THE ALIEN SHIT--Green. 'Nuff said
THE ANDREW SHIT--Like an old friend named Andrew, this one just never quite goes away. Apparently it considers itself special. Bring a book, because this one is NEVER finished.
THE BACK-TO-NATURE SHIT--This shit may be any variety but is always deposited either in the woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car.
THE BATHTUB SHIT--You thought you were making bubbles, but much to your suprise...
THE BOMBSHELL SHIT--A shit that comes as a complete suprise at a time that is either inappropriate to shit (i.e. love making or a root canal) or you are nowhere near shitting facilities.
THE BORN AGAIN SHIT--After taking htis load, you feel like a new person.
THE BRAIN HEMORRAHAGE THROUGH YOU NOSE SHIT--Also known as "Pop a vein in your forehead shit". You have to strain so hard to get it out that you turn purple and pratically have a stroke.
THE BUDDHIST SHIT--The kind of shit you have to meditate for hours to get it out.
THE BULL SHIT--The kind of shit you get when you eat with your boss.
THE CLAY SHIT--The shit that is so big, hard, and so difficult to get out of your sphyncter that you have to stand up and sit down for a few minutes to mold it into the right shape to get rid of it.
THE CLEAN SHIT--The kind where you feel the shit come out and you see shit in the toilet, but there is no shit on the paper.
THE COLLEGE STUDENT THAT COMES HOME FOR THANKSGIVING DINNER SHIT--The most solid the student has had since going to college.
THE COMTEMPLATED SHIT--Does a shit in the toilet make a plop when there is no one around to hear it?
THE CORN SHIT--Self explanatory.
THE CRAKER SHIT--The shit that resemebles that cracker you had a few minutes ago.
THE CROWD PLEASER--This shit is so intriguing in size and/or apearance that you have to show it off to someone before flushing.
THE DANGER SHIT--The one where you have to evacuate the country until the smell goes down.
THE DEAD WEIGHT SHIT--The kind of shit where you feel 10 pounds lighter after you're done.
THE DIETICIAN'S DELIGHT SHIT--Shit that both sinks and floats in your toilet, proving to anyone who cares that you had eaten a proper diet.
THE DINGLEBERRY SHIT--This is a living shit. After a well taken shit, you flush. However, the "dingleberry" never goes down. It sits at the bottom of the toilet looking up at you. Often you leave before you see it. The next person usually finds another stall because they are afraid of the dingleberry, as if the dingleberry is saying, "Go away, get the hell out of here. This is my home."
THE DISSOLVING SHIT--The shit that comes out solid but them disperses and turns the water all murky brown.
THE ELASTIC SHIT--This shit comes out, goes in the can, then feels like it's back in you ass again.
THE ENERGIZER SHIT--It keeps going and going and going...
THE EXPANDO SHIT--This feels small coming out, but blows up like a balloon as soon as it hits the unpressurrized space.
THE EXPLOSIVE SHIT--It is the kind that hits hard and comes out so fast that you think that you are going to shoot off the toilet bowl through the ceiling.
THE FART SUPRISE SHIT--When you go in and sit on the toilet, fart once, and you're empty. When you get up the toilet is full.
THE FIRE IN THE BOWL SHIT--The kind of poopie that singes the hair around your butt from the big feed of Mexican food the night before.
THE FLAMING SHIT--These are shits you get from drinking that cheap swill.
THE FLOATER SHIT--Characterized by its floatability, this shit has been known to resurface after many flushings. This kind of shit usually happens at someone else's house.
THE FOUNTAIN SHIT--The kind of shit that comes out so fast and furious as to cause foul toilet water to splash on your buttocks. Which, in turn, makes you feel unfresh for the rest of the day.
THE FOREST SHIT--The one that only hits you when you're six miles in the woods.
THE GEE, I REALLY WISH I CAN SHIT SHIT--The kind where you want to shit, but even after straining your guts out, all you can do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting.
THE GHOST SHIT--The kind where you feel the shit come out, see shit on the paper, but there's no shit in the toilet.
THE GROANER SHIT--A shit that is so huge that it cannot come out without vocal assisstance, Usually happens at public restrooms.
THE GUINESS BOOK OF RECORDS SHIT--A shit that is so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations.
THE GUM BALL SHIT--The kind of shit that comes out with multi-colored specks all over it.
THE HEY LUCY I'M HOME SHIT--You flush the toilet, it all disappears, but a few seconds later, one floats back.
THE HONEYMOON'S OVER SHIT--This is any shit created in the presense of another person.
THE HYPNOTIC SHIT--Shit where you finish, look at it, and it's so beautiful, all you can do is just stare at it in wonder in delight.
THE I HAVEN'T SHIT IN A WEEK SHIT--On the verge of using an eniema, you know have to go, or else...
THE I JUST KNOW THERE'S A TURD STILL DANGLING THERE SHIT--Where you sit patiently and wait for the last cling-on to drop off because if you wipe it now, it's going to smear all over the place.
I KNOW IT'S IN THERE SOMEWHERE SHIT--Kind of the same as "It's too late now" shit, except teh victim can be heard screaming, "Get out of here right now! I know you're in there! Stop hiding! Don't make me come in there after you!"
THE I THINK I'M GIVING BIRTH THROUGH MY ASS SHIT--Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spinal Tap shits. The shape and size of the turd resembles a tallboy beer can. Vacuous air space remains in your rectum for some time afterwards.
THE I THINK I'M TURNING INTO A BUNNY SHIT--When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles and makes tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water.
THE I'M GONNA CHEW MY FOOD BETTER SHIT--When the bag of Doritos you ate last night lacerates teh insides of your rectum on the way out.
THE IT'S TOO LATE SHIT--After holding it in for too long, you try and go, but nothing comes out. You know it's still there, though...Needless to say, very frustrating (and uncomfortable).
THE LINCOLN LOG SHIT--The kind of shit that is so huge that you are afraid to flush it down without breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush first. Usually happens at someone else's house.
THE LIQUID PLUMBER SHIT--This kind of shit is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows all over the floor. (You should've followed the advice on the Lincoln Log shit) Usually happens at someone else's house.
THE LIQUID SHIT--This kind of where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl and, at the same time, chronically, burns your tender poop-chute.
THE MEXICAN FOOD SHIT--A class all it's own.
THE MOOD ENHANCER SHIT--This hit occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby allowing you to be your old self again.
THE MY INTESTINES ARE IN THE TOILET SHIT--The shit that hurts so much coming out that it makes you feel like you have nothing left inside you anymore.
THE NEVER ENDING SHIT--The shit that keeps on coming out with no end and even when you think you are finished, it is still there, hanging out of your butt.
THE NOTORIOUS DRINKER SHIT--The kind of shit you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the tread mark left on the nottumj of the toilet bowl after you flush.
THE OH-SHIT SHIT--LIke the Wet Shit you wiped your butt 50 times before ou are satisfied, but like the Second Wave Shit because after you have clogged up the toilet you have to go again.
THE PEANUT SHIT--Self explanatory.
THE PEEK-A-BOO SHIT--bow you see it, now you don't. This shit is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle control.
THE PHANTOM SHIT--This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit to putting it there.
THE PISSING OUT OF YOUR BUTT SHIT--Feels like you're pissing out of your butt.
THE POLITICALLY CORRECT SHIT--The shit that is not too long, not too short, floats and sinks, and has no odor.
THE POOR KID SHIT--When you go in the restroom after your three year old child came out and find an unflushed turd as big as a large eggplant.
THE PORRIDGE SHIT--ther type of shit that comes out like tooth paste, and just keeps on coming. You have two choices: 1. Flush and keep going, or 2. risk it piling up to your butt while you sit there helpless.
THE POWER DUMP SHIT--The kind that comes out so fast that as soon as you pulled your pants down, you're done.
THE PREMEDIATED SHIT--Laxatives included. Doesn't count.
THE PRESSURIZED SHIT--The shit that comes out so fast that you wonder what is going on. Then after it is finished coming out you let out a gigantic fart that was behind it pushing it out.
THE PUBLIC SHIT--The only time you make lots of foul noises is when there are lots of people around to hear it.
THE RANGER SHIT--The shit that refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engae in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper.
THE RAWHIDE SHIT--Shit you hold in so long that when you finally let it go, it comes out with a leathery texture.
THE RICHARD SIMMONS SHIT--This is when you strain so hard that you lose 30 pounds in the process.
THE RITUAL SHIT--This shit occurs at the same time each day and it si accomplished with the aid of a newspaper.
THE RUDE SHIT--This shit makes a plea for help like it is drowning. It makes a loud noise that will be heard two to three block down. Very embarrassing.
THE SALSA SHIT--Burns bad before, during, and after.
THE SECOND WAVE WAVE--This shit happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to shit some more.
THE SPINAL TAP SHIT--The kind of shit that hurts so much that you swaer that it is coming out of you sideways.
THE SPRAY PAINTER SHIT--This one leaves every square inch of the bowl, under the seat, and you ass covered in shit.
THE STAR WARS SHIT--The shit that looks like Yoda and gives you special powers.
THE SUPERMAN SHIT--The shit that comes out of you ass faster than a speeding bullet.
THE TURBO-CHARGER SHIT--you're sitting there, minding your own business, so to speak, thinking everything is normal, and suddenly is a totally unexpected yet full of robust passing of wind, followed by a more perfectly normal shit. This typically results in a thouroughly soaked behind.
THE UPPER CLASS SHIT--This shit that doesn't stink
THE WET SHIT--This is the shit where you've wiped your butt like 50 times and it still feels unwiped.
THE WHAT THE HELL DIED IN HERE? SHIT--Also sometimes referred as the toxic dump. Of course you don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odar. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out of the bathroom gagging and gasping for air.