kdlts6

kids don't like to share #6

ending up on the back of a milk carton.
and i see a thousand faces everyday, and i get scared, cause i'm in the way and they don't want me there or anywhere. so i start to move in another direction, call it non-affection or rejection. call it anything you want cause i don't know what to do. about all of this, i don't want to miss out on all the happy times that i could have in time. i don't want to be left out of my own life. i want to do the everything and go everywhere i could've dreamed. it just seems so easier to be afraid and walk the other way and just try to stay out of the way, cause no one wants to be let down. and it just seems to be better if i'm not hanging around. if i don't want to be where you are. is it wrong to be far away from you or anybody else. is it so wrong to be here by myself and not feel like a disappointment or another laughing stock or the joke of the day, when i'm near everybody else everyday. i don't want to end up in the ground more sooner than i'm expected. for my time that i'm around i don't want to be rejected. i don't want to be a two line sentence in next week paper. i feel it. that it'll happen in time. i don't want to be the next in line. and is this so very wrong, i just want to feel like i belong.

what does it mean?.
start, stop, is this it. i can't believe it's over this quick. fast, faster, is that all i get. it was gone to fast that i'll forget. when is it coming back around. did i miss the chance when i hit the ground. did i get up or am i still lying there. am i the only one to find out that no one cares. deeply, deeper, deep, why was it my time to go to sleep. when will i get up, a little help would ne nice. why am i so cold, it's like i am sleeping on ice. the fire place is getting to hot. or is it an image that wont stop. am i in a happy place, or is this a fake smile on my face. am i where i belong or in my life was i wrong. was this really here all the time. could i have more time to find. out and about as it only doubts. was it a nightmare or dream. it's all to real. what does it mean?

live for today.
it's not worth it to think about ten years from now if you don't know where you will be tomorrow. whats the use to care if you will be here or anywhere a few years from now. how does anybody know how they will end up. nobody will know which dead end road they will eventually stop at. i think you should take life one day at a time. think about what you will today, go to sleep and do what you want to or feel like tomorrow. when you wake think it's the last day you'll be free. do everything you ever wanted to do. and don't let anybody tell you what to do or say or how to live. tell yourself what you want and do that. because you'll never know that, maybe, you wont have a tomorrow, maybe you'll die today, but you would have lived a life you never wanted. so just live for today.

put your shirt back on you're scaring the children.
why can't she notice me. why does she think i'm not here, when i'm right next to her. she thinks i don't exist. and everytime i'm looking at her she is looking the other way. does she think of me. not to even give me the time of day. i am nobody to her. but why do i think she is the world to me. i know all about her. she has no clue who i am. i know her every step. some call it stalking, so what. i don't want to hurt her, i just want to love her. actually i just want her to love me. like the way i love her, but she will probably never feel the way i feel. not even in the future. not even if she knew who i was. she would think i'm disgusting, stupid and probably a loser.

a happy day.
i'm drowning in my sorrows. don't know where i'll be tomorrow. the day seemed to have stood still, my will wasn't something i could feel. it never felt this bad before. i hope this feeling doesn't happen anymore, or at anyother time. it never shined. always overcast. how long will this last. my time is coming to an end. so i pretend this will never happen again. but then it starts all over. why do i bother. i'm getting bothered. by all useless meaning that i came across. i know i've lost. but it doesn't bring me down. i know i'll come around. i'll get up when i fall down. i'll move on, when it's done and when i'm done. i know i have won cause i know what has to be done. i'll be sad for now, but i know some how, when i go away, i'll be happy some day.

flashing lights.
somewhere, some how. what happens now. what will the next bring, what does anything mean. i see my life, will never be right. meaningless, my life is such a mess. how can i become, someone or anyone. tell me why do i feel like something is flashing in my eyes. i just don't know sometimes.