a few days and she couldn’t wait to tell her the news. She decided to take the bus rather than drive. It would be like old times. She waited for a few minutes, then hopped into a bus seat, smiling ecstatically at everything in sight. It had been way too long. She watched the landscape out the window change. Soon they were in the outskirts of town. Sakura hopped off at her stop and headed across the road. She ducked under the fence and sprinted toward’s Moondust’s general grazing area.

What will he think when he sees me? Does he want to see me at all? Moondust saw Sakura running and pranced around as well, head and tail high in the air. The horse galloped a large circle around Sakura, then trotted up as Sakura stopped to rest. Sakura smiled as the horse nudged her for food. "No, you pig, I don’t have anything." Sakura sat on a fallen tree, petting the horse’s silky white fur. The horse stood calmly in return. "Guess what? I’m going to see Syaoran really soon. I haven’t seen him in years!" The horse lowered its head to graze. Sakura smiled as she watched her. She remembered riding the horse with Syaoran. She remembered the multiple times, hanging on to him tightly while the white horse ran beneath them. She closed her eyes and could almost feel it. She opened them once more. Moondust stood before her, the nicest gift anyone had ever given her. Syaoran had worked at that pizza place just to buy her. Then he had given her to Sakura.

Sakura stood on the tree, then threw herself onto the mare’s back. The horse brought her head up in question, starting to walk. "Wait!" Sakura giggled, trying to straighten herself up. She quickly swung her leg over and grabbed a handful of mane as Moondust started trotting. Sakura let out a long breath once in position. Moondust took off at a gallop.

Sakura didn’t worry about having the reins. She simply hung on to the mane and crouched low over her neck, letting the horse do as it pleased. They ran through the open fields and through the woods, never slowing. Sakura finally sat up, asking the horse to stop. Moondust slowly agreed, having enjoyed the run just as much as Sakura. Sakura hopped off once they stopped. She stroked down the horse’s neck. Moondust was such a sweet horse, once they got past the initial hostility. She wondered about all the times Syaoran had stood with her. Moondust had probably been one of his only friends. She smiled warmly.

"You be a good girl while I’m gone, okay?"

Moondust just stood, brushing her mane against Sakura as she searched her hands for hidden carrots. Sakura laughed. "I don’t have any! I’m not lying!"

The horse snorted in protest, then turned and trotted away. Her feet seemed to hang in the air for a moment before coming back to the earth. She’s as close to a unicorn as they get. Sakura looked at her watch. Her father would be home soon. She needed to get going. Sakura turned from the horse, excitement taking over her. She could go home and book the tickets tonight. One there, two back. She smiled to herself as she ducked under the fence. It was a nice day. She would just walk home.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Sakura walked into the kitchen, finding her father making dinner. She smiled at him. He smiled in return.

"You look like you’re in a good mood, Sakura-chan."

Sakura grinned and nodded. "I’m going to visit a friend in Hong Kong, Otto-san."

He raised his eyebrows. "Is that so?"

Sakura nodded and walked over to stir the sauce that sat in the pan. "You knew Li-kun. I’m going there during break."

"You’re sure you’ll be alright flying alone?"

Sakura nodded hastily. "Yeah, I’ll be fine."

"You miss him much, don’t you?"

Sakura smiled. She could smile when she thought of him now. How wonderful. "Yes, I do." She looked over to the door as she heard it open. Chindra came in, a pleasant smile on her face. Sakura smiled back. "Hey, Chindra."

"Hello," She answered back, walking over the counter and seating herself. "Do you need any help?"

Sakura shook her head. "We’re fine." She looked back to her father. "So I’ll be away next week, Otto-san. I’m sure you’ll manage the house fine without me."

He nodded. "I’ll be away alot of next week as well. I’ve got a big dig to go to north of Tokyo."

Sakura smiled. It worked perfectly. "Great. We’ll both be so busy, we’ll forget the other’s not around!"

Her father smiled at her enthusiasm, then turned to address Chindra. "How is living in your apartment?"

"Oh, it’s nice. It’d be lonely except Sakura comes by just about every day to liven things up. It’s quite a nice place for the money."

"I love it," Sakura added, pausing from her stirring job.

"Well that’s good to hear. The room here is always open if you ever need a place to stay."

Chindra nodded, then busied herself in a magazine sitting on the counter.

Sakura and her father finished up on the food, then served it out for the three of them. Sakura sat next to Chindra, looking over the article Chindra was reading. It was on Shiro Ame. Sakura read it curiously. It seemed the band was starting up touring again. Sakura smiled. "I wonder how they all are doing?" She looked at the pictures as she chewed on her food. It felt so strange to be looking at her friends in a magazine. Their faces were overdone with makeup, but they were still distinguishable. Sakura smiled at the picture of Komai. He had grown up differently. She couldn’t believe she had actually thought Syaoran had been him. She smiled and went back to her food.

"When do you leave to see him?" Chindra asked, looking at the picture of Komai as well.

"Oh... in a week or so..." Sakura answered, looking up to see her father. He was sitting quietly immersed in a science article in the newspaper. She looked back to Chindra. "Do you have to work tonight?"

Chindra shook her head. "I was planning on staying here and um... talking and stuff."

Sakura smiled. Chindra was on the right track. "Great!"

- - -

Sakura sat on the edge of her bed as Chindra surfed through the channels of Sakura’s TV. She sighed with defeat. "There’s never anything on TV worth watching."

Sakura nodded in agreement. "I haven’t watched TV in... I don’t know how long."

Chindra yawned and leaned her head back against the footboard of the bed. "All that magic from yesterday really wore me out... How long does it take before I get as strong as you?"

Sakura shook her head. "Too many card captures, that’s how long. You’re very strong Chindra. You’ve come really far really fast. I was such a slow learner compared to you."

Chindra smiled with embarassment, shaking her head. "Don’t be so modest." She turned serious. "What do I do if cards start messing around while you’re gone?"

Sakura sighed, shaking her head. "I doubt they will. Last time I left, they didn’t do anything here. But then again, you weren’t here fighting them. But they seem to follow me. If they do anything, I’m sure you’ll be fine. I’m only gone a week, anyways."

Chindra sighed and nodded slowly. "It’s just... that last time... I’ve never seen them join together like that. I don’t know if I’m that strong."

Sakura felt pity for the girl. She had always had Syaoran’s help. She frowned. No she hadn’t. There was a large gap where he had been away for his mother. She had fought many things, including giant spiders. Chindra would be fine. "You’ll be fine, Chindra. I’m completely, without-a-doubt sure of it. The cards never seem to overwhelm anyone. They’ll push you to your limit, but they won’t overcome you."

Chindra shook her head. "It just doesn’t make any sense. If Eriol wants his cards back, why doesn’t he just kill us all and get them? He’s strong enough."

Sakura shook her head. "I think Eriol would rather have them handed over. Maybe it only works if I hand them over. Who knows."

Chindra shrugged, then stood up. She pulled her curly hair into a pony tail. "You are sure your friend will help us?"

Sakura looked at the ground. She wasn’t sure. But she couldn’t tell anyone that. They would say it was too much of a risk to fly to Hong Kong. "Yes. He promised."

Chindra nodded slowly. She smiled with sorrow and sat down beside Sakura. "I remember it being so awkward, driving to the airport after you brought me back. What happened?"

Sakura bit her lip, then sighed. She wasn’t going to get anywhere keeping secrets from her fellow warriors. "In the middle of fighting with Eriol, Syaoran told me he loved me. I never had the chance to respond."

Chindra frowned. "Why did he leave?"

Sakura sighed, then collapsed back on her bed. "Because I told him in not so many words that I couldn’t love him."

Chindra looked up at Sakura’s ceiling, then turned to look at her. Sakura was staring up, lost in thought. "But you do." Chindra said simply, watching Sakura.

Sakura smiled grimly. "But I do."

Chindra stood up, walking to the window. The night was so quiet. The backyard was dark and peaceful. She turned back to Sakura, who had sat up. "So why not tell him?"

"Well..." She smiled, shaking her head. "I just have this feeling... like... I know... I’ve had this dream ever since I was thirteen. I know if I tell him how I feel, he’ll die. And the longer I fight the cards, the more I understand. He can’t be my ally and be safe. I want him to be safe."

Chindra shook her head. "I’m sure he’d rather know your honest feelings. I have a feeling he isn’t enjoying life right now."

Sakura sighed, then looked towards the spot on her desk Bob had once occupied. He had always made her felt better. But with Syaoran’s absence, Bob’s life had quickly deteriorated. She couldn’t believe she missed a butterfly. She looked at Chindra. She smiled at her sincerely. Sakura smiled weakly back. "But what kind of a person am I? To tell him how I feel, knowing it’s going to be the knife that cuts him in the end?"

Chindra shook her head. "What kind of a person are you, if you lie to him and cause him to lose all hope in life? Better to die for something than to live for nothing."

Sakura looked at her feet. Maybe what she was doing wasn’t as selfish as it appeared. She smiled a genuine smile at Chindra. "Thanks, Chindra. That makes me feel alot better."

Chindra nodded. "Don’t forget it."

Sakura smiled, then looked towards her computer. She should get to booking those tickets. "I won’t. I’m going to order the tickets right now, before I have a chance to rethink it."

Chindra sat down on the chair near the computer, turning it on. Sakura pulled up a chair next to her, waiting for the computer to load. It moved painfully slow. Finally she connected to the local server and looked up tickets from the Tomoeda Airport. She found her set day and purchased a coach ticket for six Monday morning. She put in all the money information and waited for conformation. She printed the online receipt and smiled at Chindra. "I don’t know if I can wait this long!"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I couldn’t find a good place to end this chapter! And it’s so short! I was trying really hard to drag on before Sakura went to Hong Kong. I just don’t want my story to end! But alas, it’s going to end, and soon! NOO! Anyways, things should get exciting again. EWWW I just helped my dad fix the mufler on my car in between that last sentence and the ‘eww’ and omg! I got up from the ground and there was red ants crawling all over me! AHHH! My own, real life adventure! Anyways, despite my dear best friend’s comment, I want everyone to know, I am WELL AWARE at the more than normal consumption of chocolate chip cookies in my story. It’s a running theme I’ve had. It’s supposed to tie the characters of the present to the characters of the past! Oh, also, I would like to apologize for Syaoran’s extensive use of language and bad choices and blah blah. I myself do not approve of the overuse of curse words. I also do not support premarital sex and the bad choices of beverages Syaoran has made. This is all part of showing how LOST Syaoran is! Poor Syaoran! He needs someone to save him... hint hint Sakura. This author’s note is super long... But I just want everyone that’s

SORRY COMMENTORS! There is one person I can’t email back! It’s really frustrating. Seven email attempts now on Ryohki816, I’m really sorry! Your administrator says he won’t take my emails. Hmph! Anyways, I have to go to work with my friend and discuss the movie we’re going to produce once we’re out of college. It’s gonna be awesome! We’re working on recording our soundtrack right now. In fact, I’m listening to one of our band’s songs! We’re so awesome. I know, don’t be too modest! Anyways... work!

-Syaoran Fan 4 Life

comments please do continue at [email protected] or SyaoranChic on yahoo/aol