| Title: Observations Author: Kelsie B. Email: [email protected] Status: Complete Category: Drama, Angst Pairings: None Spoilers: Everything Up To Season Five Season/Sequel info: Season Five Rating: PG-13 Content Warnings: Language Summary: SG-1 is invited to participate in an exchange program that goes wrong before it even starts. Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author. Observations, Part 2 Eight years later Daniel walked out of his office, intent on getting a cup of what he and Sam had tried to convince themselves was coffee. As he rounded the corner to the commissary, he noticed Sam sitting up against the hallway wall, contemplating, well... nothing. He went over to her. "Sam?" he asked. She didn't look toward him. "Daniel," she replied. "What are you doing?" he asked gently, bending down to sit beside her. "Oh - repairing another one of the circuit boxes," she said, with a glance over at her tools. "That's what I do here. Dr. Samantha Carter, handyman." "Sam, you're a lot more than that," Daniel said. "Daniel, there's nothing for me here to do. I'm an astrophysicist on a world with no technology more complicated than a heating and cooling system," she said with disgust. "It's easier for you. There are enough texts here to translate to keep you busy for a hundred years." He frowned. "Exactly. And quite a few of them are scientific texts that I can't make head or tail of even after I translate them. I could sure use some help, Sam. If you'd put what I taught you about the Linmarrian language to use, we could translate the library far quicker." "What's the point?" she said. "No one's ever going to benefit from it." "We don't know that," Daniel said. "If Jack were to walk through that Stargate tomorrow, wouldn't you like to have something to show for eight years here?" Sam thought a moment. "You really think it's possible someone will find us?" she asked. "Anything's possible," Daniel said. "What I do think is that I can't give up the hope that someone will come for us someday. And neither can you," he said, giving her a hand and helping her to her feet. Ten years later Daniel leaned over his desk, squinting at the lines of text on the book in front of him. With a sigh, he pulled off his glasses and flung them on the table, rubbing his eyes wearily. From behind him, he heard Sam come into the room. "Hey," she said, walking in. "Are you coming to dinner, or should I get you a 'to go' box?" "I'm sorry, Sam," he said. "Lost track of time." He gave her a small smile as she came to sit beside him, glancing at the book he was translating. "Interesting reading?" she said. "I'm hoping so. It's a history text, and I'm hoping it will shed some light on the Linmarrian explorations to other worlds - maybe why this facility was created here in the first place," he said, absently rubbing the back of his neck. Sam noticed what he was doing and stepped behind him to massage his shoulders. He tensed for a second, then sighed, allowing her to continue. "You know, you should ask for a vacation now and then," Sam said, with a small smile. "Vacation?" Daniel asked. "I've been on vacation - a ten year vacation. I want to go back to work. Next you'll be telling me to get a hobby." He paused, allowing his body to relax as she continued to knead the muscles in his shoulders. "A hobby wouldn't be so bad," she joked quietly. "Sam," he began hesitantly, "Do you think we'll ever...." "No," she said firmly, surprising herself and him. "Not really, Daniel. I could tell you some empty platitude, that there's always the chance, but - I don't really believe it myself. It's been ten years." Ten years, she thought to herself. Ten years of my life. Not being lived exactly the way I planned. "This wasn't exactly how I planned to live out my life," he said a moment later, echoing her thoughts. "No," she agreed with him, tears suddenly stinging her eyes. She moved away from him. "I'm going to take a walk - I'll just be..." She left before Daniel could say anything to her. He gave her a few minutes before getting up to find her. "Sam?" Daniel walked to where Sam was sitting, looking over the bluff across the ocean as the sun set into the water, streaking it with gold. "Are you okay?" he said, sitting down beside her. She turned away a little, so that in the fading light he couldn't see the redness of her eyes. "Yeah, I'm okay. Just thinking," she said faintly. "Those thoughts must have been pretty deep," he said, watching as she hugged her knees a little tighter. "Want to talk about it?" She started to say something, then stopped. He waited patiently until she spoke. "It's just..." she stopped again. "God, we're really never going home. I mean, I knew it already, in my mind but..." "Not really in your heart?" Daniel said, not looking at her. She nodded, watching the sun sink into the sea. "There were so many things I wanted to do. I wanted to be a wife. A mom. I wanted to publish that damn book on wormhole physics that I'd been working on. I wanted to finally learn how to ski," she said, with a little laugh. Daniel smiled a little. "I guess learning to ski is definitely out of the question, since the temperature hasn't dropped below 60 degrees since we've been here." "What did you plan to do?" she said. "Besides trying to find the top of my desk?" he asked, then sobered. "I was actually doing the first thing in my life that felt truly....right," he said. "I wish I was back there, at the SGC. I never thought it would mean so much to me." "Do you ever get lonely?" she asked. "Get tired of being alone here?" His eyes didn't meet hers as he answered. "I never really thought I was alone here," he said quietly. "I have you." Her heart dropped as she realized how her words had sounded. "Daniel, I'm sorry - I didn't mean..." "No - it's okay, Sam." He gave her a small smile. "I know that of all the people in the SGC, I'm not exactly the one you would have chosen to be stranded with." Pour on the guilt, Daniel, she thought. "That's not fair," she replied, sounding a little sharper than she intended. "I actually think I could have done a lot worse," he continued. "I could have gotten stranded with Jack. We'd probably have killed one another by now." Sam had to smile at that. "Probably," she agreed. They were silent a moment, as darkness fell around them, making it harder for them to see one another as the light faded. "It's lonely in some ways," Daniel admitted. "You know, Janet had just introduced me to one of her colleagues a few weeks before the Linmarrians arrived. Dr. Thompson." "Oh?" Sam said. She vaguely remembered Dr. Thompson, a long-legged blonde that was assisting Janet in the infirmary part-time. "We'd just gone out a few times, but...we were really hitting it off," he finished, sounding a little embarrassed. "I mean - it had been so long since I'd had that kind of....relationship with anyone. After Shar'e was gone and that whole mess with Linnea - it took me a while to get comfortable with the idea of dating." "And you miss it...her," Sam corrected. "I miss it more than her," Daniel said candidly, "And now it's been ten years." "I wish I could say it's just been ten years," Sam mumbled to herself. "I don't know where you found any time to date. I wish I'd found the time. Now it's too late - there's no one to have sex with," she finished. Daniel winced slightly and looked away, but not before Sam noticed, and realized how her remark had sounded. "Daniel - I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way." "It's okay, Sam - I shouldn't have gotten us onto the subject," he said, still looking away from her. "It's not okay - that wasn't really what I meant to say," she said. "Wasn't it?" he asked, his voice betraying just a hint of hurt. "No," she said firmly. "It's just that...." Okay, say it, she told herself. "You don't have those kinds of feelings for me, do you, Daniel?" the words came out in a rush. "No, of course not, Sam," he said, a little too convincingly for her taste. Not that I want him to be in love with me, she reasoned. It somehow stung her pride a little anyway, she noticed with annoyance. "But ...I think after these last few years I can be honest with you and tell you that I miss being close to someone, sharing those kinds of things. I mean - you're the one that told me no one is coming for us, Sam. To face facts. If you truly believe that...." Daniel said. She nodded, and they sat in silence for a moment. "So where do we start?" she asked. In response, Daniel moved behind her, pulling her close so that her back was against his chest, and her legs were nestled between his own. She leaned back against him, letting out a small sigh as his arms held her gently close to him. "Just let me hold you a while," he whispered to her. She nodded. Twelve years later Sam looked over at Daniel as he slept beside her. Without disturbing him, she propped her head up with one hand and softly pushed a tendril of hair away from his eyes with her other hand. In sleep he even looked more boyish than he did when he was awake. After the last horrible haircut she'd tried to give him, he'd let his hair grow out longer again, reminding her of how he'd looked when they'd first met all those years ago, back on Abydos. The only difference now was that his hair was beginning to be streaked with gray, as was her own. How long ago had that first meeting been? she thought. Almost seventeen years ago now. She'd fallen asleep here by Daniel last night, and even though she'd awakened during the night, she'd stayed beside him, curling close to him as he slept. Even though they still both had their own bedrooms, they found themselves more and more staying the entire night together, mostly just to hold one another as they slept. Although their relationship had become a physical one over a year ago, it was still just the simple act of sleeping side by side that seemed to bring the most comfort to them both. Daniel sighed softly in his sleep, and she reached out to cup his cheek, and gently kiss him awake. He awoke slowly, and returned her kiss. "Good morning," he whispered huskily to her. "More like good afternoon," she said, with a look toward the window. "That's okay - it's Saturday, isn't it?" he asked, with a yawn. "Yeah, it's Saturday," she said with a grin, settling in closer to him. "For good behavior, I think we deserve a three day weekend - what do you say?" "I think we've earned it," he said, snuggling in deeper under the covers. "We've definitely earned it," she said to him, leaning her head against his shoulder. She realized how good this felt - being here with Daniel. Their relationship had deepened from friendship to something that she couldn't quite describe. Not "in love" exactly, she thought. But I do love him. Twelve years together had created a bond that was far more comfortable than it was passionate. She knew he felt the same way. Maybe he would never love her as he had loved Shar'e - as she had loved Jack - but he did love her as well. They both needed that - they needed each other. Twenty years later Sam looked up from her work and glanced outside, noticing that the sun was setting. She switched on a light by her desk, then realized it had been a while since she'd seen Daniel. She smiled a little, then stood up, stretching a little. It's his turn to cook, she thought to herself as she walked toward his study. No way he's going to get out of that. "Okay, Daniel - so what's for dinner?" she asked, going into his study. She stopped with a frown, and turned on another light, looking around for him. "Daniel?" she called again, then sucked in her breath in surprise. Daniel lay on the floor, crumpled in a heap by his
desk. Sam stood stock still for a moment, paralyzed with shock,
before going to him and taking him in her arms. She held him tightly. "Hold on, Daniel," she said,
"I'll help you, just...." "So you're saying that in your perception of time, you spent years on a Linmarrian world?" General Hammond said. "About twenty, sir," Sam said. "The passage of time seemed very real to us." "We had more than enough time to learn the language and translated many of their works - technological, agricultural, historical..." Daniel shook his head. "There's a lot that we can share from the experience that will help Earth," Sam finished. "So how'd you survive on this world?" Jack asked. "There was an abandoned facility there, and more than enough to live on, Jack. Not exactly 'Survivor'," Daniel said. "Once we'd discovered that the Stargate couldn't be made to work again, we were able to live on the resources we had." "It was actually quite a beautiful world," Sam said, her eyes far away. "And you were the only two people there?" Jack asked. He didn't miss the look that passed between Sam and Daniel. Daniel finally answered. "Yes," he said shortly, and offered no further details. Teal'c never thought he'd be in the role of trying to start conversation with his SG-1 teammates, but today that was the case. He tried again. "The weather today is quite lovely," he said, looking at them hopefully. Sam and Daniel, who'd replied to his previous attempts with one word answers and half-hearted smiles, looked up in surprise. "I am out of topics for discussion," Teal'c said dryly. "Please respond." They had to smile at that. "The weather is great today, Teal'c," Daniel said. Sam agreed. "Really warm for September." "That is because it is July," Teal'c replied, confused at her answer. Sam gave him an apologetic look. "Right, July," she said, glancing at Daniel. "All right, everyone, here we go," Jack said, bringing the platter in from the grill. "Major, I think if I remember, you like yours medium well," he said, putting a steak on her plate. Sam stared at the meat for a second before throwing down her napkin and getting up from the table, bumping it with her knee as she got up. "I'm sorry, Colonel, if you'll excuse me," she said, running to the bathroom. The door shut with an ominous thud. Jack sighed. "Well, I know I'm not Julia Child, but that's the first time I've gotten that reaction," he said, sitting down. "It's not your cooking, Jack," Daniel said, his own stomach a little queasy. "We just haven't had any meat in a very long time. At least - it seems like....." He got up from the table. "I'll go check on her." "Yeah," Jack said, looking over at Teal'c. Daniel found Sam out on the porch and walked to her side. She turned to him, her eyes red with unshed tears. "Daniel, I know that this was all just some sort of mind trick and that we should be readjusting to the fact that we were only out for fifteen minutes, but I just...can't right now," she said. "Everything's just gone, Daniel.
Our..my life is gone. It's overwhelming and no one seems to understand." "We should probably get back in there," Daniel said to Sam, taking the empty beer bottle out of her hand and setting it aside. "We've been out here over an hour." She nodded. "You go ahead, I'll be right there," she said. He gave her hand a squeeze, and started to leave, when Sam stopped him. "Daniel," she said. Her eyes locked with his. "Will you..." she stopped, gathering her courage, "Will you come home with me tonight?" she asked quietly. Daniel paused, and an incredibly sad look came over his face. Shaking his head slightly, he went to her and clasped her hands. "Sam, I can't. I've never wanted to do anything more in my whole life, but if I did - things would never be the same between us again." She turned her back to him, and clasped the railing of the porch. "They're never going to be the same again anyway, are they?" she asked. "I don't know," he answered. "But now is not the time to be making any decisions like this. Not when both of us are still trying to recover from what happened." "I know you're right," she said a minute later. "I'm sorry." "Don't apologize," he said. "Tomorrow I might be asking you the same question," he said, with a small smile. "Listen, I think I'm going to ask Jack if I can stay over here tonight. Why don't you give Janet a call, and see if she and Cassie might let you spend the night over there?" "That's a good idea," Sam said, nodding. She gave his arm a squeeze before going back into the house. Daniel watched her leave, and when she disappeared from his sight, he leaned back against the porch railing, arms clasped protectively around himself, and waited for his heart to stop racing before walking into the house again. A few days later, Jack walked purposefully into Daniel's office and pulled up a chair. "Daniel, hey," he said, "How are ya?" Daniel just stared at him a moment before putting down an artifact he was trying to decipher. "Fine," he said, looking suspiciously at Jack. "You?" "Worried, actually," Jack said without preamble, "About you and Sam." "We're fine, Jack. Dr. Fraiser...." "Said physically there was nothing wrong with you, I know," Jack said. "You still haven't convinced me, however." Daniel didn't meet his eyes as he spoke. "So what do you want me to say, Jack?" "Something. Anything. What the hell is wrong with you and Carter would be a good start," he said. Daniel looked at him now, his eyes narrowing in anger. "Okay, Jack," he said, pushing away his notes and standing, "Let's summarize again. Regardless of the fact that Sam and I were only out of it for fifteen minutes in that conference room, to us we lived twenty years together. Twenty years," he said, "And now all of a sudden we're back and that life is just....gone." "And you're saying the two of you..." Jack started. "God, Jack - is that all you can think about? Whether or not anything happened between us?" Daniel said, running a hand through his hair. "Whatever we perceived as happening wasn't real." "Oh, I think it was real enough to the both of you," Jack said. "I know you have feelings for her, but can't you for once take yourself out of the equation and think about us? We didn't think anyone was ever going to find us, Jack. We were alone," Daniel said, with more anger than he realized he felt. "Even when you were stranded on Edora, you weren't totally alone. We gave up hope that anyone would ever come for us and started making a life for ourselves." "A life that included...what?" Jack said. "A life that included a lot of things," he finished. "Daniel, I have to know what happened," Jack said. "Why, Jack? Why do you have to know?" Daniel demanded. "I have to know because what happened between the two of you is affecting this team. I won't allow General Hammond to send us back into the field unless I'm sure you two can handle it. My feelings - whatever you think they are - aren't the issue here," Jack said. When Daniel didn't answered, he pressed him. "Well?" "I don't want to talk anymore about this, Jack," Daniel said, walking to the door. "Not yet, anyway." Jack paused for a second after Daniel left, then got up. No, I won't let you get away that easy, Daniel, he said to himself, going after him. He caught up to him in the elevator, and put his hand in the door, forcing it open. "Thanks for holding it for me," he said to Daniel, who refused to look at him. Before the elevator had gone three floors, Jack hit the emergency stop. The car lurched to a stop, and Daniel steadied himself against the wall. "So I guess we're not done with this conversation," Daniel said. "Nope," Jack said, leaning against the wall. "Make yourself comfortable." "I've told you everything, Jack - what else..." "So when," Jack said, looking over at him, "Did the two of you give up on me?" "Give up on you?" Daniel asked. "Give up believing I would come after you? Try to rescue you?" Jack said. Daniel sighed, and a minute passed before he spoke. "It was a while," Daniel said. "Years. We...we weren't even sure if you were alive - if the accident that stranded us...that we thought had stranded us.... " Jack didn't look over at him. "Who gave up first?" "I don't know that, Jack," Daniel said, an edge of frustration creeping into his voice. "Sure you do," Jack said. "I'm betting on Sam, myself. She's pretty down to earth, literal. She would have come to the conclusion earlier that nobody was coming." "So you're saying that because I'm not grounded in reality that I would have held onto desperate hope longer?" "No - no matter what you think my feelings are for Carter, or for you for that matter," Jack said. "I know you, Daniel. It had to take a lot for you to finally say 'That's it - Jack couldn't make it. He couldn't rescue us'." He looked over at Daniel. "I bet you were mad as hell at me, both of you." Daniel looked over at him. "I don't know if mad was the right word." "No one is going to fault you for what you did during those years, Daniel. Especially not me. Shit, I was only stranded for a few months and I was already putting down roots. You spent years together." "It was...incredibly hard for me to admit that we were stuck there," Daniel said. "You're right, Sam did come to that conclusion a lot sooner than me. We truly thought we were never going to make it home." "And you did what anyone would do in that circumstance - you tried to create a life for yourselves. That's natural, Daniel. Completely realistic of the two of you, if you ask me." "Completely realistic of us, yes - but what's wrong about this whole situation is not that we actually did that, Jack - it's that to everyone else it never really happened. Well, it happened for us - to us, it was real. And in a second it was gone - all those years, our life together. It's gone." He slumped a little against the wall. "Do you know I spent more time with Sam on that planet than I have with any human being I've ever known, my parents included?" Jack nodded. "And you're grieving. You should. That's why I've been trying to reach out to the two of you - help you in some way. I don't know how, but...." Daniel took a deep breath. "I know you mean well, Jack, but - I think I'm just going to need to work through this one on my own for a while, okay?" "Okay," Jack said. After a second he turned and hit the release button for the elevator. "Just know that I'm here if you need to talk or...." "Thank you, Jack - I know," Daniel said, a little too quickly for Jack's taste. "Was what you learned worth all this?" Jack said. "I hope so," Daniel said, with a small, bitter smile. "Would you do it again?" Jack said. "Jack, knowing what I do now - I wouldn't have chosen to do it the first time. No matter what we stood to gain," Daniel said, leaving the elevator. Jack stared after him a moment before hitting the elevator's close button and returning back to the control room level. He walked into General Hammond's office. "Colonel," General Hammond said to him. "What can I do for you?" "General, I know we locked out the Linmarrian home world, but - can we contact them again?" Jack said. "What are you talking about?" he asked. "If they were advanced enough to cram twenty years into my team's brains in fifteen minutes - they've got to have a way to reverse that, right?" Jack said. "Let's ask them." "I'll trust your judgment on this," General Hammond said with a sigh. "Let's dial them up." SG-1 sat in the conference room with the Linmarrians, who had come as quickly as Jack had requested. To their credit, they did seem truly concerned that their "observations" had caused an unintended reaction. "So you're saying you can reverse it?" Jack asked Areeta, who nodded sadly. "We can - although it will take away all knowledge that they learned. We can erase the memory of their time together," she said. Jack looked over at Daniel and Sam triumphantly. "Okay, campers - problem solved. When can you...." "Jack, wait a minute," Daniel said, holding up his hand. "What about all we learned? It could prove invaluable to Earth. I think we have a duty...." "Bullshit," Jack said. "Forget about duty for a second. I seem to remember a conversation with you...." "I know what I said, Jack," Daniel frowned. "It's just that so much would be lost." "What about you, Major?" Jack asked. Sam looked up at him, a haunted expression in her eyes. "The loss to Earth would be significant," she agreed. Breatan looked at Daniel as he sat down in the chair. "Erasing the memories will take some time, but will be quite painless. I will just need to give you a sedative..." she paused as Daniel touched her arm. "Breatan," he started, "I know that this is going to sound...." "You do not want me to erase the memories," she finished, putting down the syringe. "It's hard to explain," Daniel said, "But no - I can't let you do that." "It is not so hard for me to understand," she said. "Why don't we stay here a while, so that your colleagues do not know." She smiled at Daniel's surprised expression. "Yes, I guessed that you would not want them to know. And I will not tell them." "Thank you," he said softly. "No - thank you," Breatan said, sitting down beside him. "What we learned from you was invaluable to us. I hope that what you learned from us proves useful as well - because I sense it has been gained at great cost. For that I am truly sorry," she said, taking his hand and squeezing it gently. It's been hard, keeping it to myself that I don't have to relearn the Linmarrian language, but it would be harder still to admit to Sam and the others what I've done. Since her memories were erased, she's slowly gone back to the Sam we all knew before, and I know that having to relearn what she'd learned in those twenty years is a small price for her to pay for not having to remember all that she - that we - experienced and then lost. Do I really even know myself why I did it? I guess it all comes down to loss - I've lost so many people in my life. Even though what Sam and I shared wasn't real in the true sense of the word.... I couldn't bear to lose it. Daniel closed the journal, staring at its cover a moment before glancing at his watch. "Two a.m.," he said to himself absently as he picked up his jacket and tucked the journal inside a pocket. He had to at least make the attempt to get some rest if he wanted to go on SG-1's next mission in the morning. He stifled a yawn as he walked down the hall, and on impulse, stopped by Sam's lab. The only light in the room came from her computer screen as she typed away in the darkness. He tapped on the door softly, and she turned with a jerk. "Oh - Daniel," she said, "What are you doing here?" |