Deeply Hurting

Another night of tears
Sliding silently down my face.
I wish my body would quit shaking
And my heart would stop its rapid pace.
All over something small
Is how it all began
I disappointed you once again
By being the mother I am
I know you don't approve
Of the way I raise my kids
But then again, you never approved
Of anything I ever did
For years I have tried
To make you proud of me
Its only now I know
That will never be
Because I said no
And demanded my daughters respect
You became angry with me
By making sure to interject
Of course it wasn't with words
Or even a harsh glare
No, you pursed your lips and ignored me
While off in the distance you did stare
Only by my caving and eventually giving in
Did you finally start talking to me.
But I need to tell you now,
Im not here to make you happy.
I am not a perfect mom by any means,
But neither were you.
So listen now and listen close,
Because if it continues, with you I will be through.
You are wonderful
When you think you are the hero
I just wish you could realize
To others, it brings nothing but sorrow.
You've called me names over the years
And said other hateful things
You would think by now,
My thickened skin wouldn't feel the stings.
I am positive these words,
Should you ever read them will make you mad.
But I can't help it
Because right now, I am very very sad.
I'm ready to throw it all away
And never speak to you again.
Its not what I want
But my choices are running thin.
Please understand,
Now I am grown
And the decisions I make
Should not be yours, but instead my own.
It shouldn't matter
If you approve
But I always feel like
My adulthood I must prove.
Now this poem has gotten quite long
And now I am no longer crying.
Maybe, just maybe if you listen close
You will now hear me sighing.



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