| kids don't like to share-writings in scumbag tulip #2-#16 |
| #15 i'm only happy when i'm drunk. it's been three years now since i promised myself i would never think of you again. it's been twice this week alone that i thought of you. i just can't bring myself to forget you. a song reminds me of what you said when we're drunk, "don't be someone you're not, be yourself. in the end that's all you've got." it still reminds me when we stayed up that night. drinking our fears, broken hearts, lost chances and regrets away. drinking until we felt safe. nothing to personal to share. nothing holding us back to thinking that we might say something we might regret later. for the first time in our lives we both felt free. free to say what we always felt. not afraid to just let everything go. sharing our inner most secret thoughts we thought no one would ever hear or understand how eachother felt when we both broke the silence. and realizing that we are not the only ones that felt this way. and for the whole night. it was one of the only times i have ever felt alive. #16 when the world fell asleep. we walked the city right through the night. with the darkened sky and the full moon that didn't seem so bright. we walked for hours we talked for miles. the world was asleep and i just wanted to see your smile. the very same smile that made the stars seem worth looking for. the very same smile that made the stars shine brighter than ever before. but you lost that smile a few months ago. i wish i could help you but i just don't know. you felt like you had no purpose and no motivation. you felt dead inside with no dedication. like your body was numb and you were just going through the motions. like your blood was stale and full of a poisoned devotion. a devotion toward nothingness a life of worthlessness. 24 years of making your life turn out to be such a mess. with your eyes glued, mouth stappled closed and your head full of fears. you felt like you conquered nothing in your 24 years. like the world didn't bother to acknowledge your life. so without a second thought you pulled out a knife. so without a second thought you pulled out a knife. to answer lifes question for ignoring your call. you carved your name into the flesh of the concrete wall. i asked you "why did you do that, why." you looked toward me and dusted the dry concrete off my shirt. and with a sigh you said "in this crazy fucking world that made me twisted. with hurt and sorrow with a feeling of no tomorrow, i just wanted to let the world know that i existed." |
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