Scene One

The air old and stale, the wooden walls surrounding me growing old and weak with age, claustrophobia beginning to run rampant though my mind.  After sitting on on the wooden bench built into the small chamber, I notice the brass cross hanging above the door.  I can't remember the last time I prayed to anything that can be considered a god, let alone sit in a church.  The cruelties of this life turned me away from the idea of some omnipotent, all-powerful, loving being watching over everything on earth.  Yet even with all this skepticism concerning a great creator, here I am, seeking some symbolic for of forgiveness more for my own peace of mind than anything else.

The single lit candle being the only source of light in the chamber, creating dancing figure crawling across the wall.  They're coming to get me, the sins from my past sense what I am thinking, seeing weakness and are ready to pounce on me in a massive, overwhelming assault on me.  Let them come, after what I have done, acts I have committed against my friends, the woman I loved, it's what I deserve.

If I'm doomed to face retribution fro the things that I've done for the rest of my life, then why am I even here?  To somehow get out of the karma payback which will hit me sooner or later?  After all the hate I had built up inside me, listening to every word Shane told me about the real world and drinking it all down like a drunk, could I possibly redeem myself in the eyes of everyone I have wronged?  That remains to be seen.

The slot to my left slide open with ease along its wooden groove as the unknown man on the other side gripped the knob, stopping at the small block at the end.  The screen behind the slot was dusty, leaving me with nothing more than a shadow to see on the other side.

Priest
Yes, my Son?

Xavier Micheals
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.  I've never done confession before, not even catholic, wouldn't eve consider myself Christian anymore.

Priest
You've rejected Christ as your savior, or were never given a choice?

Xavier Micheals
Oh no, my family was never the church-going type, but we did believe in God.  It's only been recently that I've turned away from everything.

Priest
And why is that?

Xavier Micheals
This world, Father.  It's cruel, inhumane and merciless.  What loving god sits back and watches the world tear itself apart?  Is something like that really worth praise, deserving of worship?

Priest
One of His greatest miracles was allowing Man to have free will, the freedom to shape their lives as they will.  Unfortunately for many lives, the freedom of others causes them to act out in violent ways against their neighbors.

Xavier Micheals
If you'll recall, He didn't exactly give that freedom to Man.  It was snuck behind his back and stolen.  And how did he react?  Banished us from Paradise.  And what about the ones that could do nothing about their fate, the countless unborn that die everyday?  What about their will, and those their loss effected?

Priest
My Son, one cannot claim to know His reasoning, we can only believe that it is for the best.  Tell me, what has started this crisis of faith.

How much time do you have, because this is going to be awhile.  the only question is where to start.

Xavier Micheals
A couple months ago, I suffered a loss, one that was too great for me to bear.  Instead of being the comforting man I was supposed to be, I turned my back on the girl I loved, the only thing keeping me from going completely insane.

A series of tears find their opening, streaming from Xavier's eyes.  It's true, all of it!

Xavier Micheals
I turned to drugs, cocaine and ecstasy.  In all my hatred for myself, I just wanted to die, end the pain, end it all.  I sought to replace her with others, whores father, that's all they were, common whores.  I though they were opening my eyes, when they were really boxing me into a prison of my won making.  I ran someone over with a car for God's sake!  I tried to run him down like the animal I believed he was!

Xavier leans down, his head in his hands crying uncontrollably now.  He barely gets out the words in a half yell.

Xavier Micheals
What have I become, Father!  I hate this... this thing I've turned into!  Tell me, what am I supposed to do?!  I can't live like this anymore!

Priest
You must set things right, Xavier.

But how?  How can everything go back to the way they were?  After everything that I've done, what can possible turn everything back to normal?  Wait a minute...

Xavier Micheals
How... how do you know my name?

Priest
Xavier, my son, even after all this time, I still love you and always will.  Remember that.

That voice, it can't be.  It's impossible.

Xavier Micheals
Daddy?

Xavier is quickly yanked from the dream state and pulled back into the harsh realm of reality he dreads so much.

Scene Two

The light comes shining through the window, piercing the dark shade with an intensity the likes of which I'd never seen before.  Why did I have to wake up?  All I wanted was to sleep this whole day away.  These covers feel like they're made of lead, feels almost impossible to life them.  I barely have the strength to open my eyes, only to being another day of this world, but the light leaves little choice in the matter.

Just barely shaking away the haze of sleep, a thin, emaciated form of an arm drapes over my chest.  Morgan looks up at me with a smile, as if everything is normal.  In reality, nothing could be further from the truth.  What has happened to her face?  It looks different to me now, or has she always been like this and I'm just now realizing it?  Whatever it is laying next to me, I can't help but feel repulsed by it.

Throwing the covers off of me with a surge of adrenaline and leaping from the bed, neither embarrassed nor ashamed of my own nakedness, but sickened by hers.  She's sprawled herself out, her body completely exposed, smiling up at me and looking proud of herself.

Morgan
Don't give me that look, you know you enjoy it.

Xavier Micheals
Like the five hundred other guys you fucked before me.

I had to turn away from it, just the sight of her made me feel sick.  I half stumbled into the bathroom, my face staring down in the drain of the sink, dry heaving.  I felt I had to throw up, the feeling was uncontrollable any more and yet, here I am in my efforts.  I could hear her padded footsteps and feel her hand crawling down my back.

Morgan
Don't give me that "moral standard" shit again.

She reached her hand around my side, moving down trying to grab a hold of me.  I quickly pushed hear hand aside and slipped out of her demented embrace.  That's just sick, grabbing me like that.

Xavier Micheals
Get you hands off of me, whore.

Morgan
You self-righteous bastard.  Just a couple days ago, you wanted to do some of the kinkiest shit I've done.  You fucked me six ways from Sunday and you loved it.  The fuck's your problem lately?!

Xavier Micheals
I don't want it anymore, can't you get that through your head?!

She waves a finger at me.  She's finally starting to understand.  She's nothing but trash to me.

Morgan
Oh I get it now.  Now that little miss priss Riley is back, you want her back don't you?  Well guess what, it'll never happen.  That bitch has too high of standards to bring herself down to your level, so you might as well face the fact that you're stuck with me.

In a heartbeat, she was on top of me, holding me against the wall and shoving her whorish tongue into my mouth.  The part of me that wanted to change told me, screamed at me, to throw her off of me, while the part that wanted me to give in, to have me down the self-destructive path I've been on, to accept her and return her lust.  I can't do this, I can't keep living like this, something is going to have to change and now.  I pulled my head away to the side, spitting, trying to get her taste from my mouth.

Xavier Micheals
Go fuck yourself.

The slap across my face stung like hell, but it also gave me a touch of satisfaction, a sense of victory.  She was giving up, accepting the fact that I didn't want her, this life anymore.  The look on her face a mask of anger, angry at herself for not being able to turn me into what she wanted anymore.

Morgan
Fine, but you'll be the one fucking yourself from now on.  Fucking loser.

Relief overcame me as she stormed out of the room.  All the determination, all the energy it took to resist her temptations has left me exhausted, feeling void of any life.  All I could do to keep from falling over was sit down on the toilet sit.  My bladder was as empty as a homeless man's bank account, but I just needed to sit, my head down and arms on my knees.

They say the first step in anything is always the hardest, I sure hope so because I really can't endure another one of those situation again.  After a couple minutes of hearing her rustle around in the other room, probably getting dressed, the door to the outside slams shut.  Finally, I've done it, and it probably won't get any easier from here either.

Scene Three

I lost track of how long I'd been sitting there.  The minute felt to mesh themselves into hours.  In my deep thought, time seemed irrelevant, a bothersome nuisance that I have no idea why I ever paid attention to it in the first place.  Was Morgan right?  Did I really want Riley back?  Did I still love her after all this time?  And even if I did, so what?  There's no chance she would take me back, not after all the things I've said about her, the hateful things I've done

The door outside slams shut again, signaling that Morgan has returned, probably with more bullshit about me having too "high moral values" for her.  Great, this is all I need to hear.  I can hear her waling around in the other room.  Why won't she just leave me in peace?

Morgan
Xavier?

Wait a minute... that's not Morgan.  Then who is it?  Who would come looking for me.  Oh shit!  Forgot I didn't even get dressed.

Voice
Xavier?  You here?

Emerald steps in the doorway, not realizing I'm there to the side yet.  I try to yell at her to wait, not to look, but she beats me to it.  She turns to me, and sees me just sitting there on the toilet bare-assed naked.  Well what a pretty picture this must be.  Her face changes repeatedly from looks of "Uhh?" to "What the hell?" to finally "Oh my God!"  She looks away quickly with a hand over her mouth and almost falls out of the bathroom.

Emerald
Oh my God, Xavier!  What the hell?!

Xavier Micheals
Sorry, Em, just lost track of time thinking.

Emerald
Day dreaming on the shitter, that's real nice.  Here, put these on for God's sake.

A pair of blue jeans come flying in the doorway and land on the floor a few feet in front of me.  Well I guess I can't stay like this all day.  Damn, and wanted to catch up on all that toilet humor I've been missing out on.  My legs felt a little stiff after sitting for so long, but I managed to get the pants on and at least clothe myself.  Why do I have this sudden craving for apples?  As soon as I step into the doorway, I see Em holding her hands up the her face, afraid to even look

Emerald
Is it safe?

Xavier Micheals
Yeah, yeah, it's safe.  You can still see colors right?

She opens a slot between her fingers, peeking through.  After seeing that, yes it's ok to look now, she drops her hands in relief.  She looks at me, holding up a finger for each of the points she's about to make.

Emerald
OK, one, don't you ever tell Brody about that.  If he found out, I'd never hear the end of his "How big is he?" questions.  Two, if this is some new habit of yours, start closing the door and invest in a "Do Not Disturb" sign.  And three, why in the hell is Morgan calling me saying you're a "fucking loser that doesn't knowing what the hell he wants"?

Xavier Micheals
One, you can bet on that, don't want him even thinking about me like that.  Two, no it's not a habit.  And three, I just couldn't stand that little drug peddling whore anymore.

Emerald
Good, it better not be, and what's going on with you lately?  You practically shit yourself when you saw Riley, and you have this big realization.  The two connected or something, hmmm?

That's a good question, I don't even know myself.  When I saw Riley last night, it brought back a flood of memories, good and bad.  The love me and Riley had, tragedy we shared, and me blaming her for everything.  Oh boy, here comes that airy feeling in the head again.  I can barely make it to the bed before collapsing down on it.  When I look up at Em, I can see the concern on her face.

Xavier Micheals
I don't know, Em.  I don't know what's going on in my head, my life, Riley, I just feel so confused right now.

Emerald
You have this big Ultimate title match against Stanton at the Pay-Per-View coming up Sunday.  Is it anything about that?

Xavier Micheals
Pretty Boy?  Why would I be worried about him?  It's a known fact that I'm going to tear right through him, Sunday.  Everyone knows about that.  This is going to be the biggest ass whooping in ESW history.

Emerald
Then all this is about Riley?

I'm too afraid to even answer her, because I know how she'd react.  After everything that's happened the last couple months, how could I feel this way?  But typical Em, she reads me like an open book.

Emerald
Oh my God, Xavier.  You still love her don't you?!

It's been said that the truth sets you free.  I just hope that's right.  Maybe if I just say it, it'll be easier to deal with this.

Xavier Micheals
Yes, I do.  And now, I have this problem.  After everything, how can I go back?  Change things back to normal and make them the way they were?

Emerald sits down on the bed next to me letting out a sigh.  She doesn't bother looking at me, just straight ahead , ideas bouncing around in her head.

Emerald
Well this is a fine mess you got into here.

Xavier Micheals
Tell me about it.

Emerald
My advice, try to set things right.  At least try, that's all you can do.

Xavier Micheals
You're right and just hope this all works out in the end.

All I can hold on to now is hope.  Hope that my personal life will somehow come back together before I fall even more apart.