DISCLAIMER AND AUTHOR'S NOTE: All Buffy The Vampire Slayer stuff belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and Warner Brothers. No copyright infringement was intended in the writing of this fiction. All other characters that appear belong to me. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies may be made for private use only and must include this copyright notice and disclaimer. There is some subtext in this story. If this kind of stuff is not legal where you live, if you're under 18 or if you don't like the notion of two women being in love, then you should find something else to read. This story is set during the Buffy The Vampire Slayer episode This Year's Girl. It was inspired by Talion's story Saying Good Bye, which can be found at BuffyNFaith Mailing List. It is a companion piece to Motherhood.

Motherhood No More
By Kristjan Brezovnik

"Hello, Joyce," Faith said when Joyce opened the door, and hit her in the face.

When Joyce came around again, she was lying on her bed and Faith was pacing around with an empty look in her eyes. She noticed the big, mean-looking dagger Faith was clutching in her hand and she got worried, especially when she noticed that it was already covered with blood.

"Faith," she said, but Faith completely ignored her. "What do you want, Faith?"

Faith stopped and gave her an angry look.

"Kill Buffy," she said and resumed pacing.

Joyce gulped as her fear came true.

"Why?" she asked, but Faith ignored her. "Why, Faith?"

Faith stopped and stared at her for a few moments.

"Why? There are several reasons, but the most important reason right now is," she paused for a moment, "she killed my baby!" she finished, screaming.

Joyce stared at her, shocked.

"What? You were pregnant?"

"Yes. And when she stabbed me, she killed my baby."

Faith resumed pacing and Joyce stared at her, shocked.

"I'm sorry," she finally said.

"Shut up!" Faith screamed. "I don't need your pity! Save it for Buffy!"

She resumed pacing.

"Faith�" Joyce started.

"Shut up!" Faiths screamed and a tear slid down her cheek. "Or I'm gonna kill you!"

They stared at one another for a few moments and then Faith resumed pacing again. Joyce hoped that Buffy would be able to take the dagger from Faith.

Buffy crashed through the window and knocked Faith to the ground.

"Hi, Mom," she said when she got up.

"Buffy�" Joyce tried to tell her what was going on, but Faith was already all over Buffy.

They fought like only two Slayers could and Buffy was surprised by Faith's ferocity. And even though she landed more blows than Faith, Faith didn't seem to feel them. She was slowly getting worried, especially since Faith was so quiet, no taunts or remarks, just a deadly determination to kill her. She was confused, she didn't expect Faith to go medieval on her, at least not so quietly.

The fight was brutal and the furniture suffered like a tornado swept through the house. When they left the bedroom and crashed down the stairs, Joyce considered calling the police, but then she remembered that Faith had lost her baby. She decided against it, hoping she could prevent the worst.

In the meantime, the two Slayers were wrecking the dining room, Faith as eerily quiet as before, Buffy too busy to speak. But Buffy managed to knock the dagger out of Faith's hand. Faith tried to retrieve it, but Buffy was faster. She rolled, grabbing the dagger, and then spun on her back, sweeping Faith off her feet. Faith hit her head on the dining table and was dizzy for a moment. That was enough for Buffy to gain the upper hand.

When Faith's head cleared a bit, she saw Buffy closing in for the kill, the dagger raised and a murderous look in her eyes.

"Go ahead!" she screamed, leaning at the table. "Kill me like you killed my baby! Finish what you started!"

Buffy froze, astonished.

"What?"

"Buffy!" Joyce said as she came downstairs.

"What did you say?" Buffy asked Faith, thinking she didn't hear right, the dagger still ready.

"You killed my baby!" Faith said, tears running down her cheeks.

"What baby?" Buffy asked, puzzled.

"I was pregnant when you stabbed me. I had an abortion." She sobbed. "You killed my baby," she said and fell to her knees and curled up like a fetus, burying her face in her palms. "My baby," she whispered, crying.

Buffy stared at her, shocked. She lowered her hand and the dagger slipped from her hand.

"I� I killed� a baby," she finally said, shocked.

Her legs gave out and she fell to her knees, tears sliding down her cheeks.

Joyce stared at the two hurting Slayers and started crying herself. She went to them and kneeled beside them. She hugged Buffy and Buffy leaned on her and cried. With her free hand, Joyce caressed Faith.

After a few minutes, when Buffy calmed somewhat, Joyce let go of her and turned to Faith. She gently lifted her head and then hugged her.

"My baby," Faith whispered as she hugged her back, still crying.

Buffy stared at her mother and at Faith, too shocked to find the sight of the two of them hugging, or the sight of Faith crying, strange. Now she knew how Faith must have felt after she had killed Finch and she understood her better.

When Faith finally stopped crying and she realized she was being held by Joyce, she backed off, surprised, feeling embarrassed.

"Sorry," she murmured, staring at the floor.

Joyce caressed her and Faith flinched, startled, and looked at her, surprised.

"Why� are you nice to me?" she asked, wiping her tears. "I just tried to kill your daughter."

Joyce sighed.

"You lost your baby and you were hurt. I can understand that," she said and Faith looked down. She looked at Buffy, who was staring at Faith, still shocked, and then back at Faith. "Look at me," she said. "Both of you." The Slayers looked at her. "Don't you think it's time you two stopped hurting one another?" She sighed. "Go to Buffy's room and don't come out until you've had a long and honest talk."

"Mom?" Buffy asked, surprised.

"Go," she said and looked at Faith. "You too, Faith."

Faith wanted to object, say something that would make her look tough, but she just didn't have the strength, or the guts, to do it. And besides, she had just tried to kill Buffy and Joyce still held her. Not to mention that she liked Joyce. She looked down, sighing, and followed Buffy upstairs.

Joyce got up and stared after them until they were gone. Then she looked around and sighed. The place was a mess. But, if everything went well with Buffy and Faith, she would have four more helping hands to clean it up. But until Buffy and Faith were done talking, she had some time to kill. She shuddered as the word 'kill' crossed her mind. This was definitely not a good metaphor.

When they got to Buffy's room, Buffy sat on her bed, avoiding Faith's eyes. Faith closed the door and then looked around for a place to sit. Buffy noticed that and she moved aside. Faith hesitated for a moment and then sat beside her. They both stared at the floor for a while, both unsure of how to begin.

"Welcome to the dark side," Faith finally said quietly, still staring at the floor.

Buffy bit her teeth.

"I'm sorry," she finally said and sobbed for a moment. Then she glanced at Faith. "God, Faith, if I had known�"

"It wouldn't matter," Faith interrupted her.

Buffy wanted to object, but she realized that Faith was right.

"Yes," she admitted and bit her teeth. She took a deep breath. "Em," she started hesitatingly, "Mom� wants us to have a� a serious talk, so, em, I guess I� I better start." She glanced at Faith, but Faith didn't respond, except by grabbing the blanket she was sitting on tighter. Buffy sighed and thought for a few moments. "I guess I better start at the beginning." She took another deep breath, hoping Faith won't run out or something. "When I first saw you, you were� different. I mean, you had that carefree attitude, like you didn't have a worry in the world. And you were so self-confident, like you could take on any monster. But then I saw your fear when Kakistos came after you and I knew you weren't as tough as you pretended to be." She hesitated for a moment. "I was still getting over Angel, but you� you, I don't know, you made it easier for me. Every time I was with you, it was like� like Angel never existed." She sighed. "But then he came back from Hell and I was all confused, I didn't know what to feel and I still felt guilty over sending him there in the first place. And then we were fighting over him and I felt angry at you, I felt betrayed." She sighed. "But I guess I got over it. And you still� attracted me," she said, blushing. "Hell, I wanted to be like you pretended to be, carefree, but after you killed Finch� I got scared. I mean, it wasn't so long ago that I was accused of killing Kendra. And then my mom found out I was a Slayer and she threw me out of the house and I was alone and scared. But I came back. It was hard and I almost ran away again." She paused and took a deep breath. "I also felt responsible for Finch's death. But what scared me most was your attitude, when you said you didn't care. And I didn't even blame you when you told Giles that I killed Finch." She hesitated for a moment. "But what really hurt me was that you went to work for the Mayor. Compared to that the incident with that Post woman was nothing. And then you poisoned Angel." She paused as the bad memories came back. "That was what hurt me the most. You knew how much I still cared about Angel. I felt betrayed." She sighed. "I'm sorry, Faith, that I wasn't there for you when you were scared and when you needed help, but I didn't know how to get through to you. Hell, I was scared myself."

Faith didn't respond immediately and she was on the verge of crying. Tears were already streaming down her cheeks, but she didn't wipe them, so Buffy wouldn't know. Buffy's confession really shook her up and she couldn't believe that Buffy was apologizing to her or that she was attracted to her. For a moment she had hoped that Buffy was in love with her, but she pushed the hope away, not wanting to be disappointed. Then she shuddered as she realized it was her turn. She panicked for a moment, wanted to run away, but she decided to stay and tell Buffy her side of the story. She took a deep breath and then started.

"Before I came to Sunnydale, there was only one person that cared about me, my Watcher, but even she was distant. She wasn't like Giles." She hesitated for a moment, not used to telling anyone about how she felt. "I envied you. You had a great Watcher, a great mom and friends who were there for you and who even helped you out. Hell, I was jealous of you." She sighed. "You had everything that I didn't. I wanted to be like you, but I kept feeling that I wasn't welcome, that I didn't belong. I mean, being a Slayer finally gave some meaning to my life, but when I met you, I started feeling like I was just a token Slayer, that you could save the world all by yourself. And when your friends talked about slaying, they always talked about you, never about me." She paused for a moment, nervous. "I� liked you. A lot. But then that Post woman came and she sweet-talked me into killing Angel. I felt like an idiot when I found out that she was evil and Angel wasn't." She made another pause. "And I was jealous of Angel." She stopped for a moment to collect herself. "And then I� I killed Finch. I� I was so scared, more than ever before. I know you tried to help me, but I just� I was just too scared." She took a deep breath so she wouldn't cry. "I went to the Mayor because I felt that you thought I was bad, so I wanted to prove you right. And I felt bad about it. For a while. And then I wanted to hurt you, get your attention. So I poisoned Angel. I knew you'd come after me." She paused for a moment. "I guess a part of me wanted to die that night." She started sobbing and it took her a few moments to regain control. "It wasn't your fault I lost my baby, it was mine," she then said. "I killed my baby," she whispered and sobbed for a few moments. "I'm sorry, Buffy, for everything," she said when she collected herself a bit.

They sat on the bed for a while, both thinking about what the other had said.

Buffy still felt guilty. She felt that she had failed Faith. And she felt responsible that Faith was feeling like she was left out, that she didn't belong, she felt responsible that she had gone to the Mayor. She had no idea that Faith was jealous of her. Or of Angel. That bit of information confused her. Faith was jealous of Angel? Did that mean Faith was� in love with her? Buffy had no idea, but she decided to find out.

"Do� Do you love me?" she asked.

Faith gasped, surprised. She wanted to lie, but she was tired of lies, they had cost her her baby. She sighed.

"Yes," she said quietly, trying hard not to cry.

Buffy didn't immediately respond as she thought of what Faith had said. Faith loved her. Wow. She had been afraid to admit it to herself for a long time. First, because she was still getting over Angel and because she never thought she could fall in love with another girl. And then Angel came back and Faith went to the other side and she nearly killed her. And now there was Riley. Yet she still felt a connection to Faith that she hadn't felt to Angel or Riley. And she didn't really care anymore if she was straight, gay or something else. She found it strange that after all that Faith had done to her, she still wanted her in her life. No, she corrected herself, she needed her in her life. She sighed, deciding to say it.

"I love you too."

Faith glanced at her, surprised.

"You� You do?" she asked, not convinced.

Buffy nodded and looked at her. They stared at one another for a few moments and then Buffy decided to clear it up.

"Yes," she said. "I've never allowed to admit it to myself because, well, I wasn't sure I could fall in love with another girl and you were so good at pretending that I just didn't know what to make of it." She sighed. "But now that we've cleared up this mess, it's much easier for me to admit to myself how I feel." She paused for a moment. "I love you, Faith."

Faith looked away, scared. She was confused. She had wanted for so long to be with Buffy, yet now that she had a chance, she was scared. Buffy noticed her fear and she took her hand. Faith looked at her, startled, and Buffy smiled. Buffy hesitated for a moment and then leaned in for a kiss. Faith's eyes went wide when she realized what Buffy wanted and she backed off. Buffy noticed that and she quickly gave her a kiss on the lips. That surprised Faith and she stopped. They stared at one another for a few moments and then Buffy moved in again. Faith started to back off again, but she stopped and let Buffy kiss her.

Buffy's lips lingered on Faith's for only a few moments and then Buffy backed off, not wanting to pressure Faith. Faith hesitated for a moment and then moved in for a kiss herself. Buffy smiled and they kissed. Their lips only brushed one another for a few moments, before they parted and let their tongues play. It was a passionate kiss, yet without the sexual overtones.

When they stopped, they were both breathless. Buffy smiled and hugged Faith. Faith felt a bit awkward at first, but then she hugged her back and started to cry. Buffy couldn't help herself and she too started to cry.

Buffy stopped before Faith and she just held the other girl in her arms. When Faith calmed down a bit, she let go of Buffy and Buffy let go of her. Faith looked away, feeling awkward, but Buffy caressed her and she looked back at her.

"I love you, Buffy," she whispered, surprised at her own boldness, and Buffy smiled.

"I love you too, Faith."

They stared at one another for a few moments and then Faith hugged Buffy again and sobbed. Buffy just held her.

"I'm sorry," Faith said, embarrassed, when she broke the hug.

Buffy smiled.

"Nothing to be sorry about," she said.

Faith took a deep breath.

"So now what?" she asked anxiously.

"Well," Buffy said reluctantly, "we have to go to the police."

Faith's eyes went wide and she backed off.

"I� I�"

"It's okay," Buffy said, capturing her hand. "I'll go with you. And when we're done there, you'll move in with Mom and me."

Faith frowned, confused.

"But� But I� killed people," she pointed out.

"Yes. But jail isn't going to solve your problems. And besides, I need you out here."

"But I'm a�"

Buffy silenced her with a kiss.

"It's gonna be alright, Faith. I know, we're not above the law, but I think we should make an exception in your case. You do regret what you've done, don't you?"

Faith looked down, ashamed, and nodded.

"Yes," she croaked.

"Good. Come, let's go freshen up first."

The End