RECAP: Last chapter was the ‘showdown’ with Eriol. Sakura found out Eriol had replaced all her close family/friends with people he approved of... Syaoran finally confessed his feelings... They brought Chindra back.. They all went their seperate ways... Syaoran’s wondering if Sakura will be brave enough to reply yada yada....

Chapter FIFTY 50!!! - Farewell-

the END (for this half)

Sakura jittered impatiently on the couch, watching the little kitchen timer inch its way to zero. She looked at Chindra. Chindra was watching it as well. They both laughed, then looked over to the kitchen.The smell of cookies wafted through the house. Sakura let out a long breath. It was finally over. Whatever had happened in England, she had gotten back her friends. A knock on the door brought Sakura up to her feet. She bounded over to the door and opened it cheerfully. Tomoyo smiled. Sakura grinned and pulled her friend into a hug.

"It’s been forever, Tomoyo!"
Tomoyo smiled and stepped back. She nodded enthusiastically. "I know! Sakura-chan, it was so horrible! At first it was just like all these gaps in my memory-"

"Come on, let’s sit and talk. The cookies will be done in five minutes."

Tomoyo agreed and followed Sakura to the couch. She smiled at Chindra. "Hi Chindra, how are you?"

Chindra smiled back. "Much better, now out of the nothingness."

Tomoyo nodded. "I know what you mean." She turned to Sakura. "So how did you do it?"

Sakura bit her lip. This was the question she kept asking herself. She had asked Eriol if they could just go home and go back to normal. He had said that can’t be arranged. Then Chindra showed up and he disappeared. It didn’t make any sense. "I... don’t really know. Syaoran and I were fighting Eriol, then the next thing I know, Syaoran’s over talking to Eriol and sword fighting with him, I get my cards back, Syaoran comes back and uses the necklace Chindra gave me, made her appear... Then Eriol was gone. We came back home, and everyone was here. I was paranoid all yesterday, sure Touya was going to say something that would give it away that he wasn’t really him. But it was. It’s just way confusing."

Tomoyo nodded. "Tell me about it. I remember for a few weeks it was like there were just these gaps of nothing in my memory. I couldn’t figure it out. I just thought, oh well, I was watching TV that day or something. Then, all I remember is starting to make you a dress for Mark’s party and... That was it. I was just... nothing. It seemed normal at the time. Then somewhere in there it hit me- this must be one of Sakura’s cards! So I didn’t worry. I knew you’d find a way to get me out."

Sakura listened, trying to find some clue to what happened. "Did you see Onni-chan, or Chindra? Or anyone?"

Tomoyo shook her head. "The last thing I saw was that dress."

Sakura frowned. "For Mark’s party... you mean... all the way back to that New Year’s party a year or so ago?"

Tomoyo nodded sadly. "Yep."

Sakura sighed. "That’s horrible, so much time he took away from you." Sakura felt her blood start to boil at the thought of Eriol. He had caused so much pain. "I just can’t believe Eriol did that. I was so sure he wasn’t really trying to hurt anything."

Tomoyo nodded sympathetically. "Why should you have thought that? It’s crazy." She let out a forlorn sigh. "All that time I missed with you and the cards. And Syaoran! Did anything happen?"

Sakura bit her lower lip, thinking over the past week. "Well... Oh! At Mark’s party, you cornered Syaoran and kissed him. How weird is that? You told me that it was his fault, he said it was yours... after watching you for a while, I could tell it must have been you. Then you told Touya I had been out with Syaoran for the couple days we tried to seal the Earthy... heheh.. you made quite a mess Tomoyo."

Tomoyo blushed brightly, shaking her head. "What was I thinking, kissing Li-kun? That’s so embaressing." Her eyes seemed to tear over suddenly. A picture flashed through her mind It was a dark room. She was sitting against the wall crying. Syaoran was walking in, looking startled to find her there. Tomoyo flashed back to reality, feeling pale.

"Are you alright, Tomoyo-chan?"

Tomoyo forced a smile and nodded. Sakura was so happy to have her back. She didn’t want to go depressing her informing her that her memory was flashing back pictures from her other self. She looked down at the ground. "Will anyone recognize me now? For me?"

Sakura nodded reassuringly. "Of course they will! You were the same to all our friends. It was just with Syaoran and I you were different. And that was because Eriol was trying to keep him and me from fighting together. So all I heard for a year was how much I shouldn’t be around him."

Tomoyo giggled in spite of herself. "Me telling you to stay away from Syaoran. How odd..." She looked at the timer. "The cookies are done!"

Chindra got to her feet, looking to the kitchen. Touya came flying down the hall, going straight for the oven. Sakura sprung to her feet and lurched after him. "Onni-chan, those are our cookies!"

He pulled out the pan with oven mits and expertly grabbed a few. "Tough luck, monster." Touya headed out of the kitchen, juggling the hot cookies from hand to hand.

Sakura glared after him, then sighed with content. Tomoyo just smiled with understanding. The phone rang, and Touya casually grabbed it as he walked by. "Moshi moshi?" He answered over his mouthful of cookies.

Sakura continued to shovel the cookies onto a plate, letting Chindra and Tomoyo get ther drinks. She paused as she noticed a quick change in her brother’s mood.

"What’s it to you?" He spat into the phone, an indirect glare across his face. Sakura bit her bottom lip and busied herself with the cookies. She had a feeling she knew who that was. Touya stomped over in annoyance, shoving the phone towards her. "It’s the brat," he announced, then turned and marched away. Sakura smiled at his behavior, then held the phone to her ear.

"Moshi moshi?"

"Hi, it’s me," Syaoran’s voice answered, sounding persecuted. Sakura looked around the corner to make sure her brother wasn’t watching, then allowed herself to respond.

"What’s up?"

Syaoran let out a breath before continuing. "Not much. I was just wondering-" Syaoran stopped as he heard a click on the other line.

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Hang on," she mumbled into the phone, though Syaoran had already seemed to pick up on it. She marched around the hallway to the closest phone. She held the phone away from her mouth. "Onni-chan! Get off the phone!"

Touya appeared in the hall, an innocent look on his face. Sakura glared at him. "Now! Off!"

Touya rolled his eyes and clicked the phone off behind his back, then disappeared back into the room. Sakura sighed and brought the phone back to her ear. "Sorry. At least everything’s back to normal."

"Is he going to do that alot?" Syaoran asked uncomfortably.

Sakura leaned against the hall, watching Chindra and Tomoyo chat over their warm, gooey chocolate chip cookies. Chindra dipped her chocolate loaded cookie into her milk. The cookie soaked up the liquid. Sakura forced herself to pay attention. "No. He better not, anyways."

Syaoran let out another sigh, then continued. "I was just wondering if you would want to go out somewhere... with me..."

Sakura felt her breath quicken. She had never really been on a date before.. Would this count for one? Syaoran probably wanted to ask her what she thought about his little confession. She tensed her fingers around the phone, then forced something out as the silence was becoming deafeningly loud. "I, uh, we’re kind of busy right now... I have Tomoyo over, and we’re all talking about what happened. Everything’s back to normal..."

"That’s good," Syaoran mumbled, not sounding very thrilled at all.

Sakura didn’t want to shut him down like this. What would be the harm of going out for ice cream or something? She had no reason to be scared of him. He was her best friend. He had just helped her return her life back to normal. She owed him everything. "Well, why not tomorrow? We can have the whole day to talk what happened over..."

Syaoran seemed to brighten to this idea. "Yeah, okay... well, I was going to go to school tomorrow."

Sakura hadn’t thought of this. She lowered her voice in case Touya was trying to listen in from his room. "Well.... I could meet you in the morning by the gate, then we could leave and go for breakfast or whatever you want."

"Alright...You won’t get in trouble?"

Sakura looked over at the cookies. "No... not if they don’t find out. What’s another day to a full week of school?"

"Just one more day of homework. Alright. I’ll meet you tomorrow morning, bright and early."

Sakura smiled and nodded though he couldn’t see her. "Okay. Sounds great. See you then."

"Bye."

"Bye."

Sakura set the phone back in its charger, took a breath, then headed over to the cookies. She tried to ignore the inquisitive looks Tomoyo and Chindra were giving her. Tomoyo broke the silence. "I’m here, so that wasn’t me... your family’s all here... it didn’t sound like Meilin.... So you two are talking freely on the phone now!?"

Sakura blushed and gathered the last of the cookies for herself. "I guess so."

Tomoyo was thrilled. "That’s wonderful! Has there... have you guys said anything... important?"

Sakura dipped her cookie into her milk, trying to find a good answer. The only thing that came to mind was, "Let’s watch TV."

"You did, didn’t you!? Are you guys a set pair now?"

Sakura hurried over to the couch. "No, we didn’t really... I mean, he sort of said something, but it was in the middle of this fight, nothing’s really that different than when you left."

Tomoyo shook her head as she sat down next to Sakura. "Not really that different? When I left, it was painful to see you try and carry a conversation on the phone. Now it sounded like you were just setting up a date. Skipping school, no less."

Sakura shook her head. "How do you do it, Tomoyo?"

Tomoyo shrugged. "Maybe I’m meant to be a spy."

___________________

Syaoran set the phone down and slid back against the wall he had been standing near. Now he had to wait out an entire day. Syaoran forced himself to his feet, thinking he would go and eat. Maybe Meilin will want to go out to eat and she can buy me food. That’d be nice. He pursued this thought and walked into the kitchen. Meilin was pouring herself a glass of juice. She eyed the phone in his hand. "Did you just call her or are you going to call?"

Syaoran set the phone on the counter and took the carton of orange juice from her, drinking directly out of it. Meilin glared at him, holding her cup noticeably high. "I called. We’re going out tomorrow."

Meilin frowned. "Tomorrow? Why not today?"

Syaoran shrugged and set the carton back in the fridge. "She’s busy."

Meilin grabbed for the phone on the counter. "Let me talk to her. I’m sure it’s nothing important-"

Syaoran blocked the phone, shaking his head. "Don’t, Meilin. She needs time with her friends. She hasn’t seen them in a year or longer."

Meilin rolled her eyes, then slumped her shoulders in defeat. "Whatever." She headed over to the couch. "You’ve become such a nice guy," she grumbled under her breath. Syaraon glared at her, then walked over to the living room and plopped onto the couch across from Meilin’s.

"I don’t know... if I should even bother bringing that stuff up. Maybe she just needs time. I don’t want her to feel obligated to respond or something, that’d be stupid."

Meilin set her glass down on the coffee table with authority. "No. It’s not stupid. Syaoran, you’ve put all your stock in this girl. It’d be frightening if I wasn’t sure she was in love with you. So you don’t have anything to worry about. Just ask her."

Syaoran sighed and propped his feet on the coffee table. "Sometimes... I’m so sure. Then sometimes, it’s like she’s too scared or something. And right now, I’m not so convinced you’re right. Eriol said some things that are really making me question it..."

Meilin snorted with frustration. "You hate Eriol. Just this morning you were talking about what a ‘lying bastard that Eriol was’."

"I know. But he told me some things that were half true. It just makes me wonder."

Meilin shook her head, then stood up. "Syaoran, get a hold of yourself. You love this girl. You moved out here and totally destroyed your life in Hong Kong for her. There’s no need to get scared about yourself."

Syaoran took his feet off the coffee table. "I know. But then... it just makes me wonder. What would I do if-"

"Stop right there! No ‘what ifs’. Sakura feels the same way for you. You just both need to grow up and be honest with each other. Honestly! Now I’m going out for some chocolate, so you can stay here and wallow in self pity or you can go out into the world and get some solid ground under your feet."

Syaoran sighed, then stood up. "Chocolate sounds good," he admitted reluctantly. Syaoran looked down at his clothing. He had on shorts and a T shirt. Not exactly November friendly weather. "Hang on, I’m going to change."

Syaoran hurried into his room, shutting the door tightly behind him and going straight to his closet. He pulled out a sweatshirt and some jeans, then changed hastily. The phone rang while he was pulling the sweatshirt over his head. He hurried to his door and made his way into the kitchen, flatten the static out of his hair. He looked hopefully at Meilin. She held out the phone for him.

Syaoran tried not to let his hopes up, though he really wouldn’t mind hearing Sakura wanted to go out that very second. "Yeah?"

"Hi, Li-san. I was just wanting to let you know, your horses are being shipped out there in a matter of days."

Syaoran tried not to let himself get too down. Raion and Iata would be there. That was a good thing. "Yeah, that’s great. Thanks so much for your help, I just really didn’t want the Elders getting their hands on them."

"Oh, I understand. It wasn’t a problem. I think they ship out in four days. I’ll call you with the arrival date later, I just wanted to make sure everything was ready for them out there."

"Yeah, whenever is fine. Thanks alot."

"No problem, bye."

"Bye," Syaoran clicked the phone off, then looked up at Meilin. "Raion and Iata are going to get here soon. Moondust won’t be alone anymore."

Meilin smiled at the thought. "Except... you’re putting a stallion and a mare in the same pasture? Are you just going to let life run its course?"

Syaoran hadn’t put much thought to that. "Well... I guess it wouldn’t be so bad to have a colt out there. Moondust would take good care of it. Anyways, I think I’m going out there instead of the chocolate run. Fix up the other stalls."

Meilin sighed, then reluctantly headed to her room. "Let me change." She grabbed the phone on her way by and disappeared down the hall. Syaoran walked over to the door and paced with boredom.

Meilin shut her door tightly, then brought the phone up to her ear. She paused a moment to make sure Syaoran wasn’t coming after her, then pressed the phone on and dialed Sakura’s number. It rang three times, then Sakura’s overly enthusiastic voice answered.

"Hey. It’s Meilin. Listen, Syaoran and I are heading over to Moondust’s and we were wondering if you wanted to come along."

"Oh... uh, Tomoyo and Chindra are here."

Meilin smiled. "You can all come. You guys can fill us nonmagicians in on what happened and we can check out poor lonely Moondust."

"Oh... alright. That sounds good. You want to meet over there or at a bus stop or what?"

Meilin grinned devilishly. "Over there. Wait about fifteen minutes before going over, we have to change and stuff."

"That’s fine. We have to too."

"Great. Well, we’ll see you there."

"Okay, bye."

Meilin clicked the phone off, shaking her head in amazement of herself. She grabbed a sweatshirt and threw the phone on her bed, then headed back into the livingroom. She just smiled at the suspicious look Syaoran was giving her and marched her way over to the door. "Well, let’s go."

Syaoran knew Meilin had just conspired something, but he didn’t put any thought to it. He had forgotten about Moondust. The poor horse was probably bored out of her mind throughout their long absence. He followed Meilin down the stairs, glancing over at the lobby pizza place. No one there. He stepped out into the chilly air, looking around the parkinglot. She wasn’t there either.

"Syaoran, do you have any idea how much you’ve changed?" Meilin asked, watching her cousin practically prance across the lot.

Syaoran gave her a glare, then continued looking ahead of him.

"Really. Being around Kinomoto was so good for you. She deserves an award or something." At Syaoran’s raised eyebrows, Meilin continued. "No, really. When we got here, the very first time, you hated her. You thought she was so weak. She couldn’t do powerful magic or good physical fights. But you hung around, compelled by her, and began to believe there was something valuable in love and compassion. Then we left. Then you came back. You started to actually make friends out here. Not like the ones in Hong Kong, you made real friends. You actually had a desire to help other people instead of yourself. And now you’re able to deal with these horrible tragedies... I don’t know what you see in her, but whatever it is, it’s done wonders for you."

Syaoran sighed, watching his breath puff out into the air. After a minute of silence, he decided Meilin was right. "Yeah."

Meilin smiled in no particular direction, her amber eyes sparkling. Now I can watch how they act around each other today. Syaoran’s going to hate it. It’ll be so uncomfortable... I hope Tomoyo brings her camera. They continued to the bus stop silently, boarding towards the front. Meilin looked out the window at the passing landscape. Tomoeda was so peaceful. The bus drove by Penguin Park. She smiled as she looked out at it, memories flooding back at once. She glanced at Syaoran. His eyes were staring at the seat in front of him. He was thinking about Sakura. Meilin looked back out the window, throwing her long black hair over her shoulders. She sighed. Sakura has no idea how lucky she is. She’s got like... the perfect guy and she’s totally oblivious. Life’s so cruel. She watched people board the bus at another stop. Mostly adults. She looked back outside, letting her thoughts drift to eligible boys in the clan at Hong Kong.

The bus finally reached the desolate road of their stop. Meilin and Syaoran were the only people on the bus by the time their stop came. They both sidled down the aisle and hopped off the bus. Meilin shivered as the bus drove away, pulling her coat tighter. "I didn’t know it was so cold already."

Syaoran mentally agreed but showed no physical signs. He crossed the ditch in the road and ducked under the fence. Syaoran looked as far into the pasture as he could, but the white horse wasn’t around. He fell back beside Meilin and walked towards the barn.

"You guys missed alot of school. You’re going to have some pile of make up work."

Syaoran shrugged. "I try not to think about it."

Meilin shook her head and smiled. "Speaking of... I need to get back to Hong Kong soon. I guess I didn’t really serve my purpose here."

Syaoran frowned. "What was it? Get me to come back home?"

Meilin shook her head. "Not really... well, I guess sort of. Your sisters were just so furious with you, but they were worried... They wanted me to come and make sure you weren’t going to commit suicide or anything."

Syaoran sighed. "I almost did die, once..." He remembered when he had come back from Hong Kong just after his mother’s death. He had been so depressed. He had gone to ‘help’ Sakura seal her cards, fought horribly, and almost lost his life to the Sword. Only Sakura tackling him down had kept him alive.

Meilin stared at her cousin. "And..."

Syaoran shrugged. "That’s it. Sakura saved me. I didn’t care if I died, but she did."

"You tried to kill yourself?" Meilin blurted out in shock.

"No. Not really. I was fighting the Sword card and it disarmed me... everything went insane for a second. It was about to nail me and Sakura pushed me down."

Meilin frowned with wonder. "Ah..."

The barn appeared just over the hill. They both broke into a jog and opened the large door, glad to get out of the wind. Syaoran found the lightswitch on the wall. The light didn’t come on. He sighed. "I think I have some spare bulbs from the last time this happened..." Syaoran went to the dark back of the barn and searched through some bags. He finally found the one last bulb.

"Wow, this stall needs some work," Meilin commented, picking up the loose boards to the far side of it.

"Yeah," Syaoran agreed as he climbed up the ladder to the hayloft. "When Moondust first came out here she was a little nervous and kicked a few things around."

Meilin eyed the destroyed wall seperating the last two stalls. "I’d say..."

Syaoran unscrewed the bad bulb and screwed the right one in. The barn became lit once more. He walked over to the dusty, cobwebbed radio sitting on a stack of hay and turned it on. Static boomed through the air. He switched it over to a rock station.

"Hey, look at this, Syaoran."

Syaoran felt energetic, so he flipped onto one of the rafters and hung down by his legs. "What?" He asked, watching Meilin from upsidedown.

If she found it strange, she didn’t show it. "This bucket. I think I bought this when we were like... seven or something. I bought it for Iata for a birthday present or something."

Syaoran eyed the bucket upsidedown. "Oh yeah, I think-"

"Hi Meilin!" Sakura announced cheerfully, entering the barn and pulling her coat tighter. "I had no idea it was so cold outside."

Syaoran stared at Sakura for a moment, gawking. Why was she here? He quickly realized how stupid he must look hanging upsidedown. She hadn’t noticed him yet. Maybe if he moved really quick, she wouldn’t even see him. "Hey guys," Meilin responded, nonchalantly reaching up and yanking Syaoran’s arm, sending him tumbling down into the dirt and hay of the stall. Dust flew up everywhere at the sound of ‘oof’.

Tomoyo grinned as she followed Syaoran’s tumbling with her camera. She had noticed his mouth wide open gawk the second she came through the doorway and brought up the camera. That would be great to show Sakura later on. "Hi, Li-kun," she laughed.

Sakura bit her lip to keep from laughing and decided to avoid the stall Meilin and Syaoran were in for a second. He couldn’t be very happy about that. Chindra looked around the barn, then shivered. Sakura smiled at her sympathetically.

"At least it not so bad as wind outside," Chindra shrugged.

Sakura nodded in agreement. She dared to approach Meilin and Syaoran. Syaoran was dusting off his clothes with a perturbed expression. Sakura decided she was glad not to be Meilin at the moment. "So have you seen Moondust yet?" She asked, her eyes on Syaoran.

Syaoran looked determined not to answer, involving himself with his hay covered coat. Meilin sighed loudly and shook her head. "No, we just got here a little while ago. We were looking at the sad shape these stalls are in."

Sakura nodded. "Oh."

They all stood there, looking around in silence for a moment. Tomoyo finally broke the silence. "Well... it’s wonderful to see you guys again."

Meilin exited the stall, nodding with understanding. "Syaoran told me about the whole replacement thing. That’s pretty terrible. Do you remember any of it?"

Tomoyo shook her head. "Just nothingness. I only remember realizing it must be one of Sakura’s cards doing. It was really a horrible thing." She looked shyly at Syaoran, who was still staying silent. He had finished with the dust and hay, and was now staring around the room giving the distinct impression he had been betrayed. "Sakura-chan told me some of the things the other me did while I was gone. I’m incredibly sorry, Li-kun."

Syaoran looked up, looking at Tomoyo. It definitely was the real her. There wasn’t anything deceptive about her. But it was still weird. He didn’t know if he could get used to her again. "Oh, it’s okay."

Meilin stepped in. "Well Syaoran was thinking he was going to go ride Moondust and it would only make sense for Sakura to go too, since, you know, he gave her to her. So if you guys don’t mind, we can get to work on some of these boards."

Syaoran didn’t try to hide his direct glare at Meilin. She ignored him. He continued to glare. This was what she had been planning. She just couldn’t leave things alone. I shouldn’t have told her anything. But still... Syaoran glanced at Sakura. She looked lost in her oversized coat. It looked like one of Touya’s old ones. She stood watching Tomoyo and Meilin talk with a pleasant smile on her face. Syaoran sighed, took a deep breath to refill his lungs, and marched past her out of the barn.

Sakura glanced over her shoulder as Syaoran disappeared outside, then looked back to where Chindra, Tomoyo, and Meilin were gathering. She stepped over towards them. Meilin spoke up immediately. "Kinomoto-san, get outside! Moondust isn’t going to wait forever!"

Sakura stopped and sighed. She reluctantly turned around. Syaoran was almost out of view. Maybe I can just go outside and walk around on my own. Sakura headed outside, unconsciously walking the path Syaoran had taken. Meilin is always pushing us into these weird situations. He must have told her everything that happened. Now they’re ganging up on me or something. Trying to make me feel bad. Get me to talk. That’s not very cool. Not very cool at all. Sakura found herself getting slightly annoyed with her friends. She headed after Syaoran more quickly, deciding she was going to retaliate somehow. How she did not know.

Syaoran could see Sakura out of the corner of his eye. She hadn’t wanted to follow him. He couldn’t blame her. Meilin was probably making her feel horribly uncomfortable. He decided to try and help her out. Syaoran turned and faced her. She paused in her walking, then continued as she saw he was waiting for her.

"I’m sorry," He said once she was in hearing range. She slowed to a stop in front of him. "Meilin did it all behind my back. She’s always doing this stuff."

Sakura smiled, agreeing. Meilin did have a habit of it. "It’s okay."

"Just don’t let her make you feel uncomfortable. Ignore her if you have to. That’s what I do." Syaoran continued into his walk, glad to see Sakura walk beside him. He could see Moondust in the far corner of the pasture. She hadn’t noticed them yet.

"I don’t really want to ride, but I’ll watch you." Sakura could see Moondust in the distance. Her pure white body stood out in the dull, deep fall setting.

Syaoran shrugged. "I wasn’t going to either. But uh, my Uncle is shipping my other horses out here. I was coming out to fix up the stalls."

"Raion and Iata?"

"Yeah," Syaoran was impressed with Sakura’s good memory.

"I never heard about your Uncle. What’s he like?"

Syaoran shrugged. "I don’t really know. He stayed out of our family’s business. Really, all of our indirect family stayed out of the clan’s business. I can’t blame them really. I only heard from my Uncle after... well, after my parent’s deaths."

Sakura frowned at the ground. It wasn’t getting any easier to think about that. How horrible to lose them both. She looked up at Syaoran, opening her mouth to say something consoling. Syaoran must have sensed it.

"It’s alright." Syaoran stopped and faced Sakura, managing a weak smile. "You’ve done more for me than I could ever ask. Don’t feel like you have to say something to cheer me up every time I talk about them."

Sakura looked into his eyes for a second before nodded. "Okay." They continued walking once more, Moondust getting very close.

"You know, Meilin was just talking about the reason she came back after me this last time. My sisters wanted to make sure I didn’t go off the deep end. I had almost blocked it out of my memory. You saved me from that sword. I could be dead right now, too."

Sakura glanced at him to decide whether he was being grateful or not. He was. She smiled and shook her head. "Syaoran, I’ve lost count of the times you’ve saved me from certain death."

Syaoran let a short breath escape for a laugh, then slowed as Moondust took off towards them. She came whinnying up, her head up in the air, stopping in front of them. Syaoran grinned and patted her on the neck. Her eyes seemed to twinkle with happiness. "Do you still not want to ride?" Syaoran asked.

Sakura looked at Moondust, then at Syaoran. "No. I guess it wouldn’t be too bad."

Syaoran wordlessly hopped onto Moondust, then trotted her over to a fallen log. "You think this is tall enough?" He called to Sakura, who made her way over.

Sakura nodded. "Yeah." She hurried over, stepped on the log, then carefully jumped on. She about fell off due to her trying to keep space between her and Syaoran. She gave up with a laugh and let herself sink down against him. She took in a deep breath of air before leaning her head against his back. I must be the luckiest girl in the world. "You know, most girls would kill to ride with a guy so skilled."

Syaoran stretched his arms out, then brought them back to fiddle with Moondust’s mane. "Most girls wouldn’t go near a horse because of the dirt involved."

Sakura laughed at that thought. It was true. "Well... I guess." She leaned back, bracing herself with her hands behind her. "Why do we do this every time we see each other?"

"Do what?"

"Like... There’s always this big gap of awkwardness when we first meet. It takes us forever to talk like normal human beings."

Syaoran grinned. Sakura had a way of speaking what was on his mind. "I think we’re just being immature. We don’t have to do it. We can make ourselves change, you know?"

"Easy to say now. But just wait, tomorrow it’ll be like fifteen minutes ago all over again."

Syaoran decided not to respond. They walked silently for a while before Syaoran got bored. "Hold on."

Sakura barely registered his words before they were in a smooth canter. She clung to him for her life before she slowly found her balance. And just as she did, he had Moondust go faster. Only when the fence was getting really close and the barn very visible did he bother to slow down. Sakura let out shakey breaths as they returned down to a walk. Tomoyo was out with her camera taping. This was embaressing. Sakura wished she could see Syaoran’s expression. He stopped Moondust in front of the gate. Moondust snorted her breath into the air, sending rhythmic puffs of vapor floating into the sky. Sakura looked back to Tomoyo, giving her an embaressed smile. Tomoyo only gave her a thumbs up.

"You have to get off before I can," Syaoran said, speaking over the shoulder not facing the barn.

Sakura ignored the tingle she got from feeling his breath breeze across her face and jumped down. Her knees ached, but she took it like a trooper. Syaoran jumped down, then patted Moondust on the neck. She waited expectedly for some grain. Syaoran led her to the gate. Sakura walked around and unlatched it for him, then walked with Tomoyo behind them back into the barn.

"You guys are so CUTE!" Tomoyo whispered loudly, looking over the footage she had just gotten. "I can’t believe I missed any of this!"

Sakura sighed warily. "It’s still so awkward," Sakura whispered back, watching Syaoran lead Moondust into her stall. She turned right around to the doorway, looking for food.

Tomoyo smiled at Sakura, then watched her walk over to Syaoran and help him with the hay. They were so different then when she had left. And she had missed it all. A vivid picture flew through her mind. She was standing next to someone, watching Sakura and Syaoran from a distance. They were standing staring with determination back at her. She looked to her right. Bright blue eyes sparkled as he smiled back at her. Tomoyo blinked and it was gone. She shook her head for a second, then hurried over to film the hay fight Meilin had started. Syaoran had tried to sneak out of it but had been tackled down by his cousin, rubbing hay in his hair. He looked pretty upset.

"Meilin, you try one more thing and-" Syaoran stood up, raking the hay out of his hair, his eyes burning hot.

Meilin teasingly tossed a handful of grain at him. Moondust saw the precious gold flying through the air and decided to push her unlatched stall door open, heading straight for Meilin. She looked at Moondust questioningly. The horse continued around her to the bin of horse feed. Syaoran rolled his eyes and marched past Meilin, trying to right the situation. Sakura was already there, encouraging Moondust to go back to her stall. Syaoran gave Sakura a weak smile and pulled the horse around, making sure to glare at Meilin on the way by.

"The horse is so beautiful," Chindra commented, watching Moondust closely.

Sakura nodded, following Moondust to her stall. "I know. She’s like something out of the movies. And I hardly ever brush her or anything..."

Syaoran latched the stall door, then patted Moondust through the slots. He gave in, walked over to the bin, and scooped her out some grain. Moondust rushed happily to her bucket. Sakura smiled as she watched the predictable horse.

"Well," Meilin announced proudly, "I’ve nailed up one side of this stall. It’d sure be nice to have some help, Syaoran."

Syaoran looked up from the horse to where Meilin stood, hands on her hips. He sighed and trudged over. Her side didn’t look very sturdy. But it wouldn’t matter. Iata wouldn’t be inside much, and if he was, he wouldn’t kick at the walls. Syaoran picked up the hammer and nails from the ground, then looked around for the boards. They were strewn about everywhere. He collected them, made a pile, then began hammering away.

Chindra walked over to where Meilin stood and watched. "He does want any help?"

Meilin looked confused for a second, then shook her head. "He’ll do it on his own faster than we could do combined."

Chindra nodded, mouthing, "Oh."

Syaoran hammered in a few boards, then stood up, evaluating the side he had fixed. It looked decent. That was all he could ask for. Syaoran breifly thought of his sisters. He wondered what they thought of his request to ship the horses to Japan. They must realize he was staying here for good. They hadn’t called to show any concern.

"Well, I guess that’s it," Meilin said, interrupting Tomoyo and Sakura’s discussion of Shiro Ame and the concert they had attended.

Sakura looked up and smiled, making Syaoran saw it. "Well thanks for inviting us. You sure you don’t need any help?"

Syaoran shook his head. "No, you guys can go ahead and leave. We’ll see you later."

Sakura grinned at the thought of tomorrow morning, then nodded and turned to the open barn door. "Bye."

Tomoyo and Chindra said their byes and they were on their way to the bus. It wasn’t till they were halfway to to the road that Tomoyo spoke. "So..."

Sakura glanced at Tomoyo, then looked towards the road. "So..."

"You guys have grown up so much! And I’ve missed it!" Tomoyo had a soft expression, as if fighting off something deeper. Sakura looked down at the ground, not letting her own embaressment get in the way of her friend’s feelings.

Sakura felt her sympathy turn into fuel into the fire against Eriol. "I can’t believe he did something so cruel. I always thought.... I don’t know, in some roundabout way, the you guys might sort of... get together or something."

Tomoyo blushed, shaking her head. Some part of her almost agreed with Sakura’s words. That was crazy. "I can’t be with him. He’s cruel, simply... evil."

Chindra nodded in agreement. "Clow Reed could not feel real compassion. No one touch that man’s heart. It is ice."

Sakura ducked under the fence to the road, sighing. "It’s just so unfair, Tomoyo. Why you? You didn’t deserve any of it!"
Tomoyo shook her head at her friend’s building anger. "Don’t worry, Sakura-chan. What we need to remember is you fixed everything! I’m here now, catching up on everything. Your job is to tell me every little thing you know I’d want to hear."

Sakura watched Tomoyo as they stood at the side of the road for the bus. She was always so hopeful, so optimistic. Amazing. Sakura forced a smile in return. "Okay. I hope you won’t be upset if I leave some stuff out on accident."

Tomoyo grinned. "Terribly upset."

Sakura rolled her eyes, then turned to Chindra. "Well... we started hanging out alot, about the time you went weird."

Tomoyo nodded, then looked down the road. A bus was coming their way.

"For my birthday you got me and Chindra Shiro Ame tickets. We all went to the concert. It was delayed because Komai was sick. I was all upset because I didn’t think they’d have one... but they had it the next day, so we stayed the night in Tokyo with Touya and some of his friends. We went to the concert as early as the gates opened and found a place on stage..." Sakura paused as the bus roared loudly in front of them. She followed Tomoyo onto the bus, then continued with Chindra listening from the seat behind them.

"So we were at the concert. You illegally taped it, so you can watch it later. But anyways..." Sakura felt some anger start to surge up. "Syaoran," She said his name with such bitterness, "had somehow managed to get mixed up with the band on his way to seal some cards... he SUBSTITUTED for Komai. No one said anything. They changed him all around so he looked exactly like Komai. He could play guitar! Really well. I mean, honestly, who knew!"

Tomoyo had a look of shock on her face. Sakura didn’t know it was because she had a flash of the concert. She could see Keroberus in the shadows, sending out the Voice and the Song cards. Syaoran was already on stage, taking the lights out and tackling the cards before any damage could be done. "O...oh... really? Syaoran a rockstar?"

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Hardly. But anyways... at the concert, he pulled me on stage. I looked like a complete idiot. I thought it was Komai and I was about to have a heart attack. He wasn’t acting like Syaoran at all. Not one bit."

Tomoyo laughed. "What a story! How did you find out it was Syaoran? Did he tell you?"

Sakura shook her head, checking to see what stop they were at. "No. He would’ve just left it this huge secret. But you have a recording studio now, Tomoyo. Shiro Ame was in the neighborhood and decided to stop by and record an album. Syaoran just happened to come and help out, shocking me that he could play guitar. But even then, when he was playing and singing next to Komai, I didn’t bother to compare them. It was only that by chance I happened to forget my coat and accidently overhear them talking about the incident. I got really mad at Syaoran. I tried to make him jealous by bringing Mark back to your studio the next day."

"Tsk..." Tomoyo shook her head. Sakura smiled and stood up as the bus slowed to their stop.

"I was so mad! But of course that led into a great big catastrophe."

Tomoyo headed down the aisle, Sakura and Chindra following.

"Anyways, this is all out of order. Oh! I went to Hyrule. Like in the video game. In Zelda. First Link was here, and him and Syaoran really didn’t get along. It was like the blonde haired sword vs the brown haired one."

Tomoyo shook her head, laughing for good sport. They walked down the sidewalk towards her house. "Li-kun probably felt threatened. It was good male competition for his lady in waiting."

Sakura blushed and shook her head. "Whatever. But anyways, Meilin somehow got magic from the bad guy from Zelda and accidentally sent us into the video game. So Syaoran and I were inside the game for a while, till Link helped us out."

Tomoyo froze. She remembered a picture of a dragon. She had drawn Syaoran and Sakura by it. "Li-kun killed a dragon while he was there, didn’t he?"

Sakura raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Y-yeah. How did you know?"

"I...I remember drawing a picture about it."

"You remember?"
Tomoyo bit her bottom lip for a moment, then shrugged and continued walking down the sidewalk. "Just like a flash of it."

Sakura frowned, wondering about that for a second. Is she going to have flashbacks of everything she did? While she was her other self? They slowed as they came to the gates in front of Tomoyo’s drive. Tomoyo smiled warmly at Sakura and Chindra. "Well I am going to have dinner with my mother in the first time in years. You’ll call me if anything important happens? Magic or not?"

Sakura smiled and nodded quickly. "Of course."

Tomoyo nodded with approval, then continued through the small opening in the gates. She walked down the driveway, looking so lonely. Sakura sighed. Eriol hadn’t ruined her life alone. He had ruined her best friend’s. And Chindra. Syaoran’s life wasn’t exactly made easy by him. My father and brother are so confused... She turned and began walking to her house, Chindra walking quietly alongside.

"It makes me so mad... that he would be so careless about your lives. He took so much time away from you."

Chindra nodded, fingering the necklace Sakura had forced her to take back. The crystal seemed so lifeless now. "We look forward now. Continue where left off."

Sakura sighed and nodded. "You’re right. I’d just rather sit around and complain about how unfair he is." She laughed at herself, glad to see Chindra laughing too. "Well... I hope Otto-san cooked dinner tonight. I could eat everything on the planet right now."

Chindra laughed and nodded. They turned onto Sakura’s driveway and hopped up the steps to the porch. Sakura opened the front door and let them in. A warm, cooking smell greeted them. Sakura laughed as she saw her father turn from the oven, a welcoming look on his face. "Hi Otto-san!"

He returned the smile, looking a little confused why she was so happy. "Hi, Sakura-chan, Chindra-san. Did you two have a good time visiting that horse?"

Chindra nodded, letting Sakura answer. "It was wonderful."

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

"She’s hopelessly in love with you," Meilin finally said, plopping down onto the couch. She had been waiting to say it the whole way home. Syaoran had been sitting silently beside her, waiting her to blurt out her uninformative advice.

Syaoran walked to the fridge, holding in a smile. Deep down, he almost agreed. Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to bring up his feelings tomorrow morning. He had just shouted it out in battle, just to get Sakura to trust him. Maybe she wasn’t sure if he really meant it or not. It was definitely a heat of the moment kind of thing. But he had meant it. So he would explain that to her. Syaoran pulled out the orange juice carton that was almost out and finished it off.

Meilin stood up and watched him. "Well. What are you going to do?"

Syaoran tossed the carton into the trash can. "I’m going to cook dinner. Then I’m going watch television or something mindless. Then I’m going to get a good night’s rest. Then I’m going to wake up and go to school."

Meilin glared at him. "I thought you were going to talk to Sakura tomorrow!" She tossed an unknown article of something at him.

Syaoran dodged it, then finally allowed himself to smile. "She’s meeting me at school."

Meilin rolled her eyes, then made her way to the kitchen. "Very funny...." Meilin opened the pantry and looked at the food stocking it. Practically half the shelves were stocked with different types of Ramen. She sighed and glanced at Syaoran. He was turning on a boiler. "What are you making?"

Syaoran pushed past her. "Oh, I was thinking... I don’t know... Ramen."

Meilin sighed and ripped the package out of his hand. "Syaoran that’s all you ever eat. You’re going to lose your figure to this unbalanced diet."

Syaoran glared at her for a second, then continued to the couch, grabbing the remote. He was more than okay with Meilin cooking him dinner. He yawned and stretched out his legs, changing the channels unhappily. There was never anything on television worth watching. He finally stopped at Gozilla vs King Kong and watched mindlessly.

__________________

Tomoyo knelt in front of her television, looking at the tape’s lable. It said ‘concert-unedited’. It had been at the bottom of the box of movies in her editting room. She hesitantly brought it to the TV, pushing it into the VCR. The TV flashed to life. A picture of the concert came up, lousy sound blaring through the speakers. She turned it down. There was Sakura and Chindra next to her. They both looked dressed up. She guessed it had been her other selve’s doing.

Komai came on stage. She watched him closely. Of course it was Syaoran. She smiled. Sakura could be so oblivious sometimes. He was good at disguising himself, she had to admit. He suddenly had learned how to smile. Smile, wink, sign autographs, and be enthusiastic about other people’s happiness. Tomoyo laughed. This was just too funny. She saw him hold out his hand. Tomoyo guessed the shot was so horrible because she had been hiding her camera in her pocket to keep from getting in trouble. Sakura was staring at Syaoran was a dumbstruck look on her face. Tomoyo giggled again.

Syaoran finally yanked Sakura up on stage. She looked like she was about to fall down. He caught her. They spoke some unintelligible words, then Syaoran gave Sakura his ‘autograph’. Sakura jumped down. She gave the camera a look of pure shock. A few moments later, the lights went out. Tomoyo had turned on the night vision. She could see Syaoran call out his sword. And there, in the corner of backstage, was Keroberus, sending out the cards. Syaoran sealed them fast before anyone wondered what was going on. The lights came back on, the tape returned to normal. The concert came to a close, Syaoran showing some impressive singing abilities. Tomoyo shook her head. Who knew. She would have to force him to sing a duet with Sakura-chan someday. It’d be adorable.
The tape went black. Tomoyo reached down to push out the tape. Sound started again. She looked up at the screen. The camera shook several times, the screen showing indistinguishable parts. She saw hands come away from the camera. She had been setting it up somewhere. She hurried away from the camera. She was hurrying over to someone sitting in a chair, hard at work on something. There was a book spread out in front of him. It was Eriol

He looked up, his eyes softening on Tomoyo. He glanced over at the camera, then at her. She was settling herself on the armrest of his chair, eyeing the book. He gave her a weak smile. "I don’t really have time, Tomoyo..."

Tomoyo shook her head, her hand behind her back. She brought it in front of him, revealing a box. "Everyone has time for their birthday. It’s not much, but it can be put to good use."

Eriol sighed, leaned back in his chair, and took the small box from her hands. He took the ribbon off of it and pulled it open. There was a pen inside, decorated with suns and moons. Tomoyo smiled at him. "Your work would go ten times faster if you used a pen that didn’t run out of ink every minute."

Eriol gave in to a real, genuine smile. He picked up the pen he had been using and handed it to her. "Tomoyo love, would you do me the honor of disposing this pen?"

She smiled and kissed him, taking the pen from him in the process. She stood up, giving him one last smile. "Happy birthday, Eriol."

His smile slowly faded. He was working to keep it up now. Something worried him. "Thank you."

Tomoyo walked out of the picture, then returned in front of the camera, shutting it off.

Tomoyo sat trembling. The TV was playing blue. She forced her shaking right hand to the VCR and pressed stop. Her cheeks were wet. Had she been crying? Tomoyo stared at the empty TV for a few moments. I didn’t want to forget... She rubbed the tears from her eyes and pulled the tape out of the VCR. She walked over to the trash can. She held the tape over it. She stood there for a moment. She couldn’t do it. It had been important enough to tape. Why throw it out now? Tomoyo headed back to her editting room with defeat. She dropped the tape in with the rest in a big box, then headed to her room.

How could he be so cruel, uncompassionate, cold...Tomoyo opened the door to her room and shut it behind her, leaving the light off. Her room was dark. She walked to her bed and collapsed into it, feeling as if she had just run a marathon. She needed to get some rest. Maybe she could figure more of it out in the morning.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Sakura squinted her eyes open. Something loud and obnoxious had awoken her from her dream. She had been sitting by a lake with Syaoran... Syaoran! Sakura jumped up from her bed, looking wide-eyed at the clock. It was still an hour before she had to meet him. She let her body relax. The obnoxious noise kept ringing. Ringing.

Sakura hurried to her nightstand, pulling her cell phone off of it’s charger. "Moshi moshi?"

"S-...Sakura?" A shakey voice said on the other side.

Sakura frowned. "Tomoyo-chan, what’s wrong?"
There was a big sigh on the other line. "I... I don’t know. Could we meet somewhere? It would do me good to see some familiar faces."

"Uh... yeah. Yeah, okay. Where at?"

Tomoyo sniffed, proving she had been crying. "I’ll just start walking towards your house and you walk towards mine."

"Okay. I’ll leave right away."

"Thanks. Bye."

"Bye." Sakura hung up the phone and dropped it to her side, in thought. What could have happened? Maybe she’s upset because she watched those tapes and they’re showing her everything she missed. Sakura decided that it must be it. She walked to her closet and found a sweatshirt to put over her tank top. She went back to her bed to search for the socks she had kicked off sometime in her sleep.

"Where angel-chan sail to this morning?" Bob awoke, flying around the room.

Sakura looked to Kero’s empty drawer. She refused to think of him. "To help a friend," she answered quietly, hopping on one foot while pulling the sock onto the other.

Bob almost followed her out of her room. She shut the door and headed down the stairs quickly. She grabbed some shoes, then Touya’s old coat she had stolen. She opened the side door as quietly as possibly, then shut it, shivering as she entered the cold air.

These pants are freezing! Sakura looked down at the pathetic cotton she was expecting to shield her legs from the freezing temperatures. She ignored the feeling and continued purposefully down the sidewalk. She turned the corner and could see Tomoyo far in the distance. She was walking with her head down. Sakura quickened her pace, pulling the coat even tighter around her. She realized she was still holding her phone, and shoved it into her pocket.

The gap between them slowly closed. Tomoyo was walking with her long hair hiding her face. She had her arms crossed to keep in the heat. She looked totally pathetic. Sakura slowed to a stop in front of her. Tomoyo looked up, her eyes red. Sakura had never seen her friend cry like this before. "Tomoyo, what-"

Tomoyo cut her off, hugging Sakura like it was the last thing in the world she would ever do. Sakura waited patiently, dying to know what the trouble was. Tomoyo finally stepped back, swatting at the tears in her eyes. Sakura could feel her own eyes water as she watched her friend. She tried to look another direction.

"I was having the most horrible dreams, Sakura-chan. I was remembering all kinds of things the other me did. It was terrible! Keroberus was against you, and we were working together with the cards to do whatever Eriol wanted us to do... I hate remembering it! It wasn’t me!"

Sakura patted Tomoyo’s shoulder consolingly. "Tomoyo-chan, I’m so sorry. He had no right to do that to you." She felt her voice start to faulter. She couldn’t let herself cry. She had to be the strong one here.

Tomoyo shook her head, tears starting to fall out of her dry, irritated eyes. "Sakura, I don’t know what to do! Part of me almost..."

Sakura watched Tomoyo closely. She had stopped talking abruptly, her face paling. Sakura didn’t know what to do either. "Tomoyo, I don’t think there’s anything we can do."

Tomoyo looked down the sidewalk. The town wasn’t awake yet. She started walking, willing Sakura to walk with her. She couldn’t say it. The thing that scared her the most. Part of her missed it. Part of her missed the power and acceptance. It hadn’t even been her. How could she miss something she didn’t know? "L-last night, I found this tape. It was of the concert. But after that, I had taped Eriol’s birthday. I was giving him a pen because his didn’t work very well. That scares me, Sakura-chan. Part of me doesn’t want to forget."

Sakura frowned. That was a little disturbing. She eyed her friend. She was truly terrified. Terrified of herself, no less. Sakura bit her lip hard, stinging tears threatening their way to the corners of her eyes. "It’s not fair."

"Sakura-chan, how can you forgive me for all the horrible things I did and said?" Tomoyo looked earnestly at Sakura, her eyes shining.

"Easily, Tomoyo-chan. That wasn’t you. That wasn’t you at all. This is you Tomoyo. You, my best friend. That was someone Eriol had brainwashed or controlled or replaced or whatever he wanted to call it. They’re two very different people."

Tomoyo bit her lip, looking at the sidewalk silently. We’re more alike than you think. She looked up at her friend. She was convinced she was out of danger. She had fought her heart out. She had won. Tomoyo didn’t need to bother her or scare her like this. Sakura-chan was finally on her way to being happy. The inward conflict Tomoyo was facing was hers alone. She let out a shakey breath.

Sakura could see Tomoyo was having a hard time forgiving herself. "Let’s just talk a walk. Are you hungry?"

Tomoyo shook her head, forcing a weak smile.

"Well... let’s go to the park. We can check out all our old stomping ground."

Tomoyo seemed to brighten a little. Territory she knew. She had been there. She had seen it and felt it with a clear mind. "That sounds nice."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Syaoran tapped his fingers nervously on the counter, staring off into space. He had meant to do something, now what was it? Meilin walked in from the bathroom, rubbing her eyes sleepily.

"You got up early enough, honestly..." Meilin walked to the fridge and began making herself a bowl of cereal.

Syaoran paused to glare at her, then went back to thinking frantically. He had to leave in five minutes if he wanted to be ten minutes early. He brought his nails up to his mouth, chewing on them unconsciously. He had repeatedly told himself the night before, don’t forget....____.

Meilin shook her head. "If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were going to propose."

"Flowers," Syaoran exclaimed aloud. "Do you think I should buy flowers?"

Meilin stared wide-eyed at her cousin. He was asking her if he should buy flowers. For a girl. He waited impatiently for a response. "Uh.... I wouldn’t.... not really... I mean, maybe it would freak Kinomoto out. Some girls are intimidated by flowers."

Syaoran frowned. "How can flowers be intimidating? They’re... pretty plants that smell good."

"Well, uh... she’ll see you’re going in for the kill. Straight business. There’s no avoiding emotions when flowers are involved."

Syaoran shook his head. "I thought flowers were nice. Like... a nice surprise... Why...?"

Meilin kept herself from laughing and tried to find a way to explain it. "It’s like, bringing flowers makes it officially a date. Which makes you officially involved. Which means you assumed she wanted to be involved. Now you and Kinomoto are so strange and different than your average teenage couple, and I don’t know how that would fly."

"So.... you’re saying flowers are too serious?"

Meilin nodded. "Basically. She might be scared you’re assuming she feels for you. That would be defeating the whole purpose of the day. To ask how she feels for you. Much more sensible, no guessing games, no flowers, no worrying about what kind she’d like and stuff."

Syaoran nodded slowly, chewing on his pointer finger’s nail thoughtfully. He glanced at the clock. He had wasted six minutes. Now he would have to run extra fast to make better time. "I don’t have time for this Meilin. I’ll see you later." Syaoran rushed out the door, feeling more nervous than he ever had in his life. Why do flowers have to have connotations? I was just trying to be nice. All these dumb relationship things and their hidden meanings... Syaoran rushed out into the parking lot, walking briskly. He could feel all of his muscles tense.

I need to relax. She either does or she doesn’t. There’s no need to get so worked up about it. Syaoran watched a bird fly dangerously close to his head. It swooped down once more, finally catching the bug it was after. Syaoran stared back into space. Except... I did ruin my entire life assuming she would answer in a certain way. I have nothing to go back to and no other hope except that she says what I think she will.

Syaoran looked down at his watch. He had miscalculated. He was going to be about thirteen minutes early. Great. More time to wait anxious and worried. Syaoran could see the gate to school. Kids were already trafficking in. Syaoran stopped himself in a good location, having prime view of both sidewalks. He leaned against the fence and let out a yawn. His thoughts drifted around, thinking about things he hadn’t put thought to in a while.

"Li-san?"

Syaoran turned to find Tamakazi looking at him.

He smiled, though he looked worried at what kind of response he would get. "You’re finally back from your month long vacation. I assume Kinomoto-san’s coincidental absences were related?"

Syaoran grinned and nodded. "It’s a possiblity."

Tamakazi tried not to show any signs of shock. Firstly, Syaoran seemed excited about something. Syaoran never got excited about anything. He could win the lottery and remain depressed. For seconds, he had just smiled. Tamakazi couldn’t recall once in his life seeing him smile. He decided to push further. "Put any more thought into the basketball team?"

Syaoran shook his head. "I’ll think about it though."

Tamakazi nodded. "Good man. Well, are you just going to wait outside school forever... oh. Waiting for Kinomoto-san, I presume."

Syaoran nodded slowly. "I’m not really going to school today. Just meeting her here. But I’ll be there tomorrow. I’ll give you an answer about the basketball team."

Tamakazi smiled and offered a wave, heading into the school grounds. "Well, you kids have fun. Your secret’s safe with me."

Chihura caught up with him, grabbing his arm, then eyed Syaoran suspicously. She gave a hesitant smile and continued into school with Tamakazi, speaking quietly to him. Syaoran shook his head and returned to waiting. His watch was ticking down. If she was to get there on time, she’d be there in two minutes. He shifted his weight. The last of the kids hurried into school. They were going to be late. One straggling behind came flying in, his books in an unorganized pile in his arms.

Syaoran looked down the sidewalks. He didn’t see her anywhere. He forced himself not to worry and took a deep breath. The bell clanged loudly. He sighed with frustration. Didn’t she care enough to at least be on time? Maybe she chickened out. Maybe she’s not coming. Syaoran had a hard time believing she would stand him up. He let out another sigh. She’s just running late. I’m sure there’s a good excuse. I’ll wait a half hour, then go back home.

Syaoran leaned against the gate for what seemed like an eternity. The seconds ticked by so slowly. He watched the cars drive by. No one else was on the sidewalk. Syaoran began to wonder if anyone would notice himself outside the school. He might get in trouble for skipping. But he had told her he’d meet her here, so he would stay. He watched the last of the leaves cling to the branches. He shivered at the cold wind that was setting in.

Syaoran looked at his watch. It had been thirty two minutes. He couldn’t bring himself to leave. Surely she’d be there any second. He would feel horrible for missing her. He stayed put, keeping an eye on each sidewalk. But he could see so far. And she still wasn’t coming. He stayed put. Fourty minutes went by, then fourty five. Syaoran extended the time to an hour. The last ten minutes clicked by quickly. She wasn’t there. Syaoran looked down both sidewalks. He took his phone out of his pocket, making sure he hadn’t missed something. Should he call her? No. If she forgot, I don’t want to have to remind her. Syaoran looked hopefully down the sidewalk. Any second, she’d come around the corner. Syaoran watched. No one.

With a long breath, Syaoran turned around and headed home. He wanted to look over his shoulder. He wouldn’t. He watched the ground in front of him as he walked. She forgot. She must have. Forgot to set her alarm clock or something. She’ll wake up in a few hours, feel horrible, and call me. It just isn’t important enough for her. Maybe I’ve been completely wrong. Maybe I am an idiot. Maybe I just should have stayed in Hong Kong. Syaoran couldn’t let himself believe this. He loved her. He was glad he was here.

Syaoran heard footsteps behind him. He turned hopefully. A woman with a walkman breezed past him, walking her dog. She gave him a courteous wave. Syaoran barely nodded in recognition. He went around the corner of the sidewalk, now completely seperated from her. He heard running in front of him. It must be the woman with the dog. Syaoran let out a deep breath and glanced to his left. There was a supermarket. He was kind of hungry. He deserved a good breakfast.

"Syaoran-kun!" A voice shouted, completely out of breath. Syaoran looked up immediately. Sakura was sprinting as hard as she could down the sidewalk, but she looked like she had been running about eight miles. Syaoran felt a strong wave of relief pass through him. He stopped and waited as she jogged up to him.

Sakura stopped in front of him, putting her hands on her knees and attempting to catch her breath. Her face was red with heat and her hair was sticking to her with sweat. She must have run a long ways to have gotten that hot. She gasped for air, walking over to the fence that lined the sidewalk and sitting down, leaning against it. She waited for her breathing to calm down before she attempted to talk.

Syaoran evaluated her some more. She had pajama pants on. But she hadn’t come from the direction of her house. So she had planned on meeting him in pajama pants? He sat down beside her, waiting patiently for her to catch her breath. She smiled apologetically.

"Sorry. I.... Was at Penguin Park... Ran the whole way here...."

Syaoran nodded slowly. It explained why she was so tired. She had ran all that way to get to him. That made him feel a little better.

"Tomoyo called... couple hours ago.... she was having flashbacks or nightmares or something....... she was really upset.....I left as soon as she woke me up.... walked with her and tried... to make her feel better.... Guess I lost track of time.... Realized a little too late....the time. I’m really sorry."

Syaoran shook his head. That was a decent excuse. He could live with that. "That’s fine. Is she okay now?"

Sakura shrugged, finally getting a handle on her out of shape breathing. "Yeah, I think so. She was so upset.... I’ve never seen her cry that much before."

Syaoran tried to give her a sympathizing look. "So she’s having flashbacks of her other selve’s memory?"

Sakura nodded. "Yeah. Which makes me wonder about Otto-san and Onni-chan..... I know they wouldn’t say anything though."

Syaoran nodded. He was glad he didn’t have flowers. This situation would have been made alot more awkward. We can never be like normal people, I guess. "Well that must be really horrible for Tomoyo."

Sakura nodded. "Yeah." She looked around. Syaoran wasn’t far from the school. He must have been there for a long time. "You waited that whole time?" Sakura asked. He was just looking at her intently.

Syaoran finally answered. "I was thinking maybe you forgot to set your alarm clock..."

Sakura felt horrible. Syaoran must have had a zillion bad thoughts running through his head. She shook her head and blushed. "I had planned on this all yesterday. Actually, I woke up before my alarm clock and didn’t turn it off, so it’s probably beeping away in my room right now."

Syaoran smiled at the thought. He got to his feet, then held out his hand for Sakura to use. She pulled herself up and smiled at him, backing up a step.

Syaoran looked over at the supermarket. It wasn’t exactly a place to go when you were trying to impress a girl. "Do you want to go eat somewhere?"

Sakura nodded enthusiastically, stepping out of their close proximity. "I’m starving. I’ve been up so long."

Syaoran nodded. "Me too. Let’s go over there," He pointed at a far away restaurant. Sakura nodded in agreement and forced her weak legs on. They felt like jelly. She hoped she didn’t look as stupid as she felt.

Sakura hobbled alongside Syaoran, feeling an awkwardness creep in. She searched her brain for something to talk about. Anything. Anything to keep them from acting like little shy kids again. She opened her mouth to speak, but Syaoran had beat her to it.

"So that wasn’t awkward."

Sakura frowned. "What?"

"Just then. It wasn’t awkward. Yesterday you said there was always a gap of that when we first met. It wasn’t just then."

Sakura smiled. Syaoran was really on his way to being a human. "I suppose you’re right. But that was an exception. How often do I come running up to you complaining about Tomoyo having flashbacks of an alternate self?"

"With us... that sort of thing happens all the time."

Sakura nodded reluctantly, crossing the street quickly. There weren’t many cars out yet. "I know. I think this is like the first time I’ve ever been out with you on a nonmagical basis."

"Yeah," Syaoran agreed. So are you recognizing this as a date? Sakura went quiet too. She must have been taking her own words into consideration. Awkwardness started to creep in. Syaoran didn’t have anything to stop it. Well... so much for the nonawkward plan. He looked up at the restaurant they were approaching. Some nice smells wafted through the air. I wonder what their menu’s like.

"So what are you thinking about?" Sakura asked brightly, watching Syaoran carefully with her big green eyes.

Syaoran looked at her with alarm. That was something you said to someone you cared about, right? Syaoran tried to not let his hopes continue to build. It was pointless, they did every second he looked at her. "Uh... what do you mean?"

Sakura laughed. "Like... Whenever you get quiet like that, you get this look on your face like you’re trying to figure out how to save the world. You make yourself look so important. I don’t know how you do it, but you do." At his skeptical look, she added, "Really!"

Syaoran grinned and turned down the sidewalk to the front of the restaurant. "Well, I was wondering what they had on their menu, actually."

Sakura watched him carefully to see if he was being serious. He looked up, his eyes sparkling. She let herself laugh. "Whatever. Fine. Keep your mysterious aura but you don’t fool me."

Syaoran moved around her to open the door. As he pulled at the handle, nothing happened. It was locked. He sighed and dropped his hand back to his side. Sakura walked over to a sign on the door. "It doesn’t open for another hour," she informed him glumly. Sakura stretched out her left leg, cringing at the weak feeling she got from it.

Syaoran glared into the building. It figured. They were carrying on a nice conversation, then the stupid restaurant had to ruin everything. He turned to Sakura, looking annoyed. "Sorry. Where else do you want to go?"

Sakura bit her lip, then looked around. She didn’t know of any restaurants. "I never eat out for breakfast..."

Syaoran sighed. "Me neither."

Sakura turned back to him, an idea shining through her eyes. "We could just cook it ourselves. I could make really good pancakes."

Syaoran slowly nodded. "Well... um, is Touya home?"

Sakura paused. She hadn’t meant at her house. "Yeah, he’s there. I meant at your apartment, if you have to stuff to make it out of."

Meilin’s there... but I could get rid of her easily enough. "We’ll have to buy a couple things, but we can just stop by that store over there. It’s on the way."

Sakura nodded enthusiastically. "That’s fine. That’ll be great." They continued walking on. Sakura couldn’t wait to sit down at Syaoran’s house. She yawned and looked down the sidewalk cautiously. It would be just her luck Touya would decide to take a walk that day. All the better she was at Syaoran’s apartment. She breifly wondered how they must look to outsiders. Everyone must just automatically categorize them as a couple. But they were walking fairly far apart. Sakura looked down at the ground in front of her. We can just kiss one night like its no big deal... then just go back to .... this. Whatever this is. Am I really that much of a scaredy cat? It’s not like he’s making any moves himself. Maybe we’re always meant to live in this in between friends and more stage.

"You know, I always wonder what you must be thinking about when you go quiet. Your eyes stare at some far away object and your mouth hangs wide open like you need more oxygen to your brain or something."

Sakura attempted to scowl but found herself laughing instead. "I can’t help it! I don’t care that my mouth’s open, what’s the big deal? Everybody’s always laughing at me for it..." She subsided her laughs, insisting on looking the other direction.

"You’re great at avoiding questions, too."

Sakura frowned at him for a second, then shook her head. "I was just wondering if you liked chocolate or not. Cause I make my pancakes like cookies."

Syaoran grinned. "I guess that would be okay."

Sakura mentally kicked herself in the head. She had all kinds of questions to ask him, yet she was holding back. She could still picture the scene vividly in her head. He had shouted right in front of everyone- or at least everyone’s replacements- how he felt. Now they were parading around in some kind of uncomfortable friendship. She sighed. She saw Syaoran glance at her through the corner of her eye. She pretended not to notice. He was nervous. If he’s nervous then so am I.

Syaoran glanced at Sakura. She could be so hard to read sometimes. She continued to look off into space, oblivious. He stopped in front of the store’s doors and held it open for Sakura. She mumbled thanks, not concealing a blush very well, and continued into the store. She waited for him to catch up, then looked around the store’s layout. "So what all do you need?"
"Well it depends. Are you making it from scratch?"

Sakura shrugged. "I can. But the just-add-water mixes are my specialty."

Syaoran let a small smile escape. "You find that and I’ll find the chocolate and we’ll meet at..." He looked behind him. "The tofu sale."

Sakura grinned and nodded. "Yes sir."

Syaoran breezed past her and heading for the baking aisle. He let out the breath he felt like he had been holding. He just wanted to sit down somewhere quiet and straighten everything out. He couldn’t wait to get the breakfast out of the way. He would have to kick Meilin out right away. He started planning ways to do that. Syaoran stopped as he spotted chocolate chips and picked out a bag. Then he found another bag with milk chocolate chips. He picked that one up too. To be sure he was politically correct, Syaoran picked out the dark chocolate and white chocolate chips as well. Sakura could make some very good pancakes with all of this chocolate. He stacked them on top of each other, then headed back to the set location.

Sakura was standing already, holding a simple box of batter. Her eyes widened as she looked at the assortment of chocolate Syaoran had gotten. "Well... we won’t run out of chocolate."

Syaoran nodded, then continued to the register. Sakura set her box down, then reached into her pocket for cash. Syaoran searched for the best way to handle the situation. He set his chocolate down, then brushed past her, his money held out for the clerk to take. He took it, not noticing Sakura’s expression. Syaoran took his change back, giving Sakura a brief smile before picking up the bags and heading to the door. She hurried after him.

Once they were on the sidewalk, Sakura shivered. Her heat from the running had worn off. Now she was reminded she had her pajama pants on once more. "Not a believer in woman paying for their independence?"

Syaoran cringed. He was hoping she wouldn’t take a feminist stand. "No. I don’t have anything against woman paying. I just don’t want you to have to pay. I wanted you to go out with me, not the other way around."

Sakura smiled with defeat. He had a point. "Good point, I suppose."

Syaoran made no response. He continued down the sidewalk towards his apartment building, swinging the bag back and forth behind his back. They walked silently for a long while. Sakura thought about how much she wanted to rest her legs. Syaoran thought about how much he wanted to hear her say some things. As they turned a bend in the sidewalk, Syaoran spotted his apartment building. He felt relieved. The sooner the better. He snuck a furtive glance at Sakura. She was deep in her own thoughts. She shivered.

"Meilin probably has some pants you can borrow, if you want."

Sakura snapped out of her worrisome thoughts and glanced at her pants. "I must look really dumb. Well, if we plan to go outside again, I may take that offer."

Syaoran nodded, then continued on silently towards the building. They crossed the street unhidered by traffic and made their way to the lobby doors. Sakura looked over to the place they had fought the Woody so long ago. She could remember it easily. Syaoran had come running over, completely out of commission with pneumonia, and coughed so hard he spit blood out. "Remember when you had pneumonia? I feel asleep or something, then woke up to magic and it was the Woody... And I was almost suffocated until you came down and nearly passed out..."

Syaoran pulled the door open to the stairway and walked up them leisurely. "It took me like ten minutes to get down the stairs."

Sakura smiled with pity. "I was so scared. I really didn’t know if you were going to make it. Then there was that time you got stabbed in the stomach. You can just survive anything, Syaoran."

Syaoran grinned and shook his head. He opened the door to his floor and held it for her, then followed her to his door. I can’t survive without you. That’s what a good, romantic, poetic guy would say. He watched Sakura trip on some invisible bump in the carpet, righting herself and stopping at his door. She smiled sheepsihly at him. Syaoran opened the door, preparing for Meilin.

"Syaoran, back so soon? What happened? You get-"

"Meilin, Sakura’s here. We’re going to make pancakes," Syaoran announced loudly. Meilin stopped her interrogation and turned from the TV. Her eyebrows raised in surprise.

"H-hello, Kinomoto-san. Not feel like eating out?"

Sakura shook her head. "I never go out for breakfast. This seems more sensible. You can have some if you want."

Syaoran cringed. He was hoping she wouldn’t say that. He closed the door and led to the kitchen. Meilin watched them over the counter. He looked up to glare at her. She smiled innocently, then walked over to survey what they had bought. She peered into the bag of chocolate chips. "You’re having chocolate with pancakes? You have enough here to cover the entire box of batter with a chocolate shell."

Syaoran took his coat off and hung it up, then waited as Sakura pulled hers off as well.

Sakura laughed as she set out the box of batter. "I know. It’ll be good, though."

Meilin nodded. "An unhealthy, but very energizing breakfast."

Sakura looked around the kitchen. "So where is your guys’ measuring cups..."

Meilin waved her hand at her. "I’ll get the stuff, you two just relax."

Sakura stepped back as Meilin breezed by her, expertly locating everything. Sakura remembered Syaoran was there. She looked over at him, giving him a small smile. He attempted to return one, but he looked annoyed. He doesn’t want Meilin here. Sakura watched the girl work. She hastily pulled her long black hair into a pony tail, then continued mixing the batter and water. She’s just trying to help.

Syaoran glared at Meilin. She was soaking it up. She was getting to observe their little date. Not even Tomoyo had that priviledge. Meilin got the griddle out and hummed to herself. She cast a glance at Syaoran, a devilish smile on her face. Syaoran moved his hands as subtly as possible to say ‘leave’ in sign language. She looked away, pretending not to see.

"So, Kinomoto-san, I hear you guys had quite the time in England. Eriol hurling attacks at you and so on. Battle really makes a person who they are. That’s the lesson I took the most from all my years of extensive martial arts training. You realize who you are when you fight. You realize things about yourself, as well as how you think of other people. It’s really quite a wonderful thing."

Sakura smiled weakly, watching Meilin put a healthy amount of chocolate chips into the batter. "O-oh? I guess I’m just more of a peaceful person."

Meilin shook her head, walking the bowl next to the griddle. She grabbed a spoon and dropped some batter onto the surface. It sizzled. Meilin pointed the spoon at Sakura for gesticulation. "No, no. That’s just what I’m saying. I think as horrible as having the cards has been for you, it’s been a good experience. You came away from it a stronger, confident person. The battle encouraged you into stepping out of your comfort zone, really helped you take more risks in life, you know? Helps you find your place in the world, who you are, who you need to be with, things like that."

Syaoran coughed loudly. Sakura glanced at him. He looked ready to kill Meilin. "Meilin, we don’t need advice about battling."

Meilin glared, her spoon now directed at him threateningly. "I try to be patient but you can be such an irritation sometimes. I’m only trying to help things along."

Syaoran clenched his teeth, giving a look of pure anger. Meilin sighed, turned to the oven, then set down the spoon. She glanced at the clock, then pretended to look shocked. "Wow, that late already? Well, I’m off. I hope the pancakes are good."

Sakura watched Meilin grab her coat and scurry out the door, not giving one look back. The door slammed loudly behind her. Sakura watched the door for a second, glanced at Syaoran for 1.3 seconds, then looked to the floor. They could be very odd sometimes. She smelled something burning. Sakura looked up, then noticed smoke floating up from under the batter sitting on the griddle. She quickly searched around for a spatula. Syaoran came to the rescue, picking it up off the counter and handing it to her.

Sakura flipped the pancake over, finding the bottom to be a solid black. She bit her lip. "So much for that one."

Syaoran let out a long breath. The TV was still on. The voices floated over the counter and into the kitchen. He looked over to see what she had been watching. He didn’t recognize it. He looked back to Sakura to see how she was faring. She had picked the pancake up and was looking for a place to set it down on. "Do you have a plate or something..."

Syaoran quickly opened a cupboard and held it out. Sakura dropped the charred chocolate/batter mix onto it, then turned back to the stove. Syaoran set the plate next to her.

"Well... just then...that was a little awkward."

Syaoran walked around her and leaned against the fridge next to her. "Yeah. I guess it caught up with us. But I have a feeling Meilin could make any situation awkward."

Sakura grinned as she flipped the golden brown chocolate loaded pancake over. "I think you’re right. But at least she and I get along now. It used to be horrible. I’ve never seen jealousy drive someone as mad as her."

Syaoran nodded warily. "Meilin’s definitely growing up. She still has trouble letting me live a seperate life, but she’s become someone dependable."

Sakura set the pancake down on the plate and started on another one. "So what happened to her mother? I remember in Hong Kong, that was her mom, wasn’t it? She was deaf?"

Syaoran nodded. "She was in a car wreck. A while after that, her husband divorced her. He said he couldn’t cope with the change. That was all when Meilin and I were very young."

Sakura shook her head, finishing off another pancake. "Jeez... there’s no end to the tragedy over in Hong Kong. That’s horrible."

Syaoran nodded. "Meilin doesn’t talk about it to anyone. I don’t think she wants to believe she’s related to them. Her mother drinks alot to try and get away from everything. She’s not really around for Meilin very much. All Meilin sees her as is a source for funding."

Sakura bit her lip. She felt like she had led such a priviledged life when she listened to him talk. "Well that explains some things. How is she still involved in the clan?"

"Her grandfather. He’s good friends with the head elder."

Sakura nodded, piling a fourth pancake onto the plate. "That’s terrible, all the things that have happened to you guys... How are you doing anyways? I mean, with all that happened... I hate to ask, so don’t feel like you have to answer..."

"No, it’s okay. You’re the only person brave enough to care about anything that happens to me. You’ve no idea how nice it is to hear someone treat me like something other than a threat."

Sakura blushed, deciding to meticulously inspect a chocolate chip on the pancake in front of her. "Oh... it’s not hard...." She refused to look up, afraid what kind of a look he might be giving her.

"Well... I’m fine I guess. I’ve gotten really good at numbing myself to family tragedies. Though... I miss her, of course. I miss both of them."

Sakura let out a long sigh. It must be horrible. She poured out the rest of the batter on the griddle, then turned and gave him a smile. He looked surprised to see her look at him. He gave a weak smile back. "You’ve changed alot, Syaoran."

Syaoran chewed on the inside of his lip, watching Sakura attempt to flip the overside pancake. It bent over, sending batter sprinkling across the griddle. Sakura mouthed a curse word but didn’t say it. Syaoran grinned to himself. "People keep telling me that. Was I so bad before?"

Sakura smiled, trying to squish the bent pancake down. "Well, we couldn’t get along, that’s for sure. Then we went through this awkward phase that lasted forever... we might still even be in it now. But Tomoyo was just telling me how impressed she was that we could carry on a conversation on the phone. We’re just starting to act our age I guess. All of this stupid card business has screwed up the growth process." She sighed as she picked up the deformed pancake. It was more of a cylinder shape. She set it on the top of the stack.

Syaoran stood up from against the fridge and headed to get cups. "Yeah... it’s like... I never really knew how to be friends with anyone." He pulled the carton of milk out of the fridge and poured two tall glasses, put the milk away, and pulled out the chairs at the counter so they could sit.

Sakura sat down gratefully. Her legs rejoiced. "I think I could sleep for a couple days after running that far. At least.. my legs could." She took a pancake from the stack, then stopped. "Oh... should I get another plate and syrup or...?"

Syaoran shrugged. "I was just going to eat them with my hands to. I don’t care."

Sakura glanced towards the plates for a second, then brought the pancake to her mouth. The thing was stuffed with chocolate. She smiled. These were the best just-add-water pancakes she had ever made.

"But um... It just seemed like every time I’d get close to someone, something would happen. It was hard enough finding people to get along with, let alone hold on to them. I’ve never been good at communicating how I feel."

Sakura bit into another pancake, trying to find anything to shift the subject to. She could see where this conversation was going way too easily. But her anxiety must have shown on her face, because Syaoran wasn’t talking anymore. She took a long drink of milk and then looked around the apartment. There were computer parts sitting on a box in the corner. She frowned, then went back to eating.

"These are really good," Syaoran said, washing down a particularly chocolatey one with some milk. He glanced at her. She looked uncomfortable. Syaoran frowned. Maybe she doesn’t want to be alone with me? God, why does everything have to be so complicated with her? "Are you okay?"

Sakura looked up at him, a confused smile on her face. "Yeah... why?"

"You’re just never this quiet," Syaoran mumbled, going back to his pancake.

Sakura realized she was probably making him just as uncomfortable as he was making her. "So when do you have to go back to Hong Kong?"

"Not really.... like, ever. When I want to, I suppose. But I have nothing to go back to."

Sakura looked at him with surprise. "Well, you have your sisters. And the Elders. Your house and everything..."

Syaoran shook his head. "Did I ever tell you what happened after my mother died?"

Sakura shook her head slowly. She looked down at the plate. There was no more pancakes left. She was glad because she felt full.

"Well, I told you I’d been having trouble with my sensei, right?" Sakura nodded. "Well, they had me on probation and were having me do all kinds of stuff for them. When my mother died, I thought they might have a little compassion. But just a few days after, they summoned me in to do another mission. I got mad and told them I wouldn’t, and would rather be exiled. So that’s what happened. I ran and grabbed Raion and Iata before they could take them, sent them to my Uncle’s, then started packing. I didn’t tell my sisters anything. I left them a note. They couldn’t understand me, like I thought. They weren’t even the least bit concerned about my wellbeing. They just wanted to smooth things over with the elders..."

Sakura shook her head, tapping her fingers on her empty glass. "Everyone in the world can be against you and you don’t break down and cry. I don’t get it. That’s horrible, Syaoran."

Syaoran sighed and nodded. "It probably was selfish of me. I screwed over my whole family because I didn’t want to run any more chores for them. When I became part of them, I agreed to do their bidding. It wasn’t very...." He sighed. "Honorable."

Sakura rolled his eyes. "Syaoran, don’t even think of beating up on yourself. You made the right choice. They would have used you and used you, they couldn’t care less about honor. They just needed someone to do their chores. I’m sure your mother or father wouldn’t have wanted to see their son being manipulated by a bunch of dumb old guys."

Syaoran grinned slowly. He looked at Sakura. She nodded sincerely, emphasizing with,"Really."

Syaoran let out a long breath. "Well... I’m glad you think so. You’re the only person that does."

Sakura shook her head. "They were all being selfish. Don’t feel bad. Your sisters will understand someday that you had to get away for a while."

Syaoran nodded, not finding any good response. He looked at her. Her shining emerald eyes were looking right back at him, so innocent and caring. He looked back to the counter, trying to keep from making her uncomfortable. This would be a perfect time to bring it up. But Sakura stood up and picked up the plate as well as her glass. "Are you done?" She asked, eyeing his glass. Syaoran nodded and was about to hand it to her, then felt like he was being rude. He walked around the counter with her to the sink and set the things down.

Sakura smiled and looked around him to the clock. "Now what?"

Syaoran shrugged. "Whatever you want to do, I don’t care."

"It’s almost lunch time. That’s crazy." Sakura looked around the apartment. It didn’t seem like the most lively place. The window caught her attention. Large white flakes were tumbling out of the sky. She rushed over to the window with excitement. "It’s snowing!"

Syaoran walked over after her, amused at her childlike reaction. He looked out the balcony sliders to the snow. It was falling heavily. It looked pretty. He unlocked the door, excused himself around Sakura and pulled it open. He stepped out onto the small balcony, looking up at the snow. Sakura followed, leaning against the railing. Huge flakes tickled down her face. She wrinkled her nose as a flake rested itself on her nose’s tip.

"I was beginning to think it would never snow this winter," She said, crossing her arms from the cold.

Syaoran nodded. He watched the snow melt as it reached her skin. He looked back out into the town, loving the privacy the thick curtains of snow gave. He looked back to Sakura, who was jumping up and down to keep warm. She smiled with embaressment as he watched her. "It’s really cold."

Syaoran wanted to pull her into a hug. But he didn’t know how she would respond. He blinked as a snowflake landed on his eyelashes. "We can go back inside."

Sakura nodded and turned inside, shivering as Syaoran shut the door behind them. She raked through the melting snow in her hair. Sakura realized for the first time that day her disheveled appearance. She hadn’t even looked in a mirror before going out to see Tomoyo. She hoped her hair hadn’t done anything funny in her sleep. Syaoran hadn’t made any suggestions to that fact being true.

"We can watch a movie or go outside or go to the mall or whatever it is normal people do with their time," Syaoran said, glancing out into the snow once before looking to Sakura.

Sakura’s legs ached. She didn’t feel like being on her feet. "Watching a movie sounds good," She agreed with a smile. Syaoran nodded, then headed over to the TV that was still turned on.

"What do you like? I don’t have very many movies here. Just some that Meilin brought over."

Sakura shrugged and walked over to where he was looking through movies. "I like most anything, if it’s good."

Syaoran held out a DVD. "Do you like scary movies?"

Sakura shrugged. "Umm... Sure. I need to grow up sometime, right? With all we’ve been through, there shouldn’t be anything scary left in the world."

Syaoran watched her skeptically. "We don’t have to watch it. It’s just the only one I haven’t seen."

Sakura nodded. "Then let’s watch it."

Syaoran opened Ringu and set it in the DVD player, then changed the TV station to AV front. He followed Sakura back to the couch. This was where things really got awkward. He sat down unsurely, leaving her plenty of space, and tried to occupy himself with the movie.

Sakura glanced at Syaoran’s choice of seating, then looked back to the TV. They couldn’t fool themselves. They were just plain awkward around each other and there was nothing they could do about it. Syaoran let out a sigh. Sakura looked at him, boldly asking, "What?"

Syaoran looked up in alarm. "N-nothing." She was still looking at him, unconvinced. He let another sigh, this time for real. "Well... I was trying to avoid saying this. I thought it would just make things even stranger. But maybe it would be better to have it out in the open." Sakura tried not to look worried at what he was going to say. "I just don’t know how to act around you. I don’t know if I should sit halfway across the room or if I should sit right next to you. I don’t know if I should hold your hand while we’re walking or if I should stay a good three feet from you. I don’t know right now if I’m making you uncomfortable or if this was something you were wondering too. I don’t know what’s ...okay."

Sakura watched him with a surprised expression. She had to admire his bravery. She would have skirted the lines for years before ever asking such a daring question. She felt a blush start creeping in. She looked at her feet shyly. "Do what you think is best, Syaoran-kun." She forced her eyes up. He wanted a good solid answer. He had gone so far as to ask the question, the least she could do was give him a good answer. "I trust you. And if you want to sit closer to me, then by all means, I’m more than happy to let you, so go ahead." Syaoran was just staring back at her. She tried to think of something insightful to say. This was going downhill from awkward to really extremely uncomfortable. She hastily reached for his hand. She held it. It was cold. Syaoran watched her questioningly. "Look, why is this that hard for us? When we practically made out a week ago?"

Syaoran felt his own cheeks get hot. Her hand was so warm. He glanced at the TV. The movie was just sitting on the menu, waiting to be played. He looked back to her, hand deathly still. "Because we’re used to always fighting and being in the middle of something really important."

Sakura nodded reluctantly, looking at her hand on his. He was just a tiny bit darker than her. "Well... It’s just going to be awkward until we do something about it. If we want to get along like normal people under normal circumstances, we’re going to have to take some steps."

Syaoran gave a weak smile. "Like what?"

"Like right now. We’re holding hands. There’s nothing awkward about this, right?"

Syaoran looked at her hand. "Well... it implies alot of things..."

Sakura glared and shook her head. "Who cares what it implies. We’re simply two normal, nonmagical people, not in the middle of some epic fight, watching a movie. We’re comfortable with each other. And you know why?"

Syaoran grinned and shook his head. Sakura was so funny when she decided to take authority.

She let a small smile escape, then tried to pretend she was upset for the light atmospherre. "Because we’ve known each other since fourth grade. That’s why."

Syaoran nodded slowly. "Alright. But.... suppose Meilin were to walk in. Would we still be comfortable with each other?"

Sakura shrugged. "Ask yourself."

Syaoran bit on his lower lip, then grabbed the remote with his free hand and pressed play. He moved himself over a little, not forcing Sakura to stretch her hand so far to reach his. She leaned against his side. That was nice. The credits rolled through. Syaoran shifted his feet around. He glanced to what he could see of Sakura. She sat perfectly still. Her hand had finally warmed his hand up.

"It’s still awkward," Syaoran finally mumbled.

Sakura sat up straight and eyed him. He looked back. She let out a short, dissatisfied sigh and took her hand back. She sat with her back perfectly straight against the back of the couch and watched the TV. Syaoran watched her to see if she’d come back. She continued to watch the movie. He slouched, watching with boredom. Things were much more exciting in real life than in the movie.

Syaoran glanced at the window during a jump scene. The snow was still falling. It was mesmerizing. There was no snow in Hong Kong. He looked Sakura over again. Totally emersed in the movie. He took in a deep breath and slipped his arm around her shoulder, pulling her against him. Sakura leaned on him gratefully. He looked back to the TV. Things were much better this way. He let himself lean against her as well, lazily watching the plot unfold before him.

The movie stretched on. It couldn’t be long enough. Syaoran felt more peaceful than he could remember ever being. What he had once thought of as cold, depressing weather had become something warm and familiar. His right side felt so warm. He yawned sleepily.

"Is it still awkward?" Sakura whispered about an hour into the movie. She stretched her legs out in front of her. They were so happy to relax. She felt like she could fall asleep leaning against Syaoran like she was. She felt Syaoran shake his head. She smiled. Why hadn’t they just grown up and done this a long time ago?

The movie went by way too fast. Sakura had to admit she was a little freaked out by the concept of the movie, but tried to not let it show. Syaoran sat still through the credits, not wanting to get up. Finally he took his arm back and stood up, stretching. Sakura shivered where she was sitting. Syaoran grinned at her. She smiled back.

Syaoran walked over to the DVD player and took out the movie. He yawned once more, then watched Sakura. "So what would you like to do now?"

Sakura snuggled into the couch, yawning after seeing him yawn. "Um... Whatever doesn’t require leg power."

Syaoran tried to think of any exciting activities. They eluded him. He never had time to sit around home and do nothing. He looked to the window. The sun was already on the western edge of town. "It gets so dark so soon," He noticed aloud. The snow was down to a weak flurry at the moment. He looked back to Sakura. "Nothing inspiring is coming to mind."

Sakura nodded. "Well... school lets out really soon. We could go visit the friends we haven’t seen in forever."

Syaoran shrugged. He would have rathered stay alone with her. But if she wanted to, that was what mattered. "If you want. That’s fine."

Sakura felt her stomach rumble. "Actually... do you think we could go for an early dinner? I’m starving."

Syaoran liked this idea. He nodded. "Sure. We can go wherever you want."

Sakura smiled, then forced herself to stand up. She rubbed her eyes, then looked down at her pants. "Do you think I could borrow some clothing?"

Syaoran nodded slowly. He had forgotten to ask Meilin. Surely she wouldn’t mind. It was for a good cause. Syaoran led the way down the hall to her room. There was nothing in the room asides from a mattress and alot of clothing strewn about. Sakura smiled as she entered the room. Syaoran looked around. He didn’t pay any attention to where Meilin put her clothes.

"I don’t know where anything is."

Sakura shrugged. "I could just take those pants, there, from off the floor."

Syaoran looked to where she was pointing and shrugged. He walked over and picked the pair of jeans up, then brought them to Sakura. She took them and smiled at Syaoran. "Thanks." Sakura made her way to the bathroom and shut the door tightly behind her. She quickly looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair had blessed her with a good day. Sakura quickly changed pants, then fixed up her hair with the hair band she stored on her wrist. She gave the mirror a smile, then opened the door and went down the hall to where Syaoran stood waiting.

He looked over her appearance, saying nothing about the changes she had made. They took their coats from where they hung by the door and headed out into the hall. Syaoran locked the apartment door behind him, then continued towards the stairs with Sakura. They hurried down them, then slowed as they entered the cold, windy parking lot. Snow danced around them in much smaller flakes than were falling earlier. Sakura fell in step beside Syaoran and looked around. He took her hand and locked fingers with hers. She smiled as she looked the other way.

Syaoran let out a long breath into the cold air. It didn’t feel cold to him at all. There was no doubt in his mind. She did feel the same as him. He looked around Tomeoda with a new light. Everything seemed bearable suddenly. After all of the years of fighting and being burnt, he was finally getting back what he deserved. He focused on the hand he held tightly. Sakura was looking the other way oblivious. He wondered what she thought. She had a vibrant smile on her face as she turned to face him. He smiled back. Something inside him felt alarmed. He wasn’t supposed to ever be happy. This was too good to be true. Syaoran blocked the voice out. He wasn’t going to wriggle his way out of contentment.

"So where are we going?" Sakura asked.

"We can go to the Italian place you tried to take me that one time. Where I got mad and left you there."

Sakura smiled. "Yeah. Okay. The food was really good."

Syaoran nodded and looked around silently. There weren’t many people out yet. School would be letting out in a matter of minutes. He didn’t really want to run into anyone he knew. He would rather linger in his peaceful little world forever. But his mind continued to taunt him. It just seemed to simple. It’s only because everything else in my life has been complicated. I need to learn to calm down. Not everything is going to hurt me.

They arrived at the restaurant ten minutes later, cold and tired of walking. Syaoran had taken his hand back and had them shoved in his pockets for warmth. Sakura walked with her arms crossed and her hands disappeared into the long sleeves. The waitress led them to a table and sat them down. Syaoran looked across the table at Sakura. She looked up from where she had been drifting off and noticed the serious expression he had. She smiled weakly and looked back into the restaurant. They sat quietly, not awkwardly.

Syaoran watched Sakura as she looked over the menu. He would talk to her. Not here, but somewhere they could be together in peace.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

"I’m stuffed," Sakura said, stretching her arms out as they exited the restaurant. It was already twilight. Snow hung heavily in the air, falling in big chunks. Sakura twirled around, churning the snow into a swirl, then reminded herself who she was with. He was just watching her from a distance. He had seemed to quiet since they ordered their food. It must have been something about all the pasta dishes. Sakura walked wordlessly beside him for a second. He was lost in thought. She looked around. She needed to go home soon. Or maybe... maybe she wanted to go home. It had gotten so serious.... She thought she knew what was going to happen next. They turned away from his apartment building. Sakura frowned. "Where are we going?"

"The park." Syaoran could see her hesitance. He wanted to let her go home. But he couldn’t. He had to know. He wasn’t going to waste another minute hiding the truth.

"Why?" Sakura blurted out, feeling badly afterwards.

"The main reason I wanted to see you," He replied elusively. Sakura glanced at him with worry for a moment, then pulled her sleeves down over her hands to try and conserve her warmth.

The snow was falling heavily now. The town looked so quiet. The sidewalk was now covered in a shallow layer of snow. The trees captured it, holding the snow high over their heads. Everything seemed closer. Sakura could see the telltale penguin up ahead. She shivered. Was Syaoran going to be so upfront? Was he just going to flat out ask her? Or was there another reason? She tried to calm herself down. They crossed the street to the park’s entrance. Sakura glanced to the swing sets that sat dormant, empty of children. Snow was collecting in the seats. She smiled as she thought to the numerous times she and Syaoran had crossed paths there. She thought back nine hours and saw her and Tomoyo walking around, discussing old card captures and fights. She glanced at Syaoran. He had an unintentional scowl on his face, probably from thinking hard. His hands were in his pockets and his head was bowed down, hair off his forehead. She looked back to the snow.

"There are alot of memories in this park," Sakura attempted to start a conversation. Syaoran looked up. He nodded.

"When I first came here, I remember thinking ‘a penguin is a horrible figure for a slide’."

Sakura grinned and looked at the footprints she was making in the thin layer of snow. "I never really thought about it."

Syaoran knew he was killing time. He could see the bridge up ahead. They would stand there and talk. He put some purpose in his step, slowing as they walked onto the bridge’s platform. He turned and leaned on the railing, looking at the stream below. The water tumbled over rocks, reflecting the pure white snow. Sakura leaned over next to him, looking at the water. She smiled. There was something apprehensive about her manner.

Syaoran bit his lip. He didn’t know how to start it. He watched the snow fall and linger on the hair around his eyes. It melted so slowly. He looked at Sakura. Her smile had faded. She now looked into the water, as if searching for escape. Syaoran swallowed hard. "Sakura, I need to tell you something."

Sakura looked up from the stream slowly, her eyes dragging along as if to stall. She looked at him, lips pressed in a thin line.

Syaoran looked at the snow falling behind her. The pure white created the perfect background for her bright green eyes. She watched him, waiting. She bit her lip."Why I....The reason I wanted to go out today was to tell you the truth. I’m tired of us living in the dark. If I’m brave enough to throw myself in front of a sword to protect you, this should come naturally." He watched her carefully. She was standing silently. She had stopped biting her lip. She was just staring at him, as if pleading with her eyes for him to stop. She’s only scared. Syaoran looked to the stream beside him, hoping to find fitful, flowing words. They didn’t come. "I know we’re scared but..." Syaoran let out a long breath. He was scared. He was acting like a complete idiot. "What I said in England, I meant it. It wasn’t something I just shouted out for the hell of it."

Sakura shifted nervously. She nodded, trying to save him the pain of going any further. "I know, Syaoran-"

"Sakura you mean everything to me. You’re the only force powerful enough to hold me up when everything collapses. But beyond that, it’s who you are. You have always stood out to me. That’s why even when I was young, I knew... But I do. I love you, Sakura. More than anything in this world."

Sakura looked at the ground quickly the first time he said her name. He had finally said it. There was no attack to interfere with them. It was just them, standing in the snow. The snow seemed to fall with deafening silence. She knew he was waiting. She would look to find his amber eyes burning passionately, waiting for her response. She couldn’t bear to look up. But she had to.

Sakura could feel a power around her. It wasn’t magic. She looked up, avoiding his eyes, searching the trees. There was no archer aiming an arrow at him. There was no sword being held to his throat. It was love. It was foreboding, warning her of her dreams. If I say what he wants to hear, I’m sentencing him to death! Eriol’s going to come after us, stronger than ever. He’s going to kill Syaoran. That’s what this has always been about. Syaoran wasn’t meant to help me. He isn’t supposed to add into the equation. Sakura finally found Syaoran’s eyes. He was standing patiently. She hadn’t said anything. Not one thing. She opened her mouth to say something, but her throat seized up. No words would come out.

Syaoran found his eyebrows starting to come down in a frown. She looked so scared. He hadn’t meant to scare her. Maybe he should have waited to tell her. But the way her eyes were shining... it wasn’t just fear. There was something else. Syaoran tried to swallow, but it seemed his mouth had gone totally dry. Snow fell stubbornly onto his eyelashes. He blinked them away. "God, you don’t..." Syaoran searched into her eyes. It didn’t make any sense. How could she not? "But....."

Sakura bit her trembling bottom lip hard. It was quite an effort to keep herself standing. She looked away from his intense eyes. If I love him, I’ll let him go. Better for him to live and not be bothered by me. Me and my problems. Me and my enemies. Can’t he see that? If we do this, Eriol will finish him. There’s nothing we can do about it. Sakura looked back to him. How could she do this to him? She couldn’t explain those things to him. He would wave it aside. He would rather have her than have life. She could see it in his eyes. But she wanted him to live. She did love him. Sakura slowly shook her head, feeling tears prick her eyes. They slowly filled. She shut them tightly, bending her face towards the ground. "Syaoran-kun, I...." Tears were trickling down now. Her stupid eyes. They never let her rest. She leaned heavily on the railing, letting her tears spill into the stream. "I can’t," She choked out in a wavering voice.

Syaoran stared at her in disbelief. He couldn’t find one bit of sanity to cling to. Why couldn’t she? She certainly could. She just didn’t. He had been an idiot all along. He had been a complete fool. He had destroyed everything for something he was misled on. He could see her shoulders shaking as she leaned over to see the stream. He couldn’t bring himself to console her. He felt as if everything had suddenly given way. The ground no longer felt solid. The snow fell onto him, weighing him down. He couldn’t look at her. Why? Why, why, why? "Why?" He brought himself to ask finally. Sakura sniffed. He kept his eyes on the snow at his feet.

Sakura stared at the stream, letting her blurry vision blend the cold colors together. She didn’t know what to say. She dug her nails into her palm. Her hands burned from the cold. "It isn’t... meant to be."

Syaoran swallowed. Quite an evasive answer. Syaoran could envision him saying something like that when his sisters asked him why he didn’t like Chang Mandu. Sakura didn’t love him. She was even lying to him to make it easier for herself. Syaoran felt frozen to the ground. His whole life had led to this moment. And now it tumbled back onto him. All the bridges he had burnt along the way would have to be rebuilt and recrossed.

Syaoran could feel his head pound. He couldn’t believe her. Syaoran let himself turn to see her. She remained with her back to him, looking into the water. Syaoran looked back to their footprints leading into the park. They walked side by side. He took a shakey breath and turned towards the swingset. He paused for a moment, waiting for her to cry out for him. She didn’t. His body walked away, his mind trailing along. He didn’t look to see if Sakura followed him. He knew she wouldn’t. He walked far from their previous steps. He walked the other direction on the sidewalk. He pushed his legs past the busy streets of town. He found himself walking into the outskirts of the city.

Syaoran feared stopping, because he knew he couldn’t hold it in anymore. The second he stopped and thought of something other than walking, he would fall apart. He would fall apart and be unfixable. Beyond repair. He threw the thoughts out of his mind the second they came in an act of self preservation. He had to get to where he was going. He found himself in front of a fence. Deep into the snow covered pasture, a white horse stood. It was Sakura’s horse. He had given it to her. No, there was no refuge here. Syaoran watched the horse eat for a while, the unbearable pain sinking in.

He had no reason to be here. He had no reason to be anywhere. There was no purpose left. No one wanted him. He had spent the last of his life chasing an impossible dream. He had given up everything for something that was, in the end, unobtainable. Syaoran walked up to the fence and leaned on it, feeling weak. His hope was now just a legend. Just a memory. Moondust brought her head up into the air, noticing him. She whinnied and began running to the fence. Syaoran felt a sickening weight behind his eyes. Pressure rose inside his head. It was a feeling he hadn’t felt in a long time. Tears began to make their way around his eyes. He stared blankly at the horse in front of him. She was so pure, so white. Why would she ever hurt him?

Syaoran turned slowly, ignoring Moondust nudging his shoulder with persistence. He couldn’t stay. Syaoran continued to walk down the old gravel road. Old beat up houses were spaced far apart. Syaoran could see his vision blur. Tears curtained his sight. He kept walking. He saw two children out in the snow. They didn’t wave to him. He was invisible. Syaoran could hear Moondust’s faint calls to him. He kept walking.

All this time. I’ve given everything to her. She’s so innocent. She’s perfect. She couldn’t hurt anyone. And yet, I trusted her. And she destroyed me. The snow began falling heavier. Syaoran relished the one cooperation of the day. I risked my life for her. I was more than willing to give up my life for her happiness. Syaoran felt anger creep in. He shut it out. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t turn to hate to get over her. No matter how much she hurt him, she was still innocent. He couldn’t let himself turn cold to her. Not yet. He was so tired of hate. Hate had consumed him. She had taught him to love. Then she abandoned him.

Syaoran shivered, realizing the cold for the first time. He thought breifly of going home. The thought of Meilin caused more pain. She had been almost as excited as he had been. Syaoran thought of himself a few hours earlier. He had been so happy. How could that not be right? How could she say that it wasn’t meant to be?

The road ended in a large circle of gravel. Syaoran looked behind him at the long straightaway he had walked. He didn’t want to go back to Tomeoda. He didn’t want to go anywhere. He wanted to be alone. People only hurt, whether intentional or not. He couldn’t be around them anymore. He had to disappear. He bumped into a pine tree along the road. Clumps of snow sprinkled down. Syaoran felt his tears chill his cheeks as they fell. He ignored them. He was tired of being ashamed. He was tired of people not caring. He had just been used once more. Used by the purest person he had ever known. Everyone had been right. Eriol had been right.

It was better to live without emotions. He had made a mistake in ever letting her open them. They needed to go away forever. But his tears persisted. He couldn’t forgive her. He couldn’t forgive any of them. His last anchor had gone. He was drifting hopelessly. He slowed as he passed Moondust. She tossed her head at him. She seemed so happy to see him. But that couldn’t be trusted. Nothing could be. Syaoran walked up to the fence and held his hand out to her. She nudged it, not finding any food. Her bright brown eyes watched him, hoping for something to eat.

Panic was setting in. He had to leave Japan. But what was in Hong Kong for him? He could try and make reconciliation with the elders. Perhaps they needed him badly. Maybe he could stay alive. He could make money and buy things. But what was the point? Anything’s better than here. I can’t stay. Syaoran couldn’t think clearly. He finally recognized the tears on his cheeks. Nothing was real anymore. At least he could pretend to live somewhere other than with her. Syaoran walked quickly towards his apartment. He blinked away the last of his tears with irritation. He felt like he could explode. A ticking time bomb. Anything could set him off. He walked down the quiet, dark, cold streets, avoiding everyone he could. He took a long way to avoid the park. The sun had completely disappeared. It had taken him with it.

---

Meilin looked up with anticipation as she heard the door being unlocked. Syaoran had been out for a long time. She figured it was a good sign. Maybe him and Kinomoto were finally together. She couldn’t see any reason why not. In fact, if Kinomoto had rejected him, she didn’t know what to do. Syaoran couldn’t handle that. Syaoran was likely to kill someone, if not himself. He had nothing to stand on if she did it. But that wasn’t the case. Kinomoto was hopelessly in love. She smiled as he stepped in, turning to shut the door and lock it. He took his coat off slowly. It was covered in snow. She waited impatiently. He leaned over to untie his shoes. It was just like him to annoy her like this, slowing taking his time...

She grinned and leaned over the couch. "So..."

Syaoran pulled off his last shoe. He had pondered with panic as he walked up the stairs, what he could say. He had hoped she wouldn’t be waiting for him. But he knew she would. He had never come up with a response. Syaoran hoped his silence spoke for him. He stood up, his eyes still sluggishly watching the floor.

Meilin frowned. Either he was pulling a really good joke, or he was completely exhausted with something. He brought his eyes up. Her eyes widened in alarm. She had never seen his eyes like that. Not once, in all she had seem him through. They looked dry, red, and tired. Syaoran didn’t cry. She was convinced he didn’t know how. She was convinced he had cried out all of his tears when his father had died. But there could be no mistaking it. Meilin swallowed hard. She didn’t know what to do. "Oh, Syaoran..."

He shook his head, then walked towards his room. "Meilin, can you do me a favor?"

She turned on the couch, following his walk. "Of course!"

"Call Uncle Chou and tell him to cancel the shipment."

Meilin frowned, then got to her feet, following him to his room. "You’re leaving them there?"

Syaoran stopped in his doorway, shaking his head. He finally met Meilin’s eyes. They were full of concern. Sakura’s had been too. What did that mean? Not much. "I’m leaving Japan."

Meilin tried to keep her eyes from widening again. Syaoran was going off the deep end. "S-syaoran... Are you sure? You mean, back to Hong Kong, permanently?"

Syaoran just stared at her back. His stare was so cold, so empty. She tried not to shiver. "Yes, I’m sure."

Meilin shook her head. "Syaoran, you’re going to leave her just because she was unsure?" She thought she saw a hint of pain flash through his face. She wished it would linger. It was much better than seeing him hide away his feelings like he was. He wasn’t going to come out of it this time. Syaoran was going to disappear forever if something wasn’t done right away. But she couldn’t do it. Only Kinomoto.

"Meilin, please don’t try to advise me. I can’t stay, I..." His voice faultered. It never did that. Not even after his mother had died. He had been able to stay completely numb. He couldn’t do it now. "She doesn’t care, Meilin. She says ‘it’s not meant to be’. That’s not something you change your mind about."

Meilin felt tears prick at her eyes. She couldn’t see her cousin like this. Her eyes narrowed. That damn Kinomoto. Who would have guessed she was such a bad person. Syaoran shook his head at her. She looked at him questioningly.

"Don’t get mad at her, Meilin. I’m the idiot. I risked my whole fucking life on intuition. On trust. What the hell am I supposed to do now?"

She could see him starting to crumble out of his stone casing. She didn’t know how to hold him up. "You’ll be okay, Syaoran, we’ll just go back and you can fix things with the elders and your sisters and ....."

Syaoran shook his head. She could see his eyes shine with tears. She felt her own eyes brim. "No Meilin. I won’t be okay."

Meilin felt tears race down her cheeks. She sniffed loudly. She couldn’t help him. Syaoran’s tears disappeared as quickly as they had appeared. He watched her blankly for a moment, then walked into his room, shutting the door behind him. She waited there, listening for a moment, trying to subside her tears. She heard him get into bed, shutting off the light. Then it was silent.

Meilin looked to the phone on the counter. She would have to call Uncle Chou before it got any later. She sniffed once more and tried to collect herself. She had an urge to grab the phone and call Kinomoto. But Syaoran had asked her not to be mad. She should honor that. She looked around at the apartment. Syaoran meant business. He wasn’t going to come back this time. This would be one of the last nights she stood in Japan. She shivered, then headed to the phone, recalling her Uncle’s number.

____________________________________

Sakura sat nervously in her homeroom class. She had gotten most of her missing assignments from her friends, though it was hard to concentrate on anything. She had been dreading the moment she would see Syaoran walk into the room. But he never showed up. Now the first class was almost over. He wasn’t late. He wasn’t coming. She glanced at the clock, then looked back down. Tomoyo gave her a sympathizing look. Sakura forced a weak smile and looked back to the notebook in front of her.

She hadn’t told Tomoyo what happened. But she figured her friend was already pretty far into the story. Sakura had walked home after Syaoran had disappeared out of view. She felt disgusted with herself. She knew it must have totally killed him to hear that. But did it really makes things all that different that she didn’t commit herself to three big words? She tapped her pencil impatiently. The sensei droned on. Sakura contemplated calling him between classes. She decided it wasn’t personal enough. She would stop by after school, and that was that.

----

She had finally broken down and told Tomoyo the basic gist of what happened. Tomoyo had been sympathetic, though she didn’t understand the full effect of what had been said. Sakura shivered as she saw Syaoran’s apartment building. She was more nervous than she had ever been in her life. She didn’t know how he would treat her. But she had to see what was going on. He may have stayed outside all night and gotten himself sick. She smiled as she pictured him laying in bed, Meilin bringing him tea. Her smile faded as reality set back in.

Snow crunched under her feet unpleasantly. She rubbed her hands together for warmth. It was quite a cold spell they were having. She looked up at the cloudy, dismal grey sky. It was so dull and lifeless. She looked back to the parkinglot she was crossing. She looked up to where she thought his window was. She looked back down quickly, wondering breifly if he may have been looking down.

Sakura hesitated as she got to the stairs. She glanced at the elevator, then decided to go manual. She climbed up the stairs, legs aching the whole way. The run yesterday morning had made her incredibly sore. She bit her lip as she recalled the wonderful time they had had. It could have been perfect. But it couldn’t of. It was always going to end with Syaoran getting hurt. This way, she hurt him, but knew he would live. She felt more confident about her choice as she approached his door. She knocked firmly three times. She waited.

No one came to the door. Sakura frowned. Maybe he was trying to avoid her. She sighed and knocked again. An empty silence filled the hallway. Sakura stepped back, unsure. She really wanted to know what was going on. She didn’t want them to end so suddenly. But no one was coming to the door. She heard noise to her left. Sakura turned to see people coming out of the stairwell. Her eyes widened at her luck.

Syaoran froze, clinging to the boxes he was carrying. Green eyes stared back at him. Meilin narrowly missed running into him due to his sudden stop. She scowled. "Syaoran, what-" She looked around him to see Sakura, standing in front of their door. She looked so innocent. Who knew she could be capable of such damage.

Sakura smiled sheepishly, trying not to disappear under the shocked and terrified look Syaoran was giving her. "Sorry, I... I was just coming by. I was wondering why you weren’t at school today."

Hearing her melodious voice unfroze his feet. He walked himself to his door, not looking at her again. He unlocked the apartment, then walked in first, his arms aching around the pile of boxes he carried. Sakura let Meilin in before her, then stepped inside. She shut the door behind her, then frowned at the multitude of boxes sitting around the apartment. Syaoran set a stack of empty boxes by the kitchen counter.

"Winter cleaning?" Sakura asked hopefully, a pathetic smile across her lips.

Syaoran couldn’t bring himself to smile back. "No, uh-" He paused as Meilin fled loudly out of the room. He turned to see her disappear conveniently into her room. He looked back to Sakura. She was still in the doorway. He looked at the boxes that seperated them. "I’m going to Hong Kong."

Sakura nodded slowly. Her smile was gone. She looked around at the room. She looked back at him. She walked over to him, sitting on a chair by the counter. Syaoran kept his distance. "But you said you wouldn’t have to go..." She murmured, looking transfixed on the stove she had just cooked over the day before. Things moved way too fast.

"Things change," Syaoran said simply. He felt his insides scream. He was being so fake. He wanted to sit down and cry, shout, and make her fix what she messed up.

Sakura turned to him, her green eyes burning brightly. "Just because... I mean...You don’t have to go Syaoran. I don’t want you to go."

Syaoran looked away from her, feeling the emotions try to flood their way around his dam. He let out a sigh. "I do have to go. If you care the least bit about me -which I have a hard time believing you don’t- you’ll see that. I can’t stay here. I’ve got to figure things out."

Sakura hated herself. She had caused all of it. But this was good right? He was getting away from her, from the danger. When she didn’t answer him, she had known this would happen. She didn’t want it to happen. "Syaoran, I...I need you here. I can’t... I can’t deal with the cards without you." Sakura didn’t want to say the latter part of the sentence. But it was the only thing she could think of. She watched his amber eyes drop. She felt herself chill.

Syaoran looked back at her with large, sorrowful eyes. "I’m sorry that’s all I helped with, in your eyes. But I can’t stay. You’ll be fine with the cards. They probably won’t even do anything."

Sakura bit her lip, fighting back the tears. "I’m sorry, that’s not what I meant. I want you here, not just because of magic, but..."

Syaoran watched her. Maybe she had just needed to put thought into it... He tried to shoot down his hopes before they rose, but their persisted on. "But..." He prompted.

Sakura shook her head.

Syaoran let out a long breath, then began to unstack the boxes he had gotten to put their kitchen stuff in. "Exactly. You’ll be fine."

Sakura could see the pain he was holding in. It was going to tear him apart. He was past his limit now. Sakura stood up, walking to him. He stood up from his boxes, watching her warily. She felt her eyes tear over as she stood in front of him, face to face. She reached her hand up to his face. He stood still for a moment, then gently pulled her hand down, letting it drop to her side before letting go. He swallowed hard and went back to unstacking boxes. "Please don’t, Sakura." He set the last box out in a row, then faced her, a weak and sad smile on his face. "I have to go. I might not come back to Japan. But I promise you, if you ever need my help, you can have it. You have my word. All you have to do is ask, and I’ll be there."

Sakura frowned hard at the ground. She didn’t need to be losing her vision at a time like this. She bit in her lower lip, shaking her head as she looked back up into his eyes. "Syaoran-kun..."

Syaoran watched her, trying to keep himself strong. He stared into her pained emerald eyes. She pleaded silently to him. He longed to agree. But he couldn’t. He had to leave her. He pushed his mouth into the world’s smallest smile. "I need to pack. You should go home before your family worries about you."

Sakura felt a tear trickle down. She shut her eyes tightly. Her family. Syaoran was going back to nothing. He had such a horrible road in front of him. Why was he doing it? She swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded reluctantly. "When do you leave?"

"Tomorrow. I’m selling the apartment with most of the furniture, so there’s not much to get shipped out..." He watched her carefully. She was sincere in wanting him to stay. Why couldn’t she just tell him how she felt? She just wanted to hang onto him as a friend? "Please don’t go to the airport. It will just make things harder."

Sakura felt her body shake with a sob. She nodded, her eyes shut and her head bent to the ground. Syaoran watched her painfully. If only he could just pull her into a hug and forget about it. But there was no forgetting it. Sakura opened her eyes, looking into his one more time. He really was going to leave. He still held a weak smile. She had to leave.

Sakura tried to compose herself, but it didn’t work. She walked to the door, shivering as she turned her back to him. She opened it and stepped out into the hallway. She looked back into the apartment. Syaoran looked back at her. She couldn’t bear to see him leave. She trembled in the doorway. If she would just tell him how she felt, he would stay.

But she couldn’t. She could see his amber eyes from here. They peirced heavily into her. She loved him. She wanted him to leave free of her. He would get over everything and become a great man in Hong Kong. Perhaps he would become the Head Elder. Of course he would. She smiled despite her tears and waved at him. Syaoran smiled in return, offering a wave back. Sakura shut the door.

She stepped back, looking at the barrier. He wasn’t there anymore. That was the last she would see of him. Sakura stared at the grey door. It stood so firmly. There was no passing it. The door had shut. Syaoran was gone behind it. Sakura bit her quivering lower lip and turned her back to the door. She walked away.

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