Insults

I LOVE insults....Ibought my first book of insults when I was around 8..the fact I was too young to understand most of them was irrelevant!

Constipated People Don't Give A Crap.
My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.
If At First You Don't Succeed...blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.
This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me
If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?
The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name
Illiterate? Write For Help
You! Out Of The Gene Pool!
Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?
It's Been Lovely But I Have To Scream Now
I Haven't Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere
Caution - Driver Legally Blonde!
Don't Be Sexist - Broads Hate That
Heart Attacks... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends
Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window
How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He Is Lost?
I'm trying to imagine you with a personality
You...off my planet!
And your crybaby-whiny arsed opinion would be?
Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be getting if you touch me?
Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
Not all men are annoying, some of them are dead
A hard on doesn't count as personal growth.
If I throw a stick will you leave.
If I want to hear the pitter patter of tiny feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
What ever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
Macho law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.
Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it.
Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
Chaos, panic, disorder - My work here is done.
And which dwarf are you?
It isn't the size, its the...no, its the size.
of course I want you for your body, I have a mind of my own
I loathe people who keep dogs. They’re cowards who haven’t got the guts to bite people themselves.
May the fleas of a 1000 camels infest your armpits.
May your left ear wither and fall in your right pocket
Thrusting my nose firmly between his teeth, I threw him heavily to the ground on top of me.
She’s had her face lifted so many times it’s out of focus
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
A baby first laughs at the age of four weeks. By that time his eyes focus well enough to see you clearly.
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
If at first you don't succeed ... well, so much for sky diving.
The only gracious way to accept an insult is to ignore it. If you can't ignore it, top it. If you can't top it, laugh at it. If you can't laugh at it, it's probably deserved.
Her lips are so big she could fan a fire
She's so ugly she could shock an electric eel
She had a figure that went like a runaway train. Her face looked like the reason it ran away.
He's not so smart. He worked in a bank and they caught him stealing pens.
He's so mean he'd fart into a rose
He must be in the KKK. He's a devil under the sheets (not sure how thats an insult)
She doesn't drive her car, she aims it.
There's only one thicker than his sideburns..what's inbetween them
she's like an old shoe, everything's worn out except her tongue.
she's so ugly they put her picture up in jail to cure sex offenders
he ought to imitate a clam and shut up
she wasn't born yesterday. nobody could get that ugle in 24 hours
shes a sex symbol for men who no longer care
he wouldn't harm a flea, except in self defense
she wouldn'y harm a flea, she has no many of them
he avoids the appearance of evil. he sticks to the real thing
he recently had a successful brain operation, he had one installed
her boobs are so big she puts on her stockings from memory
Her idea of oral sex is to yell across the room at him "Fuck you!, Fuck you!"
she was fat and ugly and went on a crash diet..now she's skinny and ugly